The Fried Egg and the Doctor

Hello my fellow runners:

First off, no, I don't really drink my own urine. Just had to clear that up. I've never been so desperate or so far away from civilization to do such a thing. My imagination cannot even conjure up a time where I might have a pee flavored cocktail (although shaken and stirred with a blue cheese stuffed olive - hmmmm). The other thing that occurred to me is that if you are SO dehydrated that you would resort to this, then my guess is it's pretty likely you could not be able to pee at all. I'm just saying.

So, Jamoosh is talking about this half marathon he is running on Halloween in Florida. The big question is if he should wear a costume. I suggested he dress as a human condom, but he just thought I was ignorant of the weather conditions in Florida in October if I was willing to suggest such a thing. The truth is if the race was in Ontario or Minneapolis where the weather is cooler, I'm sure he would be all over the idea.

All of this costume talk got me to thinking about the many Halloweens I have experience in my life (42 to be exact) and the various costumes that have been involved. My mom was a sewer (someone who sews, not someone who smells bad and runs underneath a city). She sewed most of my clothes, including my prom dress which was sometimes a good thing and sometimes not. I remember once in fourth grade I went into the bathroom and undid the straps of the corduroy jumper she had made for me (not sure if these were "in" at the time, but jumpers were mom's specialty). I inadvertently peed all over the straps and had to return to class. My classmates kept talking about smelling pee, but I vehemently denied it was me. This ability to lie on the spot would come in handy later when I farted loudly during a final exam in college and never took my pencil off the paper.

But I digress. Back to mom being a sewer (duh, I think the word is seamstress). So she made most of my costumes. One year I was a die (my brother was the other part of the pair). That was the most awkward of costumes as you are stuck inside a box from Ed's liquor that has been painted terribly by you. You can't get within five feet of anyone else because of the damn box. Another year I was Jeanie from "I Dream of Jeanie". I had the perfect hair for that high pony tail and my mom made these cool sheer tights to wear. I'm pretty sure I didn't wear underwear because that's just how I rolled. Plus I think Major Nelson would have liked it.

Two costumes, however, make me cringe to remember. The first one is that I read some book, I think by Judy Blume, and got the idea to dress as a fried egg. "It will be simple," I told my mom. "I'll just use a white sheet and sew a yellow circle to the top. Everyone will know who I am." It was a total bust. Everyone and I mean everyone thought I was a ghost with a yellow head. I was heartbroken.

But the one that takes the cake is this: my mom used to work for Planned Parenthood. She was an RN and a counselor of sorts. She would talk women through their options and was on site to assist women medically if they made the choice to go through with the procedure. My mom is not in favor of abortion, but more of a women's right to choose. She worked at PP when I was about ten years old. She brought me some scrubs to wear for Halloween so I could be a doctor. I even had those cool slip on feetie things with the elastic. Unfortunately at the age of ten, I didn't really understand all of the controversy around abortion. I actually don't even think I knew exactly what it was. So I go around to all of these houses saying "Trick or treat. I'm an abortion doctor." Yeah, I can pretty much see you all cringing now. I cringe just thinking about it. If there was anything ever so un-politically correct, it was that. I didn't understand the weird looks I got or why some people refused to give my candy. I told my mom. Yikes, she was mortified. "You were SUPPOSED to be just a doctor. A general practitioner. Why couldn't you have just been a general practitioner???"

Now I'm sitting here writing this thinking you are all going to judge my mother. Not for making jumpers, but for being pro-choice and for working at PP. She is no heathen. This was her decision and one she felt was just at the time. It was also 30 years ago. But this blog is not about her and her choices...

Here's me today: a lampshade. Far cry from a fried egg but just about as exciting

So, what was your most mortifying Halloween costume? It can be past or recent. I know there are some doozies out there. Or you could talk about the time you did something really un-PC on accident.

***Ahh man, this is an after post addition - because Graze with Me, who went as Bill Cosby when she was ten years old, reminded me of another totally un-PC costume. 14 years ago I went as Nicole Simpson (full on with a pretend gash in my neck) and my husband went as OJ. Really poor taste.