The 6 Most Important Treadmill Rules

Yesterday I did not have it in me to run outside.

Before you start calling me a pussy, you must understand I am not afraid of the cold – in fact, I kind of like it. But, I am very ICE-phobic.  The last thing I need is to break my ass bone or get a phallic shaped bruise from falling on the ice.

I am also sick and tired of wearing 29 layers on each run and was in the mood for a cute running skirt. But, cute running skirt + 10 degrees does not equal smart. So – I headed indoors. Unfortunately I do not have my own private paparazzi, so have to take mirror shots when no one is looking.

The scenery at my gym is really outstanding:

Here was my view for 7 miles. I am so glad the treadmill doesn't look out onto a beach or a mountain range or something. That would be far too distracting:

As I was bored and running, I decided there should be some steadfast RULES FOR TREADMILL USE:

1. Wipe It. Always use a wipe to clean off other people’s germs, STDs, diseases and bodily fluids from the treadmill before you begin your workout. Also, use a wipe to clean off your germs, STDs, diseases and bodily fluids from the treadmill when you finish your workout.

2. Be Covert. Always spy on people nearby to find out how fast they are running. They best way to do this is to go get a drink from the water fountain and as you come back to your treadmill, casually walk behind them and glance at their pace and miles run.

3. Hang Up. Never talk on the phone while running on the treadmill. This is a sure fire way to be hated by other runners and will immediately classify you as a non-real-runner. Plus, if you can run and talk on your phone while on the treadmill, you should not be a runner you should join Cirque du Soleil because you are very coordinated.

4. Watch the Gas. If you wear ear buds while running, be aware that when you fart that while you may not be able to hear your flatulence, others around you who do not have ear buds on, CAN. And, everyone can smell it, ear buds or not.

5. Keep Quiet. Try your best not to slap your feet, grunt, groan or sing so loudly that you draw significant attention to yourself. We are all in this together, sharing a small space, so don’t monopolize.

6. Don’t Stink. Wear deodorant and FDS (if needed).

And, for God’s sake, do not try to do tricks or get on moving treadmills like some of these people (this clip is hilarious and puts those Biggest Loser treadmill accidents to shame).

Got any treadmill rules to share?

Ever had interesting/funny incidents happen to you while on the treadmill? I HAVE! I got on a moving treadmill once and was sling-shotted across the gym. Also, once while was running the custodian unplugged my treadmill (a$$!).

SUAR