Monday, May 2, 2016

7 Slightly Shitty Moments Every Runner Has Experienced

I had lots of time to think this weekend as I ran two back to back days, 9 miles each day.

These runs were pretty uneventful, but many of my runs are plagued by all kinds of issues. Farts, cramps, being too cold/hot, getting lost, being afraid, to name a few. While we all know running is a Godsend that is the single best form of exercise on the planet, stuff goes wrong. And, when it does, the runner doesn't exactly lose his/her lust for running, but there is a  moment of confusion as to why we put ourselves through these things.

Shitty Moments:

1. The obvious one here - the elephant in the room - is the jostling of the bowels when one runs and how these can lead to the immediate need to poop. Not poop in a mile when one gets home, not poop at the next gas station, but NOW. Whey do you think the Eagles sang, "I was running down the road tryin' to loosen my load?" Because running does loosen our loads and not always at the most convenient of times. I have long had trouble with having to go at the worst times (see my most embarrassing moment ever HERE), and I'm not entirely comfortable telling you the number of times I've had to jump off the trail. It's just part of many runner's stories. But, definitely a shitty moment. literally. You are not alone!

2. Ever feel like someone is following you or you somehow feel threatened while running? This is not so much a "shitty" moment as it is an all out terrifying moment. I have a handful of those - some involving mountain lions that I know are close by (how do I know? Well because I saw where the lion had just dragged the deer down a canyon). And, stepping over rattlesnakes has increased my heart rate more than running ever could.  I've also had a time where a black truck was following me, passing me way too many times, and I had to go to a house on the side of the road. All scary, all in broad daylight. Be safe out there.

3. One of my least favorite of the shitty moments is when I have been on a long run and I've had to call for the dreaded PP (Pussy Pick Up - when a friend/spouse has to pick you up because you can't finish your run). This usually happens when an injury gets the best of you, you are sick, an expected blizzard or storm crops up or you just hit the wall and hit it hard. Or, maybe you crapped your pants. That is acceptable too. Tell the driver to bring wipes, towel and nose plug.

4. The most obnoxious running pain (aside from true injury) to have is the one that involves things rubbing together and causing chafing. Chafing is very sneaky because while you know it is happening and it kind of hurts, the real agony is yet to come and will occur later on when you take a shower and the first bits of soap touch the chafed area. The first time this happened to me I squealed so loud the neighbors called the police. Well, not really, but it was piercing.

5, I don't know about you, but when I go for a long run or am racing, I have it in my head that I can go that distance and only that distance. Seriously, do not ask me to go .1 miles more. This is all fine and good until you become lost during a run or race thereby causing you to go quite a bit further than anticipated. This is just plain shitty. No way around it.

6. Feeling tired at mile 2 of a marathon. Shitty. Shit. Shit.

7. Realizing that the breakfast/lunch/snack you had or that last GU is not agreeing with you and it is just a matter of time before you puke. Mouth gets all watery, stomach turns inside out. Yes, puking and running can go together, but puking is no fun. Not at all.

What's a shitty moment you've had on the run? Give me a good story. It's Monday and I need it.