I’ve decided that sometimes you have to conclude you are good enough. You have to stop comparing.
Since my big run with Dean I’ve been following his runs with other partners along this multi day race (yes, he’s cheating on me). Yesterday he ran with AJ Johnson who is a professional triathlete. AJ’s done something like 15 Ironmans. Oh, big deal. I could so do that if I wanted to. Descriptions of AJ involved the words “tough,” “badass,” and “invincible.” Adjectives to describe me were more like “smiling,” “talented” and “earthy.” All perfectly good words to describe me, right?
At first I felt like the training bra to the double D brassiere. The Cornish game hen to the Thanksgiving turkey. The warm up band to U2.
No one made me feel this way but me. Dean was more than encouraging and complimentary about my capabilities, as were the Gore-Tex folks. It’s just my hang up.
I know I’m not an elite athlete. I know I’ll never win races or be the fastest one out there. I know that, and yet sometimes I feel inferior for not be being more. Do you?
What I decided today is – no more. We have to put things into context. For being 43 and only having run for two years, I’m doing pretty damn good. I’m going to take my achievements as mine. They are not to be overshadowed by anyone. Being successful is not about being the fastest or strongest one out there. It’s about your heart and your spirit. What attitude and energy do you greet the day with? Who do you touch along the way? Where did you start and where are you now? Did you give it everything you had?
These are the things that define us. Not our pace. Not our PR. I’m pretty sure when I’m on my death bed I won’t be thinking about if I PR’d at that last half marathon. God, I hope that’s not what I’m thinking.
I ran 20.85 miles with Dean Karnazes. Could he have gone faster and further? Definitely. Did he put one foot in front of the other for all of those miles like I did? Absolutely. Do I believe him when he says he had a great day with me? You bet.
I’m going to own that. Plus, he posted this picture on his Facebook wall, which makes me giddy. And I didn’t see AJ, the badass, on there. I’m just sayin’.
PS: My friend, Clair, at Own Your Backbone is having a $40 CSN Giveaway. Check it out!
Only two years of running and you get to run an amazing race with Dean!? That's a PR of its own! Lookin so hot in your 40's!? Another! Love your blog. You are always so on it.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I serve as a sport psychology consultant and am always trying to drive this point home with athletes (myself included!).
ReplyDeleteIt's not about the numbers, but your own feelings about your experience.
Run Happy,
Adrienne Langelier
psychorunnergirl.blogspot.com
You ARE a badass!
ReplyDeletecornish hens are delicious
ReplyDeleteYou are total BA! I should know. I'm one myself.
ReplyDeleteMaybe when I'm 43 I'll be as hardcore as you!
Oh you are so badass! I think about this when I hang with my Boston peeps as I am a slow (old) fish in a very fast pond there. But like you, I know this is my own hangup and I've earned my way just like everyone else. Too often we are our own worst critic.
ReplyDeleteyou totally rock my socks....
ReplyDeleteYou've accomplished so much in two years! Total badass in my book! Great post!
ReplyDeleteI needed to read this right now. I am constantly comparing myself to others speeds, and need to just start being proud of what I've accomplished!
ReplyDeletesometimes i feel inferior too. but if life has taught me anything, it's that everything is relative. you have accomplished so much in two short years! you definitely deserve the title of bamf :)
ReplyDeleteThat is a great way to turn it around. You ARE bad-ass--how many other 43 yr. olds do you know doing what you are doing? Way to go.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe you've only been running for 2 years! that's a GREAT accomplishment!
ReplyDeleteYou're such a Badass!!
You have a great attitude and I hope that it rubs off on anyone that reads this, because it definitely rubbed off on me!
ReplyDeleteI feel like a badass every time that I conquer a goal and that should be everyone's attitude!
2 years! Holy cow you've done a lot.
ReplyDeleteNot only are you a badass, but so are your super cool kids and support husband too. Keep on inspiring us with your badass blogs!!
ReplyDeleteYou may not have been the fastest partner than he's run with, but I have no doubt that you were the most FUN!
ReplyDeleteAwesome post.
I absolutely feel that way too, how nice to hear that you are turning it around. I have been comparing myself too much to other athletes as well, you are an amazing athlete and I would kill to have your times (not to mention abs). Thanks for reminding me that I should be proud of what I have done. I ran my first half marathon this year when 6 months ago I had never ran more than 5 miles. Thanks for this post!!
ReplyDeleteI think a lot of runners feel that way, especially during a race. I sort of go into it thinking "I'm not going to race, I just want to run and have fun and FINISH" but once I get out there, I get really competitive. And start comparing myself to other runners. Most of the time I snap out of it and say "Your OUT here and that's all that matters!" Great post!
ReplyDeleteThanks for saying that..I struggle with it all the time! Especially since i have had a year of injury after injury and have basically had to start over from scratch...When I find myself being caught up in comparing myself to other runners I read this quote "I don't think of other runners as competitors, I don't see them as runners that are going to prevent me from winning. I see them as the very poeple who are going to help me be victorious" (John Bingham)...It's amazing how that quote changes my attitude and helps me not only learn something from other runners, but also makes me much more apt to encourage other runners, without worrying about my own insecurities!
ReplyDeleteI so needed to read those words reflecting the reality check.
ReplyDeleteWe are so competitive that sometimes, when we do our best, we can't appreciate it because it wasn't as good as the other person who beat us.
In response, yes - inferiority complex will drive me to see a specialist, lay on a couch and go through an entire box of tissues. Ahhh..self pity, a glorious thing.
You are a total badass. I was actually thinking the other day that I will have been running way more than 2 years when I am 43, and I can only hope to have accomplished close to what you have. You are amazing. Thanks for reminding me that I am too.
ReplyDeletegreat reminder! I'm sure Dean had the most fun with you though!
ReplyDeleteyou guys make a lovely couple :-) what an amazing experience! when i think of badass i think of you (and your blog!)
ReplyDeleteMaybe if you could go faster, he would have been too tired to enjoy the chitchat and it wouldn't have been a nice time after all! I bet that you helped those miles fly by! (Specially if you're as funny in person as you are in your blog!)
ReplyDeleteAwesome job for only 2 years!
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I need to be reminded not to be so hard on myself too. LOVE your blog. I thought I was the only one with stomach problems until I found you. Keep up the AMAZING work! You're a huge inspiration!
ReplyDeleteum, have you looked in the mirror? you look incredible and for only running 2 years, you're kicking butt. i bet most people reading compare themselves to you, hoping to follow in your footsteps!!
ReplyDelete"sometimes I feel inferior for not be being more. Do you?"
ReplyDeleteOh, yeah. In spades (what does that mean, anyway?).
As a disabled athlete, I get to compare myself to both able-bodied athletes and other disabled athletes. God, it sucks trying to figure out where I fit in the bizarre continuum of abilities.
Badass with a capital B!!!
ReplyDeleteYou are the BAD ASSIEST person I know.
ReplyDeleteHey! I wish I could run 20 miles with ANYONE! Let alone a world famous athlete.Do I have nearly 700 followers on my blog who wake up every morning and log on just to see what I'm up to?
ReplyDeleteNooooo!
You rock, Lady! If I can do my 40s with half your atheletic integrity and enthusiasm, I will absolutely consider myself a success.
Umm....you are a total badass! I hope you know that!
ReplyDeleteThis is a great post! I think sometimes we all get caught up in the numbers (our pace, PR, etc..), and forget about what's really important!
Well behaved women never make history. So if you're a well behaved woman, that's okay but you gotta be a badass every once in awhile to get noticed.
ReplyDeleteLong time lurker, now delurking. I just finished the Cycle to the Sun on Maui. I was officially last place and I'm still walking on clouds! I finished the hardest bike ride I have ever done and I loved every minute of it! It is about your attitude and the experience. You ARE a badass!
ReplyDeleteWait! You've only been running 2 years! I think of you as a total PRO! So there's hope for me!
ReplyDeleteQualifying for Boston automatically makes you a BADASS!!!! You are an elite runner in my eyes!
ReplyDeleteI am excited when I run under an 11 minute mile pace!!! :-)
Laurie
I'll tell you one thing that you DO do incredibly well (in addition to your running, despite what you may currently be thinking), and that's entertain the hell out of us with your witty and downright hilarious posts. Whether you realize it or not, you're an extremely gifted blogger (AND runner)!
ReplyDeleteyou are so silly sometimes... you are a smiling, talented, and earthy badass! are you kidding me? iremember when you started blogging, when you just started running, and look where you are. you are a badass inspiration!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteIt's like what I commented the other day: your experience is like me running a Half with you. You're elite in MY eyes. But then there's my friend Monica who is stuck right at the 5K in 30minute mark and can't get under. She's super frustrated and compares herself to me. And the shortest I've run a 5K is 25:30. Good but not incredible. So it SUCKS comparing and contrasting in running, work, relationships, family, etc etc etc. We have to find a balance between using other people to better ourselves, but finding happiness in what we can do alone.
ReplyDeleteYou're an inspiration!! And a badass, and I can only dream of hitting your pace one day! Are you kidding me?!?! Wow, what I would give to be able to run like you.
ReplyDeleteYou're right though, we are our own worst critics. Well, I hope you realize how much your stories motivate us!