Running on the Moon– videos

Once upon a time when I was laid up with a hip stress fracture, I wondered if I would ever run without pain again. I actually had dreams of running pain free – in these dreams I would be running and suddenly realize that nothing hurt. It was the best and most liberating feeling in the world.  Then, I would wake up and turn over to find my crutches beside my bed and think “Ugh. Another day on those things. Another day of this no running bullshit.”

It was kind of like when you were a kid and you woke up and thought it was Saturday, then realized it was Tuesday and that you had to get up for school. Major let down. Makes a grown man cry.

It was about that time that I learned about the anti-gravity treadmill – the Alter-G.

This machine, designed for NASA astronauts, allows people to run using just a portion of their body weight (up to only 20%!) thereby greatly lessening impact. The injured can run again! Those stricken with arthritis can walk/run pain free! Safe for seniors! Allows overweight folks to run using less of their body weight.

You may even remember that I wrote about how this amazing piece of equipment as I drooled over the thought of being able to run on an injured hip. I searched around but could never find a place where I could try one out. Until now.

A couple weeks ago Outside PR contacted me. Guess who is one of their new clients? Alter G. And guess who just acquired a new Alter G treadmill? The Life Care Center of Colorado, which is about three miles from my house. What are the chances?? Alter G and I were destined to hook up, but not in the biblical sense.

Using this device involves getting into a pair of neoprene shorts topped with a stiff reinforced fabric that encircles the waist. I love stiff things, so this was perfect. I call this my stiff tutu or fart chamber.

The lower half of my body was sealed in and air was pumped in. It felt good.  Here I am trying to figure out the controls. You can choose the percentage of body weight you want to run at, speed (which only goes up to 12mph. Don’t they know I run a solid 13 mph?), and incline. It can also go in reverse. Fancy.

I couldn’t resist some SUAR footage. If you ever felt bad for thinking I was kind of dramatic and dorky, I give you full permission to  embrace those thoughts after watching this (and no I didn’t really wear my medal and yes I need a tan, a haircut and a root job).

The funniest part was, when she was suiting me up the physical therapist said, “I read your blog and just so you know no bowel explosions in the shorts.” Good thing I don’t get embarrassed easily.

I started at 80% body weight and went down from there. Eventually I was at 20% body weight. At this point you feel you are barely touching the treadmill. For every 10% of body weight you decrease, you should add .4 mph of speed to keep your cardio equivalent. Or something like that. I wasn’t taking notes and should have been.

Getting my groove. Not even a fart escaped, but your lower body is in its own chamber anyway, so I say fart away! That alone is totally worth the $30K that these babies cost.

As you are running on less body weight, a forefoot strike is encouraged.

Then they let Ken try it:

I don’t wish I were injured, but I can only fantasize about how amazing it must feel to have pain with walking/running, then to get on one of these things and move pain free and resume training. Thanks to Outside PR and Life Care for giving me the opportunity!

I wish I could do an Alter-G giveaway. When I am rich from my acting skills, I will buy one and give away one.

Would you want to try this thing? Or have you already?

SUAR

I Meant To Do That

Wow, all I can say about yesterday’s post is that you guys aren’t shy about nuts. In fact, you embrace them. Way to go ball-lovers!

Don’t get all fired up, but my hip is feeling so much better I might just attempt a run on Monday. 12 minutes. On land. It will not involve water or floatation devices or pussies. Just me and mother earth. I will not be texting while I run, because there is an inherent risk in doing such things. I mean, have you seen this video from earlier this week?

Apparently, this woman was texting while strolling in the mall and walked right into the fountain. Not an easy feat considering the fountain covers many square feet and has a short wall around it. I love how she gets right up and steps out of the fountain like nothing happened. As if to say, “Nothing to see here, I meant to do that.”

We have all had those I meant to do that moments. I had one last year when I fell of the treadmill. I also had one a couple years ago when my car got stuck underneath the arm that comes down when a train is coming. It kept smacking the top of my car and going back up. I couldn’t reverse because there was a car behind me. And, I couldn’t go forward because, well, duh, there was a train.

I actually have those I meant to do that moments every single day, sometimes more subtly than others. Just today I farted with my daughter’s piano partner in the car. It was silent, but horrific. (SBH). I couldn’t hide it, no matter how hard I tried. I’m sure this little pianist (best word ever because when you say it fast…well, you get it) will ask his mom to PU-LEEZ drive next time because Emma’s mom smells.

What’s your favorite I-meant-to-do-that moment? (IMTDTM)

Never going to run for public office,

SUAR

P.S. Both Kovas and Chris K. have rallied for my cause to raise $25,000 so I can buy an Alter-G anti gravity treadmill. Why donate to starving kids in Africa when you can give to the SUAR recovery fund? Thanks guys.

There Are Only Nine

If I had $25,000 to spare, I wouldn't travel around the world, buy a new car,  pay for my kids’ college or put a roof over their heads. I’d buy one of these:

It’s the Alter-G Anti Gravity Treadmill. These babies used to go for upwards of $75,000, but recently a new $25K model has been introduced. The perfect addition to put beside my 13 year old bike trainer.

Earlier this week the Denver Post wrote an article about the Alter-G. I became obsessed by this NASA-inspired beauty created for people just like me (well, rich people just like me).

In essence, this machine uses a compression system on the lower half of the body that allows the injured athlete to run using only a portion of their body weight. That means that impact can be lessened by up to 80%, thus reducing the pounding on joints, ligaments, tendons and muscles. Experts state that the Alter-G is a more effective means of training than water running because it allows the user to correctly simulate  running form. This is more difficult to do in the water.

Using this device involves getting into a pair of neoprene shorts topped with a stiff reinforced fabric that encircles the waist. The lower half of the body is sealed in and air is pumped in. The athlete then runs, almost weightless and without impact. The idea is that over time, the amount of body weight is increased until the runner returns to full impact.

If you are like me and have not been able to run pain free for months on end (damn stress fracture), this treadmill symbolizes light in a time of darkness. Hope in a time of despair. Training possibilities in the time of Boston.

There are only nine of these machines in Colorado, typically at rehab centers and the Olympic Training Center in Colorado Springs (where I hang out a lot).  Perhaps I will put a pair of panty hose over my head and break into one of these facilities so I can get my late night treadmill fix. Maybe I would do the Vagina Dance on it.

Although these have typically been used for the injured or the aging, now some elite coaches are using them as a supplemental training tool for healthy athletes

Have you ever been blessed enough to try one of these things?

Do you have $25,000 I can borrow? (Plus tax)

Maybe one of you could stand behind me and hold me in the air so that my feet barely touch the ground. Then I could run almost weightless. I’ll pay you $5 an hour.

I am back off land and in the pool where running doesn’t hurt nearly as much (or at all). Sucks.

Wanting to be weightless,

SUAR