Run Rating Scale

Thanks for all the congrats on my paragraph in Runner’s World. I forgot to mention that they asked me to be on the cover, but I told them I’d rather be on page 126, hidden two pages before the end of the magazine. Plus, I felt bad for Kara and how little press she gets.

I ran 13 miles yesterday. Longest run yet post injury. The hip felt great, but again I was plagued by the turd tragedies. At one point I was doubled over on the path while my running companions just watched, offering gifts of toilet paper and pats on the back and asking if perhaps they should call the EMTs. They probably had poop envy ( when a person is constipated and suddenly becomes aware of the surrounding people's ability to go to the toilet whilst they suffer an uncomfortable and painful fate – urban dictionary).

There was one girl I had never run with before. I am sure I made a great impression. Post- run, she probably went home and told her husband, “The strangest thing happened today. I ran with this girl who kept having to hide in the bushes. Then at one point she rolled up into a ball and laid on the path. I think she is part bear cub or something.”

Once again I only have myself to blame. Really, should have turned down that piece of cheesecake last night. And having the period doesn’t help (sorry to my five male readers), although I cannot help that part. If I didn’t have my period I would be either: 1) pregnant 2) too skinny 3) too young 4) or older than I am now. I don’t like any of these options, so I’ll take the period.  Does your stomach get upset when you’re on the rag or is it just me? Chris K., does it?

Overall, it ended up being a three-crap run. I rate my runs not be stars or smiley faces, but by piles. 

 

 

If the Boston rating is this, I am in serious trouble:

 

 

You may be sick of hearing about my great comeback story from hip stress fracture to marathon runner. All in six months. I am even sick of hearing myself think, talk and write about it. But, it is happening and I cannot believe Pixar or someone hasn’t contacted me to make a movie. I could be played by Teddy from Grey’s Anatomy. Clearly, it is just a matter of time before someone buys my story because I am the only person to have ever come back from an injury to run a marathon. No, I don’t know who Matt Long is.

But, let’s face it, my comeback is almost over and will hopefully culminate in two weeks when I run the Boston Marathon. So, you only have two more weeks of my recovery and rehab. Stick with me to the finish because you know you want to know if someone can run a marathon with very little running as part of their training. It is a good experiment and will lend itself to the creation of many new training plans:

Minimal Miles to Marathon Plan!

Shut Up and Walk, Water Run and Bike Your Way to 26.2!

Run Not at All, Run Boston!

SUAR

No Snooping

Things are definitely looking up. Even Lucky, the three legged, one eyed, ball-less dog knows it (at least he hasn’t yet lost his tongue). I am not a professional photographer, but clearly I should be.

My week:

Monday: Ran 5.35 miles (run 10 mins, walk 2 mins)
Tuesday: Rest  + 1 hour of PT
Wednesday: Ran 5.5 miles
Thursday: Swam 2100 yards
Friday: Ran 4.1 miles
Saturday: Will bike 90 minutes
Sunday: Will do 90 minutes hot yoga

What is a girl to do when she can finally run again? Get new shoes.

All you minimalist shoe lovers, I see you cringing. I’m not ready to go there yet. These are actually the shoes (Mizuno Wave Inspire 6) I have been in for awhile now, including running very successfully in them pre-injury (BQ). I was told during my gait analysis that they are a good fit for me. Since I have increased my cadence I am working on moving towards a more mid foot strike and I can do that in these babies.

Plus, they have a lime green color in them and that reminds me of margaritas and vodka tonics and that makes me happy. And, the shoes were reduced from $100 to $53 (Running Warehouse), so I have an extra $46 to spend on margaritas in Costa Rica next week.

Can you freaking believe I am running? I am still pinching myself. Four months from yesterday I was diagnosed with my hip stress fracture and could barely walk. This week I ran 14.95 miles and I’m going to round that up to 15 miles because I deserve to round things up after the hellish past four months.

I am here to tell you that if you are injured, it will get better, but you have to be very diligent about your recovery. Strength train. Stretch. Do any and all cross training that is safe for your injury. Eat well. Sleep a lot. Cry when you need to, but don’t stay there long. Persevere. Know it is temporary. Have goals and meet them.

I sent my Boston or Bust training plan to my exercise physiologist and doctor to review. I wanted to make sure of two things:

1. This plan was conservative enough to not hurt me
2. This plan would prepare me adequately so when I run in Boston I won’t be comatose on a stretcher with my hip in a plastic bag at aid station #6.

Basically, I max out at 24 miles/week with my longest run being 13 miles. And, then there is shit load of cross training. Feedback from the exercise physiologist was informative:

“I think this plan looks very good, I would encourage you to continue with walk breaks throughout your runs, especially your long runs. I think a 9 minute run, 1 minute walk or 14 minute run 1 minute walk would serve you best for your training and the Boston Marathon itself. I think 13 miles is adequate for a long run for you as well.

I’d encourage you to lengthen some of your non-running workouts in order to do some workouts in the 3-4 hour range.  The purpose of these longer workouts is to prepare your body to exercise for that duration. I think you’d be better served to add duration to your cross training than to add more running.

If it doesn’t bother you, you could also add in a longer walk or hike. The Japanese and Korean style marathon training programs typically include a lot of long walks to build up time on the feet with a low impact activity. I think some 45-90+ minute walks or relatively flat hikes could be a good addition so long as they don’t bother you. I would have you do any long walks on Mondays in place of or in addition to water running/swimming.”

I was especially interested in the Japanese/Korean style of marathon training. This was new information for me.

And, as if it couldn’t get any better, tonight is my birthday party, so if you could be there I’d appreciate it. Ken sent out an Evite saying, “Leave the kids at home and come celebrate all things Beth!” Guess that means we celebrate running and bodily functions and social work and Athleta and mothering and drinking coffee/wine and blogging and hot baths and Dean. But not hot baths with Dean, unfortunately.

Don’t get all carried away. Today is not my birthday. It’s Tuesday, 2/22. You can save your birthday wishes for then when I remind you again.

One final perk of the day. Got this email today from a reader. It was simple and to the point:

“I sneezed so hard I pooped a little. Would that be considered a snoop?”

Hoping I don’t snoop at my party,

SUAR

PS: Don’t forget my Butt Shield Giveaway!

Hell to the YES!

Hold your breath…wait for it…

Yesterday’s workout: 43 minutes of running (5.35 miles with intermittent 2 minute walks).

I know. I should be in the Guinness Book of World Records or at the very least in the hall of fame or the Olympics or on some bathroom wall (which I sure I am anyway for other reasons). I did not write this, but it just goes to show all dads should check the bathroom wall on occasion.

You have to remember that three weeks ago I could barely run for 15 minutes. Damn hip stress fracture.

I have tweaked my Boston training plan considerably since I was not ready to up my running as anticipated. Today I’ll send the new plan to the Boulder Center for Sport’s Medicine so they can make sure it’s safe, conservative, yet puts me in a position to run Boston without hurting myself. I also hope it is a plan to help me win the race. All $806,000 of it.  Because that is my goal. Sounds reasonable. I could take you all out to dinner.

Today I am wearing this shirt in celebration of running. I haven't been able to wear it for awhile, because I couldn’t run and therefore I couldn’t run for wine. Now I am back to running and wining. I am not good with the self timer. And yes, I am balancing on the bad hip, which I no longer call “bad.” I call it “badass mother f*cker.”

Mine is the most screwed up, untraditional, odd, wonky, training cycle on the face of the earth. It’s so ridiculous I think it’s funny.

This training cycle:

• Longest run to date: 5 miles (would normally be 13)
• Highest weekly mileage: 5 miles (would typically be around 35-40)
• Longest anticipated long run for the marathon: 13 miles if I’m lucky (would usually be at least 2-20 milers)
• Number of weeks taken off completely for trip to Costa Rica: 1 (7 weeks out from the marathon). (Normally, I would not have one of these complete rest weeks in my plan)

So, I’m here to tell you. If you are puking your guts out and miss a few days of running don’t sweat it. If you are behind on the Bachelor and want to take the day off, don’t sweat it. If it snowed 265” and you can’t run, don’t sweat it. Just think of me over here training for a marathon with very little actual running. Yet, I’m still hopeful I can do the race. Denial is not a river in Egypt, or something stupid people say that they think is clever.

Other (overused) things people say when they think they are clever (I apologize in advance if these phrases are in your daily vocabulary):

Game on!
At the end of the day…
Phone tag…
Hell to the yes..
Been there, done that
Guesstimate
My bad
24/7
Just sayin’

What phrase do you find terribly annoying?

Today after a painful, yet glorious PT session, I headed over to Whole Foods to hit up the samples. Do you ever do this? I had a total score. Lemon Dream Cake. Huge slices for free. Or I think they were free. I ate a few and stuffed a couple of them down my pants for later. I think I could make a whole cake with them if I want. This is the very cake I will go and buy (not sample) for my birthday next week. Yes, it is my birthday on Tuesday, 2/22, one week from today. I will be 44 on 22. So, mark your calendars and remember how much I love lemon cake.  Hell to the yes!!!!!

That cake was for sure a cheer-up-quickie (urban dictionary slang),

SUAR

PS: If you live in Boston or are familiar with the city and know of a good happy hour spot for our blogger meet up, please let me know!! I’ll send you a piece of cake from my pants.

8 Minutes to Boston

I like to call this the 8 to 230 Training Plan.

8 minutes = what I ran today

230 minutes = what I might run in Boston if I have a really, really freaking amazing day.

It could be more like 500. I am fine with that. I have to be.

Today is a big, big day. After exactly 3 months of being injured, I was granted the honor of going for a run. For 8 minutes. That was my ration.

Someone asked me recently why I spent three hours online the day of the Boston Marathon registration to make sure I got in. Why did I sit at my keyboard crying tears of frustration each time my application wouldn't go through?

I had to think about that for a minute. Really think. I had just learned of my stress fracture, and was feeling quite uncertain about my running future. What raced through my head was: I worked too hard to qualify and if I don’t get in today, I might not ever qualify again. This was it.

What else has to do with 8 minutes?

• Light takes 8 minutes to reach the earth from the sun
• It took Ada 8 (minus 2) minutes to take a dump on the Biggest Loser during her marathon
• If you keep an 8 minute mile average pace, you will run a 3:30 marathon
• Some men take 8 minutes. Doing what? You decide.

Today, mother nature was f*cking with me. I woke to snow and –2 degrees. Sure, it’s pretty around here, but it’s that colder than a witch's tit kind of cold.

View from my back porch this a.m. I live in a shit hole:

Here’s the lake where I love to run. I really wanted to be out here today, but my feet can’t tolerate the cold. Wah, wah, I know. But, I’ve had frostbite and I have Raynaud’s Syndrome, so lay off (do not Google image it, it’s gross. did you just Google it? don’t you listen?):

I begrudgingly got on the treadmill. The doctor said I could do my 8 minutes all at once, or spread them out. Wow, all 8 minutes at once would have made for a *very* short little midget workout, so I spread it out like this:

How did it go, you ask? I hoped it would be all euphoria, ecstasy and angels singing. But, in truth, I could have cried. It hurt. I’m stiff. My body feels off and wrong. Wonky. Is that even a word? That’s how I feel. 2.6 miles total. Please tell me it will get better.

Wonky: weird, whacked out, messed up, not working for no definable reason. synonym = pecker {source: Urban Dictionary}.

Pecker? Really? As in, “My body just feels pecker today?”

The good news is, I don’t think I’ve lost much fitness in the past three months. I have been dedicated to water running (because that Shut Up and Run Girl told me to) at least five times per week. I've been doing yoga and some swimming. Recently, I got on the bike trainer.

Last week I did this:

After my 8 minutes I went to the Starbucks’ drive-thru and my mood slightly improved when I saw this little snow man. Who knew the Starbuck’s baristas were so creative? Looks like he just pissed or has the runs.

Do you think it really will get better?

Trying to stay positive,

SUAR