Run Rating Scale

Thanks for all the congrats on my paragraph in Runner’s World. I forgot to mention that they asked me to be on the cover, but I told them I’d rather be on page 126, hidden two pages before the end of the magazine. Plus, I felt bad for Kara and how little press she gets.

I ran 13 miles yesterday. Longest run yet post injury. The hip felt great, but again I was plagued by the turd tragedies. At one point I was doubled over on the path while my running companions just watched, offering gifts of toilet paper and pats on the back and asking if perhaps they should call the EMTs. They probably had poop envy ( when a person is constipated and suddenly becomes aware of the surrounding people's ability to go to the toilet whilst they suffer an uncomfortable and painful fate – urban dictionary).

There was one girl I had never run with before. I am sure I made a great impression. Post- run, she probably went home and told her husband, “The strangest thing happened today. I ran with this girl who kept having to hide in the bushes. Then at one point she rolled up into a ball and laid on the path. I think she is part bear cub or something.”

Once again I only have myself to blame. Really, should have turned down that piece of cheesecake last night. And having the period doesn’t help (sorry to my five male readers), although I cannot help that part. If I didn’t have my period I would be either: 1) pregnant 2) too skinny 3) too young 4) or older than I am now. I don’t like any of these options, so I’ll take the period.  Does your stomach get upset when you’re on the rag or is it just me? Chris K., does it?

Overall, it ended up being a three-crap run. I rate my runs not be stars or smiley faces, but by piles. 

 

 

If the Boston rating is this, I am in serious trouble:

 

 

You may be sick of hearing about my great comeback story from hip stress fracture to marathon runner. All in six months. I am even sick of hearing myself think, talk and write about it. But, it is happening and I cannot believe Pixar or someone hasn’t contacted me to make a movie. I could be played by Teddy from Grey’s Anatomy. Clearly, it is just a matter of time before someone buys my story because I am the only person to have ever come back from an injury to run a marathon. No, I don’t know who Matt Long is.

But, let’s face it, my comeback is almost over and will hopefully culminate in two weeks when I run the Boston Marathon. So, you only have two more weeks of my recovery and rehab. Stick with me to the finish because you know you want to know if someone can run a marathon with very little running as part of their training. It is a good experiment and will lend itself to the creation of many new training plans:

Minimal Miles to Marathon Plan!

Shut Up and Walk, Water Run and Bike Your Way to 26.2!

Run Not at All, Run Boston!

SUAR

I’m In Runner’s World, I Swear

A few months ago I told you I was interviewed by Runner’s World for an article they were doing on the Boston Marathon. Sure enough, I found myself on page 126 of the May 2011 edition that arrived in my mail box on Saturday. I’m quoted in the context of why I think 40-something moms have started running marathons:

 

Yes, it may be almost the last page of the magazine, but I am there!! And I am proud. Wish I could have added a few lines about farts and testicles and stuff for good measure, but I tried to be on my best behavior. It is Runner’s World after all.

Basking in the glow of page 126,

SUAR

The Big Time

Whatever you do, do not be jealous of how I looked this morning as I made my way to the bike trainer in my sassy Shut Up and Run headband from Goheadband. I know, I look a bit like a chemo patient and I can never decide if the ears go in or out. So they’re in:

If you look closely, you will see I even have a cold sore, so if you wanted to make out with me, I can’t do it today, I’m oozing:

That’s sick! And not sick like really cool, but sick like gross and wrong.

Something unexpected happened the other day. Between bouts of licking myself like a cat and hanging with the pussy posse I got a surprising email from a writer at Runner’s World. “I’d like to talk to you for a story.” 

That’s right. I said, Runner’s World. I have arrived.

I tried to act all cool and nonchalant while I fell over myself trying to respond. “Well, I’m kind of busy not running and baking cakes with phallic bananas, but maybe I can find the time.”

The story, more specifically, is the one being written about the Boston Marathon obsession. Why people care. Why it sold out in five hours. Why it’s become the holy grail amongst runners.

While I can only speak for myself and why Boston enticed and intrigued me with its stunning blue jacket and qualifying times (see HERE), it will be interesting to see why it draws in other people. Bucket list item? Just the experience? Proof that you have arrived as a runner?

The interview lasted an hour. I’ve been told I’m in the first draft of the story, but it’s quite possible I’ll be nixed in the editing process and won't be in the article at all. Still, it was an honor to be considered by the big RW.

The article is due to publish in the May edition, which means it will be out in early April, right before “the Boston.”  Look for a possible mention of SUAR in those glossy pages, but I can’t promise It’ll be there.

I’ve cleaned up, but am still in need of a good conditioner and moisturizer. I’m out to grab some coffee. Happy Tuesday.

SUAR

Peep Show’s Over

I love a great story. Ted Williams. Over night sensation. From homeless to announcing on the Today show this morning and countless job offers. You’ve got to hear this dude’s voice:

Moving on..

My grab bag suit worked fabulously at the pool yesterday.

The lifeguards were kind of bummed that the peep show was over, but they were astounded by the bright colors in my new suit. The lap swimmers peeked into the deep end and admired my nylon/spandex blend, not for one minute realizing that this was a grab bag item. Members of the pussy posse were intrigued by the yellow and fuchsia combination and hoped to discuss it further at the early bird buffet this evening.

For those of you just joining the party, let me fill you in.

Quick update:

Injury: I was diagnosed with a stress fracture in my left femoral neck (hip) on October 13, 2010. I have not run since, but will resume next week. For eight minutes at a time. Guess what my post title might be that day? “Eight Minutes.” I am creative that way.

Pussy posse: I started water running back in October. The “older” ladies come to do water aerobics. I call them my PP. But, not to their faces.

Peep show: My past bathing suit had become incredibly see-through. I wore it long past its expiration date. I ordered a mystery suit from swim outlet (above) and am extremely satisfied.

Let me tell you something about water running. I do think it’s gotten a bad rap. The other day I got out of the water after a 60 minute workout. There was a guy there, obviously a swim coach, who I had never seen before. He said, “How’s the injury? Because there is NO WAY you would be running in the water unless you were injured.”  Damn swim coach. Thinks he knows everything. Thinks he knows me. But, he didn’t have any hair so I just said, “Thanks know-it-all baldy” and walked off. Score one for me!

Okay, he was kind of right. But, now that I have been doing this for a couple of months, I am getting it down. I have figured out how to make it an amazing workout, comparable to my runs on land (not the watery stool runs, the others). I have taken this time to work on my form, because being in the water gives you that option.

After a holiday break in which I drank wine and vodka nightly and ate my weight in caramel Chex mix, spiced nuts (I love nuts) and other weird things you only eat in December, I got back in the pool. I picked up where I had left off, which was a 48 minute workout. It felt very, very difficult. Yesterday’s workout was 56 minutes (21 x 1:30 w/30 sec rest) and I was close to passing out. Good thing I had a float belt on. My heart rate was screaming at 190 bpms. These water running workouts are going to serve me very well when I return to running. They seriously can kick your ass if your form is good and you push yourself.

I never thought I’d say this, but I will return to the pool at least once per week to water run even after I can run on land. It is just that good of a workout and easy on the body. I guess this is kind of like saying I’m only going to eat vegetables grown in my garden and I will only watch educational TV. Bullshit. But, it’s an intention, right? And a good one at that.

Off to hoe the earth and plant seeds while watching PBS,

SUAR