All About the Nuts

I should probably change the title of this blog to Shut Up and Rehab, (thanks, Rick!), but whatever. Yesterday I was in the pool running for 53 minutes (not that I’m counting minutes). Today the bike trainer and I had a date for 62 minutes. I’ll top it off with 60 minutes of yoga tonight. After a village of massage therapists, physical therapists, yogis, doctors and blog encouragers, the hip is feeling a bit looser. Progress!

I also got a free Starbucks for waiting in line so long, a dollar off at the wine store for knowing the cashier and a boatload of Athleta stuff in the mail. Life could be worse. Way worse:

(the design to the right is what’s on the jacket)

Moving on. I noticed a theme going on around here. If you don’t remember what a theme is from high school English class you’re a moron - a theme in literary terms is, “an implicit or recurrent idea.”

The implicit or recurrent idea I am facing this week is nuts. If you prefer, you can say balls, but no teabags allowed here.

Nut #1:

I struggle with breakfast. Nothing ever seems to satisfy. Eggs give me the runs. I get looked down on if I eat donuts. Oatmeal is just that – oatmeal. And don’t get me started on toast. I finally found my new favorite breakfast, and it is this:

I know. They are so 70s. Grape Nuts have been around since I was a fetus. I’m pretty sure they were served on the Mayflower. That was the best joke ever.

I can’t eat just an ordinary bowl of Grape Nuts because it hurts my jaw. Way too much crunching going on, and certainly not a grab-and-go kind of thing. Ever tried to eat a bowl of Grape Nuts quickly? It’s impossible. My solution has been to warm up my nuts.

1/2 cup Grape Nuts
1/3 cup milk
1 t brown sugar

Put into a bowl and microwave for 1 minute. You get nice, soft, warm nuts. That’s what she said.

Nut #2:

My brother is coming to town next weekend from D.C. My nephews are determined that we will all go out for Rocky Mountain Oysters. I have no problem with that. I love a good entrée of deep fried bull testicles. You could deep fry a dog wiener and it would taste good too.

Nut #3:

This week it was Ken’s birthday. He turned 21 (plus 24).

He doesn’t ask for much, so when he mentions an item he might want, I pay attention.

This month Runner’s World reviewed some classy underwear - the Men's O Series BoxerJock® 3" Bottoms by Under Armour.  Ken said he wanted some pairs. I know not why these are called the “O” series, but if the “O” refers to that kind of “O” then these should be selling like hotcakes. Guaranteed “O” with purchase. (Ken loves these by the way. That’s my review).

In trying to find these babies, I did the logical thing and went to the Under Armour website. That’s when things got a bit pornographic. Nuts/package galore:

Hello supersize! I mean, seriously? What crawled in there, a softball?  A rocky mountain oyster or two? And who modeled for this? (keep the Kovas jokes to yourself).

My questions for you. Please answer all or none:

1. Ever had Rocky Mountain oysters? What types of testicles were they? Prairie dog, sheep, bull, Under Armour?
2. Do you use a specific workout when you’re on the trainer?
3. What’s your go-to favorite breakfast food?

Going nuts,

SUAR

The Big Time

Whatever you do, do not be jealous of how I looked this morning as I made my way to the bike trainer in my sassy Shut Up and Run headband from Goheadband. I know, I look a bit like a chemo patient and I can never decide if the ears go in or out. So they’re in:

If you look closely, you will see I even have a cold sore, so if you wanted to make out with me, I can’t do it today, I’m oozing:

That’s sick! And not sick like really cool, but sick like gross and wrong.

Something unexpected happened the other day. Between bouts of licking myself like a cat and hanging with the pussy posse I got a surprising email from a writer at Runner’s World. “I’d like to talk to you for a story.” 

That’s right. I said, Runner’s World. I have arrived.

I tried to act all cool and nonchalant while I fell over myself trying to respond. “Well, I’m kind of busy not running and baking cakes with phallic bananas, but maybe I can find the time.”

The story, more specifically, is the one being written about the Boston Marathon obsession. Why people care. Why it sold out in five hours. Why it’s become the holy grail amongst runners.

While I can only speak for myself and why Boston enticed and intrigued me with its stunning blue jacket and qualifying times (see HERE), it will be interesting to see why it draws in other people. Bucket list item? Just the experience? Proof that you have arrived as a runner?

The interview lasted an hour. I’ve been told I’m in the first draft of the story, but it’s quite possible I’ll be nixed in the editing process and won't be in the article at all. Still, it was an honor to be considered by the big RW.

The article is due to publish in the May edition, which means it will be out in early April, right before “the Boston.”  Look for a possible mention of SUAR in those glossy pages, but I can’t promise It’ll be there.

I’ve cleaned up, but am still in need of a good conditioner and moisturizer. I’m out to grab some coffee. Happy Tuesday.

SUAR