Ass on the Trail

I clearly overestimated my reading crowd. I cannot believe so few of you (37!) have hidden talents to share. I mean, seriously? Haven’t we been at this for awhile? Aren’t you the kind of audience who has some originality and prowess (TWSS)?  Get your ass over to my giveaway/contest, and cut out this shy business.

In other news, on this glorious Friday morning Joie and I headed to the hills for a 12 mile trail run.

This is the Picture Rock Trail. You can make it as long as you want, because once you reach the top, you can go forever on all of the trails up there. Mostly the trail is single track and pretty technical with lots of rocks and roots so you “almost” fall about 90 times. Very popular with mountain bikers, although we only saw about five today. It is not super steep, but you feel the climb in elevation and your heart rate really picks up.

It took Joie one mile before she told me my right ass cheek was hanging out. You know how your shorts get pulled up by your fuel belt? She stared at my nice piece of ass for awhile before telling me. A true friend.

About three miles up, we passed an old burned out car. How it got up there, I’ll never know.

I did what any sane person does and got in what would have been the trunk. Not sure how many people have lost their virginity in this car. I was not one of them.

The last time I did this run I saw a huge pile of bear scat, but we didn’t see any today.

We got up to the top around mile 5 and ran for another mile or so in the pines.

This is serious mountain lion territory, so I’m always pretty wary since I have had a slight encounter with one before (he/she just growled at me from the side of the trail as if to say, “you’re too close.”).

 

Early morning and dusk are the worst times to go if you want to avoid being eaten by a lion, but we did go early to avoid the heat. One runner came down while we were going up (the only runner we saw). He had bells hanging from his Camelback, I guess to alert the lions he was coming. Or maybe he was Santa Clause.

It was a gorgeous morning to be out there. Here’s Joie taking in the view while I take in the view of her cool shirt and nice ass. She saw my ass, so I think I’m entitled to look at hers.

Overall, it was almost 1,300 feet of elevation gain over the six miles up. A nice perky boob-shaped kind of run:

I did not have to stop to crap, which is too bad because there were all kinds of cool places to do it (like the trunk of that car). Someone might have just mistook it for bear scat anyway because I eat a lot of berries.

Ever have a scary wildlife encounter? Or, ever just see wildlife on your runs? Besides that one time when I heard a mountain lion, my interaction is usually limited to deer and the occasional rabbit. Although I did see a peacock last week. I said “cock.”

Do you mix in trail running with regular road/path running? I don’t do it as often as I’d like, but I LOVE being on the trails and even though pace is much slower, the workout feels much tougher. Almost, just almost, makes me want to run an ultra. Did I just say that?

Lastly, check out Stacey at the beautiful Virgin Timber Resort on Moose Lake in Wisconsin sporting her SUAR Burn Out Tee!

Tonight is the secret flash mob performance. I am giddy.

Happy weekend!

SUAR

Mountain Lion Encounter

My friend Michelle and I ran 7.5 miles yesterday. That gave her plenty of time to tell me about her recent encounter with a mountain lion while on a solo run. She is obviously still alive, so it was a happy ending.

Michelle was visiting Steamboat, Colorado with her family. One morning she decided to take a run up the ski mountain. Alone. She didn’t tell anyone where she was going (and I’m assuming didn’t have on a Road ID). As she crested the top of the mountain trail, she looked ahead of her to see a huge lion standing about 15 feet from her. He stared her down and started pursuing her slowly. Think of a cat pursuing a mouse and how they crouch down and steadily move forward. She had time to snap this picture. As if.

You can’t go to a trailhead in Colorado without being told what to do if you have an encounter with a lion:

• Do not run. Back away from it slowly, but only if you can do so safely. Running may stimulate a lion's instinct to chase and attack.
• Face the lion and stand upright.
• Make eye contact.
• Do not bend or crouch over. Try to appear larger. A person squatting or bending over looks a lot like a four-legged prey animal. Raise your arms. Open your jacket, if you're wearing one.
• Throw stones, branches, or whatever you can grab without crouching down or turning your back. Wave your arms slowly and speak firmly in a large voice.
• Do not approach the lion.
• Fight back if attacked. Try to stay on your feet if a lion attacks you. Lions have been driven off by prey that fights back. Some hikers have fought back successfully with sticks, caps, jackets, garden tools, and their bare hands. Since lions usually try to bite the head or neck, try to remain standing and face the attacking animal.

Do not approach the lion??? This is kind of like the warning on the iron that says, “Do not iron clothes while wearing them.”

The above instructions are about the opposite of what you do when you encounter a bear, so I always get confused. I’m hoping if I run into a mountain lion and I curl into the fetal position, he will be so astounded, he’ll leave me alone, thinking: “She’s too dumb to attack. Stupid blonds don’t taste good.”

But, back to the story. Michelle turned around and ran her ass off, screaming, arms flailing. She knew you weren’t supposed to do this, but she also knew that if she got attacked in this isolated area, she’d be a goner. She wanted to get a bit closer to the condos further down on the side of the mountain. She turned around once to see the lion continuing to pursue her. He wasn’t in a full run, but was coming after her.

She made it down to the condos and found a guy taking out his trash. He took care of her and calmed her down. By now the lion was gone. Her husband called the wildlife people who were very interested because they hadn’t seen a lion on the mountain that year. They drove up to the spot of the encounter and found her tracks as well as the lion’s. The also found a dead deer. Turns out the lion had just killed a deer when she came upon the scene. Mr. Lion was protecting his food and trying to keep her away. Seems he was not chasing her, but warning her to get away.

One time when I was at band camp Emma was 2 months old my mom and I went on a hike outside of Boulder. I had Emma in the front pack. We were about 1/2 mile form the car when we heard the distinct growl of a mountain lion beside the path. I have NEVER been so scared. I can’t believe I didn't soil myself. We picked up rocks and started walking quickly away. I now know not to go trail running in the early morning or at dusk. I also know to always go with someone and on a well travelled trail.

What’s the scariest or strangest thing that’s ever happened to you on a run?

Don’t forget my Subway giveaway!