This is a phenomenon that occurs when you are running in snow and 15 degree temperatures several days in a row and your butt (or at least mine) begins to numb, then freeze. Look! Your water freezes too!
Does looking at this photo just make you cold? Well, it was.
I always thought that since the butt (or at least mine) is mostly pure and lovely fat, it would keep me warm. But, I did some research (i.e., Googling “why does my butt freeze when I run?”) and found out this is SO not the case.
You see, fat may be a great insulator, but it doesn’t carry around blood like muscle does. Therefore, circulation is limited resulting in the dreaded assicle.
You cannot see it, but there is a block of ice between my lower back and my upper thighs.
As you can guess, women are blessed with (as a stereotype) fattier asses than men (not fair, not fair at all), so we tend to freeze up more often. Ken never complains about his ass freezing. Never. But I did use this beard ice for my margarita later on.
I am thinking deeply right now: I bet if Kim Kardashian ran in the cold she would have a monumental assicle. Just sayin’.
Ways to Prevent the Assicle:
Stay inside and watch Netflix
Build up extreme muscle in your butt (because this is SO very easy to do)
Wear an extra layer over your cheeks like a running skirt over tights
Run with a quilt tied around your waist
Wear a cycling jacket instead of a running jacket. They are longer (and have handy pockets in the back)
Yes, so it does take a bit more motivation and self talk to bundle up on these super cold days. But, the payoff? Peace, beauty and the honor of labeling yourself a brave and courageous bad-ass. See my post HERE about tips for running in the cold.
How’s the weather where you are? We are beginning to thaw out after almost a week of snow and bitter cold.
Do you get the assicle? If not, what part of your body gets the coldest while running? For me, it’s my face, my hands and my butt. My legs, core and feet are usually pretty warm.
A bunch of us met outside of Boulder for a trail run this morning. It was so windy and cold that I cried tears of despair when I had to get out of the car. There are few things I hate worse than being cold. Okay, maybe when people imitate characters from Monty Python – that’s worse than being cold. Fortunately, no one has ever imitated characters from Monty Python while I was cold. That would be simply cruel.
I should have just brought my camper like this guy did because then I could just roll out of bed, put away my joint and banjo, and step onto the trail.
I forgot how much I love to run with a bigger group. I am usually either by myself or with one other person. There is always someone running your pace and always someone to talk to. I like to run ahead so I am the winner. Yes I am that person.
The only drawback to being with a big group is that it’s a bit awkward if you have to excuse yourself off the trail to take a leak or crap. It’s not like there is any secretive way to do that. Fortunately, the poop gods did not visit me today.
Let’s play “Where’s Bambi?” We saw some deer, but do you see some deer?
We got to the top and did a loop around. The views are amazing, even on a dreary day like today:
The miles flew by as we chatted away. We all finished up and I was introduced to the best invention since the goldfish carrying case:
In the end we did 8 miles in 1:30 with about 1,000 feet elevation gain. I am so fast that pictures of me are always blurry. Either that or my phone camera bites.
We stopped for hot coffee on the way home. If you don’t have a Vic’s in your town, I am very sorry:
At home I whipped up a plate of French toast bigger than my head:
If you don’t trail run or have never done it, you are missing out. You just are. It is completely and totally different than running on the road, bike path, etc. You have to focus constantly so you don’t fall on your ass. You dodge rocks, roots, horse poop, snow, fallen trees. You climb until your heart is beating out of your chest. No cars, no noise except for the wind through the trees and the roar of the occasional mountain lion. The whole landscape is your bathroom. These are the very reasons I want my next marathon to be on the trails. I was just kidding about the mountain lion, although that did happen to me once.
An update: I am working out details for the virtual run for Sherry. Stay tuned. If you missed it, People Magazine did an article on Sherry this past week.
Do you trail run? Which do you prefer – roads or trails? I’m not sure. I love the trails, but I also love some of my go-to road runs. Dirt back roads are another favorite for me.
What’s your favorite post-workout food? I love donuts, but my French toast rocks the house.
Do you prefer to run solo, with one other person, or in a bigger group? I like all three. There is a time and place for each.
What’s the best invention there ever was? The remote control fart machine or Charmin To Go.
SUAR
PS: Check out the latest Refuel video from the finish line at the Rock ‘n Roll Las Vegas race. You would never guess from my annoying, perky voice that I was about to either puke or crap my pants.
Right at about this time yesterday (well, a bit earlier) I was sucking in air and wondering, when the hell does this get easier?
Ken and I were on a running trail outside of Boulder. On the drive there I was finishing up my coffee when the oatmeal I had before leaving home started to talking to my colon. It was clench clench the next few miles to the trailhead. We dodged about 45 wild turkeys and some deer before parking in the dirt lot in the middle of nowhere. We were the only ones there, so I copped a squat and covered it with pine needles because I am considerate that way.
We started climbing. The ascent is about 3 miles and is a single track, very rocky trail. It’s really not that steep (1,000 feet of gain), but you are progressing up continuously and I get a little weary of that. I kept thinking what some wise ass (Frank Shorter, Olympic gold medalist, marathon) said about hills being speed work in disguise. It did not make me feel better. I was hoping Ken would suggest we stop for a breather, but he didn’t.
I always do this “hoping” on runs. I “hope” the other person will suggest a break or that we will at least get to a stoplight so it will be a mandatory break. Because GOD KNOWS I DID NOT NEED IT. However, there are no stoplights on the trail, so I was screwed.
Finally I told him I needed a quick ‘lil break. I mean he is my husband, so there is no shame in needing a freaking break, right? I mean we have been married for almost 17 mother eff’ing years and if I need a damn break I will take a damn break. NO I DON’T HAVE MY PERIOD!
We continued on, but then I got hit with stomach cramps and made a deposit. Yes, it was a direct depost because I am efficient that way. By this time I’m sure Ken was getting sick of all my starting and stopping. The real clincher was that he was down wind from the deposit and asked for a divorce right then and there. How is it possible to be out in nature, with the entire open sky and still smell one small offering one leaves beside the trial (not on the trail, that would be rude).
Okay, I guess we did do some climbing to get to this view
The descent was uneventful except that Ken is like a damn mountain goat, skipping and hopping over rocks and roots, while I am 895 yards behind concentrating so hard on not falling that I can’t see straight. I must have a very lazy stride (better than a lazy eye) because I am constantly getting caught on roots or slipping on rocks. Please tell me you do this too.
Back to the car with 7 miles in 1:13 minutes. Not bad for time on the trail. If you haven’t done trail running, you should. It is the workout of the century, I promise you. Other advantages:
The world is your toilet
You run faster sometimes because you see bear poop and think it might be fresh
Tip: leaving your Garmin at home is a great idea because you are often doing 11-12 min/miles but you are breathing like you are doing 5 min/miles. Then you think, what the hell is wrong with me and you get all hard on yourself and then it is not fun.
Ever run on the trails? Come visit, I’ll take you. Like you’d want to go after reading this post.
SUAR
PS: Don’t forget my latest giveaway and your chance to win a SUAR shirt!
After a less than stellar week and a crappy night’s sleep, I knew I had to find my way out on the trails to clear my head. Ken and I went up to Heil Ranch, which is just north of Boulder for an 8 mile trail run. The run gained about 1,000 feet and topped off around 6,600 feet. There was some minor climbing involved, but felt very moderate.
However, I have still yet to find a shoe that keeps me from biting it on the trail. I fall and stumble like your mama after too many tequila shots.
We climbed a rocky, technical, single track for about 2.5 miles:
Then there was another loop with an awesome overlook.
The run itself was pretty uneventful except for the bear scat. Unless Ken had berries for breakfast. The pile wasn’t steaming so I didn’t worry to much about it. Plus me and my running skirt could take a bear any day.
I rolled my ankle about 35,034 times, but this is nothing new for me on the trails.
There were a few mountain bikers out there – one dude look liked he was about to die and informed us he had “a rough night last night.” I counted my blessings that he didn’t puke on me.
Mostly it was just nice to be out of the elements, away from my home office and any other distractions. The beauty of being with someone for 18 years is that you don’t have to talk, you can just BE. Grunting, spitting and farting are allowed, of course.
If you’ve never done runs on trails, you may not know how different it is from road running. If you are on technical trails, you have no choice but to go 1-3 minutes slower than your normal per mile pace. You have to dodge lots of rocks and roots, the up hills can be tough. Plus, getting your footing in gravel, sand, and dirt can slow you down too.
What did you do to get your hear rate going this weekend?
Between drinking wine and being at 9,500 feet in Breckenridge, Colorado, I have killed a few brain cells in the last 24 hours.
I forgot my arm warmers, which is a problem when you wake up to run or bike and it is 35 degrees. So, I did what any cheapskate full blooded American would do and stopped at Wal-Mart and bought some men’s socks.
I cut off the toes, and voila, arm warmers, 2/$5.00. Can’t get that from a running store.
I even thought I could repurpose the leftovers for as toe warmers or a hat for my guinea pig. I love how these hide my hideously long Morton’s Toe.
Ken and I headed out early for a ride from Breckenridge to Copper Mountain. About 33 miles round trip with 1,500 feet elevation gain. You may wonder why I always give the elevation gain. That is my way of saying it was a big hill and it was hard. We met up with my friend Julie, Duathlon champion. She kicks my butt every time. That’s Copper Mountain ski area behind us.
It was cold as shit at the start. My fancy arm warmers are under my shirt and I’m still freezing.
I had to stuff my hands down my pants to get them warm on the way up. The whole ride to Copper was basically in the shade because the sun hasn’t made it over the mountains yet. Wish I had a picture of me copping a feel on myself, but I don’t.
After this kick ass ride, we caught up with my parents and my brother and his family. My parents rented a house up here for all of us for the week to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. It is awesome. Pure heaven. Here’s the view from the house:
My brother lives in D.C., so I don’t get to see him that much. It is really fun to have all of us together. Although he did lay a mean fart in the kitchen this morning and let me walk through it with no warning . He also clogged the toilet, but I said I wouldn’t tell. Like brother, like sister. He does grill a mean pork loin, however.
After our bike ride, we all drove up Boreas Pass which takes you to 11,400 feet. We then did a gorgeous hike up above tree line. Like I always say, it sucks to live here.
Here are the parental units who conceived baby SUAR. You can write them a thank you note if you’d like. Or a hate mail note.
Now I’m resting and gearing up for happy hour which I totally deserve.
Tomorrow a.m.? Ken and I are going to run some of Boreas Pass. Ken is doing the Colorado Relay and his leg is an 8 mile ascent up to the top of the pass. He wants to do a dry run. But, no dry hump.
My favorite picture so far from the trip: Emma and my dad.
Do you ever take trips with your extended family? Like it or hate it? We don’t do this type of thing often. I like having all of us together, but I hate it when my brother pulls my hair and reads my diary (oh, wait that was fifth grade).
Beach or mountains for a vacation? I am actually a total beach person. As much as I love the mountains, I think I like the beach even more. Actually, give me both of them together and it would be about perfect.
I clearly overestimated my reading crowd. I cannot believe so few of you (37!) have hidden talents to share. I mean, seriously? Haven’t we been at this for awhile? Aren’t you the kind of audience who has some originality and prowess (TWSS)? Get your ass over to my giveaway/contest, and cut out this shy business.
In other news, on this glorious Friday morning Joie and I headed to the hills for a 12 mile trail run.
This is the Picture Rock Trail. You can make it as long as you want, because once you reach the top, you can go forever on all of the trails up there. Mostly the trail is single track and pretty technical with lots of rocks and roots so you “almost” fall about 90 times. Very popular with mountain bikers, although we only saw about five today. It is not super steep, but you feel the climb in elevation and your heart rate really picks up.
It took Joie one mile before she told me my right ass cheek was hanging out. You know how your shorts get pulled up by your fuel belt? She stared at my nice piece of ass for awhile before telling me. A true friend.
About three miles up, we passed an old burned out car. How it got up there, I’ll never know.
I did what any sane person does and got in what would have been the trunk. Not sure how many people have lost their virginity in this car. I was not one of them.
The last time I did this run I saw a huge pile of bear scat, but we didn’t see any today.
We got up to the top around mile 5 and ran for another mile or so in the pines.
This is serious mountain lion territory, so I’m always pretty wary since I have had a slight encounter with one before (he/she just growled at me from the side of the trail as if to say, “you’re too close.”).
Early morning and dusk are the worst times to go if you want to avoid being eaten by a lion, but we did go early to avoid the heat. One runner came down while we were going up (the only runner we saw). He had bells hanging from his Camelback, I guess to alert the lions he was coming. Or maybe he was Santa Clause.
It was a gorgeous morning to be out there. Here’s Joie taking in the view while I take in the view of her cool shirt and nice ass. She saw my ass, so I think I’m entitled to look at hers.
Overall, it was almost 1,300 feet of elevation gain over the six miles up. A nice perky boob-shaped kind of run:
I did not have to stop to crap, which is too bad because there were all kinds of cool places to do it (like the trunk of that car). Someone might have just mistook it for bear scat anyway because I eat a lot of berries.
Ever have a scary wildlife encounter? Or, ever just see wildlife on your runs? Besides that one time when I heard a mountain lion, my interaction is usually limited to deer and the occasional rabbit. Although I did see a peacock last week. I said “cock.”
Do you mix in trail running with regular road/path running? I don’t do it as often as I’d like, but I LOVE being on the trails and even though pace is much slower, the workout feels much tougher. Almost, just almost, makes me want to run an ultra. Did I just say that?
Sorry about the last teaser post, but I’ve got so much to share and so many photos…needed to break it up. Plus, I’m behind with work stuff and house stuff and it’s all I had time for at the moment!! Oh, how I wish I could just blog the days away, and do little else.
Now that I’ve written this novel, you better read the whole damn thing. Go grab a beer, smoke, vibrator, whatever will keep you focused.
Before I get started on this long and drawn out journey, I will answer what you all want to know. Did I crap myself? No. In fact, not so much as a skid. My stomach behaved better than it ever has on any run. And let me tell you, this was actually the longest run I have ever been on in my life, including the marathons. It took us 4:35 to cross the finish line for a total of 20.85 miles. This is actually a pretty respectable time for this race! I will say I did not pee from 8:30 a.m. until 5:00 p.m. Can I get a shout out for DEHYDRATION!? But I am alive. And I don’t even hurt today!
So, when we left off, Dean and I had just crossed the start line. He told me a bit about the course and how the last four miles were pretty brutal since it would be scathingly hot by that time and it was a gradual climb to the finish. Brutal for him means deathly for me. He suggested conserving a bit for the first half, which was fine by me. It was a single track, straight up. People were walking parts of it. It wasn’t until we got on a wider straightaway that we found our stride. Dean kept telling me to lead the way and set the pace. Being very new to trail running, I knew this would be a long and challenging day for me.
Some of you with the eagle eye noticed I wasn't wearing trail running shoes. Yep, that’s right. I only found out about this race a couple of weeks ago. I’ve never been a trail runner or worn trail shoes. I bought some, but they didn't work out and I simply did not have time to break in any others. If I was going to be a rookie on the trail, I was going to do it up right in my Mizuno Inspire road shoes. Hell yeah!! I also didn’t have a fancy hydration pack, poles, compression socks, dirty girl gaiters or any of the other stuff the cool kids were wearing. I probably would have gotten picked last on the gym team that day. And beat up later.
The race format is that you run with a partner and you stay with that person the whole race. No running ahead if you’re feeling stronger. You’ve always got your partner nearby. That meant that for the whole race Dean had to slow to my sorry-ass pace. I know there were times when he really wanted to take off, but he just kept saying he was having a great time and enjoying not racing for once. I wonder if he rolled his eyes behind my back. Except he never was behind my back. He did comment once that it was harder to run “this way” (meaning slow – occasional walking up the steep parts) because he had a tough time settling into a cadence. I personally messed up Dean’s cadence. I might have to get that made into a bumper sticker.
After running uphill for what seemed like a very long time, I looked at my Garmin. 2.19 miles. Are you freaking kidding me? The trail was very sandy making it hard to get your footing. The sun was heating up and the route was exposed with very little shade. This part of the state is quite arid with cactus and sage along much the of the way. We climbed and climbed and climbed. Dean and I talked about all kinds of stuff – training, marathoning, jobs, Greece. There was a lot of time to just shoot the shit. Probably around mile five I forgot that he was DEAN and not just another person. The conversation drifted to our families, future goals, etc.
When I got really winded and tired he would start telling me stories about races he’d run. It was a good distraction. Dean’s stories are not like most people’s stories. If you talk about running the Hood to Coast Relay (197 miles) on a 10 person team, he talks about doing it solo. If you talk about running in heat and sand he talks about running hundreds of miles in the Sahara desert through knee deep sand and 125 degree temperatures over several days. And winning. His legs and overall muscles were also a distraction. I had a lot of time to watch these body parts on the trail since he was in front of me. He is one BIG ASS muscle.
The climb to the first check point at mile 7 was a bitch for me. Very steep. I simply had to walk parts of it. At this point I was mentally in the toilet. I was tired, hot and psyched out about having so far to go. It was freaking 92 degrees! But I didn’t come to this race to bitch and complain. I knew I could do it. I just had those moments you have in a race where you feel kind of hopeless and discouraged. I continued to take my electrolyte tabs, which I think saved me in the end.
At the top of the climb was the blessed check point. I poured water on my head. I drank GU Brew and took in some GU Chomps. I realized that Dean had not been drinking anything on the trail and very little at the aid station. I think he had a half a banana. I asked him about it. He said he doesn’t drink much when he runs because he doesn't feel the need for it and doesn't sweat a lot. WTF? Here I am sucking on my Camelbak, huffing and puffing, pouring sweat. This guy really is superhuman. Believe me when I tell you that. He is also one of the nicest people on the planet. He was kind, patient, easy on the eyes. Overall he exuded great energy. And muscles. Did I mention muscles?
The next few miles were a breeze. Mostly downhill, no sand. Then we started the up and downhills that would take us to checkpoint two at 14 miles. I had some tough moments along this part too, but once I hit the half way mark, I started to perk up. I love being just beyond the half way mark!! It is when you are closer to the finish than to the start. When you can taste the end.
The rest of the miles ticked by in a haze of conversation, gunning up hills, and sweat. At the last aid station I had some Coke (as in cola. I already did my cocaine that morning) – something I’ve never done, but with only 4 miles to go I didn’t give a shit. If I puked or crapped, so be it. A volunteer poured ice water down my back. Dean suggested stuffing ice into my sports bra like he’s seen some elite women do. Since I’m so elite, I did it too. If only. I have to give a shout out to the support along this race. The nicest and most helpful people. When you came into a check point they would ask what you needed and take over from there – filling your Camelbak, getting you e-caps, you name it. They were a real energy booster!
I only farted loudly once and it was when he was telling someone a story about the Big Sur Marathon. I don’t think anyone heard it.
Coming into the finish:
Call me fist pump Beth. I’m so cool:
BFFs:
Pointing at my boob:
The guy in the white sunglasses is running with Dean on Stage 2. Check out that bicep:
Sitting in the river post race. SO cold – better than an ice bath. I bet those guys’ balls were shriveled to nothing:
Pus anyone?
Told you it was hot. Gross. I came home and poured this into my salt shaker:
At the camp for the race. Tent city. I was glad to be going home to my bed:
My biggest fan. Couldn’t do any of this without him!
The kids getting ready to try the Gore-Tex wind and water proof gear in the rain/wind booth:
With the kids at the end. He was so sweet with them. Signed their shirts and books, told them he wanted to run with them if they ever came to San Francisco:
A HUGE thanks to Gore-Tex, Outside PR (Kelly and Devon - we love you!!) and Dean for giving me such a great day. And the schwag ain’t too bad either (Timex watch, gloves, jacket, tech shirt, coffee mug, shoe warmers/driers, handheld bottle, Salt Stick tabs, GU stuff, trail running book, running hat, gear bag):
Lessons learned:
The studs who do all six days of this race are insane. Maybe I can be like them someday
Dean is all that. ‘Nuf said.
You can push through about anything. As they say, your body wants to give out long before your head. Let your mental strength take you through the tough times. Know that you will hit peaks and valleys. Don’t let the valleys make you stop or quit. The peak is just around the corner.
Keep taking risks. Continue to do that that which makes you uncomfortable. Continue to live fully! Feel that fear and do it anyway.
Run with someone much faster and stronger than you (I recommend Dean K). You will push yourself way harder and the sheer humiliation of being slow will keep your ass going.
