Wednesday, March 21, 2018

13 Things I Never Said Before I Started Running

Running has changed me. I fart in public unabashedly. I can aim a snot rocket like no one's business. My thighs don't fit into my jeans. And, my idea of a fun Saturday morning is running for three hours in the wilderness. So, not surprisingly, there are many things I now say that I never would have said a few years ago before I was a runner. Here are a few: 

  1. "Did you remember to put lube on your nipples/balls/inner thighs?"

  2. "I can't wait to pay $100 to wake up at 3am and run 26.2 miles."

  3. "I guess if I pee myself I'll just rinse it off with water at the next aid station.

  4. "What do you mean your GPS says you ran 9.91 miles? Run until you hit 10 bitch!"

  5. "No I don't think $150 is too much to spend on (running) shoes.

  6. "I'm not leaving the house for a run until I poop."

  7. "Why bother with underwear? These shorts/tights have a lining."

  8. "Two of my toenails just fell off."

  9. "No, I'm not jogging, asshole"

  10. "I cannot get a fucking satellite."

  11. "I think it makes sense to run for 50 or 100 miles."

  12. "My tampon fell out at mile 12."

  13. "I don't care how nasty that porta potty is. It's better than shitting myself."


Monday, March 19, 2018

Save the Neck for Me, Clark (and my first podcast interview)

You know what over-used expression I hate (among so many others like, "at the end of the day" and "my bad" and "sorry not sorry")? This is the one I cannot stand: "Stick a fork in me, I'm done." I think it's because it's so cheesy and dumb. But, for some reason on yesterday's 8 mile run I could not get that eff'ing phrase out of my head.

Because by yesterday I was SO SO done with running, much like that turkey on Christmas Vacation that Clark cut open and it was just a pile of disintegrating bones (although I do recall that Aunt Bethany liked it).

Image result for turkey christmas vacation
Save the neck for me, Clark!

Maybe I'm just a pussy, but this ultra training is hard for me. Lots of back to back intense runs and I've been throwing in swimming in there to get ready for my race upcoming on Sunday. Here's what last week looked like.

Monday: Hike 4 miles (1,100 vertical)
Tuesday: Run 5, steady (200 vertical)
Wednesday: Run 9, with 3-4 miles at tempo (459 vertical)
Thursday: 6.5 miles, hill workout (500 vertical)
Friday: Swim 3,500 yards (2 miles)
Saturday: Run 15, trails (2,800 feet of vertical)
Sunday: Run 8 miles, slow and steady (416 ft. of vertical)

Total: 49.5 miles, 5,475 feet of vertical

This week is a recovery/rest week and will be mellow. I'll run tomorrow and Wednesday, then we leave for Nevis/St. Kitts on Thursday. Friday is a pretty intense hike up Mt. Nevis (3,500 feet). I'm not sure of the actual distance, but I do know it involves lots of mud and ropes you use to pull yourself up. Should be an adventure. Sunday is the big Nevis to St. Kitts Channel Swim.

Here's a picture I took of Mt. Nevis last time I visited (11/2015).

Nisbet Plantation Beach Club

In other exciting news - Kate Nesi from the Life Long Learning Podcast interviewed me recently...if you'd like to give a listen, you can find it here. I had a great time talking to Kate, a mom/runner/podcaster. She is relatable, easy to talk to and has a great podcast voice! You can find her podcast on iTunes as well, searching Life Long Learning

Are you going anywhere for Spring Break?

Tell me your favorite podcast. I have a few - Rich Roll, Tim Ferriss, How I Built This, No Meat Athlete, Ali on the Run...


Monday, March 12, 2018

All 50Ks Are Not Created Equal

I went to a "happy hour" at a running store in Golden, CO last week all focused on the Golden Gate Dirty Thirty (50K) that I'm running in June (happy hour to runners = free craft beer, kale salad, gear reviews and lots of race talk). This will be my first ultra. I learned three important facts:

1. This is the second hardest 50K in the nation (probably due to vertical gain and technical conditions - 7,250 vertical gain. lots of single track with the highest peak reached at mile 26. Ouch)

2. An award is given ($100) to who is the bloodiest and most torn up at the end (I think I'll bring some ketchup and a butter knife just to jack myself up. $100 buys a lot of chardonnay).

3. All first timers are given a green shirt to wear. Volunteers are specifically instructed to not let the newbies quit (they probably threaten them with a butter knife).

You all know I'm not afraid of a good challenge, so bring it on. Any race that has a sign like this (taken at last year's race) is my kind of race. Yes, I just may be that one out of 100.

But, I will tell you that I am going to train my ass off to make this race go as well as possible. This week was #6 of 18 training weeks. And it kind of kicked my butt. But, at the same time I'm adapting to the challenge and can feel myself getting stronger.

Monday: Swim 3,200 yards
Tuesday: Run 5
Wednesday: Run 7 (intervals)
Thursday: Run 8, steady
Friday: Run 3, easy
Saturday: Run 14 - hills/snow
Sunday: Run 6 easy

Total: 45 miles

The hardest day was obviously Saturday. We went up to the famous Magnolia Road, which starts at about 8,000 feet and goes way up from there. The challenge was made even more of a bitch because it was windy and started snowing really hard. I was in shorts because it was 20 degrees warmer at my house. Colorado, you kill me.  I've lived here for over 20 years and still can't dress right.

I wish you could see my legs. They are a few shades redder than my face.

This week is also high mileage, but the following week when I'm doing the Cross Channel swim in the Caribbean (Island of Nevis) is a recovery week, so perfect timing.

Image result for nevis cross channel swim
2.5 miles of Caribbean bath water. No one will even know if you pee in it.
I had a choice for this race - to RACE, i.e, be eligible for age group awards or to not race, which means you can use snorkels, fins, wet suits, arm floaties, anything to get you 2.5 miles from island to island. While floaties sound fun, I opted to RACE. So, we'll see how that goes...

What's the hardest race you've ever done? Mine was probably the Leadville Marathon. But, it was also one of my favorite races ever.

Would you consider a long swim from one island to the next? 


Sunday, March 4, 2018

10 Things Runners Are Better at Than Everyone Else

I am not good at too many things. I can't play a musical instrument (quit the flute in 6th grade, something about all that practicing when the Love Boat and Fantasy Island were on) and I have absolutely no rhythm when it comes to dancing (although I still do it a lot in public, sorry Ken and all of my friends and family). I could never get the hang of knitting and the last time I skied (like REALLY skied) I broke my wrist and had to be carried down the mountain on the stretcher of shame.

But, running? Well, that's something I can do reasonably well. And, it turns out - many of us runners are not only skilled at running. The truth is, most runners have multiple talents that range from drinking while running to over-sharing. Here are 10 things runners do better than most people:

  1. Spending lots of money to get up at the ass crack of dawn, run really far, suffer and get a dry bagel at the end. This is also known as a race entry fee. While it might seem crazy to non-runners, runners generally love to attend races and will pay a hefty fee to do so.

  2. Knowing weird distances. Runners can tell you the exact distance from their house to the nearest lake, the 7-11 or the closest trail head. A specialty is also knowing where any and all public restrooms are. Preferably clean and heated.

  3. Tying our shoes. If you aren’t a runner you may not be aware that there is an art to typing one’s shoes. Any runner will tell you to double knot your laces or you will constantly be tripping over untied laces and stopping to tie them.

  4. Drinking and running. While runners don’t condone drinking and driving, we do allow drinking and running. If you’ve done a race then you’ve encountered this thing called the aid station. That’s the place that has little Dixie-sized cups of water or sports drink. In order to drink yet keep running, the runner gets very good at pinching the cup so that the drink efficiently and quickly goes into his/her mouth without major spillage.

  5. Controlling our sphincters. Yes it’s true that many runners suffer from runner’s trots. This happens because when you run, the blood in your body stops helping with digestion and starts pumping to the arms and legs. In addition, running jumbles up the gut causing the urge to poop. Unfortunately, this urge does not usually happen in convenient locations where a bathroom is readily available. Therefore, runners get very good at holding in turds until they can find somewhere to drop them.

  6.  Rolling on cylindrical things made out of foam. If you’ve ever visited a runner’s home, you’ve probably seen this item laying around on the floor. Children love to throw them around. Sometimes you might actually witness a runner rolling a body part on the cylinder.

  7.  Getting injured. And talking about it. At one time or another every runner gets injured. The repetitive motion of running and the impact can lead to a variety of ailments from shin splints to stress fractures to plantar fasciitis. These injuries cause the runner to become adept at whining and self-pity.

  8. Talking to ourselves. Out loud. Running can be a solo event. Runners get lonely. They need support, encouragement. Trouble is, there are not always others around to do this. That’s when the runner starts to have conversations with his/herself about how far they have left to go, the fact that they can finish this and the knowledge that the pain is hopefully temporary. Runners also might remind themselves that there is cake and pie at home waiting to be devoured as well as a nice, clean toilet.

  9. Over-sharing. Runners are very good at providing people with Too Much Information (TMI). This is likely because over time the gross things runners do get normalized to the runner and he/she forgets it might be disgusting to others. It’s pretty commonplace for a runner to tell you how many times they poop in a day or that they started their period during a race or that their nipples bled because they forgot to apply Vaseline before their run.

  10. Using social media. Runners love to let people know how far and how often they run. Posting race times is also a priority. What better way to do this than social media?

Are you good at these things? I used to be good at getting injured, but now I suck at it and I'm glad. Controlling my sphincter continues to be an issue. I am still good at foam rolling but now use a new torture device, the R8 Massage Roller from Roll Recovery. Holy Shit. Have you used this thing? It's amazing and miserable all at the same time.


Friday, February 23, 2018

A Few Things I Need to Get Off My Chest

If you thought I was going to discuss gun laws or the Trump Presidency or whether or not Nutella is the nectar of the gods, you've come to the wrong place. I avoid these type of controversial items like the plague. It's not that I don't have opinions - oh, sisters and brothers I do. It's just that they are my personal opinions and I doubt you come to this here blog to read about them.

Btw, I don't really like Nutella. Go ahead. Send me hate mail. Oh, and almond butter? Not quite my thing either. Go ahead. Punch me in the nuts.

Here's what I need to get off my chest. Confession time.

I am training to do the Nevis to St. Kitts Cross Channel swim on March 25. It is 2.5 miles, which equals exactly 4,400 yards, which is precisely 176 lengths in a 25 yard pool. For the love of GOD. I would rather eat four jars of Nutella while watching curling in the Olympics than swim back and forth one hundred seventy six times! Don't get me wrong. I love swimming. Just not so much in a pool staring at that black line and counting the band aids on the pool bottom.  Today I swam back and forth 88 times. I am a warrior.

I love my library, even if libraries aren't so cool anymore. I've always loved libraries - the peacefulness, the hundreds of books for me to read (although once in high school I signed out Catcher in the Rye and each page was full of bloody boogers. Definitely a down side to the library. You don't get boogers with Kindle books).

Anyway, I was in the library yesterday using the self check out (I also love self checkouts. Something about being in control). I was trying to scan my library card and it wasn't working. I told the lady waiting in line that I was sorry, I couldn't get the machine to work. That's when I realized I was not scanning my library card, I was scanning my PetCo card. What a dumb ass. I am surprised I'm smart enough to read books at all. The library should ban me.

On a serious note. I hate the person in the pick up truck last Friday night barreling down 9th Avenue. I hate him/her because I had pulled over trying to save a dog that kept crossing the road. And, right as I got out of my car, the asshole pick up truck driver hit that dog so hard and just kept going. Just kept going. Who does that? And, no, there was NO way he/she didn't know they hit the dog. You could hear that a block away. I haven't cried that hard in a long time.

Last thing I need to get off my chest - I turned 51 yesterday. Getting older does not suck. Here's why:

  • No one heckles me on the street (maybe that's not getting older - maybe that's just my overall look)
  • I usually do pretty well in my age group in races (I'm at the young side of the 50 to 59ers!)
  • Going to bed early is awesome
  • I've realized fulfillment (through relationships, travel, etc), not income or material stuff, is the measure of true success
  • I give much less of a shit about how I look or what people think.
  • I've been married almost 23 years. I'm proud of that. Ken rocks!
  • I can wear underwear with my bathing suit and no one cares (joke)
  • Pretty soon I'll be able to crap my pants and no one will bat an eye.

What are you training for?

Ever hit a dog by mistake?? We actually almost hit the dog ourselves, before I pulled over. Ugh.

Libraries - do you go? If not, where do you get your books?

What's the best thing about getting older.?


Tuesday, February 13, 2018

Running With Music: Jaybird Run True Wireless Headphones GIVEAWAY!

I ran a race this weekend called the Old Man Winter Rally. I'm not sure why it's called that because I didn't see any old men rallying or anything. It was only 5.4 miles, but it was on slippery, snow packed roads and trails. This made it feel about 4x harder than it normally would have felt.

I really wanted to place in my age group so I pushed to the BF (Barf Phase). You've been there - it's the zone that a runner enters when he/she has exerted her/himself so much that they are on the verge of spewing their breakfast everywhere. I never actually SPEW (because we emetaphobes would never do that), but the feeling is REAL.

This is before the race (aka before BF):

Couples who match their shirts and bibs stay married for 22+ years

All of this to say, one thing that helps me during races is music. I find that not only am I faster with music, but I can stay more motivated.

I know there are people who disagree - who think that if you run with music you are weak or somehow not in tune with your breathing and body. Whatever with those people. I happen to like it. That said, I only do about half of my runs with music because I don't listen to it on trails (because then you can't hear the mountain lions chasing you) or when I run with other people (because that would be rude, but if I hate them I might do it). Music is a treat to me while running.

By the way, there have been several articles written about how music can potentially make one run faster. Clearly the elites don't use music, but they are super heros and freaks of nature.

To heighten my music enjoyment JayBird Sport sent me a pair of their RUN True wireless headphones (blue tooth) to try out. What is so special about these?

The come in this little handy case that automatically charges them

- 4 hour play time + 8 hour charge case
- Fast charge - 5 minute charge = 1 hour play time
- Secure + Comfort-Fit with interchangeable tips and fins
- Sweat-proof and water resistant

Then you just charge the whole case

An advantage and something JayBird promotes for safety, is that it is very easy since they are completely wireless, to only wear one earbud, therefore staying completely in tune with our surroundings. 

If you follow Rich Roll on Instagram, you see in his stories that he is always wearing these. Rich and I are so alike. 

I tested these on my ten mile run last week. These days I'm using Spotify and am carrying my phone in a nifty Fuel Belt waist pack and I don't even know it's there. I sync up the headphones to my phone and am good to go. 

These buds take a bit of getting used to because you have to find the right fit. They come with a few different sizes. I must have a strange ear hole (<funny word) because it is hard for me to find the right fit. The buds have fins coming off of them that attach to below the concha (no, I did not know what the anatomy of the ear was, but I love Google):

Related image

Lovely fit.
I love the sleekness and lightweight nature of these headphones. No wires, no fuss. The sound is very good with these, although the volume doesn't see to get as high as with some of my other earbuds.

Not gonna lie, these are pricey, due to the quality and technology. About $179/pair.

So, my question to you is...Want to win a pair??? Just enter by (one entry/comment for each bullet):

  • Leave a comment telling me why or why you don't listen to music (+1)
  • Leave a comment telling me why you want to win these! (+1)
  • Follow me on Instagram here (and tell me you did so in a comment). (+1)

Good luck!


Monday, February 5, 2018

I Did a 32 Day Run Streak and Here's What Happened

At the end of December I decided I wanted to do a run streak for the month of January. No real reason why except that life was kind of stale and boring and I wanted to do something different.

I had never done a streak before because - 1) I was afraid of getting injured, and 2) I had no desire to run every single day. But for 31 days I figured I could do anything (it actually ended up being 32 days because on day 32 I had a speed workout to do from my training plan).

I'm not acting all cool like I'm the only one to ever have done a running streak. I realize many of you have done streaks and for much longer than 32 days. High five to you, you person who is better than me. I just wanted to tell my story. My blog. My story.


Days run: 32
Miles run: 134
Average miles per day: 4.2
Longest run: 7.9
Shortest run: 2.0
Days ran outside: 30/32
Coldest run: 8 degrees
Weight lost: No idea, I don't weigh myself. Probably one ounce.
Times squatted in bushes: 3

The Good:

When you know you are going to do something every day, you don't play any mind games with yourself. Despite colder than a witch's tit weather, the chili fries you had last night or the fact that you stayed up late watching the entire 9th season of Shameless, you will run. You will run because you said you would. Gotta say, there were several days that I would not have run if I wasn't on this "streak." So, yep, it was a good January motivator.

My calves got bigger. I know this because when I wear my skinny jeans my calves look like sausages busting out of their casing (I actually had to look up the plural of calf. I know baby cows are calves, but I didn't know if the plural for the muscly part of the back of your shin was calves or calfs. BTW, it's CALVES).  I also got a vein on the front of my tibia. Not sure why, but I like that. Reminds me of this guy.

Image result for dean karnazes legs
Dean "vein" Karnazes

I really feel like running for 32 days straight gave me greater endurance and increased my speed. I feel like I have a really good base going into this training cycle. My body feels great with no niggles pointing to injury.

The Bad:

Laundry. I tried to wear things more than once but found that I smell too bad to carry that off. I don't do the laundry in our house so here is my public apology: "Ken, I am sorry for the 32 items of running clothing you had to wash each week. I am sorry they smelled like ass and other things. I love you."

Like you, I've got certain running routes from my home. Sometimes I drive to run trails, but not usually during the week. I am so f'ing tired of every single one of my routes. I ran them backwards, I ran them faster/slower, I ran them with/without music, I ran them naked, I ran them jumping rope and doing cartwheels. I still got sick of them.

It got lonely. Ken and I run together 2-3 times per week and I love that. But I don't have any other running partners. I love to do some runs solo, but it gets lonely when you run almost every day alone. The truth is, I work from home so I don't have colleagues to interact with. I have friends, but not all of them run and most of them don't have the same schedule I have. Sometimes I get to feeling isolated. I'm an extrovert, so being around people gives me energy.

So, now what? Well, I'm deep into my new training plan for my 50k in June. I love this plan in that while you work out almost every day (there are some rest days and recovery weeks too), the plan incorporates cardio (like swimming/biking), strength training and speed work. And, guess what? I ran my longest distance in a few month yesterday. 10 miles.

My eyeballs are literally frozen. I was out there 1.5 hours

Truth: I didn't want to do it and it was 15 degrees. I had very low expectations for this run and it turned out fabulous because I found a friend.

This is my new friend. His name is Al Pacah. Get it?

Do you have a running buddy/group?

What are you training for?


PS: I have a great giveaway/review coming up soon, so check back. Just the thing to spice up your January/February blahs.

Sunday, January 28, 2018

I'm ULTRA Excited for This

Before we jump into running related stuff -

Do you watch This Is Us? I realize this is the trendy and emotionally manipulating show that makes people sob their eyes out and eat cartons of Ben and Jerry's cookie dough, or in my case, drink a bottle of wine gets that attention for a reason. I happen to think it's kind of brilliant the way they weave story lines together. And, I love watching it with Emma because it's the only time we cry together when it's not about her missing curfew or doing other teenage bullshit.

So, if you watched this week's episode - am I the only one who frantically checked all appliances (especially the killer crock pot!), candles, etc before going to bed? Because now we know how/why Jack is going to die. And, while I adore Jack, now we know the DOG DIES too and that's enough to send me over the edge. I did have to laugh at this tweet though:

Moving on. I did something this week. Hint:

Yep, signed up for my first 50k. That seems to be the progression in the running world.

1. start runing
2. do marathon or a few
3. try to BQ
4. run Boston
5. get injured; get into triathlons
6. start trail running
7. do more marathons/triathlons/Ironman
8. decide you're sick of really big road marathons
9. sign up for an ultra

Or, at least that's kind of what happened with me. Not to say I won't be doing more road marathons and big races. I will. But just want to mix it up. Plus, here in these Colorado parts, we've got so many fantastic trails and races. One way to see parts of the state you can't otherwise, is to run them!

I like the training plan in this book (there is also a 50 mile plan and a 100 mile plan - goals). It is a six month plan, but I'm coming in around week 9. Looks like mileage will peak out at about 56/miles per week with a 22 mile Saturday long run and a 12 mile Sunday long run. Totally do-able!

So, you want to know about the race? It's called the Dirty 30 (definitely sounds like a race made for me - I'm dirty and I was 30 once) and starts near Golden, CO - June 2. I would add that this seems to be a VERY challenging race as a far as 50ks go, mostly due to the elevation change. 7,250 feet of climbing, mostly single track. To give you perspective, the winner in my age group did it in 7:30 last year. I'll be out there for a lifetime.

Piece of f&cking cake, right? My quads are burning off just looking at that profile.

In other news, as you know, I've been streaking since January 1st. Wednesday will close out the streak. I have to say, weather-wise I definitely would have skipped some days but, NO! Had to shut my eff'ing brain off and just RUN. Today was a nice break with running in the 50's!

When this is over and done with I'm going write a post about what I learned, noticed, liked, etc about this whole streak thing. Stay tuned.

Here's what yesterday's run looked like:

I spent some quality time in the shitter. Nice view though! (not me on the shitter, the mountains).

That's all I got for today. I'll see you on the other side of This Is Us. 

Have you done ultras before? Give me your best piece of advice? While I've never technically done an ultra, by definition, I did to the TransRockies Run, which is 6 days, 120 miles, 20,000 feet of vertical.

Are you a This Is Us fan? Favorite character? Got to go with Jack


Thursday, January 18, 2018

My Running Streak and 15 Simple Running Rules to Live By

I have run for 18 days in a row. This means I am streaking (running everyday). Unfortunately, I am not "double streaking." That is a term I made up for when you run every day, naked. I am not doing this for two reasons. Number one, no one wants to see that, and number two, I would freeze my titties off (or what exists of them).

I decided to do a run streak for the month of January - 31 days. My made-up rules are:
  • I have to run at least a mile a day (I've been averaging 4-5 miles per day)
  • I will not run if I think I'm injured
  • I will run in all sorts of weather or resort to the wheel of torture (treadmill) 
  • I will run if I have a cold, period, but not a fever, flu, explosive diarrhea, projectile vomit, etc. Simple enough!

I've never done a streak before because I really didn't feel like it. Running every day is a commitment. Plus, I was always afraid I'd get injured. Well, so far so good. Thanks for asking.

I've been chronicling my running and other stupid stuff (my pets, me eating Tide pods - jk - not funny) on my Instagram story- HERE. Join the fun!

Last week I ran about 33 miles total. Here I am:

January in Colorado and shorts. Mother Nature is f&cking with all of us lately.

Speaking of rules, I think people like to make things complicated when they don't have to be. Running in and of itself is supposed to be a simple act of love you do for your body and soul. So, don't over dramatize it. Just follow my simple rules and you will qualify for the Olympic Trials and be hired by Runner's World  be really cool.

1. What other people think of you as a runner is none of your business. Be the best runner you can be.

2. Smile. If you hate running so much you can’t find a moment to crack a smile, then maybe you shouldn’t be doing it (unless of course you have just soiled yourself, are about to throw up, or are on your 16th interval).

3. Don’t let running consume you to the point where it makes you stressed. There is life outside of running. Keep things in perspective.

4. Take care of your body so you can run until you die. Sleep. Eat well. Have sex. Floss.

5. No one is in charge of how well your running goes but you. Stop whining. 

6. Don’t litter. It gives runners a bad name.

7. Get over the last crappy run or race you had. Look to the future and learn from your mistakes.

8. Don’t judge other runners for all the weird stuff they do and say. You don’t know what their journey is (laughing behind their back is probably okay).

9. Stop running if something hurts.

10. Have a beer at the end of your race even if it’s 9:00 a.m. You earned it.

11. Volunteer at a race because it can’t always be about you.

12. Don’t lie about your running times. You’ll get caught because there is something called the Internet.

13. Stop thinking so damn much.  It’s really not that complicated. Just shut up and run.

14. Dream big because small dreams are boring and safe.

15. Be humble about your running. No one likes a braggart. Except if you are doing a running streak. Then tell the world on your blog.

Ever done a running streak? For how long?


Wednesday, January 3, 2018

20 Running Resolutions That Are Easy AF

I very much realize it's a faux pas to put up resolution stuff on January 3. I never said I was punctual. But, these resolutions should be so effortless, you'll barely have to think about them. Read on.

1. Do not sign up for races when you have had more than two cocktails.

2. Only eat white snow while on long runs.

Image result for yellow snow

3. Do not be as fast as Shalane Flanagan - because everyone needs to have one achievable resolution.
4. Avoid hitting the wall in your next race by actually following the training plan.

5. Resist the urge to punch someone in the face just because they tell you for the 99th time that running is bad for your knees.

Image result for running is bad for your knees

6. Remember to actually strength and cross train instead of just reading a million articles about how important it is and never doing it.

7. Stop apologizing every time you get a pedicure and your toenail falls off in the nail technician’s hand. 

8. Keep the water in your bottles from freezing during your long run by not running when it’s so damn cold outside. Duh.

9. Save water and electricity by washing fewer running clothes. Wear more deodorant and FDS.

10. Always be aware that spandex can produce camel toe. This particularly applies if you are the type to go to the grocery store right after a run.

11. Learn how to do a snot rocket because nothing says you’re a real runner more than being able to projectile your slimy boogers out of your nose.

12. Avoid over-talking about running to people who don’t care about running.

13. Do not assume that nagging injury will go away if you just run on it more.

14. Finish one damn tube of Chapstick.

Image result for finish chapstick

15. Take up smoking until at least March so you can quit smoking and see how much better you feel when you run.

16. Do not eat any of the following the night before a race: chili, chili dog, chili
cheeseburger, chili fries, chili smothered burrito, or baked potato topped with chili.

17. Keep a running journal so you can remember that there are actually days when you like to run.

18. Lose enough weight so your gut doesn’t keep you from tying your running shoes.

19.  Stop becoming so exasperated when your grandma asks you how long your marathon is.

20. Wave to other runners because apparently this is the etiquette and their feelings will be hurt if you don’t.

What other running resolutions do you have for 2018?