Friday, May 26, 2017


Happy Friday folks bitches!

Time and Place: 4:24 p.m. At my computer in my home office looking at my dog and counting down 36 minutes until happy hour.

God help my neck

Celebrating: My first in age group (50-59) win at the a 5k in Denver this last weekend. 1st out of 147! This dirty old man was also first in his AG (80+). I call him that because after this picture was taken he told my husband, "All the women think I'm harmless because I'm old, but they really don't know what I'm thinking." Hmmmm..he does appear to be holding onto my waist pretty tight.Then I went home with him (JK).

Loving: These new shoes I bought (Nike Free RN) because I will never have to wear a headlamp again when I run at night.

Drinking: I am trying very hard to drink two 32 ounce bottles of water a day. I never do. I am also trying to drink 2 bottles of wine a night and have success (JK, but I do love my wine).

Snacking: I am becoming a really weird eater. I crave the dumbest shit. Pickles. Edamame. Almonds. No not pregnant, just odd.

Watching: The Bachelorette (Rachel is too good for that show). Better Call Saul. Fargo. The Leftovers. Just finished documentaries - Serving Life and Newtown (sad, sad, sad).

Planning: For the Utah Valley Half Marathon in 2 weeks. I'm signed up for the full but after my Paris experience, f&ck that. I'm just hoping for a dirty old man at the finish. And beer. Is there beer in Utah?

Reading: (Not to be mistaken for the Girl On the Train. I might write a book called the Hussy on the Plane or the Whore on the Bus).

Losing: The big toenail on my left foot.It is gone now. I painted over it. Can you tell? Damn I have the most attractive feet. Something about that long finger toe and those weird crooked toes and that callous on the side. Sexy.

Well, it's now officially 4:51 p.m. so by the time I open the wine it will be 5pm. So, I'm off.

Wait! Check out my Instagram for a video of me dancing. You won't be sorry and you will learn that White Girls CAN Dance. Go HERE.

Tell me on thing you're doing lately!

What are you watching/reading these days?

Next race?

Last time you lost a nail?

How much water/wine do you drink in a day?

Are you pregnant?


Friday, May 19, 2017

What's the Most Random Thing You've Found on a Run?

Yeah, I've been MIA for a couple of weeks. That's because I've being doing really important things like getting the wart on my dog's head frozen off, finishing Shameless (I miss you already Frank) and helping my 19 year old son find a car to buy when he would settle for nothing less than a Crown Victoria, a Lincoln Town Car or something similar. He ended up with a Mercury Grand Marquis. I truly had no idea I gave birth to a grandmother (or a pimp?). He does look cute though:

So what if it's 17 feet long?

This post has been brewing for awhile. During marathon training, I had a lot of time to myself while pounding the pavement to ponder on the really important stuff such as - "Why are there so many mini, empty bottles of Fireball along side the road?"

You know what I mean. As you put one foot in front of the other, maybe you are noticing a trend along the road or trail. Maybe the pattern of the shit you spot on the ground makes you wonder a bit about human nature and why people toss the the things they do. Clearly, alcohol bottles are to hide evidence. I know this because I've watched Cops and other similar shows that basically make me an expert in law enforcement.

Case in point. By far the two things I see the most while running are:

-Empty airplane sized bottles of liquor (Fireball being a favorite)

Image result for empty fireball bottle

-Those flosser things. You know the ones - I think they are called flosser picks

Image result for flossers

I'm pretty sure these things do not go together, unless of course there is a new phenomenon that involves flossing one's teeth, then chugging Fireball like Listerine, then littering. Possible for sure. I know that is what my dentist recommends.

Less common things I've noticed on occasion.
  • Condoms - used or still in the package (making love on the side of the road is romantic)
  • Underwear (understandable, accidents happen in the car)
  • One sock (I don't get it. Unless you're a teenage boy, then I get it)
  • One shoe (there is a ballet flat that has been along side this one stretch of road for awhile)
  • Change (pennies, quarters, etc)
  • Bags of fast food trash (do you think people who eat fast food or more likely to litter? Someone should do a thesis on that)
  • Ponytail holders (totally understandable, they just fall out sometimes)
  • Vomit (very unfortunate if you're an emetophobe like me)
  • Feces - human and otherwise

By far the most random thing I've ever seen while running was...

A live parakeet. I shit you not.
Image result for parakeet

I live in Colorado and as far as I know, parakeets are not indigenous to this part of the world. My guess is this little guy escaped and was just having a little walk in the sunshine before he got eaten by a large hawk or mountain lion.

I have yet to find a dead human body (and I feel cheated because apparently runners are the ones who always find dead bodies), although I have found dead raccoons, cats, squirrels, deer and snakes (I prefer my snakes dead, so that's good).

Stuff on the road tells a story, people! Are you listening?

Enough about me. Tell me what the most random thing is you've found when running? 


Thursday, May 4, 2017

10 Reasons Why It's Okay to Be a Mediocre Runner

I got the idea for this post after reading an article entitled, "What If All I Want Is a Mediocre Life?"
This got me to thinking that maybe I (we) do the same thing with running.

There is so much commotion these days around the act of running - races to sign up for, social media accounts to update, running groups to join, training plans to conquer. But, what if we are okay with being an average Joe or Josephine runner? What if we don't care about all of that noise and we just want to run without all the bells and whistles, with no time or pace goals in mind? After all, there is nothing wrong with being content where you are. In fact, it could bring us a ton of peace.

If you're feeling it's all gotten to be too much - you're sick of comparing yourself or putting pressure on yourself,  read on...

1. What if I don't post any of my workouts on social media because I'm not the type to want external motivation or appreciation? Maybe I don't care about the number of likes I get or what anyone else is doing. My runs are for me and I don't really want to share them. This doesn't make me any less of a runner.

Great article about running motivation
NOOOOOO!! Boycott!

2. What if I'll never have a "runner's body?" but I've got legs so strong they can carry me many miles, stretch marks as a reminder of they glory of giving birth and big old breasts that fed my kids and entertain my husband?

3. What if I never run a half marathon, marathon or any race because I don't like to have set goals for my running and I don't want to pay to run. Perhaps I don't like the craziness of race courses with their crowds and bands and ringing cowbells. Maybe I hate porta potties and how gross they are. Running's supposed to bring me peace away from the at time obnoxious busy-ness and over stimulation of life. Races stress me out!

Image result for crowded marathon

4. What if I'm injured and can't run for awhile, but I view that as I way to spend more time with my family, or to try a new activity (bowling anyone?) or simply take a break? Not every injury is a reason to panic. Our bodies try to teach us things and we should listen.

5. What if I don't run every day or even every week, but I run when I feel like it and that's when I have my best runs.

6. What if I don't belong to a running group or have tons of running friends but I enjoy the solitude of running so much and I come home from my runs refreshed and ready to take on the world. Just because I don't run with friends doesn't mean I don't have friends.

7. What if I don't have the cutest running clothes but I've got these old shorts that never chafe and fit me just right and an ancient sports bra that can hold my ladies properly in place?

8. What if I don't subscribe to any running magazines and don't really care about the "five tips to get faster" or the "7 ways to strengthen your glutes?"  Maybe not everything has to be researched to death and written about. Maybe not everything has to be improved on all of the time. Maybe it can just be enjoyed for what it is.

Image result for grandma magazine
Now, this one might just be worth subscribing to

9. What if I never qualify for Boston, but in my mind I'm qualified already as a strong runner and I don't care about the numbers all that much.

10. What if I have no desire to wear a GPS watch because I like running based on effort and I enjoy going as far and as long as I want without the pressure. Plus, those babies are expensive and I really want new Aviators.

Give yourself permission to let all the "shoulds" go and just say "f&ck it!"

The bottom line is, that here is no "right" way to go about running. What matters to you is what is important. If that makes you a so-called mediocre runner, so be it. You just may be infinitely more content than people out there killing themselves to reach certain goals or wear certain clothes. Run on friends!


PS: If you really want to make running all about fun, think about signing up for Camp Runabout (see details HERE). Use code BETH2017 for $25 off.