Want a Better Marriage?

I will do just about anything to not do what I’m supposed to do. Clean out the ice maker, change my pad, pick the guacamole out from under my nail, watch these videos-

Both of these gems came from my husband.

Video #1. Ken’s comment: “This is what you’re getting for our anniversary.” This is for real. I went to the website. It’s an “As Seen on TV” item. Not saying I ordered anything, just visited.

Isn’t it usually the wife buying this for the husband? I don’t think I fart any more than the average person. C’mon, if the fart average is 12-18 times a day (source: wiki-answers) I’m right on target. Not every day is a 12-18 fart day. Some days are 5-10 days, some are 20-25 days. That’s why it’s called an average. What I may be a bit above average on is the smell factor. I don’t think there is an average range for that. Let’s just pretend the average smell is a 5 on a scale from 1 to 10 with 1 being  airy and nearly scentless and 10 being your grandma took a dump five days ago in your toilet, never flushed, shut the door and turned on the heat. I may be about a 7 on this scale, but you’d have to ask Ken and the kids. If this blanket is good enough to block chemical warfare it should be good enough for my #7.

Video #2: Ken’s comment: “This is you at the gym.” I know this one has been circulating around blog world, so if it’s a repeat, sorry. But don’t even pretend you don’t want to watch it more than once.

I see something new every time. Like she’s wearing a thong. I find myself wondering where the gym is. It’s overlooking a city street. NY maybe? Why isn’t anyone around her staring? And why isn’t anyone around her doing shit for a workout?

Today’s workout: 8 x 800 @3:40. Treadmill. No thong. No dancing.

That’s all I got. Happy Friday!

Just Because

It’s snowing here today. Yes, I said snowing. Yesterday it was 80 degrees. If it snows on marathon day I’m going to bring a noose to the start line, find a tree and…

Snow is not out of the realm of possibility for the race. After all, it’s only 9 days out and the race starts at 6,108 feet. I’m no meteorologist (I can’t even spell it), but sometimes it snows up that high. If I understand correctly, we board busses at 4:30 a.m. at 4,981 feet and take a long and windy ride on up to 6,000 ft. I love it when you get to ride the course you are going to run so you can witness first hand how long it takes to drive 26.2 miles as well as every hill, twist and turn. It’s good for the psyche.

The race starts promptly at 6:00 a.m., which seems a tad early, but being Mother’s Day this should give me ample time to go out to brunch afterwards with the family and spend the whole time in the bathroom.

Yesterday was a damn good day around here. I had a 7.5 mile run in 30 mph winds. Lucky, (three legged Cocker) licked his balls a good part of the afternoon. My son’s baseball team got clobbered so much so that the good old slaughter rule was enacted and the game ended early. Aunt Flow came to visit in all her glory. I’m trying to stop drinking wine during the week, ‘nuf said. The Hills Season premier was on and despite her efforts, Heidi did not look anything like my daughter’s Barbie doll. Dammit. I was so going to have 90 plastic surgeries (and make sure Ken had them too)  if we could look like this:

Despite my sarcasm, let me tell you why it really was a good day. I had one of those “just because moments.” You know the ones. Where someone, stranger or otherwise, does something exceptional  for you with no ulterior motive, no hope for anything in return. Out of pure kindness. These moments stand out because they don’t happen that often. It’s the stranger who holds your hand on the airplane when you’re afraid (pervert!), or the friend who shows up unexpectedly at your door with a bottle of wine just because she knew your dog died (he licked his balls off).

What was my just because moment? Let me back up here. Tara from Loves Life in Colorado and I became blogger friends many months ago when we both realized we lived in the Denver area and that we were both running the Rock ‘n Roll San Antonio Marathon in November ‘09. Our friendship and commonalities further expanded when we both had to drop out of the race (me with a stress fracture, Tara with a pulmonary embolism – yeah, she always has to one-up me). We commiserated through recovery and both were able to start training again at about the same time. We discovered we had yet again both signed up for the same race: the Colorado Marathon. We met for one long run in Denver (with blogger Jill) and continued to keep in touch regarding training, etc.

Fast forward to yesterday when I got this in the mail from Tara:

 

She has one too. This is seriously one of the best gifts I’ve ever received. It holds obvious sentimental value, is incredibly unique and was given just because. This necklace comes from a new company called Silver Maple. All jewelry is made with sterling silver and copper and can honor any occasion: a race, the birth of a child, or a special sentiment. Gorgeous stuff. Thanks Tara! Here’s hoping 5.9.10 is a good one for us with no nooses or snow.

What’s a just because moment you’ve had lately (or one you’ve given someone else)?

Suck It, Wall

Here’s how my taper is going (yes, Jamoosh, those are all microbrews):

In my quest to run a flawless marathon during which I meet me time goal, do not mess my pants. and feel energized and pain free the entire time, I have been doing some reading. Mentally preparing you could call it.

Last week, I referenced an article by Michael Bane called, “Breaking through the wall” (Men’s Fitness, 1999). There was discussion of pre-race brain training. Now it’s time to look at how to avoid the wall (i.e., an apparently insurmountable physiological barrier which stops you in your tracks), and if you can’t do that, then what to do when you hit it and hit it hard. We are assuming when your face slams up against that invisible vertical concrete slab, you will not consider quitting. It is simply not an option (unless you are injured, paralyzed, get your period or your legs fall off).

The following is from the same above-referenced article:

Five ways to avoid the Wall (but, there are no guarantees): 

1. Train realistically. Athletes have a remarkable talent for self-deception. The best way to know how you'll respond in a situation is to practice that situation first. If you're training for a marathon, at least one of your training runs needs to be 26 miles. If you're training for a race that takes place at night, some of your training needs to be at night.
2.  Cross train. The more you move toward harder endurance events such as a marathon, the more overall balance seems to pay off. I like to trade off sports (for example, biking and running) to keep my interest up and injuries down. The added plus is that my overall higher level of fitness helps carry me through longer events.
3.  Avoid judgments. Fine athletes talk themselves into quitting because they were running below par. You need to set these judgments aside on race day.
4. Prepare mentally. Forget happy talk; you're going to hurt. But you know that already. In my mental rehearsals, I try to be as realistic as possible and acknowledge that it's going to be painful. I also remind myself that, despite it all, I've crossed a lot of finish lines.
5. Plan flexibly. Remember, long athletic events tend to be chaos systems. You can't foresee everything nature is going to throw at you. Mental flexibility is your greatest tool for getting past the Wall.

Six things to do when you hit the Wall

1. Say, “shit, shit, shit.” (I added that one)
2. Keep going. "Program" yourself before the event that you're going to press on regardless, even if you're barely moving.
3. "Table" your thoughts. The easiest way to quiet those negative thoughts is to set them aside. Sometimes I actually visualize a locker-like box, where I stuff all my negative thoughts away until I have the time and energy to deal with them.
4. Get out of your head. Don't dwell on how amazingly awful you feel. Focusing on a really attractive woman running nearby can be a great distraction. I've done it, and it works. Hormones are wonderful things.
5. Try bribery. Depending on just how bad you're feeling, a judicious dose of deferred compensation can help. I've gotten myself out of some grim times with the promise of a pint of Ben & Jerry's Phish Food if l cross the finish line. (The bribes can get pretty big: At one point, I had to buy myself a motorcycle.)
6. Open negotiations. Give yourself permission to quit if you'll only go another 10 feet ... another quarter mile ... even around the next corner. I have climbed entire mountains by cutting interim deals: "Another 200 vertical feet, then I'll sit down and reevaluate ..." After that 200 feet, it's, "Hey, I don't feel so bad ... maybe I'll go another 45 minutes and then I'll quit." Keep repeating this until you're so close to finishing that you can say, "What the heck? Let's wrap this puppy up."

I think it’s all great advice, especially the one about “getting out of your head.” I distract myself with attractive women as well.

The one point I take issue with is, “If you're training for a marathon, at least one of your training runs needs to be 26 miles.” This is a personal choice, but for me, running 26 miles is too hard on my body to do twice in one training cycle. My long runs (10+ miles) this training season were 12, 14, 16, 18, 20, 11, 16, 18. 5, 18. 5, 13.

Thoughts?

Soap Box – Where Is the Line?

Warning: this post is not running related

I try not to get too worked up about too many things because it just steals my energy. But, I read something today that got my heart racing. Since I have some readers here whose opinion I really value, I wanted to get your thoughts.

I’m not sure if this is just a Facebook thing, but today one of my supposed “friends” on FB posted the following:

“Dear Lord, This year you took my favorite actor, Patrick Swayzie. You took my favorite actress, Farrah Fawcett. You took my favorite singer, Michael Jackson. I just wanted to let you know, my favorite president is Barack Obama. Amen.”

Apparently this is some sort of movement going on on FB and maybe elsewhere. I guess these folks think they are clever and funny. Is there no line anymore? Shame on you.

In my humble opinion, even if you are not a fan of President Obama, have some respect and tact. To wish the death of anyone, especially a noble man, father and husband who just happens to be the leader of our nation is outrageous and down right ignorant. Beyond that, have these people thought one step beyond what happens if Obama dies? One word for you: Biden.

I think this bothers me so much because there is a movement behind it. I guess I wished that people were more rational than that.

However, I have to remember that whoever wrote this already has two strikes against them:

1. They can’t spell “Swayzie” (should be Swayze)
2. Their favorite actress was Farrah (really? I mean she was beautiful and all that, but favorite actress? What about Tooty from the Facts of Life?)

Thoughts? I’m thinking it’s time to “unfriend” some people.

Did you hear that noise? That was me getting off of my soapbox and back in the bathroom where I belong.

Don’t Be Afraid to Have Babies

Do you find that running with a Garmin is a mental game?  If I look at it too much, I drive myself crazy: “You should be going faster, pick it up.” Usually on long runs I have rules for how often I get to take a peek. Typically it’s after every mile or after every song, depending on my mood. Some days, I try to just ignore it.

Today our family was running a local 5K we do every year (Phishy Paul, where were you?). We woke up to wind. My running nemesis.  Also, since the run is mostly on a trail, I knew the 3” of rain/snow we got yesterday was going to make it a muddy mess.

Like all of you, I always hope for a PR, which would mean I would beat 23:44. I had myself convinced today was not PR day due to the conditions. My plan was to not look at my Garmin the whole way and to just run as hard as my body would allow and see what happened.

Our family of four decided we were all going to run solo. Every man for himself. Emma, my youngest (just turned 9) was fine with that because she knows this route well. At 12, Sam’s an old hat at races, so I don’t worry about him. We told Emma once we got through the finish line, we’d be back to find her on the course.

Things started out slow as they always do. I ran with my iPod because I am neurotic and had set up a playlist to cover my 5K time. Running balls out goes faster for me with music.

There was the major clusterfuck of people at the start including a woman running with her dog and people stopping to tie their shoes in the middle of the trail. I wonder if the dog needed to buy a bib or why he wasn’t wearing his race t-shirt. Why is it okay for him to crap on the course and not me?

Basically for the entire race I kept me head down and just pushed (that’s what she said). Between miles 1-2 Ken was with me using me as his wind blocker. He owes me something for that. Some kind of a favor. I kept my promise not to look at the Garmin. I only broke the promise once around mile 2.5 when I wanted to see my pace. 7:50. No way was I going to PR.

In the end I crossed the finish in 23:46. Yep, that’s right. TWO seconds off of my PR. I am hitting myself. I should have looked. I could have easily pushed slightly harder and come in at 23:40 or so if I had looked. Why didn’t I look?? Next time, I’ll look.

Final stats for the family?

Beth: 23:46 (7:39 pace) – 33/338 overall; 5/191 women; 1st in age group

Emma: 33:22 (10:45 pace) – 167/338 overall; 62/191 girls/women; 1st in age group

Sam:  27:35 (8:53 pace) – 86/338 overall; 66/147 men/boys; 10th in age group

Ken: 24:18 (7:50 pace) – 38/338;  31/147 men overall; 7th in age group

I know, I know. I was surprised as you are to see me in 1st for my AG. 23:46 is not typically a first place time. I am going to blame it on the wind and muddy conditions on the trail. I think everyone was slower today.

Odd/disturbing things we saw:

• Woman running with a fuel belt. For a 5K. Really?
• Puke in the finish chute. Don’t these people who over-exert know I have a vomit phobia?
• Dog taking a crap

You can’t know how proud I am of my kids. They are studs. When I went to find Emma after I had finished, she was running her little heart out. She could have stopped, but didn’t want to.  You should have seen the look on her face when I told her she got 1st in her AG. Priceless.

I know Jillian Michaels doesn’t want to have a baby because it might ruin her manly figure, but Ms. Michaels is missin’ out. Okay, okay. And adoption is good too. Wonderful, in fact. Don’t get me wrong, if babies/kids aren’t for you, I respect and admire your decision (like you care what I think) because too many people have kids out of a sense of obligation. But, I wouldn’t recommend not doing it because of body image issues. If you really want them, I believe you can overcome those issues. In fact, I weigh less now than I did before having 2 kids (4 pregnancies).  And – I never ran a race until after I had kids. But, that’s another post for another day.

Anyone else racing this weekend?

Q & A Time

I don’t get tons of questions from bloggers. Probably because I’m no expert on anything, and everyone knows it.  But, occasionally I get a query and I don’t want to leave you hanging. So, read on:

Apple Crumbles asked, “The day after a long run, say 18 - 22 miles or even a marathon, do you feel depressed or cranky? I'm trying to figure out if I refueled correctly or if it's simply over stressing.”

Hello my Apple Crumble friend! What are apple crumbles anyway? Reminds me of cobbler or streusel…hmmm…streusel.  But, I digress. Yes, I get a bit out of whack the day after a long run or a race. Mostly it’s because I’m usually taking the day off and don’t know what to do with myself if I’m not running and getting that adrenaline fix. However, sometimes, I’m just glad to have the freaking day off!

Certainly after a race, especially a marathon, there is that mental letdown of knowing what you have worked for over the past months has come and gone. My advice, be kind to yourself and don’t spend too much time dwelling on if/why you’re in the mood you’re in. Just re-focus and put your energies elsewhere. Like making something with apples that crumbles and sending it to me.

FitMacDaddy proclaimed, “Man, I would not be a runner if I had your intestines! I can't even poop in someone else's house, let alone on the side of the road. I've been known to hold in my poops for entire camping trips!”

Then he wanted to know, “What is your marathon goal now that you're such a speedster?”

Wow, Mac Daddy. My hope for you is that you never go on a two week camping trip. And not pooping in people’s houses? That’s hard core. I think I’ve stopped-up every toilet of every friend and acquaintance I’ve ever had. Then there was one time at that frat party, but I won’t go into that.

As far as my marathon goal – did you just call me a speedster? I think I love you. Seriously. My goal is a very original one. I don’t think any other blogger has ever mentioned it: to BQ. But in reality, I like to have several goals when racing. I’d take any of these end results, but would prefer #3:

1. Beat 4:03, the time of my first marathon
2. Break 4 hours
3. BQ by coming in under 3:50:59. I have been training to run a 3:45 marathon, but we all know just because you train for a certain time doesn't mean you get that time. A girl can hope and dream, can’t she?
4. Win the race by running a 2:12 marathon. Totally doable.

Jennifer (URL not available) queried, “You may have answered this question before but do you carry TP with you on all your runs? The pooping doesn't concern me as much as the wiping. If you do have TP with you what do you do with it?”

Excellent question. No, I do not carry TP and I’ll tell you why. The roll does not fit in my fuel belt. Really, I don’t carry it because the whole thing is gross and inappropriate and yucky with or without the TP. If I use TP then I have to stay in the shit position longer, find a way to dispose of the TP (I am NOT carrying it home along side of my cell phone), and be aware of how much I am NOT washing my hands after wiping. And if I want to wash my hands after wiping that means I need to bring some antibacterial soap and it just never ends. Kind of like that book, “If You Give a Mouse a Pancake” and how he’s going to want syrup and a plate and a napkin to go with it. Live simply.

LMC stated, “I absolutely love the new background on your blog. Is it the Colorado River?”

I have no clue what it is. I would like to lie and say that yes, in fact, it is the Colorado River and I took this picture while I kayaked down thus river right after running a marathon. But truth be told, I got this off of the new blogger/draft site. If you haven’t visited this site and you’re with Blogger, give it a try. It will improve the aesthetics of your blog and we will all thank you for it.

Steve Q. questioned, “Can glow sticks be used as tampons?”

Fantastic question, Steve. I have never used a glow stick as a tampon, and I’m guessing it’s not advisable. I know things get dark in there, but do we really need to make it glow?

Kim exclaimed, “I did 18 miles this morning and thought of you. I was jogging along, working out the morning farts when all of a sudden - RED ALERT - it was not just a fart. Got it clamped in time but had to find a bathroom fast - luckily the assisted living place nearby was open. Thanks, old people!”

She then asked, “Aren't you glad I think of you when I have to crap in the middle of a run?”

I am wiping tears from my keyboard right now because of how touched I am. When people crap and they do so in my name or at the very least think of me during the act, it is incredibly flattering. BTW, going poop in an assisted living place is genius. You could do it on the seat or even in your pants and it would be par for the course. You could also steal a couple of Depends on your way out.

Apple C. wanted to know, “What are the Hammer / Heed products? Can you offer a link? I have a whole box of GU but I can't stand the stuff.”

So, my crumble friend, have you made my dessert yet?

The Hammer/Heed products are all the rage, especially for those of us plagued by GI issues when we run.  Their claim to fame is that the gel and sport’s drink products are full of ingredients that are easier to digest than most sport’s stuff out there. You can read to your heart’s content HERE, but basically you get a tasty and affordable product with the essential carbs (23 g.) and electrolytes, but it’s gentler on the tummy. Only 2 g. of sugar. The sport’s drink, HEED, is less sweet than most drinks because Hammer uses Xylitol - “a natural substance that can be found in a variety of fibrous fruits and vegetables.” Check it out. I ordered 32 serving powder for about $20. And Ms. Apple, they have an apple spice gel that is yummy. Without crumbles.

Sarah admitted, “I actually had potty issues on my long run today and I thought of you....is that strange??”

No, Sarah, not strange at all. Many people think of me when they have “potty issues.” I’m pretty sure Obama takes dumps with me on his mind.

Meg noted, “Super run and hey, YOU QUOTED Buddha on my blog! You never cease to amaze me with your depth and breadth....from poop to the very spiritual. You didn't make that quote up, did you? Just wonderin'.”

Meg! Do you realize you just gave me credit for creating something said by Buddha! No, I didn’t make up that quote. It came right from the big bellied God himself.  He who thinks I write like Buddha will have the kingdom of heaven at their fingertips.

Any other questions or queries? Any add-ons to my answers? Go for it.

Training Your Mind and Drymax Sock Review

As I close in my second marathon, mental strength is on my mind.  Thank you for all of your feedback and suggestions about what to do when all you want to do is stop. You all are pretty smart after all.

I want to know that when the going gets tough, my mind will pull me through. Lord knows it has before. I found a great article in Men’s Fitness that gave me some stuff to think about.

I don’t usually read Men’s Fitness because I’m not that into how to build strength in my penis and please my lady with my rock hard abs, but this one was pretty worthwhile. Oh, wait, that’s Men’s Health that has those creepy articles. Sorry.

It’s titled, “Breaking through the wall” by Michael Bane Men’s Fitness (1999). He looks at training your mind, pre-race, for the obstacles to come:

• Accept that a portion of your race will be run on a mental panorama, and that it can be a scary place. It's a landscape littered with your own failures and successes, your pains and your losses. It's home to mythical creatures and places of legend, and your journey will be uniquely your own.
• Understand that you may be beset by storms of powerful emotions - exhilaration, despair, fury. But like storms, these spikes of emotion pass and have no meaning. I once ran alongside a woman who described how she planned to kill her new husband, because she hated the bastard so much. I don't think she talked like that when she wasn't running.
• Never question your goal. The completion of a marathon is more than an objective. It's a summit, like a beautiful mountain peak, and has the power to capture and hold a person's imagination. A trick I use is to "table" the mental discussion of whether this particular event was a good or a bad idea; I set it aside to deal with later. Then I focus on why this particular summit seemed so interesting.
• Let go of judgments. While your mind is bouncing hither and yon, sooner or later it's going to land on the "Why am I running so badly today?" square. Rather than expend that mental energy on judging my performance, I repeat one of my favorite mantras: "Nothing proves anything."
•  Negotiate with your body. Crazy as it sounds, I carry on a mental conversation with my body. Before the race, I explain what is expected and acknowledge that it's going to hurt. I apologize in advance and promise that I'll make it up to my body somehow. Amazingly, my body continues to believe me.
• Finally, what do you do if you hit the Wall, when you meet your dragon? Why, nothing, of course. Keep running, that's all.

I think my favorite bullet point is about the peaks and valleys of the race. You will experience a full range of emotions and the only thing to count on is that they will pass and be replaced by something else.

Next up in a future p0st: Five ways to avoid the dreaded wall and what to do if/when you hit it.

On an unrelated note: I have found a new favorite running item. I follow Jamie Donaldson’s blog. She is an ultra runner from Colorado, but not just any ultra runner. She is the two time female winner of Badwater (2008 and 2009) and many, many other endurance running races.

I’ve had some blister problems recently and asked her advice. After suffering major running-blisters for years, she now swears by Drymax socks. In fact, they are one of her sponsors. She just ran and won the Philadelphia 100 Mile Endurance Run 14 hours 58 minutes – an average pace of 8:58 over 100 miles. Here are her feet after the race. Don’t see any blisters? That’s because there are none.

 

She offered to send me a pair of her blister blasters: Drymax Maximum Protection Running Socks (mini crew for running). Yesterday, I got these babies in the mail:

Today I tried them out. Jamie did not ask me to review these on the blog, but I had to. Just putting them on is like slipping on comfy slippers. They have a fair amount of cushioning, are made of soft material and a provide a snug fit. Once I started running in them on my track run today, I knew they would be my go-to sock because:

• Majorly comfortable, cushy even
• Flat toe seam
• Breathable mesh on the top of the foot and toes
• Blister guard system (uses material to reduce friction)
• Dual layers to keep feet dry
• Comfort, comfort, comfort
• I can run 100 miles in them at an 8:58 pace

Unfortunately, these are not cheap, but after having tried them, I am willing to pay a bit more for comfort on long training runs and while running races. The best deal I found was $19.74 per pair from Amazing Socks.

Just a thought for you runners who are suffering the wrath of those pus filled bubbles. Ick.

Today’s funny (it’s not a post from me if it doesn’t have potty stuff). I got an email from Ken today saying this would be my mother’s day present. Nice and romantic. Because nothing says “Happy Mother’s Day” like a flatulence deodorizer (fancy name for fart masker):

Now you know why I married the guy. Happy Tuesday.

Photo Winners and Needing Some Insight

The results are in. Thanks for all of the votes in the worst dressed running photo contest.

Winner for the boys: Fairy with no Camel Toe

Winner for the girls: Barefoot Angie B. and Her Bulge

You guys played along well. Winners - send me your addresses and I’ll get you your hydration packs!

Okay – sorry if my adventures in poop were a bit too much to handle yesterday for my 18.5 mile run. You guys were worried about me. My responses to your questions and concerns:

• No, I don’t poop that much everyday. In fact, there are many days, weeks when I don’t poop at all
• No, there is nothing physically wrong with me (I’ve had every GI workup and allergy test you can think of). A night of a huge Chipotle burrito and two glasses of chardonnay pre long run were to blame
• No, I am not a lover of pooping outside, i.e., fecopheliac. I would much prefer a warm bathroom with a hot pink fuzzy toilet seat and an issue of US Weekly to some hollowed out tree on a busy road
• Yes, I bring toilet paper. To avoid polluting the environment, I usually eat it
• No, I don’t take Imodium. That stuff messes me up for years at a time. Thanks for the suggestion, though

I had some insight on my long run yesterday. I think it was at about 14 miles where I hit my slump. I thought to myself, “I bet everyone has a point in a long run where they desperately want to cop out.” Or is it just me?

Mentally at 14 miles I was dog shit. I was far enough along into the run to be hurting mentally and physically, but not far enough along to think I was truly close to the end. I was psyching myself out. I hurt. I can't do it. I want to quit. Shit, I don’t want to do it. I could call Ken to pick me up. I could walk. Who would care? Who would know? The problem is, I care and I don’t quit. EVER.

Today, as I’m only exactly three weeks out from my marathon, I am starting to think about brain strategy. What will I tell myself when it gets tough?  I am already starting visualizing myself running a fast, strong and happy race. I see myself with a smile on my face, taking in the Colorado scenery as I lightly fly along the course. I see my children and parents and husband at the finish. I see what I am wearing, how I am feeling. I see it all and know I can run a strong race.

Yet, I am scared. Terrified, in fact. So much is on the line. 16 weeks of tough training. One injury overcome. All for one race on one day. Talk about all the eggs in one basket. My only wish at the finish is to have no regrets and to have run the race to the very best of my ability on that day. And to maybe BQ. But I don’t count on that. In fact, I never say it out loud. Writing it even gives me the willies.

I was wondering: do we all hit these pitfalls and major mental breakdowns in our runs or is it just me? What do you tell yourself when you’ve reached your limit, but need to keep going? You know, I look to you for inspiration and guidance, whether you know it or not. I lean on YOU! Pass on your words of wisdom…

Finally, I am sharing this picture with you because it makes me happy. I don’t show many pictures of my kids on here, and don’t talk about them too much. But this one picture is enough to keep anyone going on a bad day and I wanted you to see it:

Happy week to come…

Winnie the Pooh

Today’s 18.5 miler started much like any long run.  Ken and I headed out at 7:00 a.m. while the kids were still asleep. I’d be lying if I said I was pumped about the run. I was actually kind of dreading it. Knowing you will be pounding the pavement for the next 2 hours and 45 minutes can mess with your head if you let it.

I had a large dump before leaving, which gave me confidence that no tummy issues would hinder me on this run (foreshadow). Temp = 44*. Overcast. We were quiet as we often are. The first few miles were uphill, slow. Ken was going to leave me at the 7 mile mark and head for home as he was doing 11 miles today. It was sweet when he let me know at 5.5 miles that he was halfway. Dick. I wasn’t even a third of the way into my run.

Right before Ken turned off, I felt the familiar urge to crap. Ken said, “Oh, you can just hold it until you get to Joie’s (my halfway mark), and blow up their toilet.” Yet, Joie’s was still three miles away. I don’t have enough asshole muscles to hold anything in for three miles. There weren’t many pooping spots on this road. Very barren, no bushes, and just a few trees. We came to a small stream and I managed to shimmy my way down into some bushes. Ken said, “Well, I’m not watching.” What? As if.

I had a new lease on life and quickly covered those next three miles. At Joie’s I took another small dump, refilled my Melon flavored Heed drink, gulped down a vanilla Hammer gel, and headed for home. About a mile from Joie’s, it hit me with a vengeance. I had to go and I had to go now. I was too far from Joie’s to turn back. I was on a pretty busy road and there was absolutely nowhere to crap unless I wanted to do it on the yellow line down the middle of the street. I panicked. I had visions of messing myself so horribly I would have to call Ken or (God forbid) my mom for a ride home. I can just hear her now, “Beth, you’ve been out of diapers for 41 years now. What happened?”

It was at this moment of fear and dread that God sent me a gift. I am not kidding you. Divine intervention occurred at the exact moment I needed it the most. As I was clenching, I looked to my left and saw a tree, but not just any tree. A tree with an opportunity. A tree that was nature’s porta potty. This was my nirvana:

At first I wondered if I could fit into this opening, but a moment of exploring showed me that yes! I could! In fact, it seemed that I was not the first one to have gone into this tree. Someone had had a little campfire in there not too long ago. I hated the fact that I was going to forever tarnish this sweet little fort, but there was no choice and honestly, I was so relieved I didn't care. I laid down my business, covered it with some bark, snapped a picture (you can see my fuel belt to the left) and took off before I was arrested for public defecation.  I felt like Winnie the Pooh.

18.5 miles, 2:42, average pace 8:48. Average shit time: 2 mins

PS: Don’t forget to VOTE.  Winner announced on Monday!

Drinking: Grande mild coffee with extra cream.

Finally, the Chance to Have Boobs

Come on ya’ll, vote on the picture contest if you haven’t already. We’ve got penises, vaginas, you name it. Don’t miss out.

Before I go off the deep end about something non-running related, here’s the running scoop for me. Last week = 44.5 miles including an 8 miler at marathon pace (8:40), Yassos (5 x 800 @ 3:45), a 12 miler and an 18.5 miler. This week is much of the same: an 8 miler at MP (8:40), Yassos (6 x 800 @ 3:30), a 10 miler and an 18 miler. Finally, next week I will back off some and then start to taper down for my May 9th (Mother’s Day) marathon!

Now that we got running trash taken care of…I’ll say this about myself: I love to win. Who doesn’t? This little habit of mine, i.e., needing and wanting to win, is probably the reason I have visited the fine city of Las Vegas no less than 12 times over the past 7 years. I like to think that I have singlehandedly built the Wynn Hotel with all of my losses. Okay, perhaps I just purchased one of the barstools in the Carnival Bar, but whatever. You get the picture. I lose. Every. Single. Time.

The good news is, my children still have a roof over their heads and they have warm Ramen noodles to eat. It’s all good.

I threw my name in the hat for a recent giveaway through Nuf Said, an advertising agency in Lafayette, Colorado. My husband’s company is a client of Nuf Said, so I was considered a legitimate entrant. I won. The prize? A bobble head of myself.

Don’t even think that you don’t need one of these. It’s a must have. Who doesn’t want a distorted dollish replica of themselves with an oversized, wiggling head?

I had no idea what went into creating a bobble head of oneself. It’s the type of of thing you don’t know about until you experience it. Kind of like putting a spoon in the crease of the Pillsbury Cinnamon Rolls and watching them pop, or feeling cotton candy melt in your mouth. It’s all a new adventure.

Here’s what’s all involved: First, you need to pick your body. I had it narrowed down to these:

The only time I will ever have boobs:

The obvious choice – the runner. Check out those crazy heels on the shoes :

A true Shut Up and Run bobble head (love the fuchsia panties!):

This would be the butch version of me:

I ended up boring and went with the runner. I requested to have African skin tones, blond hair and green eyes, just to throw everyone off (JK). I sent in these pictures to keep it accurate:

Holy crap. Look at that wrinkled lower face and neck. Don’t even get me started on the pointy nose.

All of this info is submitted to the bobble making universe and in about a month’s time, I’ll be the proud owner of a BH to show you!

What would your bobble head look like? Take a look HERE.

PS: Don't even pretend you didn't notice my new format/background. Whatcha think?

Drinking: H2O

Giveaway Winners and Photo Contest – Please VOTE!

The winners of the giveaways are:

For the female: #256 Meg at MOrfit. In her comment entry she said, “I would love to win that gear because I really don't have any running gear. I run in what I wear to the gym for everything!”

For the male: #459 Wild Bill who uses a duct taped Camelback he found on a trail. Dude needs some gear!

Email me at brisdon@comcast.net with your addresses and sizes and I will make sure your stuff gets to you as soon as possible so you can start looking like real runners and be done with the dorkiness.

Now for the picture voting. You guys had me ROTLMAOWPMNAPG (Rolling on the floor laughing my ass off while picking my nose and passing gas). Seriously, the pictures were good, but your commentary of your own pictures is what made it the best!. So – you can vote for one guy and one gal. Only vote once. Winners will be announced on Sunday, April 18.

GUYS (only five submitted): 

1. Kristen says about her fiancé, George (AKA Buzz Light-year), “He is insane and has no running clothes. He actually ran a 5K like this.”

I hope his run took him to infinity and beyond. I bet you get some serious crotch sweat in that thing. I think George almost looks like Obama in this picture.

2. Suzy writes about her husband, guy in the orange, “ He will only buy two kinds of running gear: shoes and sunglasses. All other clothing is selected randomly from his closet. His base layer is whatever cotton, long sleeve shirt with too short sleeves he grabs out of his drawer. On top he puts on his reversible basketball tank that is black and orange that he bought back in the mid-nineties. He tops it all off with a bright orange hunting hat.”

While this isn’t a totally outrageous get up, it’s still kinda creepy. I like how it matches the jogger.

3. Wild Bill’s girlfriend (Funderson from Brilliance Wasted) explains, “My sweetheart Wild Bill is RIDICULOUS when it comes to his running gear.  We went to the desert this weekend and here is Wild Bill in all his “running gear” glory.  YES those are cotton socks and YES he really runs in those shoes and has done for several obvious years now.  The pants are cut-off dirt biking pants  and the shirt (sans elbows) is his ONE actual piece of technical gear that he procured in the lost and found at the hockey rink.  Also see  a picture of the camel back he found.  He swears it isn’t a kid-sized one…just “mini”…..”

Oh Bill, I love the duct taped Camel Back. If only it was a camel toe. Show us your face, Wild Bill!

4. Dax from Dirty Running says, “This is me as a fairy. Sorry no camel toe.”

What about a moose knuckle?

5. Dennis says about his photo, “Whoever said good things come in small packages was dead wrong. I am large, in charge and in need of some new running gear as you'll see by the attached pictures. Even if I don't win, I won't hold it against you. I'll keep reading your blog even if I'm thinking bad thoughts the entire time.”

Nice, Dennis. Well, maybe I’m already thinking bad thoughts about you or something. Do you have any pupils in your eyes?

VOTE NOW!

GIRLS

Oh ladies. You did not disappoint! I got so many entries and had to narrow down to the top 10. As the Bachelor would say, “This is by far the most difficult decision I have ever had to make.” The photos were all really entertaining, and I give everyone so much credit for taking on the challenge.

1.  Jen at Setting U Free wants you to know, “Here is my funny shot – even my dog thinks I am crazy. Courtesy of my 5 year old… who DID NOT want to take this pic.”

I just can’t imagine why a 5 year old wouldn’t want to see his mother this way. So odd.

2.  Victoria from Vickismalls describes her get up: “That is a COLORADO t-shirt, ma'am. I'm not above ass kissing. I have family in Denver and I think they gave me this when I was a child. It wasn't always a barely-covers-the-boobs shirt. I also showcase the iPod earbuds going down and under my shirt, making it look like they are in my crotch. The Georgia O'Keeffe prints in the background round out this vagina theme.”

Oh Victoria. You know how I love a good vagina theme. And Colorado would be proud of those big boobs.

 

3.  Amanda from Run To the Finish says, “Well this was as crazy as I could think of.”

Pretty crazy, Amanda, especially if you are leaving the house.

4.  Aimee over at I Tri To Be Me says, “Here are some photos and reasons why I need new running gear.  1) My shirts are so worn out that they have holes in them.  2)  My shorts are poofy and make me look like a man.  I assure you, I do NOT have a penis!  3) My head is so small that all the hats/visors I get from races are way too big to wear.”

Crap, I was really hoping that was a penis!

5.  Sarah from Skinny Runner describes her outfit this way: “"Grandpa" compression socks and an outfit made in Ronald McDonald's dreams.  so fug.”

Sarah, the only redeeming thing going on here is that you are a Marathon Maniac. Other than that – well, pass the quarter pounder with cheese.

6. Crazy Clair of Own Your Backbone wants you to know, “I need running clothes and gear so badly.  I have been hiding in the woods my whole life.  I am from the movie Nell.  After I learned to speak and not grunt the old craggy shit holed me up in a no-tell motel. Here's me learning how to use my running shoes. The reason I need the gear is I'm tired of drinking out of shit-infested streams along the trails of my 20-mile daily workouts.  I end up farting like a loon.  A little purified creek water would be nice.

Clair, I’m pretty sure Nell didn’t have those muscular jambs like you do. As for farting like a loon, I don’t think running clothes are going to help with that.

7.  Meg says, “I had to threaten my husband with no nookie for a month just to get him to stop laughing long enough to take the photo. And yes...I actually went outside like this.”

Oh Meg, I’m so glad that your husband won’t go without. I hope you wear the outfit as part of foreplay.

8.   Barefoot Angie B describes her photo this way, “I have a serious potato going on (I’m guessing this means crotch bulge?)!  This is also ironic or funny or whatever since I am a barefoot runner!”

The potato make the picture. Without it, you are just some hot chick with high shorts. Nice ‘fridge magnets!

9.  Brooke in the royal blue unitard , “So this is what I used to run in with a shirt over. Then I got fat and now I am back to getting skinny and still have to run in my old clothing from the 80's. My shoes are old even and so I am not showing them because I am going to get new ones soon. And I am shy faced since being so fat that I really have a hard time exposing all. Just glad to get running again and hope to gain a new running outfit too.”

Brooke, this was a totally courageous entry. I don’t know a single person who could pull off this outfit. I give you some major kudos!

10.  Marlene says, “I may have had a little too much fun with this, and my husband may be pretending he doesn't know me.”

Oh, those crazy Canadians!

VOTE NOW!

Online Surveys & Market Research

Thanks for your votes and good luck to the contestants! Results will be announced Monday, April 19.

Uses for Tampons and an 18 Miler

Running tip:  Help your body recover after a long run by feeding it some protein within the first 30-60 minutes after finishing. Chocolate milk, an egg sandwich or a bagel with peanut butter are all good options.

Wow, you guys are good at the hidden object game. You must have read Highlights magazine when you were children. I used to love the hidden pictures. Still do.

You also really know your tampons. Yes, it was a tampon. Naturelle brand. Let me tell you why I have this particular tampon when I don’t even wear tampons (I can’t. I had Toxic Shock Syndrome way back when and still am not supposed to wear them). You see, I was at the Taylor Swift concert the other night with my eight year old daughter and 16,000 other screaming girls under the age of 15 using their glow sticks as microphones. Anyway, we went to the bathroom and I noticed free tampons and pads. I don’t turn down anything that is free, so I stuffed it in my purse. You never know, one of the 16,000 screaming girls could have gotten her period for the first time and I would need to save the day. Always good to have it on hand. After all, I can think of lots of other uses for a tampon (besides the obvious):

• Spin the tampon game
• Trail marker so you don’t get lost
• Plugging up holes in a boat
• Pull cord for a lamp or ceiling fan
• Rescue float for Lifeguard Barbie
• Dabber for greasy pizza

Winners!

Beth gets a giveaway entry for being the first to guess what it was

Tara gets three entries for guessing the brand (dang girl, you nailed it, did you study tamponology in school or something?)

Paul gets three entries for being the only guy brave enough to write the word “tampon” in the comments

Shellspotgirl gets three entries for guessing the brand

Today I got up at the ass crack of dawn to get in my 18 miler before the chaos of the day began. It was pretty uneventful. I ran the first half with no music and tried to stay focused on my breath and to be at one with my body. For the second half, I decided to screw being present with my body and opted to be distracted by my iPod. I find I’m faster with the music. I tried Hammer/Heed products today – Melon flavored drink and an apple spice gel. These products are much less sweet than most others and I liked the lack of sugar. I had absolutely no tummy trouble. Just a couple skid marks. Success! I also ran in my new Nike Dri Fit socks, which are supposed to protect from blisters. They worked like a charm.

 Overall, I did 18.5 miles in 2:44 with an avg pace of 8:54.

I’ve only got two long runs left – another 18 and a 15. Only four weeks until race day.

Post run, I went directly to the Starbucks drive thru where I got a large coffee and an egg sandwich. Decided get some good karma points and told the cashier I wanted to pay for the lady behind me. Turns out she ordered some large ass drink and a sandwich. I wanted to be nice, but not that nice. Don’t people just order small hot chocolates anymore?

What was your long run this weekend? Does music make you faster? How many weeks until your next race?

Drinking: Grande mild coffee with extra cream

Hidden Object

Running tip: When you buy new shoes, keep track of the miles you put on them. Replace every 300-400 miles.

Let’s play a little game. I know you all have nothing better to do. Here are my new running shoes. Mizuno Wave Inspire 6. Can you find the hidden object? Better yet, can you tell me what it is? First person to identify the object gets an extra contest entry. If you give me the brand, you get three bonus entries.

I’ll leave you with this (for the real version, look HERE):

Whatever you do, don’t forget my giveaway/contest!

Drinking: Grande mild coffee from Starbucks

Overflowing

Running Tip: Now that spring has sprung, dress light! Wear clothing that is suitable for about 10 degrees warmer than it is. Unless you are training to run Badwater. Then just wear your down coat in the sauna.

Okay, seriously blog world. Is that all you’ve got??? Many of you entered my giveaway, yet so few were courageous enough to send a picture of yourself looking ridiculous. So, what I take from this is that you all want free stuff, but don’t want to put yourself on the line and look stupid. That actually does make sense. Or, maybe it’s a time issue. As in, do you guys really have families and jobs and marathon training to tend to?

How am I to have a fruitful photo contest if you don’t send me your obnoxious photos? Here are the perks of taking a photo risk with me (here come the bullets):

• The odds are in you favor - especially for the guys. GUYS, send in your pics.
• You get five extra entries to the giveaway
• You have a chance (and a pretty good one) to win a really cool hydration pack worth $70
• I know modeling and talent agencies comb my site looking for potential subjects. This could be your big break.

I’m done begging and pleading. Do what you want. But just know I expected more. Don’t you wish I was your mother? I could say this to you everyday.

Today I’m going for twelve miles. I wish for many things on my longer runs. To feel strong. To be present. To see the beauty around me. To not shit. That last wish is a tough one and is usually not granted. It would be a more realistic wish if I said, “To not shit my pants.” Shitting goes without saying.

That said, did I ever tell you the story of my most embarrassing moment? Believe me, I have a laundry list of them, but this one takes the cake.

I was 18. I thought I was in love for the first time. My then boyfriend, Michael, wanted to take me to meet his grandparents in Annapolis. But prior to this blissful meeting, he wanted to take me to his favorite deli for a rich, huge, calorie laden Ruben sandwich and chocolate malt (foreshadow). This sounded good at the time.

Here’s what I remember. I ate the whole sandwich and drank the whole malt. We walked outside and it was about 95 degrees and humid. The tar on the road was steaming and stunk. You know when you feel sick, you notice all the sights, smells and sounds around you. They are vivid. In your face. They all make you feel worse.

We got to Michael’s grandparents condo. It is important to note this was a condo. Not much room to run and hide (foreshadow).

We sat around conversating (anyone watch the Biggest Loser? Anyone annoyed by Victoria who used this word, convesating, in a sentence?). Suddenly, my stomach cramps up. The pain is so severe I’m can’t carry on a conversation. I excuse myself to the little powder room off of the living room. I blow it up and flush it down. No harm no foul (NHNF). I return to my seat on the couch with Michael’s grandpa, “Poppie” and his grandma.

Not a minute later, wave two is upon me. The cramping is intense. The need to use the bathroom again is urgent. I excuse myself again. You can get away with one trip to the bathroom, but two trips in five minutes and you should probably just announce to everyone present, “I have diarrhea!”

This time when I unload, the toilet hesitates. It swirls and bubbles, but eventually agrees to ingest what I’ve put in it. I am praising the Lord, promising to only do good deeds for the rest of my life.

I head back out to the family, who by this time knows I’m sick. I vaguely remember grandma dimming the lights and telling me to lie down for a moment sweetie. I stretch out a bit, already feeling humiliated, but knowing the worst is behind me (foreshadow).

Are you kidding me? Wave three is in the house. Shrouded with shame and trepidation, I again head for the bathroom. It’s hard to believe I had anything left, but I did. With sheer relief because I felt so much better and knew I got it all out, I flushed the toilet. Only this time, the water hesitated as if to say, “Really? You really think you can drop this kind of a load and I’m just going to take it with no consequences?” I watched the water churn slowly, then it started to rise. Little whispers and pleas flew from mouth, “Just go down. Please go down. If you go down I’ll do anything. I’ll join a convent. I’ll stop having pre-martial sex. I’ll give all my savings from working at Roy Rogers to charity. Anything!” But, the toilet gods did not listen and did not care. The shit water rose and rose until it was spilling and gushing from the toilet. I pulled up the small rectangular rug on the floor and watched, horrified, as the shit water started to seep under the door and out into the hallway.

Now, stop reading for a moment, and think to yourself. WWID? What would I do? Seriously. What would you do? What could I do? It’s not like I could sneak out the back window, although I wanted to. I had to call for help. I had to call the first love of my life who I had not so much as farted in front of to help me. “Michael!” I yelped from the bathroom. Michael came over and screamed, “OH MY GOD!” He then called in Poppie, who kindly told me to step aside as he brought in the mop.

And there you have it, my friends. Don’t ever say I didn’t tell you my deepest and darkest secrets. I think since I just put this out there, the least you can do is send a damn picture.

Drinking: Kirkland coffee brewed by Starbucks

Insane Contest and Giveaway

Running tip: If you have always wanted to run naked, but didn’t know how to go about doing it without being arrested, check out the Naked Pumpkin Run website. Good old fashioned fun!

I’ve got something brewing. I’ve had it brewing for a couple of weeks now. And, I’m going to let it out.

Those who know me and know this blog are likely worried I’m about to have a colon blow. But, alas, it is nothing like that. Not even close. This is something you will like, something that won’t revolt you and doesn’t smell. I might go so far as to say this is something you will love. And, if this wasn’t my blog, I would be all over becoming a part of this thing.

You are not going to believe this giveaway/contest. There are two parts, so listen up. Or, if you don’t read my blog out loud, then read up:

Outside PR, a company that represents such faves as Ryder’s Eyewear, GoLite, Road I.D., Sugoi and GU, helped score the amazing products for this contest/giveaway. Devon of Outside PR (who is a she, not a he) did this up right. Thanks Devon and thanks to GoLite and Ryders!

Here we go.

For the giveaway, there will be two winners, a female and a male. Here are your prizes:

For the female winner:

GoLite Cottonwood Run Tank $50

GoLite Tilly Jane Run Skirt $60

Ryders Drill Sunglasses: $39.99

For the male winner:

GoLite Wildwood Shirt $45

GoLite Mesa Short $40

Ryders Eyewear Drill Sunglasses $39.99

Combined, this is $275 worth of stuff from GoLite and Ryders Eyewear! Nothing to sneeze at.

To enter:

There are several ways to enter to win, each that will give you points:

1. Submit a picture of yourself to brisdon@comcast.net in your most ridiculous and idiotic running gear. Don’t be shy. Showing skin, fat, wedgies, camel toes, etc is fine if it’s not too profane. Let me see your style! Go for shock value! Show me why you need some new clothes!: +5 entries (I will enter your entries manually in the comments to be sure you get your credit).
2. Leave a comment as to why you want to win the gear: +1 entry
3. Become a follower of this blog and leave a comment telling me so: +1 entry
4. Link back to this giveaway from your blog and leave comment telling me so: +1 entry
5. Become a FB Fan or follower on Twitter of Ryders Eyewear and leave comment telling me so +1 entry
6. Become a FB Fan or follower on Twitter of GoLite and leave comment telling me so +1 entry

Note: You do not have to submit a picture to enter the giveaway. Just do one of the above for an entry (or entries).

Please leave a comment for each of the above so you get your correct number of entries!

One female and one male winner will be selected randomly on April 12th.

Photo entries from the top contenders (at my discretion) for both male and females will be published on my blog on April 13th. Readers can then vote on these photos. On April 19th, the female and male winners with the most votes will each win:

GoLite: Rush Pack $70

So, get busy. Find the grossest/ugliest/outdated/worst running gear. Undress yourself. Observe yourself in the mirror for a moment like you usually do when you’re naked. Put on your grossest/ugliest/outdated/worst running gear. Set the self timer, or find someone who won’t make fun of you to take your picture. Email it to me at brisdon@comcast.net. Sit back and wait for your victory!

As an example, here’s me in some a stupid ass running get-up. I know you can do better than this:

In small writing:

• Enter now through Monday, April 12, at noon (Mountain time).
• Only residents of the US and Canada, please
• Winners of the random drawing to be announced Tuesday, April 13.
• You guys will vote on the top photo entries from Tuesday, April 13 to Sunday April 18.
• Winners of the photo contest to be announced Monday, April 19.
• All of this cool stuff for the giveaway was provided by Outside PR from GoLite and Ryder’s Eyewear. I didn’t pay for any of it.

Good luck!

Drinking: H2O

Pictures from the Promised Land

Running tip: Today’s run may have been worse than the last one. Don't get too depressed, it is only normal to feel sore and fatigued once in a while.

Since I contaminated myself yesterday by showing you the gross shots of my swollen mug shot face, allow me to somewhat redeem myself. You may not know me personally, and while I’m no hottie, I do look better than Nick Nolte on most days:

For instance, here is my back view, with an almost-crack shot. I should have been a plumber. If you look really hard you can see the “Target” brand tag:

Yup. Lovers of 15 years on the beach. GET A ROOM, the kids shouted. 8am? Never too early for a beer.

These are my offspring. That’s right. I have the same sized chest as my 8 year old:

Here I am trying to sea kayak with Emma. We are only 10 feet from the shore.

Here is the view from our suite. Seriously??? No one should have to live this way:

Here I am trying to pretend I am 18. Who am I kidding. You can’t put a bikini on from Target and braids in your hair and think you’re on high school spring break again. Where’s the beer bong? Who’s got the birth control? I hope I don’t get VD or crabs on this trip.

Here is what I ate a lot of. Shrimps with tentacles and eyes. Probably even a testicle in there.

And, here was the breakfast I had every morning. Fresh Mexican pastries (without any e-coli I hope) and good coffee. The perfect pre-dump meal:

I found that a few crepes at lunch made me pretty happy:

Maybe I did, or maybe I didn’t put some guac on the crepes. Or maybe this came from the bathroom (ewww..)

My running spot in the morning:

Chlorophyll water at the gym. WTF? Chlorophyll water = swollen face?

Coming home from vacation with a swollen face and sitting on your stairs sucks:

And there you have it. Spring break, 2010. Rock on.

Drinking: H20