Sunday, April 29, 2012

8 Tips for Running When You Don’t Feel Like It

First of all, you don’t have to feel like doing it. You just have to do it. The action comes before the feeling. If you wait to feel like it, you may be waiting a long time.

I get asked a lot: “How do you get motivated to run?” My answer is always the same. It’s kind of like sex experts say, “It’s only hard if you make it hard.”

Our brain has a story about everything. When we don’t feel like running, our monkey mind chatter has excuse-related stories: It’s too hot. It’s too cold. I’m too tired. I’m too busy. I’m too constipated. If we follow the story and let it run our world, we sabotage ourselves.


Excuse #49: I’d like to run, but my tights are giving me a wedgie.

If you are truly struggling to get out the door, try one or all of the following:

  1. Shut Up and Run. Did you think I’d start this list anywhere else? Stop being a baby. Provided you are not vomiting, wheezing, injured, or about to become injured, ditch the excuses for why you aren’t running and go do it. The longer you give your brain time to talk your body out of going for a run, the better the chances are you won’t do it. Don’t over-think things. Lace up your shoes and go.
  2. Take a Trip Down Memory Lane. Think of the last time you didn’t want to run but went anyway. Remember how you felt after the run. 99 out of 100 people say they feel better after a run and never regret having done it. Those are pretty good odds. The leftover person who did not feel better doesn’t count because they were probably lying.
  3. Make Contact. Call or text a friend or family member and tell them you are going running and you’ll let them know when you are done. Be specific. “I am going to run at 2:00 a.m. after last call at the bar and I will  be done by 2:30 a.m.” This tactic is a good one when being accountable to just yourself is not enough.
  4.  Plan a Meet Up. This is so obvious and overused it is boring. But, the reason I include it is that it works. Plan to meet someone or a group for your runs. This is one time when being the victim of peer pressure is very effective. People will hate you if you don’t show up and you’ll hate yourself.
  5. Spice It Up. There is nothing wrong with giving yourself a couple of incentives to get out there. Let’s face it, even if you really love to do something, you can have off days. That’s why there are books like “Adding Spice in the Bedroom.” So – add some spice to your run. Put a few new tunes on your iPod. Plan a small reward for yourself once you finish the run (Cinnamon Dolce Latte perhaps?). Wear a new piece of running clothing.
  6. Change Your Attitude. Listen you whiner, you get to run. There are many people who can’t even walk. There are some people, like babies, who can’t even crawl. Take a look around: half the blogging world is injured. Be grateful you can get out there and stop your bitching. Not that I would know anything about being injured.
  7. Find Inspiration. When you are in a slump, quickly pick up a book/magazine or pull up a blog that motivates you. Some of my favorites are Matt Long’s book “The Long Run” and the blog, “Marc and Angel Hack Life.”
  8. Take 10. If all else fails, give yourself permission to head out for ten minutes and to turn around if you cannot take another step because you are just that unmotivated. Something physiologically and mentally happens when you start to run. This transformation is so powerful and immediate that you usually want to keep running. Odds are you will not turn for home after ten minutes, but if you do, at least know you tried. Then email me and I will berate you for a half hour (JK).

Got any tips to add to the list?

What blogs, books, magazines, websites do you find most inspiring? Please share because I think most people will find them inspiring too.


Friday, April 27, 2012

My MRI Results: A Laundry List of Crap

Yesterday I climbed into the MRI tunnel, and you what? It wasn’t that bad, and I wasn’t even drunk, high or unconscious. The tunnel was bigger than most. They blew a lot of cool air through it during the 32 minutes of hell where I couldn’t move a muscle, which made me want to move every muscle.

I did fart at least four times. There seemed to be something about the magnetic stuff going on that made the gas move around and want to come out the back door. Thank goodness for the cool air moving through. It carried the gas right out of the tunnel and into the universe where it maimed a few people.

I was given a DVD of the images, which I promptly took home and tried to figure out. All I could decipher was that I have a cow head in my groin:


And, what appears to be an alien or a devil with horns in my ass.


There might also be an old man or lion in there:


No wonder everything hurts. Those horns are brutal on your insides. Cow heads are big. Old men just have no right to be there.

I gave up trying to be a radiologist and decided to have some wine and wait until the morning when my doc would give me my real diagnosis, which I knew might be Devil Up the Ass (DUA in the medical world) or cow head of the pelvis (CHP – some people thing this stands for California Highway Patrol, but they would be wrong).

I told myself that any news that did not include the words “stress fracture” would be very good news.

Here’s what I found out:

Yes, that is certainly a laundry list of CRAP. While I am not happy about any of it, I can work with it. 

I was, however, thrown off by the mother eff’ing disc disease. I mean, really? We’re just going to throw that in with all the other bullshit? Below the belt. Not fair.

I do feel empowered (I am WOMAN) because I have a POA (plan of action):

  • Reduce running by 50%. No high volume, no speed work. Easy. Slow. Kind of surprised doc said this was okay. He told me to go based on pain threshold. If running bothers me, I will stop until it doesn’t.
  • Get another bike fitting to make sure my seat fits my sitz bones (or devil horns)
  • Start PT/dry needling 1-2 times per week to develop pelvic/hip/glute strength and minimize pain.
  • Possible platelet injection for the hamstring tear (at a later time depending on healing)
  • Look into form issues as a potential root cause

I realize that I am the type of person who initially freaks out and loses her mind and gets hysterical and drinks and cries. But, then I quickly become the type of person who is very proactive, resourceful and resilient. So, if you can put up with my hysterical mental breakdowns for about one day, things usually get better. At least until something else goes wrong.

Now I’m stepping up on my soap box (or living room coffee table):


If you have been having pain/injury that will not go away and has been bugging you for awhile now (mine went on for over a year) and if you have the financial means or insurance to cover it - get an MRI. Especially if running is the love of your life and you can’t live without it. You can knock on a million doors and get a million different answers, but until you factually know what is going on in your body it is really hard to have a POA (plan of action) and to get the help you need. Plus, if you continue to run in a compromised state you will do more damage. You just will.

I have been unintentionally misled by many people on this journey merely because so much of this is guesswork.  Their recommendations actually might have set me back a bit (for instance, the lift in my shoe – probably did me absolutely no good and even contributed to making some problems worse).

Just my two cents. And, what worked for me. Stepping down now.

Bottom line: I am committed to being a healthy, efficient and long-lasting runner. I am not in this to just get by and finish my races. I am in this so I can do it until I am 85 years old and wearing Depends in place of running shorts. This means that I need to take along term approach to healing and healthy living. If this means cutting back on racing, time goals, etc. than so be it. Because in a few years I will be kicking ASS.

I know a lot of you struggle with glute/hamstring pain. I have a lot more to say about this issue regarding both the tendinopathy  and the tear. High hamstring tendinopathy is literally a “pain in the ass” and can cause deep buttock pain and hamstring pain. I’ll be discussing the ways that I will be healing and recovering. There are some very proactive things to be done. So, stay tuned.

Looks like my best case scenario for my June marathon is that it becomes a June half marathon. If that.

Have you knocked on more than one door and gotten more than one opinion about your injury?

Have you ever felt like: It’s not worth it. I’m going to quit running. I have to admit I’ve had these feelings more than once. But, I love it too much to give up on it. Yet.


Thursday, April 26, 2012

Is That Map Happy To See Me?

My friend, Lisa, took a run around Boulder yesterday. She reported feeling “happy” when she finished. I just don’t understand why.


Today is MRI day. I had a panic attack last time I was in the tunnel. The only way I can avoid freaking out is by looking backwards out the end of the tunnel for 30 minutes. Something about seeing “outside” seems to help.


I just love how this makes my forehead look like a topography map. I think this may be the most unattractive picture ever taken of me.

To make things more fun, I could dress up a bit. Radiologists love that.


So, while I might find out what is wrong with my left side and fix it, my neck will be permanently disabled. My guess is that it is easier to run with a crippled neck than a bad leg, hip or pelvis. It is the sacrifice I must make.

I do have some Xanax I use for flying, but since I have to drive myself there and I rather not get a DUX (driving under Xanax), I will forgo.

I go to the doc tomorrow, so that’s when I’ll know my results.

What’s the last panic attack you’ve had? I don’t know if mine are full fledged attacks. I don’t think I’m dying. I just cry, my heart rate goes up and I feel like I have to run away. Hard to do in the tunnel or on an airplane.

Do you ever medicate for anxiety? Not really. Only when I fly or am having a really, really bad night.


Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Me and My Injury at the Doctor

Here’s a recap on yesterday's doctor’s visit.  If you don’t know why I went to the doctor and you care, and I know you do, read HERE.

2:30 p.m. - Enter Mr. Attractive-Young-Sport’s Doc and Mr. Attractive-Young Assistant.

Doc: Hi, nice to meet you what’s going on?

Me: Hip stress fracture…blah blah…recovery…blah blah…training….ass pain…blah blah.

Doc: Let’s take a look and a feel, please lay on your stomach

I do as I am told because I am a rule follower and I’m not as educated as this doctor. Plus, these two have out numbered me and my ass hurts. I don’t have a lot of fight in me.

Doc: {Lifting my legs, pushing on things} Does this hurt?

Me: {Trying not fart} Nope.

Doc:  {Pressing on my pelvic bone inching closer and closer to my woman parts}. Is this tender?

Me: {Gulping, trying to appear as if this happens every day and I’m totally fine with it} - Kinda

Doc: {Exactly a millimeter away from popping my cherry}: Any pain?

Me {sweating}: A bit. Do you have a cigarette?

I  find it funny that you meet someone - a doctor or massage therapist or hooker - within two minutes they are touching skin and holes and orifices that hardly anyone gets to touch. I know it’s their job and that what they are doing is completely appropriate, but it still can be kind of surreal. I can only imagine how it is for guys at their physicals – “Hi I’m your doctor. Now I’m going to insert a finger into your anus, sound good?”

So, you want to to know the verdict?

My cherry is still intact.

The good news is, he does not think I have a pelvic stress fracture.  He thinks it’s bursitis or some kind of high hamstring tendonitis. But, he’s really not sure. Story of my life.

So, he has ordered the magical MRI. I have resisted this expensive test, but I have been told one too many conflicting things over the past few months. I’d like technology to do its thing and give me some facts. At least if I know for certain what I am dealing with I have a better chance of tackling the problem, right? KIP!! (Knowledge is Power).

Here’s the thing. I really wish I had an MRI machine in my house. It would making being a runner so much easier. I mean if Angelina Jolie or Beyoncé can have ultrasounds they carry around when they’re pregnant, I should be able to have an MRI machine. Christmas is right around the corner.

Hoping for an MRI and answers by the end of the week. How’s that for an update?


Anything crazy ever happen to you at the doctor, massage therapist, or PT? Not really. Once they were doing the reflex test on my knee and my clog went flying across the room and hit the nurse. That’s it. Oh, and once I had a massage in Mexico that took me to at least third base.


Monday, April 23, 2012

Please, Could We Not Do This Again?

I’m going to tell you something and I don’t want to.

You may have noticed I’ve been quiet about last Friday’s long run. That’s because I’ve been too busy cussing and punching people to let you know what is going on.  I had 16 miles scheduled. I made it 13.


To add insult to injury, my hair has developed a cowlick giving me a middle part.

I took my own advice and did not run through pain. Well, that’s a lie. I ran until the pain became constant and I knew running more might do me in. So at mile 13, with so much more energy and desire to run, I stopped in my tracks and called for the dreaded pussy pick up. Good thing Ken was home recovering from his surgery on the couch so he could come and get me. Hope he didn’t pop a stitch.

While the pain isn't always there, it haunts me. It is elusive and inconsistent, which is why it is such a bitch. Haven’t you known a bitch like that? “I’m here, pay attention to me! Now I’m gone, forget you ever saw me!

On the better days, I think it’s not so bad and I’m working through it. On days like Friday, I fear I’m in trouble again. Let’s be honest – since my hip stress fracture my body’s been compromised. My hip has healed, but there has been a slew of other left side bullshit.

I don’t know what it means, but I know I’m headed to the doc tomorrow afternoon. I have done nothing since Friday. No running, biking, skipping. I was avoiding an MRI, but now I think I need one. I am fearing the worst, yet trying to think the best. I’m not sure how I’ll cope with being sidelined once again, especially going into race season. But, I will.

The pain runs along my ham-ass crease and sometimes radiates to my groin (yes, I said groin. Would you rather I say pee-pee area?). My best hope is that it is soft tissue and not the bone causing my pain. But, it feels like bone (TWSS, could not resist even in the midst of my doldrums and self pity).

Yes, I am white, thin, female and in my forties. This puts me in the high risk group for stress fractures. I wish I was a stocky, young, ethnic-type man. But then I would be too sexy for myself and not have time to run because I would be splashing cologne on myself and doing booty calls.

I’ll keep you posted. I see the sport’s med doc tomorrow afternoon. Until then I am pretending to stay positive and have perspective by saying things like:

  • It’s probably nothing! You probably just have a mosquito bite or gas!”
  • It’s only running! I am so much more than just a runner!” 
  • Your problems are so First World! Boo-hoo you can’t go run with your fancy watch and carb load with Dots candy! Get over yourself” 
  • I cannot wait to see what I learn from this! It is so fun to learn from adversity!

Oh, and I can’t forget my favorite, “This too shall pass.” I only usually use that one when talking about kidney stones or constipation.

Wish me luck with the sport’s doc man. I hope he smells like cologne.


Grab Bag Fail

You know I like to take risks.

It’s fun to do one thing every day that really scares you. Yes, you might wet or shart yourself a little, but you will find confidence in that fact that you tried and survived the unknown. There are millions of ways to do this from talking to that person who you think is a snot (they might just be shy) to jumping out of an airplane to running with scissors.

Or, if you are me you take your risk by ordering the Grab Bag swimsuit at Swim Outlet.

Basically, you pay a lot less for a brand name suit ( at least 50% off) because you are leaving it up to the powers that be to select the design for you. You pick the style and size, they pick the pattern. SCARY!!! Like, as scary as it is seeing your own mother naked.

One day last year I got home from an innocent swim at the pool (land of hair balls) and discovered my suit had become see-through.


Yes, it was a fashion statement and yes, everyone at the pool enjoyed the show. Even the TSA guys came over because they could see more of my under parts with me in this suit than the could with their fancy x-ray gadgets at the airport.

At that time I decided to try my luck with the Grab Bag. I am risky, but I am also very, very cheap.

Jackpot x 2. Here's what I got last year. Not too shabby.P1080646


So, this year as I realized my suit was falling apart in shreds around my body, I tried my luck again with the Grab Bag. I was confident, cocky even, that the suit that arrived would be outstanding.

I am not too picky about my lap-swimming suits. I mean how good do you have to look to go back and forth 402 times at the local rec center? I just need it to not fall below or inside of my crack, not be see through and to stay on my body. Easy peesy.

The package arrived, and my heart rate increased as I tore into the envelope. I love surprises. Especially bathing suit surprises. Out came this Speedo thing:

Cute you say? No, not so much in person. It’s one of those fake cute things you see online that transforms to something else completely when it is in your hand or on your body.

This suit might be fine if I was Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island or Gidget. It might be fine if I was going on a picnic on a Sunday afternoon. It might be fine if I was 8 years old. I’m not even going to model it for you because when I wear it I appear to be 8 years old.

I could almost deal with the plaid pattern if it wasn’t for the strange way this fits. It has this weird ropey tie thing around the chest that freaks me out. Maybe the lifeguards and I could play tug of war?


I have told you time and time again how I have very little boobage and even for me this thing is TINY. The whole thing is just a train wreck. The only redeeming quality is that it retails for $54, so I feel like I got a deal since I spent $29.99.

But Deal or No Deal (just like the show), this suit that could hold only a negative A-cup is going back. Good thing I didn’t take that nasty panty liner out of the crotch.

Ever try the Grab Bag option with suits or anything else? This is my third suit and only fail. Two of three ain’t bad, like Meatloaf always said.

What do you think of the suit? Thumbs up or down? Down.

Ever order something online that was nothing like you thought it would be? Yes, that mail-order groom from Saudi Arabia. He smelled like camels.


PS: If you’re feeling sassy, consider a vote for me over at Circle of Moms. Click HERE.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

A Thousand Goose Bumps

A reader, Robin, sent me this picture taken when she ran the Boston Marathon this week.

Yes, a picture is certainly worth a thousand words and a thousand goose bumps on my skin.


Physically gone, but never, ever forgotten. I’m going to forward it on to her family in case they did not see it.

Did anyone else see this sign while in Boston?

Update: I just found out the back story on the flag and who is holding it, go HERE to learn.


Thursday, April 19, 2012

Just a Little Prick

I missed boot camp and doing 457 push ups yesterday because Ken had outpatient surgery. I try to be a supportive wife when I am not being self-involved.  The surgery wasn't a big deal, but even when it’s not a big deal you spend the entire day the at the hospital.

First, there is registering where you learn of all the crap your insurance does not cover and you think, “For this I pay x number of dollars per month?”.  Insurance is a sucky scam. That is my intelligent statement for the month.

Then there are 49 hours spent in the pre-surgery room where you:

  • Put on your smock that shows your ass
  • Watch The Price is Right
  • Get your vitals checked. If you are Ken they will ask if his heart rate is always so low. As in 49, low! Wow, they say, you must be a runner. Stud.
  • Get asked 57 times when you have last had anything to eat and drink (I usually say that on my way to the hospital I stopped and had an 4 Egg McMuffins and a large vanilla milk shake, is that a problem?).
  • Get asked 57 times if you are allergic to anything (yes - gauze, needles, medicines, apple juice, crackers, toilet seats, blankets, speculums, scissors, stitches, dogs, latex, hospital gowns, etc.)
  • Make animals and obscene things by blowing up latex gloves
  • Talk to the anesthesiologist who tells you the risks and makes you think you might either never wake up or if you do you will be paralyzed and possibly puking your guts out.
  • Wait for the doctor. Wait for the doctor some more.
  • Get visited by therapy dogs who shed a lot and probably have no business being in a hospital.


The funniest thing about this picture is that if you know Ken you know he really, really dislikes dogs. He never even pets our dog. He is a completely absent pet owner. Yet, when they brought this dog by he was all, “Oh, yes, I’d love to pet the dog.” WTF? What an imposter. He is touching this dog in the picture more than he has touched our dog over the past nine years.

They gave Ken his IV:

Me: Did it hurt?

Ken: No. But they don’t say “you’re going to feel a little prick” anymore.

Me: Well, you know why that is.

Ken: Why?

Me: Duh, because they got tired of everyone saying, “That’s what she said” every single time. Plus, you just can’t run around saying “prick” like you used to.

Post surgery, and coming out of the anesthesia, Ken thought he was still in the operating room waiting for surgery. He was pissed they hadn’t even started his surgery yet. I love drugs. I love laughing at people who are under the influence of drugs.

We did the usual ginger ale and saltines then graduated to gluten free muffins because this is Boulder and they aim to please. We were there awhile and I had to fart a bit. Ken reminded me this was not a colonoscopy, and I needed to knock it off, but it is what it is.

As we were leaving, a nurse, Maria, told me she read my blog. She probably knew it was me because of the farting. Hey Maria!

Our patient is recovering and doing well. Now I can go back to being my usual self-involved wife. Thank God.

Any hospital visits for you lately? Childbirth, or watermelon through a straw, was my last hospital experience.

Do hospitals stress you out? Yes, a bit. I have a vomit phobia and I’m always afraid someone is going to throw up.

Any clue what your resting heart rate is? Mine is around 55. Ken is better than me.


Wednesday, April 18, 2012

9 Dumb Mistakes New Runners Make

I am not being condescending or arrogant. I do not think I am some running expert. However, I can write this post because I have first hand experience in doing all of these dumb things. In fact, I still do some of them. That is how dumb I really am. It is one thing to unknowingly be dumb, it is entirely another thing to know better and to still be dumb (# of times I used “dumb” so far including the tittle: 6. That is so dumb. Okay, 7).

1. Not paying attention to pre-race day food. I learned this one the hard way. The night before my first half marathon I went to Old Chicago pizza and ate chicken wings and supreme pizza and drank two Bass Ales. Do you know how that felt (and smelled) at about mile 8 the next day?

Looks good, but it will haunt you.

Have some self discipline. Know that you can indulge after the race, not before. Make sure you hydrate well the day before and that you eat enough good stuff. These days I cut out dairy, high fat food and fiber 2-3 days before a race to minimize tummy trouble. Read: Pre-Race Nutrition – What To Eat Before Your Race.

2. Running through pain. This is a tough one. Early on, I got very good at minimizing any pain I was having. I thought I wasn’t tough if I didn’t stick it out through the pain. WRONG. Pain is trying to tell you something and you need to listen. However, not all pain is created equal. There is quick, fleeting discomfort and there is full-on recurring pain.

If you are running and a new pain crops up (say a twinge in the arch of your foot), and it subsides quickly and you never hear from it again, it’s probably okay. Yet,  if you have the same pain in the same place during most runs it might be the start of an injury (even if it is not intense or does not change your form). Believe me when I say that continuing to run under those circumstances might set you back significantly. Just stop, take a couple days off and get it checked out.

3. Assuming you will never get injured.  This is similar to assuming you will never die. While it is true some runners go unscathed, the majority of us (upwards of 75%) deal with running injuries at some point. I used to think it would never, ever, happen to me. I got bored when people talked about their injuries and wondered what their problem was.  Yawn. Then I ate a big black crow. Be aware that this is a possibility for you. Read: How to Prevent Running Injuries.


Stress fracture means hitting up the pool.

4. Dissing recovery weeks. This one is funny to me because when I started running I had no clue there was even such a thing as recovery weeks. I thought you just trained hard, upped your mileage every week and ran faster. I never pulled back and let my body recover and adapt to the stress I was putting on it. These days, I take a recovery week every 4th week of training. I usually scale back mileage at least 20%-30% because that is what works best for my body.


Part of my current training plan – Week 9 is going to feel good.

5. Forgetting to put a change of clothes in your car. This is a mistake I still make and I cannot believe it. ME! With my history! Not only do I forget to have clothes in my car for after long runs, but also for after races. In fact, at a half marathon this summer I had to wear my race shirt as pants for the 2 hour drive home because I didn't have any other clothes.


Yes, I am smiling. No I am not happy.

6. Not sticking to your plan.  You have a training plan. There are reasons for the runs and paces on the plan. But, you have a good week where you feel strong and you decide to run further and/or faster than what was prescribed, thereby giving the plan the finger and risking injury. Don’t do it. In my mind, the only time to deviate is when you are sick, fatigued, or injured and you take some time off. It’s okay to pull back, but probably not to add on. Read: Top Ten Rules of Running Training.

7. Trying to keep up with the Gouchers. I still fall into this trap. You love running, so you read blogs and every Runner’s World cover to cover. You talk to other runners and look at message boards. You idolize the pros and have dreams of running further and faster. Soon enough, that information piles up in your brain, makes you feel inadequate, yet motivated. Then you start to PUSH. You throw caution to the wind and run your long runs too fast, increase your miles too much per week and find yourself in the throes of overtraining.

Best advice? Be motivated by those who run further and faster than you, but don’t try to be them. Be yourself, listen to your body, compete with you and only you.

I never compete against the competition. The only one I compete against is myself, because one day I will beat the competition and then who will I compete against? ~ Billie Akauola

8. Going race crazy. After you run your first race, you feel on top of the world. You lose your mind. Credit card in hand, you sit at the computer searching races everywhere including Guam. You sign up for several of them, close together. The adrenaline is pumping. Problem is, racing too much can lead to over training and injury. Pick a few choice races and focus on those. Prioritize your races, promising yourself you will use many of them as training runs and not go balls out.

9. Hanging to the left. You know that runners are supposed to stay on the left side of the road so they can see what is coming when they run. Yet, if you do that for enough miles, the natural camber (slope) of the road might mess with your body. Change it up by hanging to the right sometimes. Better yet, run on trails or softer surfaces where there is little to no camber. Read: Camber Danger!

Why only 9 dumb things? Because that’s all I could think of aside from the obvious ones like not doing too much too soon and not running your long runs too fast.

Are you guilty of any of the above “mistakes”?

What dumb things have you done? Anything you’d like to add to the list?


Tuesday, April 17, 2012

When A Small Butt Is A Bad Thing

For starters, I know you do not believe me, but that was not a video of me in the grocery store (I first saw this on Tosh.O last week).  Watch at your own risk. I simply cannot get the moving image out of my mind. Who does that? Not even me, and I do a lot of things most people don’t.

Yesterday was a Monday in every sense of the word.

Monday Thing #1: I woke up to a gross mess from Lucky all over the dining room (much like what that girl did in the video).

Monday Thing #2: I pumped up my bike tire so I could take a little spin and it exploded, much like last week. WTF. I mean, really. I was only at 70 PSI and I’m supposed to go 90-110. Ken figured out my actual tire had a tear in it, so hopefully replacing the tire will cure this exploding problem. I went for a swim instead. There were hairballs.

Monday Thing #3: I could not for the life of me find my phone and after calling it repeatedly from my home phone, I retraced my steps…I was in my car…I was throwing stuff away…I went to the outside trash…do I hear ringing? Yes, there it was. Gross. Yes, we had pizza last week.


Monday Thing #4: I went to get measured to be a Fit Model with Pearl Izumi. Basically that would mean I would be a mannequin for them to try their clothes on to make sure they fit the true size standards. It would not mean I would be a clothing model in a magazine. Maybe in my next lifetime when I have a different face and body.

I was so excited even driving up to this Mecca.

I would love to work at this place for lots of reasons - everyone in the parking lot had bike racks on their cars, you probably get free stuff, I like being around people who like to be fit, and maybe they could tell me why my bike tire keeps exploding.

I got measured to see if I “fit” the perfect size small for Pearl clothing. Chest – perfectly small (itty bitty titty and all that). Waist – right on. Butt/hips – too wimpy. I did not make the cut because my ass is too small. I tried to tell them I would eat more cheese puffs and work on building ass muscle, but they sent me on my way. That’s what I get for having a skinny running ass.  I knew I should have gotten those butt cheek implants last night. Goal: build up the ass.

Monday Thing #5: My last stop was even worse than the DMV – the social security office. I lost my SS card and needed a replacement. If you want to get depressed kind of fast, go to this place.

And, lastly, in matters that make you go huh? Look at this ad for my Pure Cadences at Dick’s Sporting Goods. Tell me what is interesting about this picture:



Let’s try an experiment. Let’s reframe the things that happened yesterday because no one likes a Debbie Downer or a Beth Bitcher. Let’s make some lemonade!:

  • Lucky crapped all over the floor. At least it was not on my pillow. At least he is still alive.
  • There were hairballs in the pool. At least they were not pubic hairballs. Or so I think.
  • I spent hours looking for my phone. At least cell phone technology exists at all. I mean, it would have sucked to spend hours looking for a rotary telephone or a string with Dixie cups at both ends. Plus, now my phone smells like pepperoni pizza and everyone loves that.
  • I got rejected as a Fit Model for Pearl Izumi. At least I was not rejected because I pooped on the floor of a grocery store.
  • I had to spend time at the state social security office. At least it was not the state penitentiary.

Any Monday-ish things happen to you lately? Tell me how you made lemons into lemonade. It’s fun!!

Major kudos to the bad asses who shut up and ran and finished the Boston Marathon yesterday in extreme heat! I know it wasn’t easy, but that’s what mental toughness is about!


PS: FYI – My only point about the shoe picture  is that, unless I am wrong, it seems Brooks is marketing the shoe to minimize the heel strike and Dick’s seems to have missed that. I’m not trying to get into a debate about whether the shoe “fixes” a heel strike or if heel striking is evil.

Monday, April 16, 2012

10 Ways To Survive Your Injury Without Being a B*tch

If you’ve been running long enough, you’ve been there. It’s the place, much like the porta potty, that no one likes to visit, but everyone eventually has to go. Injury-land.

The only good thing about injuries is that they are {knock on wood} temporary. Even if you are like this guy and you break about every bone in your body and have to spend months upon months recovering, there is usually a very dim light at the end of the tunnel. The light of running, training and racing. It waits for you. I promise.

However, before we can bask in the light, we need to wade through the darkness. How do we navigate through our injury without killing our families, destroying our friendships and resorting to sitting in bed with a super-sized bag of nacho cheese Doritos for days on end?


Here are a few ways that I got through two significant stress fracture injuries. Both of them sidelined me from running for 12 weeks. I had good and bad days. You will too.

  1. Get perspective – Yes, you are injured. No, the world is not ending (that isn’t until December 2012, so you can wallow then). You became injured because you had the luxury of doing something you loved to do: running. Injury is to running as weight gain is to eating Paula Deen’s cooking . It simply goes with the territory. Go ahead, have your pity party, but then get behind yourself and move on. As Stephen King says, “Get busy living or get busy dying.”
  2. Stay away from Google Search – If you give into temptation and start searching about your injury, you may find yourself ready to slit your lists. While there is good info to be found on such sites as Web MD and Sports Injury Clinic , beware of worst case scenarios. Most sites will give you the entire spectrum, so you have to be careful to not diagnose yourself as being worse than you are. And, for god’s sake, stay away from forums and message boards. While there is good support to be found, lots of people go to these things when they are desperate and majorly injured. I’ve come away from many a message board convinced I would have to have surgery, would never run again and might shrivel up into a ball and die.
  3. Be careful who you tell – Be sure to share your injury woes with people who get it.  There are many folks who will simply tell you to quit running so you quit getting injured. Maybe this isn’t the input you need. Find support where it suits you best.
  4. Keep your eye on the prize – Say to yourself, “I will run again,” and believe it. If you have been given a time line for when you can ease back into running, look forward a few months and consider signing up for a race.  Hope is a powerful thing.
  5. Get wet – One of the best ways to stay fit and simulate running when you can’t run is water running. Go HERE to read an article I wrote about it. If you are really wealthy, consider buying one of these.
  6. Find out what not to do next time – Use your injury to your advantage. Become the most well educated person about your individual issue. Research it. Talk to runners who have had it. Learn how to avoid it in the future. Pick all the brains you can find. Knowing your injury takes the mystery out of it and gives you back some control.
  7. Laugh at yourself – Lighten up. Don’t be so doomsday. Life goes on. Laugh at how clumsy you can be on crutches or how you have to roll around the kitchen on an office chair for months at a time. Fart and laugh about it.  It feels like the end of the world, but it isn’t. Five years from now this will just be a blip on the timeline of your life.
  8. Do one thing you love everyday or learn something new – If you can’t do the one thing you love most, run, then pick something else you love almost as much. Or, learn something new. Watch South Park reruns, get a pedicure, learn to make the perfect pie crust. Anything to distract yourself and to get some good mental energy going.
  9. Cancel your subscription – When injured, it might make you more depressed to read countless blogs and magazines about how well everyone else’s training and racing is going. Although you might also find good information on dealing with injuries, allow yourself permission to turn off and withdrawal for a bit if needed.
  10. Reach out – While it may be tempting to crawl into a hole, do not isolate yourself. Human connection is one of the most healing things we can do for ourselves. Let the people who you trust the most know that you need them right now. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and to ask for help.  The people you love want to do this for you.

Most of all, hang in there. Be glad you love something like running enough that it is devastating when you lose it for awhile. I promise you that you will never again take it for granted.

Any tips you’d like to add to help beat the injury blues?


Friday, April 13, 2012

Time for the Nursing Home?

Today we had a 10 mile trail run on the agenda. I’m not gonna lie. It was hard. 1,700 feet of climbing in the first 5 miles. The wind was a bitch. The scenery was gorgeous. It took a long time and my body feels kind of beat up. Trail runs usually feel pretty good on my old bones, but after today’s run I felt like checking the vacancy at the nursing home or at least the assisted living center. I love a good bed pan! Depends are handy too.

Starting out seemed innocent enough:


Except that you can see where we are climbing. The first 2 miles are incredibly steep and rocky (8% grade).  We didn’t see any other runners out there, but tons of hard core mountain bikers who were all lifting their bikes over the rocks. We passed them on the way up. Not too often that it’s quicker to run than to bike.

Here comes my RP (running partner), Joie:


Once we crested the small mountain the wind was outrageous. We fought it and the climbing for the next 3 miles. At the risk of sounding like a wimpity wimp, we were really begging for the turn around point.  Here is Joie pretending she is not tired.


We passed this cool old cabin from the early 1900s where I went in to lay down, but the bed was too big and there was no porridge. Some girl with golden locks kept complaining, “Who has been sitting in my chair?” Who cares? Find another one.


I found myself wondering, “What kind of person builds a cabin up here? It is exposed, cold, windy, far away from Target and Starbucks (which I’m pretty sure they had in 1910), and nothing grows here. Plus, no cell service.”

There were tons of deer on this run. We kept repeating, “Look a deer!” like it was Johnny Depp (or Dolvett) or something. This one actually didn’t even startle when I took this up-close picture. She was probably thinking, “One step closer, bitch and I’m going all Bambi on your ass.”


The picture below was at the top. Nothing like climbing mountains in the mountains. After taking this picture we climbed the snowy peak in the background. It was only another 7,000 feet. Did you know if you say the word “orange” slowly it sounds like “gullible”?


And, that’s all she wrote. Today I was reminded that all runs are not created equal. As Joie said at one point, “I am as tired as a feel at the end of  marathon.” I think the combo of the climbing and the gusty, severe head-wind made for some tough going. Today was definitely the day to knock off the whining and to shut up and run and get it done.

Or, maybe we are just pussies who need to take up naked miniature golf.

{For the locals, this trail is at Hall Ranch. It is the Bitterbrush Trail leading up to the Nelson Loop}.

Now, I am drastically changing subjects. I was at Sport’s Authority yesterday looking at the clearance rack and saw this tennis dress.

Click here for enlarged image of Nike Smash Knit Dress - Womens Tennis Clothing - Cerise-Grid Iron-Grid


It was my size and so damn cute. I am a sucker for the ruffled skirt. I SO wanted to buy it to run in. I know it is for tennis, but I also know some runners wear tennis skirts to run in, so what’s the big deal? I actually do have a running dress from Skirt Sports that I love. Thoughts? I think the mountain bikers would dig it.

Or, maybe I’ll take up tennis just so I can wear it.

Do you ever have runs that mentally tax the crap out of you? What is the main factor: hills, weather or not maintaining the pace you want? All of the above. Any time I am giving it 100% exertion level over a longish period of time (2-3 hours), I am wiped.

Ever tried wearing a running dress? I wore one once in a half marathon (2009) and loved it. See? There I go.


Oh, and a winner!! The winner of the $100 Whole Foods Gift Card is #175 Meagan ( The winner of the iTunes card is #55 Jenny Glade. Congrats and email me at to claim your prize. Thanks to The Spinning Cook for hosting!


Thursday, April 12, 2012

How Not to Change A Bike Tire

I am not sure why this relationship is so strained lately. We used to be so close, things went so smoothly. We made and kept dates. You gave and I took.

But, these days it all feels like an uphill battle. I don’t know if you have changed, or if I am different. I just know that it is not the same. I have big goals for us, so we have got to get it together. Damn you, bike.


The days when we used to spoon.

You may remember last week when I tried to get out the door for a ride, but was stopped in my tracks because I couldn’t find my riding shoes (which my son had hidden).

Today was to be a different story. I quickly and effortlessly made it out the door on this mild and gorgeous Colorado day. My plan was to ride to Rabbit Mountain, about 21 miles round trip. I love this ride because it is sort of challenging, with a steep climb at the end. My friend Michelle even joined me at the last minute. Perfection. (BTW, this is the mighty Michelle who encountered a mountain lion while on a run a couple of years ago. Go read her story HERE if you haven’t already).

I huffed and puffed my way to the top and snapped this picture.


About two minutes after taking that picture and on my way down, my tire blew. When I say “blew” I mean let out all air in a split second, like the biggest bike fart you’ve ever heard. No problem. I had my spare tubes and CO2 (which I had never used before – this is foreshadowing for all of you English buffs).

I am one of those people who assumes things won’t happen, so I don’t bother learning how to deal with them when they do. Flat tire while driving my car? I would be screwed. That is what AAA is for. I know you smart ass cyclists out there can change a flat in 4 minutes (hell, I saw that Youtube video – get a life!). I have not had a flat on my bike for about ten years and I’m not even kidding. It’s a miracle I even had the tubes, etc with me.

With Michelle’s help, I finally got the old tube out and the new tube in (TWSS).


I love this picture because it shows perfect bike safety. It is a very good idea to sit in the middle of the road and change your tire when a car is coming. Idiot move #1.

I got the CO2 canister ready and proceeded to blow up the tire so much it blew, rupturing my eardrum (well, not really, but felt like it). Idiot move #2. I finally got the second tube in and put the CO2 in the canister. Before I could even blow up the tire, the CO2 exploded everywhere and I’m sure it was my fault but I still don’t know what happened. Idiot move #3. I was out of options.

I called my dad for a pussy pick up. I felt twelve years old again. Please come get me, I am stranded. Bring me a vanilla milkshake from McDonalds and a shoulder to cry on.


My dad likes to lounge in the back of his Forester.
I know what you are thinking, apple does not fall far from tree.

That’s my story. We start couple's therapy Tuesday night. Trek needs to shape the hell up.

Ever have a tire blow out? Was it during a race? I have never had a flat during a race. Knock on wood.

What’s a recent mishap you’ve had while working out? I have mishaps all of time and I don’t even do it to have something to write about. Despite what you might think, they aren't all poop mishaps. Last week I was attacked by dogs in Montana. A few weeks before that I feel on the trail banged up my chin.

Who comes to rescue you when your ride/run goes bad? I can usually find someone. Ken, my parents, the barista from Starbucks.


Wednesday, April 11, 2012

I’ve Got a Disease

Is it just me or do you sometimes put your foot in your mouth?


I love this picture because my freakish long second toe is sticking out like a finger.
That toe has a mind of it’s own I tell ya.

Foot in Mouth Disease: It often goes like this: you say something and as the words are rolling off of your tongue, you know it is wrong, but it is also too late. Everything moves in slow motion and you want to stop, to take it all back, to do a do-over, but the moment has passed. Then, you try to clean up your mess by:

  • Over justifying what you have said. Example: “It’s just that your baby is so bald and in that polo shirt I thought she was a he. I mean, she is potentially so gorgeous. When her hair grows in she will be really pretty finally. Oh I’ll stop talking now.”
  • Apologizing profusely. Example: “Oh, wow. I should have never said you looked great for being seven months pregnant. I simply forgot you had your baby seven months ago. My bad!
  • Laughing awkwardly and hysterically at yourself. Example: “Bahahhahahahaha! I am so dumb! You said you had to get a cab! I thought you said you had crabs!”
  • Turning around and walking away. No example needed.
  • Pretending you never said it. “What? I did not just say your mom needed to shave. Why would I ever say that? You are dumb for even thinking that. What is your problem? I cannot believe you. Seriously. I don’t think we can hang out anymore.

By now you know I am working up to a story. One of my finest foot-in-mouth moments in quite some time.

The story:

Last week I had just gone for a long trail run. In a running skirt. It was a gorgeously warm Colorado day. I had to head straight to the grocery store post-run, so I went in my skirt. As I was approaching the store door, I realized I forgot my coupons (I LOVE my coupons). I quickly turned around to walk back to my car when I fell in step with a sassy woman (SW). She was checking me over, up and down and all around. I looked at her and smiled.

SW: GURL!!!!!!!! Look at them legs!! Gurl, you’ve got it going on!
Me: Oh, thanks.
SW: Gurl!! I just love your legs. Gurl must do some serious working out!!

This was the turning point. I could have just taken the compliment, smiled and been on my way. But for some reason, I felt like I had to compliment her back. I don’t know why. Stupid. As I looked at her face, something just stood out. And, before I knew it, I came out with:

Me: And YOU!! YOU have the nicest…LIPS!
SW: {silent}
Me: I mean, you have that purple lipstick on and…well…it’s just so nice…and your lips…they’re so big and…well, bye.

Really? Did I really just compliment her on her lips? These lips that were so dang big she probably had heard about them her whole life. Why couldn’t I have mentioned her hair or her blouse? Really, her lips? What is wrong with me? The only worse thing might have been commenting on her camel toe. Which I don’t think she had, but I didn’t have time to check.

This is only my latest in a long history of FIMD (Foot in Mouth Disease). Usually my tactic is to immediately own up to the stupid comment and laugh at myself. But, with lip lady I just walked away from her sassiness and her big lips. I couldn’t figure out a way to make it right.

What’s one of your foot-in-mouth stories? You know you’ve got one.


PS: Don’t forget my Whole Foods and iTunes gift card giveaway! Ends on Friday.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

My New Love

Nothing wrong with a day starting this way, a little wink and a little whipped cream waffles:


One of my most favorite people in the world turns 11 today – dear daughter, Emma Grace!

I stormed into her room this morning at 7:03 a.m. singing happy birthday, but she would have none of it. “It’s not my birthday yet,” she insisted.

Like she has to remind that it wasn’t until 7:44 a.m. that all 8 lbs, 3 oz of her emerged. Did I tell you I pulled her out? Yes, I did pull her out. There are not many things I can claim fame to, so I’m going to take this one. In all of my gymnast flexibility from ninth grade, I leaned over, grabbed her under her little shoulders and pulled her onto my chest. I think the OB owes me a drink.

The clock turned 7:44 a.m.

Emma: NOW it is my birthday.
Sam: Wait? What?
Emma: I was born at 7:44 a.m., so NOW it officially my birthday.
Sam: Oh. So how do they know what time you were born? I mean is it when you first start to come out or when you are totally out in the world?
Me: I think it’s when your totally out, but I’m no obstetrician.
Sam: What’s that?
Me: Go look it up.


Girl has some sass and class

After dropping off the birthday girl I high-tailed it the gym for a tempo run. I was DYING to try my new Brook’s Cadence shoes, but didn’t want my first run in them to be six miles, which I had on tap for today. Many people have warned me about carefully breaking in these shoes and getting used to the lower heel drop (4mm).

This is what I would look like if I were pigeon toed. Can someone send me some moisturizer?


I decided to run three miles in them, then stop and change into my normal shoes – kind of breaking up my tempo run, but oh well. This plan working swimmingly, only I loved the Cadence so much I did not want to take them off.

This, in fact, was a really interesting experiment, running in both shoes back to back for the same distance. After running in the Cadence my Adrenalines felt like clunky shoes full of rocks. I am not kidding. The Cadences were light and allowed for quick turnover. The only way I can describe it is that they felt “right”and natural with my stride. I think I am on to something here with these shoes. I really do.

This is how much I love these shoes. Kissable, I tell ya. I had to crop out my crotch for this picture. That would be a great name for a band: The Cropped Crotches.


I have been reading a ton about running form and foot strike and how it relates to injury. I know there are thousands of people who are heel strikers (about 75% of us!). Many of these people, like my PT who ran a 2:08 marathon, escape injuries. But, for some of us, the heel strike seems to be the culprit. For the type of injuries I have had (hip, butt, hamstring) it makes sense that striking on my heel is sending jarring shock waves to my body. Gulp, gulp. Did you hear that? That is me drinking the Kool-aide.

Bottom line is, I want to be pain free, but I also want to improve. To this end, I am trying different approaches. I feel I have not reached my potential with running in terms of both time and distance. I want to smash my marathon PR time of 3:42 and I want to run an ultra. I have plans. I have no patience for these nagging injuries and won’t be victim to them. I will do what it takes to OVERCOME!

Well, off to make this cake:


I offer all kinds of homemade cakes, but Emma always goes with the Funfetti. I find that with store bought icing, one jar is NEVER enough, especially if you do a layer cake. This cake is good and very good for you what with all the food coloring and preservatives.

What’s your favorite birthday cake? Anything lemon.

Are you a heel striker? Do you think it has contributed to injuries for you? My name is Beth and I am a heel striker. I don’t know if it’s the cause of my injuries, but I’m going to find out.

Have you tried the Brook’s Pure line yet or is it just not for you? I’m a huge fan of Brook’s shoes, but this is my first pair from the Pure Line. .


Monday, April 9, 2012

Giveaway: $100 Whole Foods Gift Card from the Spinning Cook!

This is obviously not a food blog, unless you include Dots candies or maple donuts with strips of bacon on them. However, preparing healthy and home cooked meals is an absolute priority for me, and I’m proud to say that 90% of what we eat is cooked from scratch by yours truly. If I was really cool I would have a running blog and a blog about cooking quick and healthy meals for your family (Shut Up + Cook Crap), but who has the stinking time?

That said, even though I work from home, it is still a challenge to be creative with meal planning, to get the damn grocery store and to cook. I’ll take any help and shortcuts I can get.

That’s why I was stoked (hahaha! have not used that word in ages, if ever, but I just was feeling it) that I was contacted by Ryan of the Spinning Cook to try out his new app – Spinning Meals. I am not an App person, hell I don't even have a smart phone (that’s how smart I am). I do, however, have an iPad that is supposed to be mine but it has been taken over by the family and I hardly ever see it between their games of Angry Birds.

Anyway, after downloading the App (it costs $2.99), and asking Ken exactly what an App was (like how I admit how stupid and uninformed I can be? You try it! It’s fun to be vulnerable), I got down to the business of learning what Spinning Meals had to offer.


This thing is slick! I was stoked! Here’s how it works:

  • You enter in recipes that you can import from your favorite places on the web (, and are a few of mine).
  • If you don’t want to import, you can enter recipes manually.
  • The app automatically adds the ingredients into a shopping list. You can edit the list as needed.
  • You can set up your meals for the week, indicating which meals you want on your menu, or letting the app “spin” (think Candyland) for you and randomly select your meals. It’s just that easy.
  • You can choose which meals you want to include (for example, I would only do dinners Monday through Friday, but you could add in lunch, breakfast, whatever).
  • You can also give preferences for which types of ingredients you want to see more often (BACON) and you can group recipes by seasons so that in the summertime it will only select meals from your summer recipes.

I experimented by importing two of my favorite recipes: Broiled Parmesan Tilapia and Fiesta Chicken Salad. The recipe loaded quickly into the app format and the ingredients were put into my customized shopping list. Voila!! Easy as pie.

But, don’t take my word for it, check out this short trailer :

You can also find information on the Spinning Cook about the app.

And, just for taking the time to get informed about the app, the Spinning Cook would like to give away two gift cards – a $100 Whole Foods gift card and a $20 itunes gift card (there will be two winners, each getting one of the cards).

To enter simply (one comment for each):

Giveaway ends April 13 and the two winners will be chosen randomly. You MUST leave a way for me to contact you in case you win, especially if you do not have a blog of your own where I can leave you a comment. Do not leave “anonymous” or “Sue”, I can’t find you that way. If that info is not there, I won’t consider you as a winner if you are chosen.


PS: The winner of the Champion giveaway is #256 - Todd. Good thing he can give the bras to his girlfriend, Vanessa, and doesn’t have to wear them on his head or as a jock. Email me at to claim your bras!

Fine print: Spinning Cook provided the items for the giveaway, and gave me a promo so that I could download the Spinning Meals App for free.

Friday, April 6, 2012

The Work-Out That Wasn’t

If you are anything like me (you fart all the time), you have your workouts scheduled into your day like clockwork. You are busy and have things to do, places to be, so you have to get it in and get it in now! (that’s what she said – I’m sorry, I know that joke is old, but I can’t help myself).

Today I knew I had about an hour to fit in a bike ride before work. I wanted to work out some of the ass kinks from yesterday’s 14-miler. I was on a schedule – kids to school, changed into riding gear, pumped up tires, got water bottle full, grabbed Road ID and bam! out for a quick 20 miler. All ready to go:


{Side note: Pearl Izumi sent me these warm weather cycling tights a couple of months ago. They are amazing if you are looking for a good pair. You do get a bit of camel toe, but that goes without saying when you wear tights. Keep in mind there is always Camelflage if you are self conscious}.

Well, there were a few things I forgot to factor in regarding my tight time schedule:

Taking a dump  - 3 minutes (I am super speedy in this department. I get in, do my stuff, get out. No fancy reading of the classifieds or Snooki’s pregnancy)

Taking my bike off the trainer and re-attaching my wheel – 15 minutes - Dammit! I totally forgot I had to do this. And, I’m not good at it. I always think I will make a mistake attaching the wheel and that I will meet my death on some huge downhill. You would think with all of my riding, I would be bike-literate and would know all there is to know about my bike. Instead I play ignorant and ask Ken to take care of those things for me. I put it into the category of fixing the leaky faucet, I am helpless.

Finding my cycling shoes – 25 minutes - I had no idea this would become an ordeal. I keep them in the basement by my trainer. The basement, however, is a teenage man-cave where Sam plays video games and watches Southland. I don't go down there often, except to use the trainer.

I ventured to the cave. It was scary and took some guts.

However, my shoes were nowhere to be found. As the clocked ticked and my window to get in my bike ride narrowed, I frantically turned closets upside down. I looked under blankets, under couches. I did this for at least 25 minutes, until I gave up and decided the ride was just not going to happen. I would have to do it tomorrow, if I could find my damn shoes.

I was pissed off and irritated the way that a type-A person gets when things don’t go as planned. I cussed and threw something. I hate it when this type of crap happens. I showered and went to work, wondering where the hell my damn shoes were.

Fast forward to this afternoon, after school.

Me (to Sam): Hey by any chance have you seen my cycling shoes?
Sam: Uhhh…yeah…so sorry. I’ll get them.
Me: WHAT? Seriously? You know where they are? Where are they?
Sam: Well, I was playing a game with Emma and she kept hitting me with your shoes so I hid them.
Me: Oh my God you are like grounded for the rest of your life. Where did you hide them?
Sam: In a box.


Yes, the shirt says “Trojans.” I hope I can be the mascot next year.

Who does that? A DVR box nonetheless. Who hits people with shoes? Who hides them? Who forgets to un-hide them? This deserved a spanking.


For all you social work types (and I am one of them), I am not actually hitting my child,
nor am I leaving marks. Calm down. This was a pretend spanking situation.

That is the story about how I did not get my workout in today. Don’t get between a girl and her workout, it is dangerous and she can make your life miserable. Spit in your food. Fart on your pillow.

Moral of the story: Plan ahead. Or don’t have children.

But if you are this guy, who has been named “Ridiculously Photogenic Guy,” life is always good, you always look good and people love you. I want to be this guy. He is running a 10K in South Carolina and someone randomly saw his picture and, voila, VIRAL. The internet is a crazy, crazy thing. I would personally call him “Ridiculously Photo-Shopped Guy.”


Lastly, the name of the three legged dog I encountered on my run was BUCKET. Most of you said BOOGER. That is not the answer, but I do think booger is a great name for a pooch. Along the line of the dog Snots in Christmas Vacation.

Do you usually have your workouts planned to the minute? I’m usually pressed for time, so YES.

What kind of asinine things do your kids do that piss you off? Mostly my kids are angels who do nothing wrong, so I can’ t speak to this. Except that time when Sam put a penny in the electrical outlet and a few other minor things.

Ever try Camelflage or would you? Nope haven’t tried. Could be convinced.

Ever have a really good race photo? Not really. At least not on the caliber of that dude.

Great weekend to you all!


Thursday, April 5, 2012

Sticky Boob

The rumor is true. I survived my 14 mile run. It took about 2:16. Warning: this post is full of boring minutia about my run and my day. Little stuff + little stuff + little stuff = life.

8:15 a.m. I chugged some water beforehand and hit the road. I like to really suck the bottle. It’s how I roll.


9:20 a.m. Things were going swimmingly until some dog rushed out of nowhere. I soon realized he was not going to attack or hump me. I then fell in love with him because he had only three legs. Guess what his name was? I’ll give you a prize if you guess. Was it a) Beantown b) Bucket, or c) Booger? I seriously wanted to take him home to befriend Lucky and to replace Lucky when he dies one day. Sniff. Why did you make me bring that up?


The three-leggedness allows for a full on view of this dog’s junk.

I did not fuel with Dots as I had planned because Sam ate them all. I put him in a time-out for leaving me Dot-less, but 14 year olds actually love time- outs in their rooms without their parents to do whatever it is they do in there, so I don’t know if this was effective.

I replaced the Dots with the Shot Bloks and ate one every two miles or so. Seemed to work well, but I don’t know if it was that much different than just eating at the hour marks. It was kind of pain having to remember to eat the Blok and to find it. I finally stored them in my sports bra, but things got sticky and they ended up tasting like my detergent. Tide flavored Shot Bloks with a hint of strawberry aren’t the best. Take my word for it.

My new nickname: Sticky Boob.


There goes Sticky Boob!

It was a gorgeous day to be running in Colorado.


The run was pretty uneventful and poopless and I felt good. That is until the last mile or so when my LAC (left ass check) and LHH (left ham hock) started talking back a bit. Now I am sore and wondering if I will ever in my entire life be free of this left side bullshit. I did order some new gorgeous Brooks and am going to slowly try breaking them in and working on moving away from my heel strike.

This is the only thing I can think of to do that I have not done. The PT told me to get my glutes stronger, which I am also working on. My goal is to pick up and move 49 quarters from one end of the room to the other with my ass cheeks by mid-June. It’s good to have measurable goals, you know.

All in all, a good day in the running world for me. I hate being limited by whatever crap is going on, but I also know I have not asked my body to run that far in awhile. We are all adjusting to the increased mileage – me, myself, my ass and my hamstring. We might go into family therapy. Patience is not a virtue of mine. I want things and I want them now.

11:00 a.m. I grabbed a huge cup of coffee on my way home and downed a cookie dough Luna Bar. In true I-work-at-home-but-really-don’t-do-shit-all-day fashion, I watched Bethany Ever After. I then made a huge kitchen sink salad with edamame, avocado, spinach, apples, carrots all tossed with Bolthouse yogurt ranch dressing, which rocks the house. Costco has it in a three-pack in the refrigerated section.

I also had a few Lean Cuisine spring rolls that are actually pretty damn good for frozen.



I continued to eat all day long including peanut butter cookies and Cadbury eggs. What? I ran 14 miles. It’s a free pass to eat non stop.

I don’t know why I’m tell you all of this boring stuff. Just felt like it. I mean do you really care what I had in my salad? Probably not. But if you do, God bless you.

Okay, I’ll stop. I’m even falling asleep.

So, what WAS the three-legged dog’s name?

What kind of random crap do you put in your salad? I am a big chopped salad kind of girls. Chop it all up, anything I can find, and mix it with dressing. I love nuts, fruit, spinach and avocado the best.

When you do your long runs, do you graze on food all day or is it just me?

Any new products you are digging?