Wednesday, September 14, 2016

No, I'm Not Getting a Divorce

You know it's been a good week when you can come up with a crap-load of BEST things that have happened. Read on, friends.

Best Request from a Vet:

I told you that I'm getting my Golden Retriever, Heidi, registered as a therapy dog. This process involves jumping through some hoops. My favorite part has been obtaining a stool sample from Ms. Heidi so that her crap can be tested for parasites.

The vet told me, "So, we will need a stool sample. Just get one the size of a Tootsie Roll." Seriously? Why compare a dog's feces to candy? What if I happen to enjoy Tootsie Rolls? Do you think it is now helpful for me to always and forever look at Tootsie Rolls and remember Heidi's shit in a plastic container?

Despite her candy-like poops, Heidi will make the best therapy dog in the universe if we can pass the team evaluation. I just hope she doesn't shit Tootsie Rolls on the evaluator.

Krosby, on the other hand, is way too domineering to be a therapy animal

Best To-Do List:

So, I like keeping my to-do lists old style. I write them by hand and it has to be with a mechanical pencil. My daily to-do lists are on scrap paper. Other to-do lists (groceries, etc) are on sticky notes or small pads of paper. This week, I started (but did not finish) a to-do list of the new fall shows that I want to watch (like the show Divorce with Sarah Jessica Parker). Here it is:

Don't be jealous of my pad of paper
The fun part was Ken came downstairs and saw the list.

Ken: "So I see on your to-do list you have 'divorce' as an item. Is there something you need to tell me?" I love him. 

Best Inspiration:

On Friday I did my long trail run of 18 miles. By myself. Me, myself and I had lots of quality time together to ponder why Tootsie Rolls look like dog shit, why hot dogs come in packs of 8 but hot dog buns come in packs of 6, and if Sam misses me while he is away at college and cries himself to sleep every night (after doing keg stands and what not).

Anyway, about five miles in, I got to the top of one trail that has sweeping views of Longs Peak and some meadows. There weren't many people out that day, but there was an older runner man sitting on a bench enjoying the solitude (until I came up and farted).

We talked for a bit about our favorite trails, etc. He then shared with me that he can't run fast or well anymore - his diaphragm doesn't work right and he just had a hole in his heart repaired. He demonstrated how hard it is for him to take a deep breath and that he struggles running due to not being able to get enough oxygen.

But here he was, refusing to give up something like trail running that he loves so much. He said he'd rather die doing what he loved than live longer and not do it at all. Yep, I get that. No excuses folks.

Best New (to me) Long Run Fuel:

After doing the TransRockies run it became clear to me that there is an ultra running food that I have been missing out on. So when these were on sale at Costco I made an impulse buy.

I am usually a whole grain, natural peanut butter and jelly kind of girl - but DAMN. At mile 12 this tasted like heaven. And, it beats a gooey, sugary gel (plus, the cost about 44 cents each, if that).

Best T-Shirt:

I know this is stupid, but stupid is my middle name and stupid is funny. I need this shirt in my life. Watching Ken trying to figure this out by pronouncing it slooowwwllly three times in a row made my whole year. Maybe I won't divorce him after all.

Image result for say eye spell map say ness

Best First Experience:

No I didn't lose my virginity.

Guess what? I actually won my age group at a 5k this weekend (23:13; 7:31 min/mile pace). I've never come in first in my age group before. Doesn't matter that it wasn't a super competitive race or that there were only 33 people in my age group - I won Mother f&ckers!

Give me one of your 'bests' from the week. Anything goes! Hell, I talked about dog shit.

Favorite long run fuel?

Ever come in first in a race? Not before this weekend, and probably never again (well, maybe when I'm in the 80-89 age group)



  1. Hahaha! Um, yeah.....totally ruined the allure of tootsie rolls for me.
    Your 'divorce' to do (and Ken's reaction) reminded me of the time I came home and found a For Sale sign on the front lawn. And my husband and I had had a HUGE fight the night before. I called him and said exactly that 'something you want to tell me, dear?!?' It gets mother AND my mother in law both happened to stop by unexpectedly....and I look out the window to find MIL wrestling the wooden post out of the lawn and basically beating the sign to death screaming "that mofo...I will kill him!!!" (Yeah, she loves me).
    Turns out the contracting company for the realtor had the wrong house. So, no divorce for me either.

  2. I did animal assisted therapy work with our Pug, Frankie. We visited children that were dealing with cancer. Hardest and most rewarding thing I've ever done.

  3. Your photo of the Uncrustables made me laugh, because this week I worked with a special needs child who asked that I peel the uncrust (the edge of the sandwich) off his Uncrustables. I happily complied and he happily ate his Uncrustables.

  4. AF is ending tomorrow. Freaking worst hormonal mess the last two days in I can't remember.
    I'll go with a long bike... Pickles. They are like heaven, even warm.
    1st in a 5k race. I was the only one in my age group, 3rd overall. There were only 5 in the same 5k. Serious!

  5. Trader Joe's has 8 hot dogs to their package of 8 buns. But you have to buy the TJ's brand of hot dog; I can't speak to the other brands they carry. Just FYI for your upcoming bbq's. 😊

  6. Trader Joe's has 8 hot dogs to their package of 8 buns. But you have to buy the TJ's brand of hot dog; I can't speak to the other brands they carry. Just FYI for your upcoming bbq's. 😊

  7. I get to talk about poop all day long in my job. a Sometimes parents have trouble describing their kids poop, so I carry a handy stool chart in my pocket for them as a comparison. Yep, living the dream...

  8. This post is awesome!!! Had me laughing out loud!!! The divorce story and then the t-shirt! Made my day! I am showing my husband the short now!!!

  9. Remember the "doodie" scene from Caddyshack? Totally ruined Baby Ruth's for me. Poop is a daily part of my job, but hey!!! I get to use the poop emoji when I'm texting a coworker: A$$-splosion in room XXX.....need more wipes plz!!!

  10. Favorite long run fuel: Reese's Peanut butter cups!!!

  11. Hey, I came in first in my age group at a race on labor day (25:20, also a tiny race, don't care) and my medal is NOT EVEN CLOSE TO THAT FUCKING COOL. I demand a new medal.

  12. It took me 3 times to get the shirt. BTW - I said it out loud, pretty slow, sitting at my work desk! Where was the warning??? Thank you.

    Nope, I have never come in 1st. I think I came in 2nd once, and 3rd once. That was a good running season for me. I'm a lot slower now..... :-o

    1. took me four times... but luckily i was home alone :)

  13. Uncrustables would be genius on long bike rides! I saw honey whole wheat ones at Target the other day and almost bought them.

  14. Uncrustables would be genius on long bike rides! I saw honey whole wheat ones at Target the other day and almost bought them.

  15. I came in first in my AG in a marathon I ran in June. I found out this week when I went back to check my time. No medal or sports day ribbon to show for it :(
    But it was enough to help me BQ.

  16. Best of the week - announcement from our provincial running organization that I won the Performance Series for 50+. To do that, you had to have the fastest combined 5k, 10k and half marathon race times for the season. I turned 50 this year and set that as my goal. You know how you hate when some "young thing" ages up into your age group and wins? Well, that was me.

  17. Uncrustables last summer were my marathon training jam (get it, JAM? I kill myself). Did you know they have nutella uncrustables?

  18. You may not like this, but, we have 2 Yorkies and we have been referring to their poop as tootsie rolls for years! For example we might say, "Jinny droped a tootsie but still needs to pee" or " I hope Margo didn't leave another tootsie roll in the living room"!��

  19. Sorry to tell you this, but vets always compare gross stuff to food. :)

  20. ...congrats on your win!! that is awesome :) I hope you get Heidi certified as a therapy dog. I live in Western Australia and my dog George is a therapy dog and we volunteer at a dementia facility on weekends and he is also the official therapy dog for students at the University where I work - we go at exam time and help students de-stress prior to their exams, we also work with staff and he's part of the welcome package for new staff i.e. welcome to Curtin Uni, here's a floofy dog for you to cuddle!! Here's the link to George's facebook page

    Oh and I love running and your blog and you are way inspirational!! :) :)

  21. Best thing that happened this week: My 17 y/o son always leaves me note a note to read in the morning. Usually its I need gas money or you need to sign something. This mornings note was this: "If I were to ever sit for the national anthem it would be to fart. Because as a nation I feel like we oppress farting." I thought you would agree!! :)

  22. I love your blog!! It is a great source of inspiration. I am going on 40 with 3 pre-preschoolers clinging to my legs (all at once) and before I started to read SUAR I though my running days were over. But when I seee and read about your achievement I am able to see that the contrary is true and I don't mean this in a bad way... I admire your down-to-Earthness, witt and perseverance! I do not enjoy the bodily functions bits but but still read them to widen my horizons ;-). Thanks for writing and sendin greetings from Prague, Europe, Czech Republic (it IS on the map)!

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  24. Can we talk about how awesome it is that you ran a Big Gay 5k?! I need some of that in my life here in Trump country, VA!i

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