Monday, January 9, 2023

My Dog Eats Poop and Other Updates

God, I'm so rusty at this...not sure I even know how to tipe enymoor.

Why now? I don't know. Today's been a boring, gray January day and I'm feeling less than energized by my job and life. It's the time of year for all you SAD suckers like me (Seasonal Affective Dickheads). I don't really have SAD per se (that's what anti depressants are for), but I do have the BLAHS (which stands for...Big Lazy Ass Hoe Show? I don't know). 

So much has happened since my last blog post ten months ago. For example, I got my first gel manicure and my nails are finally growing into real nails instead of little shitty papery things that make me look like I've been working in the mines of Appalachia <random. Picking your nose with gel nails is the bomb, btw.

I also stopped getting periods, which is less messy and annoying, but also means the hot flashes rage on. If you are 30 and reading this and don't think this will be your life, it will be your life and get over yourself!

Okay for real - in the spirit of keeping you updated, I got a puppy, Annie. She's an English Cream Golden Retriever, she's perfect and she'll be a year old in February. She also almost killed me in August when she pulled me over onto a concrete slab breaking my humerus (upper arm by the shoulder and there is nothing humorous about it), breaking two ribs and collapsing my lung. What a bitch. 

Here I am:

And here she is:



And here she is eating the cat:



Who looks better?

I still love her and I know deep down she is sorry for what she did. She shows me how sorry she is by digging in the yard and eating her own poop and and humping her favorite blanket at 5 pm sharp each night. Why are dogs so weird? Eating poop is not okay. Sometimes I know she's found a frozen poop nugget in the yard because I look out there and see her munching on what seems to be a tootsie roll, just loving life. 

I still love her.

What else? Well, the "my dog sent me to the hospital" debacle happened exactly a month before the 50 mile race I had been training for all summer (Run Rabbit Run in Steamboat) so I watched Yellowstone and drank chardonnay and ate cheese instead. I did, however, manage to do the Richmond Half Marathon in November, and ran a personal worst time (2 hours). Yay me. Don't worry. I'm doing Run Rabbit Run this year barring any freak accidents.


I am looking for redemption next week, however, as I'll be running the Rock and Roll Arizona half. Good news, I know I will not have my period that day! I've traded in my Nikes for Saucony's and I could not be happier. I am loving the Saucony Endorphin Speed.

Well this was just a check in. I wonder if anyone reads blogs anymore. I miss them. I'm glad you're here. Did you miss me at all? 

What are you training for?

Does your dog eat poop? Or what other obnoxious things do they do?

Do you still get periods?

How old are you? I'm almost 56 (February 22, 2023 - message me if you'd like my address to send gifts or money to).

Also - if you want to get emails when a new post is up please put your email address in the box a the top right. Feedburner went away and I guess I lost all those email subscriptions. Bastards.


SUAR

50 comments:

  1. Yay! You are back. Thank goodness for your IG. My English Cream - Cash eats everything even at 4! I’m still the only 55 year old who is buying tampons and condoms at the store - TMI? Well you always share it all!! Keep blogging lady - I need the laughs xoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tampons AND condoms?? You are living the life of a 21 year old! So you are saying Annie my pup will be eating poop for her entire life basically? lol

      Delete
    2. I have really missed you! I’m 67 and fractured my humorous 2 years ago on a stair machine! That’s right๐Ÿ˜œ. I’m post meno but the hot flashes still come and go. Training for 2 marathons and the Bighorn 50k- lots of work to do! Currently in Maui for 2 weeks before going back to snow! Good luck this year. !

      Delete
  2. love it. dogs are so weird. i’m 31!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I have totally missed your blogs! I am 55 - also period free - and am finding out menopause totally blows! What happened to my body??

    ReplyDelete
  4. I've missed you!! Sorry your beautiful pup is such an asshole. My dog eats poop too, but thankfully, he's small enough that when he does something stupid on a run, I'm more likely to yank his spine out of his body. Good to see you back! I'm doing #75Hard, considering deferring my marathon in April, and focus on lifting heavy shit instead. I just turned 50 in October, and do still get periods. I was totally regular until I got covid in November, and I've been 8-10 days late since. What is that about? My mom (gleefully!! WTF) announced I must be entering menopause. Ok, yeah, cool, I know it's coming but must you be so excited!? Anyway, I miss blogs. Started to comment on your FB post, but wanted to keep the blog love alive.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HAHA. Well maybe you're pregnant. JK. What would your mom think of that??

      Delete
  5. Literally laughed out loud and had to read this out loud to my husband.

    I like the pup updates

    What are you training for? Cowtown half, pushing for a sub 2, but I suck at digging deep. I like to coast the RPE 5/6 and that frustrates me. Doing the Berlin marathon and hoping I don't break like I did during Chicago marathon training cycle. Dumb weird obturator internus. Been running since 2010, but did my first half October 2021 so still learning the racing ropes

    Does your dog eat poop? Or what other obnoxious things do they do?
    3 dogs....one eats poop. ๐Ÿคข
    One is a basenji - which is cat like dog and a golden, golden retriever boy who likes his but scratched and bucks at you to do so.

    Do you still get periods? Yes...but I think I have signs of perimenopause

    How old are you? 41



    ReplyDelete
  6. Beautiful puppy. Have a great run

    ReplyDelete
  7. I was Just thinking of your blog the other day and wondered if you ever wrote anymore- I think I manifested this post!
    My dogs don't eat poop but they roll around on dead rabbits, skunks and now we can add armadillos to the list.๐Ÿคฎ All the time I say- Why do have dogs?? But I Love them SO much and life wouldn't be the same without those naughty creatures.
    Not training for anything, hoping to feel inspired soon, time to get back in shape. I also don't have to worry about periods ruining my races bc I had a hysterectomy 6 years ago at 35 years old. So glad you're back!

    ReplyDelete
  8. They eat the poop and then they want kisses. Lucky they are cute. Good to see you again!

    ReplyDelete
  9. So missed your posts, Beth! Glad to read your update and to see your new family addition. She's adorable! As for periods, I'm in the purgatory of "peri." Everything is unpredictable and turns on a dime....hot/cold, happy/sobbing....just trying to take it day by day and hitting the pavement when it's not covered by snow :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. I loved this! Glad you’re back! My dog eats cat shit from the little box. Also when the cat pukes he eats that too. Good dog. Gross dog. I miss blogs!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I miss blogs. So happy to read yours today! The last time I read was probably the last time I was running. I recently have felt myself itching to run again since I’m now injury free.
    I’m taking your blog post as a a sign. Thanks for the update!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Miss you? Yes. Rando blog check today, and there you are! Woohoo,

    Training: Bike vaca tour in the Alps during Le Tour next July. Making some butt callouses and trying to have a good enough power to weight ratio so I don't cry (too much) and embarrass the husband.

    Poop eaters? You betcha. We have two dogs we inadvertently taught to eat poop. As puppies, one had really dry skin, so we globbed some coconut oil in their kibble. Mmmm, coconut poop. It was all over. We tried sprinkling the poop with bitter apple, ghost pepper hot sauce, all the things. Still yummy poop. The best means of control is picking up the yard poop. Isn't that why I have a fenced yard so I don't have to get the poop out of anyone else's yard? Come on. Picking up the poop is awesome in winter when it freezes and permabonds to the snow. Watching me kick frozen poop to dislodge it from the snow wearing my muck boots in the dark at 0600 before work must be the highlight of my husband's day. Of course, we moved to rural world, so now they get to eat exotic turkey turds, deer turds, bear turds, probably porcupine turds, probably more. Damn dogs. The best is when they eat kibble, go poop in the yard, later go back and eat the poop, come in the house and barf the poop. Then eat the poop barf. OMG FML.

    Age 49. Periods yes, still regular but they're getting weird. Like cramps I never used to have or driblets that go on for extra days. Gag.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Glad you’re back! I’m training for Big Sur with a few half marathons before, Red Rock Canyon, RnR DC and Yosemite. Then we’re hiking the Colorado Trail this summer. After hiking the Appalachian Trail we’re excited to get back out west.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I LOVE your updates, as a fellow runner, dog owner, and post (?) menopausal women I really enjoy a good dog story and salty perspective on life. I totally get the hot flashes and I'm so over it. I've been battling a funky foot injury for over a year and miss getting the miles in. I'm very greateful for discovering a peloton in my office gym and now have one of my own which makes life tolerable. PS - my dog doesn't eat poop fortunately although she won't leave our cat's butts alone

    ReplyDelete
  15. Glad to see you blogging again-always enjoyed yours and missed it! My dog eats poop…it’s a most vile habit, ugh. She also killed a woodchuck one day and I wished she had just stuck to poop. Perimenopause here…getting periods every 21-24 days except for months where i might have 3 back to back and then go like almost two months without one. Like an old shitty sputtering engine, I am. Oh well, could be worse. Welcome back to the blogosphere. Your dog is adorable! Good luck on your race!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Finally! I do have a Shut up and Run shirt, long time follower. Yes, my dog eats poop, doesn’t even wait for it to freeze :( I turned 60 this year and my running went to complete shit, hoping 61 is better. Maybe the Saucony’s would help with that. Thanks for blogging!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Turning 53 this year and after a random hormone check to see how far I was from menopause, I found out I was already in the thick of it! Hot flashes, not so much, but slow unmotivated running and running injuries and meno belly bloat almost sunk me. Got on HRT and am back to my old running self. Your running in Colorado is so inspiring!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Missed you! I'm 53, training for a half marathon in March. Haven't had a period since Oct 5th, which probably is a good thing since my dog likes to eat tampons & panty liners in addition to cat poop. Can't wait for these hot flashes to be over! I had to strip a layer just while reading this post...ugh

    ReplyDelete
  19. So excited to see this post!!! I am 3 years behind you and praying I’ve had my last period. Best part of this post: I am running 26.2 in AZ this weekend & my sister is running 13.1. Maybe we will see you? We’ve been fans for years!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Missed you! And my blog knows when you blog.
    Training??? I'm retired now. Swimming for fun. Sold my fancy road bike and putz on the bike path on my hybrid. Not running anymore, though there's days I'd like to, and can feel it inside. But the feeling passes quickly. Mostly. No dog. If a cat eats poop the humans never know.
    I do not get periods, never have, and that makes me happy. I have a wife who doesn't get them anymore and sometimes that makes both of us unhappy, because the alternative happens at random times rather than somewhat regularly.
    56, so young! I remember 56. We're both going to be 65 soon, and you might want to avert your eyes and not read this last sentence.
    Last chance, look away.

    The hot flashes are still happening.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. KEITH! Hi!!! I think you win the prize for being the most faithful reader and blogger. Happy retirement and swimming to you. I am surprised, however, you don't get periods and am also pissed that hot flashes are still happening to your wife. I can't do those for ten more years for fuck's sake.

      Delete
  21. So glad to see this, I still read blogs everyday, they haven't gone away. Training? In the next twelve months I will finish up running a marathon in every state, I have five left. Your best 1/2 time marathon time is faster then my best, so there's that.
    Periods? Never had any, but I am a guy, so no surprise there.

    Looking forward to more blog posts.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I’m from Longmont originally. Moved to ohio 10 years ago- which is less time than I have read your blog . I cried about your tri-pawed, cried about Heidi . I blew up my knee running a 1/2 after taking a year off and didn’t train. My dogs favorite poop is in the litter boxes ๐Ÿคข Thank you for blogging and making me laugh . Still talk about you wearing a shirt as pants ❤️ run on….

    ReplyDelete
  23. Don’t ever stop blogging! I’m selfish I know but I LOL every time I read your blog. Like when you left your car running or your son needed help in the cereal isle. I will be cheering for your 2023 goals. All my dog does is eat poop but we still have to pick it up. She needs to take it more seriously.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Yess so happy you are back! I'm 33- followed you initially because Goldens and running.
    I have a 5y/o Golden, he's mostly a sweet boy now but damn the puppy phase. He still has a knack for rolling in human shit off the trail people don't bury. As a pup he went through a phase where he ate gloves and small clothing items (only outside on the trail, never indoors). So stressful and damn the vet bills.
    Glad you're recovering from your injury and still running!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Just like the collagen that used to plump up my skin, the hot flashes have faded as well. Yours will too, although you have to admit it's a treat to feel warm in the winter! Seriously, it's nice to read your voice! Keep it coming!

    BTW, My son and I are planning on running the Leadville Silver 15 miler (if I remember to sign us up) in July. There's no way to train for that altitude, so it should be interesting!

    ReplyDelete
  26. I’m glad to see you’re back! I’m 51 and my dog eats poop. Usually other dogs that she’ll find in our walks. Yuck. As for periods,my dr put in an iud last year since mine were so out of control. So no periods now, but I don’t know if they’re gone or if it’s the iud.

    ReplyDelete
  27. 49, no periods… stress induced early onset menopause at age 46. Was a year without periods right before my 49th birthday. No running - fucked up my hip and now navigating getting some medical help. They want to blame arthritis, but I remember injuring it and no one is listening to me. :(

    ReplyDelete
  28. You are just too funny! Keep blogging..good morning laugh! Keep on keeping on! Don't stop writing and running! I remember you as my neighbor, just doing Mom stuff and chasing trash guys. Mercy you are amazing and I am proud to know you after all these years!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. BEV is that you??? Love you and thanks for reading after all these years. Will never forget our time as neighbors.

      Delete
  29. Welcome back! Congrats/sorry about the puppy/broken body situation.

    Training:
    I haven't been able to run in 2 years due to an ankle injury (diagnosed as some form of tendonitis and I've basically been excused by my PT and Ortho and just told to "keep doing what I'm doing") so just trying to get back in shape without pissing it off again and maybe someday I'll be able to run again. Until then it's the occasional walk, intervals, or the weight room for me but I'm determined to lose the Covid-40 this year, ankle be damned.

    Dog poop eating:
    Currently 1 dog who doesn't eat her own poop but used to love to use her late brother as a soft serve machine which is just about the grossest things I've ever seen

    Periods:
    Yes...but they're very manageable and I don't even need to use feminine products and I never tell other women that IRL so they don't murder me

    Age: 41

    ReplyDelete
  30. Hi Beth, missed your blogs. I am a 61 young woman in The Netherlands in Europe without periods but with hot rages. I stopped running due to artrose but now I am running a bit again. Training goal is to keep running

    ReplyDelete
  31. YES! I was wondering about you. Good to see you back! I still read blogs! I still love to run! I still get my period (49). WRITE MORE PLEASE!

    ReplyDelete
  32. So glad you’re back! I thought I was the only one still reading/writing blogs but you have quite a party going on here!
    So sorry about your not funny bone.
    I need a new knee so am not training for anything but am happy to live vicariously through your Rabbit Run Redo. I’m glad you’re back!

    ReplyDelete
  33. so glad you are back !!!!!
    not a runner,
    post hysterectomy so no clue,
    48,
    dog does not eat poop.
    LOVE your writing !

    ReplyDelete
  34. Yay! love your blog. kind of knew what was going on since I follow you on instagram, but enjoy reading your updates.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Yesss! You. Are. Writing. Again. ๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰
    My dog is way too intelligent to eat poo. She would much rather roll in it until her neck and collar is covered in the stuff then come inside acting like nothing is wrong.
    Not currently training. Recovering from a slight tumble on a mountain trail. Ok I totally face-planted by tripping over my own feet. Note to self… do not run down a mountain in hiking boots.
    Been in surgical menopause for the last 11 years. Yep. I’m ready for that joy to pass. I’m “only” 47 so I’m pretty sure the end is not in sight.
    Keep writing! You bring joy to my lackluster life stuck in the middle of nowhere… AKA, Oklahoma.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Welcome back, love your posts x

    ReplyDelete
  37. Soooo great to see you’re back blogging!
    Always a great read and laughs! Following you on Instagram. Have a great half this weekend.
    I turned the big 60, still running my ass as much as possible.
    New mantra for turning 60 and 2023! Be just a little better today than yesterday!! And really it’s not like people really care I can’t run a 8:50 minute mile anymore. Lol
    Just happy to be running and biking!
    Keep blogging and running.
    Susie

    ReplyDelete
  38. You’re back! I’ve always loved your humor, your ability to be candid and open. I’ve no dog, but my cat is obsessed with drinking toilet water. If he could cause me to face plant and break several bones he totally would. Then laugh about it and make biscuits on my shattered ribs. I’m 53 1/2 and Aunt Flo plagues me still. She’s the worst. Good luck with your training. I’ve got a half coming up.

    ReplyDelete
  39. I follow you on IG. First time reading your blog & love it!!! 2022 was a “shitty” year for me too. As in barely any running. My dog does weird stuff too & every time he sniffs poop we say “leave it!” Thanks for making me laugh. I needed it. I still have periods and they suck but I hear the alternative sucks also. Go figure!๐Ÿ˜ž Always thought about starting a blog just haven’t got it he courage yet…

    ReplyDelete
  40. I miss blogs too! I was never really a blogger myself (I tried for awhile in the blogging heyday, but never quite figured out what I wanted to actually blog about), but damn I loved reading blogs. I loved seeing into the little bits of people's lives that they would share.
    We had a pug (Herbie the Love Pug) who would eat just about everything disgusting that he wasn't supposed to eat. His favorite thing to do in the summer was to get into our garden and eat our tomatoes, which would then make him puke. He proceeded to eat the puke, and then of course poop it out....and eat the poop. We always called it his "the circle of life"!
    Currently 43 years old and in the midst of perimenopause...so my periods just decide whenever they want to come (sometimes only two weeks apart).

    ReplyDelete
  41. I've missed your blogs! FYI - I endured hot flashes and now my body thermostat is completely broken - I'm bone chilling cold half the time and no amount of clothing/blankets/heaters can change that (I'll be 59 in April.) I finally understand old ladies who wear sweaters in July.

    ReplyDelete
  42. I am so excited for a blog post!! Glad you are recovering nicely! I hope you post more often!!

    ReplyDelete
  43. Welcome Back!!! I’m 55…still have a half-ass period AND hot flashes. The best of both worlds….๐Ÿ™„. Plz keep blogging…you have been missed!!

    ReplyDelete
  44. Just wait until your dog throws up said eaten poop. It’s a new level of disgusting.

    ReplyDelete