Georgetown to Idaho Springs Half Marathon Race Report

Grab your coffee and settle in for the good, the bad and the ugly…

The day started out in the most unspectacular of ways. I am so type-A that I set my alarm for 4:10 a.m., recheck it 20 times, then end up waking up at 3:00 a.m. Overachievers don’t need alarm clocks, is what I’ve decided. I could not poop before leaving home, because in the SUAR world, morning dumps arrive at 6:30 a.m., not 4:30 a.m.

Joie picked me up at 4:45 a.m. and we hauled ass to the start line, a 90 minute drive. This race is a point to point course, so you are supposed to park at the finish and take school busses to the start. I did that two years ago and learned my lesson. With that plan, you end up sitting in the cold for 90 minutes at 9,000 feet waiting for the race to start. I was so cold, I went into the gross porta potty to warm my hands over the steaminess coming from the deep dark hole. That is desperation. So, now we park at the start and have a second car at the finish. Genius.

We stopped at McDonald’s so I could poop. Perfect. I knew McDonald’s was good for something other than Oreo McFlurries and lard.

We sat with the heat on, cranking up our seat warmers. I farted a lot, which on a seat warmer is especially luxurious. Joie was not a fan.

The sun started coming up, it was time to race!

Home-made throwaway arm warmers are the bomb!

For the first two miles I ran with Marshall Ulrich, famed ultra runner and author of the recent “Running on Empty” book (see my review HERE). Marshall told me he was going to Nepal for some trekking and then to South America (I think?) to climb 20,000 foot volcanoes. I told him I might watch Bachelor Pad and eat microwave popcorn. He seemed impressed.

The miles flew by (8:04, 7:55, 7:49…). My goal for this race was “no goal.” I had no clue how I would feel after my half ironman six days before, so I decided to see how my legs felt and go based on that. The air was cool, my legs were strong, so I paced accordingly. I exerted myself, but kept some in the tank. I walked through every aid station, took a strawberry Clif Shot at the halfway mark and made the 10K mat by 51 minutes.

This is about the time where I realized gravity had taken its course. Not to get graphic, but my “down there” region got damp. I won’t go into detail about a “time of the month” surprise or other things, but suffice it to say, NASTY business. This was a distraction, but I was already at mile 8 and figured I could deal with it for the next five miles.

I came into the finish and saw my family while Sam snapped this photo. Still smiling despite the “dampness.”

I finished in 1:46:33 (8:05 avg), which is a PR for me by about a minute. I was 15/215 in my division, so can’t complain about that.

I tried to clean up in the porta potty best I could, but that was futile. That’s when the pain set in and I realized I had CHAFED TO HIGH HOLY HELL (bikini line area). In my three years of running, I’ve never chafed. Honestly, I didn’t know what the big deal was. Now, I get it. I am starting a support group called, “Race Chafers” where we can all share our war stories.

On a side not, the chafing was not the skirt’s fault. I wore this skirt for a full marathon and many other training runs with no issues.

I found Hugh and Angela (Running Yogini) from Team Refuel (Refuel with Chocolate Milk) and we took some photos.

Refuel was a sponsor of this race and a sponsor of me running the race. They did a great job giving out chocolate milk right as you crossed the finish line and providing milkshakes for milk mustache photo-ops! Hoping to see them at lots of future races.

Got some more pictures with Joie.  I like her shirt:

By this time it was hot and I was getting REALLY uncomfortable. I hobbled to the car and knew I had to get my cheetah skirt off ASAP because it was rubbing in all the wrong places. I did not have a spare pair of shorts and I was desperate. I did the only thing I could do: stripped down and wore my race t-shirt like shorts.

Bake side view “2011 Finisher.”

It was not pretty, especially with the neck hole hanging down (good ventilation), but I did it. Normally, this would have been VERY funny, but I hurt too bad to even care. Later when I went into Starbucks wearing this (yes, I did. I am serious about my coffee) I was given looks like I’ve never been given in my 44 years on this earth.

The ride home was long and torturous for me. I am not being dramatic. This shit hurt. And, I knew it would hurt much, much worse when I got in the shower.

I tried to distract myself by noticing how pathetic my huge second toe looked. This “Mortons” toe takes the brunt of my running. The toenail is long gone and the toe tip is one big blister. I try to put polish on it just to spice it up, but it’s no use. I can, however, flip people off with it when they cut me off in traffic:

First thing I did at home was get in the shower. The water alone (no soap) brought on such intense stinging that all I could do was cry like a baby. It was like 100 bee stings all at once. Fortunately once I put on some Aquaphor, all was well.

Running is so damn humbling. Injuries, chafing, cramping, pooping. All I can say is, we must love it a lot if we all keep doing it. Despite it all, I would still say this was a GREAT day!

SUAR

McRunner

Question:

Is it possible to eat this - 20 hamburgers, 20 Chicken Snack Wraps, 75 hotcakes and 55 cookies – and run a sub-2:36 marathon in Los Angeles on Sunday?

To his credit, Joe D’Amico didn’t eat it all at once. However, he made a commitment on his blog, Confessions of a Drive Thru Runner, to eat only McDonald’s food for the 30 days prior to running the race.

Facts:

Age: 36

Weight: 140 pounds

Height: 6 feet

Marathon PR: 2:36 (2010 – Twin Cities)

Number of marathons run: 14

First marathon: Chicago – 1998 – 4:16

Cross training/strength training: None, ever

Miles run per week in training: 100

Miles run in the last 27 days: 330

Reason for eating crap for 30 days: Raise money for the Ronald McDonald House Charity

Money raised to date: $16,000

Total visits to McDonald’s over last 27 days: 84

Number of fans on Facebook: 12,000

Exceptions to eating McDonald’s foods: non-McD’s water, gels, multivitamin, ibuprofen

Number of craps taken: Info not available

Most surprising quote: “I’m in the best shape of my life.”

Most shocking  medical info received from his doctor (posted on his blog yesterday):

 

Yesterday I wrote about breaking the rules. This dude takes it to a new level. He is essentially the anti-marathon fueler, breaking every rule imaginable. For those of us who gasp when we hear that someone went to the drive thru pre- or post-long run, D’Amico makes us wheeze, wet ourselves and pass out.

What do you make of this? If you saw the movie Super Size Me (2004), you know that Morgan Spurlock took on a similar 30-day challenge of only eating McDonald’s food. Granted he was not training for a marathon, but he gained 25 pounds, had heart palpitations, lost his sex drive and was energy-depleted. Yes, Spurlock’s choices were heavier on the calories and the sugar than D’Amicos and he did not exercise.

If you look at D’Amicos food diary from the past 27 days, you see that he made the healthiest choices possible, for the most part, when visiting McDonalds. Maybe this makes a difference.

I am still scratching my head as to how he can eat this crap, feel so good, perform so well and actually have his blood work look better. Even with smart selections,  isn’t it still inherently bad for you?

His choices are all relatively low fat, low calorie, yet high carb.  So, when you hear he “ate McD’s for 30 days and ran a great marathon,” keep in mind he wasn’t gorging on fries and Big Macs. And, let’s hope that D’Amico’s message doesn’t prompt the already overweight and unhealthy majority of America to think they can eat their way healthy by frequenting the drive thru.

I personally think this guy is a freak of nature. Most people cannot tolerate 100 mile weeks, no cross training, let alone 84 trips to McD’s. Most people will also never go from running a 4:16 marathon to a 2:36 marathon in 13 years or a lifetime. There are always exceptions to the norm, and he is one of them. It makes for an interesting story, but I’m not going to follow his lead. Except for the 2:36 marathon part. I could SO do that.

Are we all too uptight about our food choices or is this guy sending the wrong message? Thoughts?

D’Amico did comment on this post. See comment #31.

SUAR