Monday, November 23, 2009

Yo Mama's So Dumb

Man, you guys are BQ'ing all over the place. Congrats to Mindful Living and Denise for showing us how it's done!

I, on the other hand, did not BQ this weekend. I had better things to do like watching Glee on TiVo and getting nearly frostbitten and hypothermic on a Sunday morning bike ride in the Colorado mountains.

It seemed like a good idea at the time. Driving to the base of Left Hand Canyon and biking the 8 miles and 1,800 feet up to the small mountain town of Jamestown, CO. It also seemed like a good idea to go by myself, to put on only minimally warm gloves and layers and to not double check that my Garmin was charged. It seemed like a good idea to do these things when I have zero body fat and a history of poor circulation and Raynaud's Syndrome (Condition resulting in a particular series of discolorations of the fingers and/or the toes after exposure to changes in temperature -cold or hot - or emotional events).

Here is part of the road on a nice day in the summer with no snow:


I set out. It is much colder than I thought. There was no sun. Even if the sun was out, there is no sun in the canyon. There was snow on the ground. The river running alongside the road was frozen. I realized my Garmin was dead. I realized my bike computer wasn't working. I had no cell service. I felt chilly, but sure that I would warm up as I started climbing. And warm up I did. I felt phenomenal. No one else was out. The scenery was beautiful. There were wild pheasants walking around. It was still and quiet with just my breathing and the sound of my bike tires on the road.

I saw one guy riding down the canyon in the opposite direction. He had a scarf wrapped around his entire face. I was so warmed up by that time that I thought, "What's up with that guy. It's not that cold. Fool." (Cue foreshadow).

I continued up. The going was steep. I got to points where the road was covered in snow and where there were so many broken pieces of rock on the road that had fallen down the cliffs that I had to dodge around them. Finally, I see the sign for Jamestown: 6,929 ft. I've made it, now time for the payoff; the quick 8 miles downhill back to the warm car.

The minute I turned around and started to head down I started cussin'. The icy wind coming at me was bitterly and insanely cold. My toes and fingers immediately started to go numb (remember the Raynaud's?) but were also incredibly painful at the same time. Typically eight miles downhill on a bike goes by in a flash, but this felt in slow motion as my body was shaking from the cold and my extremities were in so much pain. It sucked. Once I got back to the car I cranked the heat, but when I got home my temp was 95 degrees. It took me at least 45 minutes in the hot shower to stop shaking and for my feet to return to their normal color.

I am just a dumb ass. Feel free to berate me and tell me I deserve what I got. Send me any second hand winter cycling gear you may have. Give me instructions on how to carry a flint with me and start a fire so I could thaw my hands and feet. Remind me that there are things called hand and foot warmers that you can buy for these such occasions. Feel free to call my kids and tell them theses jokes:

Yo mama’s so dumb she stole a free sample

Yo mama’s so dumb she stayed up all night studying for her blood test


You see, I am not bright enough to cycle. That is why I need to heal so I can run again.

The kids and I went to see the movie the Blindside after I thawed. I thought it was a lovely and touching story of giving and compassion. The only thing my son remembers from the movie is when Sandra Bullock yells to the guy behind her at the football game, "Hey crotch mouth!" I'm glad he got so much out of it.

Drinking: Yogi Detox Tea

What I should be doing instead of blogging: Writing a home study report for work

17 comments:

  1. Hey, thanks!! So nice of you to recognize me!!

    I have raynauds, too. Your feet look really bad. Have you had that checked out?? I have a friend on meds for it and she said it really helps. I've looked into the meds but they lower your blood pressure and mine is already border line too low. Sucks.

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  2. OMG girl!!! yes, warmer gear is definitely needed! Glad it wasn't any worse!

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  3. Crotch mouth? Pretty. Why is it that sons and husbands memorize these "special" lines from movies...ugh.

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  4. I always underdress when going for a bike ride. I keep forgetting that biking is so different than running, and one does not move much (except the legs) during biking. I always freeze, hands get numb (I have Reynolds, too), feet get numb, ah....One of these days will remember!

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  5. hey beth! long time no talk! THANK You so much for your comment on my blog and for the shout out on your blog! wanna hear something sorta kinda funny? When I was running...at around mile 23...I started having stomach problems (aka the feeling of having to poop! haha) and I thought ohhhh nooo tina do not do what beth did...keep it in keep it in! hahahah I managed to keep it in, thank goodness! My sister on the other hand had to stop at the porter potty. and guess what? I too have Raynaud's syndrome! ITS HORRIBLE!!! people think I am a baby when I complain about it but it really is horrible. and very embarassing when you are food shopping and your hands turn white in the dairy section haha...
    anyway... 42 and need a 3:50 to qualify? You absolutely can do it...what was your other marathon time? I saw that you want to run the rocky on may 9th? My sister used Hal Higdon's Novice 1 plan last year for her 1st marathon (she ran philly- got a 3:33!). I used the same exact plan this year...go onto my blog and click "marathon training" it will show u the plan and book. and also hal higdon has online forums that you can use and he will PERSONALLY write back to your questins (i.e. I suffered from an ankle injury in week 16 and I was wondering if I should try to 'make up' mileage once I got back to running- and so i asked him personally and he told me nooo follow the plan and taper...its just cool having a pro to consult). anyway... the plan is Monday:OFF; Tuesday/Thursday: low mileage; Wednesday: medium mileage; friday: OFF; Saturday: high mileage; sunday: cross training. I loved this training plan (18 weeks) because it worked out without over working you. I also suffered a stress fracture about 2 years ago and I learned from that to take things easy and build up. you will get no where from hammering in mileage all day everyday and pushing yourself to the MAX EVERY SINGLE time you run/workout. the only place you will get is injured and out of the game. Hal Higdons plan really helped me to see the importance of REST. rest is just as important as the actual work. its the truth. going into my 2 week taper I felt tired, slow, etc. I was wondering if I could even finish the marathon...let alone bq. but the 2 week taper got my body completely ready to go. I was so shocked at how prepared I was come race day. Just proof right there how much rest works for you. anyway- I highly recommend this plan. He also has a Novice 2 plan (which you may like better since I know you are a pretty hardcore runner)- my sister followed that one this year.
    anyway-- hope that answered your question- if you have any other questions just ask!
    hope you are healing up well!!!!
    p.s. loving the video!!

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  6. You have Raynaud's Syndrome too? I was recently diagnosed. Do you take anything for it?

    Glad that you thawed out! :)

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  7. Brr!

    I want to see Blindside, too.

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  8. I was up in them mountains this past weekend, too...but running. It was colder than I thought but I was going down vs. up! I wish I had zero % body fat...:(.

    Happy Colorado Thanksgiving!

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  9. Yes, yes, welcome to the World of Doofus. Glad to have you!

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  10. Hilarious! I saw BlindSide last night and loved...I actually liked the part of the movie where she turns at him the second time and says, "Hey Deliverance!" :)

    I'm proud of you for getting out there and sharing with us along the way!

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  11. Shit woman, downhill biking in the mountains is freaking COLD! But what a pretty ride huh?? Good for you!

    So you are starting with Liz in a couple of months? That's so cool; you'll like her a lot. Hope you're still planning on signing up for Colorado Marathon

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  12. this sounds a little like some of the dumb running excursions that I take..hence the time i had to walk 12 miles home. so i won't berate you...but I was chuckling. Hope you get all thawed out

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  13. Since I am not a biker I cannot berate you...infact I was giggling the whole time. Was that wrong?
    Glad that you are out moving around though, I would be going stir crazy, too!!!

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  14. Ohhh, I would totally do this. That's why I don't bike - you have to think/plan/prepare too much.

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  15. Maybe I should send you some cookies. Because I can't just send you some body fat! ;-) I have some to spare!

    Your feet (and your finger in the other blog) make me feel cold. Take care of them. No yelling at you. You are too funny to yell at!

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  16. get some warmer gear silly!!! :)

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  17. What is a fartlek? If I were a really cool runner, I'd know. If I were a really good friend, I'd know about Raynaud's. Shit girl. Why don't you tell me these things?! I have this affliction that when I start drinking good wine. It's all I want to do for the rest of the night. I don't run colors or suffer poor circulation but I get really crabby when I run out. It's called Runoutofwineandbepissed Syndrome. I never told you. I'm sorry. What's a good beginner bike?! You are my hero.

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