Friday, November 22, 2013

Foot In Mouth Disease (FIMD)

Today’s run almost didn’t happen. It snowed yesterday, and while I love running in the snow, I do not like running on ice. Something about falling and breaking my hip is not appealing to me. This morning, I knew to get a run in I’d have to do something I haven’t done in six months – run on the treadmill (somehow I made it through Ironman training with only one trainer ride on the bike and NO treadmill runs). It was 20 degrees outside, I had the fire going, the kids were sleeping and I just about skipped the workout. But, I did not.

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When I got on the treadmill the other gym-goers started giving me evil looks because my machine was making all kinds of noise. As if that is my fault. Sorry I didn’t bring my WD40 and wrench with me, folks! In the end it felt really good. I kept the pace easy, especially after reading this article about what the body goes through during an Ironman. Apparently, I aged 20 years. Sweet! I was wondering where all those gray pubic hairs were coming from all the sudden (just kidding).

Moving on to what I really wanted to talk about today. FIMD.

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I know I cannot be the only one who has said something then immediately wanted to crawl in a hole and die. For example, have you ever asked a non-pregnant person when they are due? Most of the time the incidents of FIMD are not intentional. They are just due to lack of proper forethought before one spews some inconsiderate word vomit.

So, here  is my FIMD for this week (yes, I feel like I do have about one of these a week).

Sam, my son, and I went to the DMV to get plates for his car. It was late in the day, the best time to hang out at the DMV because sometimes the lines are shorter.

The DMV gets a bad rap for having the most depressed and unfriendly workers. But, who can blame them? It would probably be a boring as hell, pain in the ass job. Working with the general public can be like that.

We got called up to the first window, after waiting only 5 minutes. Score! The woman helping us looked like death warmed over. She had bags under her eyes and was about to fall down in her cubicle from boredom or fatigue or both. Clearly it had been a long day for her at the DMV and she was wearing every bit of that long day on her face. As she took our information, I was trying to add a little light into the whole situation. “Wow, you are a fast typer!” I said enthusiastically. She looked up and kind of smirked, “Well, I have done this about a million times already today. I don’t think I’m that fast.” But, I think she, the Fast Typer (FT),  liked the compliment.

As she left her desk to get Sam’s plates, I quickly scanned the 500 pictures in her cubicle. They were all of one child, mostly up close photos of a chunky, sweet baby. When the FT returned to her seat, I had made it my goal to make her day just a bit better. “That baby is SO cute! Is she your granddaughter?”

Silence

FT replied sternly, “No. She is my daughter. She is five now.”

Silence

Oh,” I say, not really knowing where to go from here (where is that hole to climb into?). Then I just started  giggling in all of my stupidity and I mumble something about being sorry and about how old I look. Meanwhile Sam is sitting there, looking down, shaking his head. We barely get out the door when Sam says, “Really, Mom? Hashtag AWKWARD. Nice job making her feel like crap.” 

Do you have a FIMD story?

The treadmill: love or hate it? For me, it serves a purpose. I’d rather be outside, but sometimes you have to suck it up.

SUAR

56 comments:

  1. The treadmill is a big part of my training. About 4 months out of the year, due to my schedule, I have to run in the dark. I would much rather run on the treadmill than to put my life in the hands of some moron who may or may not be paying attention on the road.

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  2. So many times. Most recently? I was joking with a woman at work who got in a car accident and had a black eye. "Do people think your husband beat you up?", I said. "He died a few years ago, so no," she replied.

    Ugh, kill me now....making friends wherever I go...

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  3. Don't have a FIMD story but would really like to know if teenagers actually SAY "Hashtag"? (full disclosure, no kids here). And I'm afraid I have to second your son's comment. What WERE you thinking? ;)

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    1. My son and I talk that way sometimes. I don't think teens do that, but he and I think it's funny.

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    2. Teens do that - I'm in high school and that's pretty much all you hear in the hallway

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    3. I teach 8th grade and yes, they do speak like that. Often. While I'm teaching. HASHTAG STOPIT.

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    4. I took 12 teenage girls camping for a week over the summer for a church event. Yes, they say "Hashtag".

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    5. I took 12 teenage girls camping for a week over the summer for a church event. Yes, they say "Hashtag".

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    6. I took 12 teenage girls camping for a week over the summer for a church event. Yes, they say "Hashtag".

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    7. I took 12 teenage girls camping for a week over the summer for a church event. Yes, they say "Hashtag".

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    8. I took 12 teenage girls camping for a week over the summer for a church event. Yes, they say "Hashtag".

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  4. Oh SUAR -- your post made me laugh out loud. (and yes, my son says "lol," sounds like "loll" instead of "laugh-out-loud"), so I have no doubt your son actually uttered "hashtag." Kids these days! ;-)

    I won't ask a woman if she's pregnant until I get the invite to her baby shower or see the birth announcement. They probably all think I'm weird or rude, but I made the mistake once of asking a not-pregnant woman when she was due, and I'll never do that again!

    I have a TM in my garage. Got it when I was pregnant with #3. I use it only in dire emergencies, like ice. And even then I'd rather put in a yoga dvd than run on the dreadmill.

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  6. Yep, happens to me all the time. My husband thinks it's hilarious. Just recently I started telling a friend how I think this particular trainer in the gym only lifts weights but has weight loss goals and I think she's missing the cardio piece, etc and as I'm talking I realize the person I'm saying this to does the exact.same.thing. UGH!!!
    I loathe the treadmill and will anything to avoid it.

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  7. My daughter used to say #hashtag this and that until I finally said ever so calmly... "FOR THE LOVE OF GAWD WILL YOU PLEASE STOP HASHTAGGING!!!" She laughed. I laughed and told her I was serious.
    Then I went back to doing whatever it was that I was doing in the moment.

    I agree as well... love the winter - don't love the ice.

    Too funny about the DMV lady. #laughoutloud !

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  8. I hate the treadmill but if I have no other options, treadmill it is.
    I too suffer from FIMD. Most recently at the grocery store, I was trying to pull a cart out of the train of carts when this guy came up behind me with an older looking woman. He stood there for a minute watching me awkwardly pulling at the caboose cart train while juggling a 45 pound purse and then he just swooped in and ripped that cart right out of the train as the lady and I watched. It was impressive and so I said, You probably do that for your Mom all the time huh? And SHE replied, No, but he does do it for his wife! oops! His face turned bright red and she turned on her heel and practically dragged him into the store. No lie, I stood there for at least 2 minutes with my mouth open and no idea what to do next. Sometimes, I should not be allowed to speak.

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  9. My FIMD was I was walking with a woman to a meeting she had a long shirt on and was limping. Trying to strike up a conversation I asked her if was a runner and had hurt her knee or hip? No she told me she had a prosthetic leg. I was so embarrassed! Although I was horrified she was fine and actually we are good friends now and she still busts my balls about our first meeting. NO on the dreadmill I would rather run in minus 10 then hop on one.

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  10. I hate when that happens (a lot in my world!) and my oldest son would have been like your Sam (not happy with me!).
    And, I love treadmill running.

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  11. Oh no, and you had such good intentions with the DMV lady, too! I definitely suffer from FIMD and have passed it along to my daughter, who seems to have it even worse than I do. When she was about 4, we were ordering subs when she asked the pink-haired, tattooed, facial pierced young woman working the counter "Why are you dressed like a clown? Halloween is over." Sub Shop Girl was not amused.

    And a big no to the treadmill for me! I fractured my elbow and lost half the skin on my arm after a particularly nasty treadmill accident when I was in college, so I now avoid them at all costs. When the weather is horrific, I knock out laps on the YMCA track, which is mentally painful but so far hasn't harmed me physically :)

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  12. We were newlyweds and our friends had us over for dinner. The hostess was serving a broccoli noodle dish and I said, "I think you gave me this recipe in the recipe box at my shower." She said, "I did! Have you tried it yet?" For whatever reason I just blurted out, "No, because Sean hates broccoli." !!!??? So needless to say dinner was extremely awkward.

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  13. We were newlyweds and our friends had us over for dinner. The hostess was serving a broccoli noodle dish and I said, "I think you gave me this recipe in the recipe box at my shower." She said, "I did! Have you tried it yet?" For whatever reason I just blurted out, "No, because Sean hates broccoli." !!!??? So needless to say dinner was extremely awkward.

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  14. OMG,you are too funny. I would think that with all your pooping issues, the treadmill would be the safest place to run because you have a clean exit strategy? :-) That's why I run MOST of my shorter runs on it.

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  15. That same thing with the mix-up regarding kid/grandkid happened to some people I know. They were at a restaurant and the waitress said "What a cute grandson you have!" Well, it wasn't their grandson, it was their daughter!! haha. They said they still left the waitress a nice tip.

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  16. The looks on the treadmill- totally warranted. The only acceptable time to stay on an annoyingly noisy machine is if it is the only machine available (even then it's still pretty shitty). If it's not the only machine, it's really not that hard to step on to the one next to it. Just saying....

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    1. Wow. Angry much? I pay a pretty steep membership to this gym each month and depend on them to keep the equipment in good working order. If they can't then, it's not my fault if it makes noise. Maybe they should remove the offensive machine if it is that much of an issue.

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    2. Not angry, it's just really annoying. And I'm not saying the machine making noise is anyone's fault but the gyms. I just think it's nice for people to be considerate. Is it really that inconvenient to tell a trainer or employee that a machine is broken and take a different one? Because the other people who also pay the gym fee may not want to go deaf my just turning up the music. :-)

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  17. I used to hate treadmill running but like you we get a lost of snow here and during the winter it is a MUST so I have grown to like it a little bit more than I used to.

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  18. I never realized running was fun until I stopped slogging it out on a treadmill. Before, I thought running was simply punishment and all runners were insane or pulling a giant prank on the rest of us. Now I get how amazing it is. And weirdly enough, when I do have to run on the treadmill now (nighttime is scary), I find it way more enjoyable than I used to. Go figure.

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  19. Totally totally #LOVE the treadmill. We are BFFs.

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    1. I'm run aster on a treadmill, so we're good friends. :)

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  20. Hate the treadmill. I think it contributes to running injuries, not to mention soul sucking life draining boredom.

    With women having children later in life (myself included) Mom's are older all the time. Not your fault. I am 55 with a 16 year old, so I am a bit out of place among my daughter's friend s Moms, who are younger. I am sure the DMV person understood the mistake.

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    1. I am 57 with 15 and 17-year old sons. I'm still trying to figure out how that happened. :) Cheers to older moms! It continues to be the one of the best decisions I ever made.

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    2. I had my kids in my early/mid 20's. My kids are 20 & 18 now. It seemed like all the other moms were older then me by 5-10 years so I didn't feel like I fit in. I guess it goes both ways.

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  21. I agree with Sam - that must have been EXTREMELY awkward :(

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  22. Many moons ago while dancing at a local club. I went back to my bar stool and a gentleman had taken my sit. He stood up to give me my seat back. I thanked him and proceed to tell him that I have two legs. Soooooo ...he stood up and only had one leg.#AWKWARD. This week I ran on the TM since the wheather outside was frightful. I always feel like a hamster :)

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  23. I am 44 and my daughter is 7. I get granddaughter comments from time to time. I just smile and say thank you. They are complimenting HER, not trying to insult me. No sense in making them feel bad for trying to be nice. It is all about intentions.

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  24. Treadmill - hate it. I live in Nova Scotia and winters can be dreary at best. It is already freaking cold & windy but snow free so far. I will do an elliptical workout if there is too much ice outside but have not been on the treadmill in 3 years - kind of like Seinfeld's streak with not puking (if you are a Seinfeld fan, this will make sense).

    FIMD is basically part of being a member of the male sex - I have long since stopped trying to prevent this situations !


    -Rick Boudreau

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  25. Treadmills and bike trainers are necessary evils. Broken hips, not necessary. Just evil. Sometimes mother nature prevails.

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  26. Actually, at one of my heaviest points in my life, I was working as a makeup artist at a department store. We had to wear all black and that season, empire waists were in style. They hid my ever-expanding waistline and were trendy so I had a few. One of the sweetest clients I had done makeup for was cashing out and pointed to my belly area and asked when I was due. I wasn't, but we both went pretty red because all of a sudden I realized empire waist= maternity top on short, stocky girls like me. I was embarrassed even though she didn't mean it, but the next day I hopped on the treadmill (Canadian winters suck).
    I've been a treadmill trainer ever since that FIMD episode.

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  27. I hate the "dreadmill!!!!" If I can avoid it I most certainty will. Unless I have a good book on my Kindle to keep me occupied.

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