Thursday, December 17, 2015

The Stupid Ass Things I Do

I would blame the idiotic things I do on being too busy or overwhelmed, but the truth is I'm just not so bright sometimes.

First dense {as shit} thing I did this week:

I ordered our Christmas cards. We always do a picture card -  you know those cheap-o ones that everyone sends. I threw something together last minute and went to pick them up. I was pretty proud of myself for getting them done at all, you know with shopping and working and cooking and napping.

Don't be jealous of my fashion sense

As I opened the pack of 60 cards I noticed something strange. Can you catch it?



Yup. I did not change the default message. We are not the Walkers. We are the Risdons. There is no one in our family named Grace, Andrew, James or Cooper. I am sure they are very nice people, but they are not us.  I have 60 cards from not-our-family. I will send them anyways just to confuse people. Screw it. That's what Sharpies are for.

Next obtuse thing I did:

Person after person has been telling me to read the book The Boys in the Boat. It's not the kind of book that really interested me. I'm not deeply into rowing or historical non fiction or boys (<Thank God or that would be creepy).

But, I did break down and decided to read the book since when people like a book they pretty much shame you until you read the book. I loaded it onto my Kindle and got to work. I liked it pretty well, but kept wondering when all the boys were going to show up and start training for the US Olympic team. I read on and on, not at all understanding where the book was going and what it was about some little poor Irish boy. That's when I realized I was reading this:

The Boy in the Boat

Just so you know, the BOY IN THE BOAT and the BOYS IN THE BOAT are not at all the same book. You see, for the sake of people like me, there should not be books that have such close titles.

And the last dumb thing I did? I am stubborn as hell and as you know I hate the treadmill. When we got a half foot of snow on Tuesday, I didn't run:


But, yesterday I was damned if I would miss my run. I put on my Yaktrax and headed out.


 Not only was it 10 degrees but it was icy with lots of spots of deep snow. People, it took me 41 minutes to go 4 miles and I was exhausted. Not to mention that I almost broke my ass on the ice (that's why I have a crack in it!! Haha!!). Today I didn't want to be so dumb. I did not want to risk making my crack any bigger and maybe breaking bones so I did the unthinkable.

I dusted off our treadmill, which has not been used in over a year. I ran 5 miles on that piece of shit machine. I sweated. I ran in a sports bra.I did not love it, but I did it and it was better than the alternative.

What a lovely spot for a treadmill. Tucked in between the Broncos
cheerleaders poster and my 18 year old's man cave. It's a wonder I don't get on here more often.
There you have it. Confessions of stupidity. I would say it is because I am blond, but really I'm gray under all these years of highlights, so that doesn't count.

What's the last stupid thing you did? Entertain me please. 

SUAR

63 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. My grandma once bought one of those collage frames and hung it up..WITH THE PICTURES OF THE PEOPLE THAT CAME WITH THE FRAME. We teased her about her "other" family..she didn't get it.

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    2. You just made me laugh out loud! And not feel nearly as bad as taking two out of three loads of dirty clothes to the laundrymat yesterday. Merry Christmas "Mrs. Walker!" Oh, and I'm Amelia Ostroff. Just haven't figured how to comment as me instead of "unknown" when viewing blogs on my iPhone.

      Delete
    3. Resolve Your Marriage Issues With The Help Of Prophet Ayelala..

      GREETINGS everyone.. My name is Sarah Gomez FROM CANADA i will never forget the help Prophet Ayelala rendered to me in my marital life. i have been married for 5 years now and my husband and i love each other very dearly . after 3 years of our marriage my husband suddenly change he was having an affair with a lady outside,i notice it then i was praying for divine intervention the thing became more serious i told my pastor about it we prayed but nothing happen. my husband just came home one day he pick up his things and left me and the kids to his mistress outside at this time i was confuse not knowing what to do again because i have lost my husband and my marriage too. i was searching for help in the internet, i saw many people sharing testimony on how Prophet Ayelala help them out with their marital problems so i contacted the email of Prophet Ayelala i told him my problem and i was told to be calm that i have come to the right place were i can get back my husband within the next 24hours. He told me what went wrong with my husband and how it happen.that they will restored my marriage. to my greatest surprise my husband came to my office begging me on his knees that i should find a place in my heart to forgive him,that he will never cheat on me again. i quickly ask him up that i have forgiven him.friends your case is not too hard why don't you give Prophet Ayelala a try they work surprises because i know they will help you to fix your relationship with your ex partner. i thank god for using Prophet Ayelala to save my marriage. Contact him via Email: ( Ayelala7demons@gmail.com ) Or Reach him on whats-app: +2347031894318



      Delete
  2. Your card made me laugh. I am dreaming of running in 10 degree weather after this morning. It was below zero here this morning and that was chilly. My husband put sheet metal screws in the tread on my shoes and that really saves me on the ice. I, also, loathe my treadmill so I brave the cold. 5 miles is forever on the treadmill.

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  3. I'm loving the card! Especial since I rebelled and chose not to send any this year. I wonder how many people will actually notice. Here's an idea - use the Walker name on your return address. Keep the confusion going ;)

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  4. I did that EXACT same thing last year with our cards....but that's what they make paper cutters and sharpies for :)

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  5. I just don't send cards.

    I took a hip hop class. Talk about being a white girl. Holy hell. I have no rhythm.

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  6. Waited in a long line up at Dollarama. When it was finally my turn and I went to empty my cart...it was already empty because they didn't have what I went for and I hadn't bought anything.

    Was dancing around my kitchen with a cutting board in one hand. Threw my hands in the air like I just didn't care, then suddenly glass from my light cover was raining down on me.

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  7. We had a similar situation with Christmas cards except it was my poor husband who didn't realize the message had to be saved. Still have those cards here from the Smiths in case we run out of the right ones.

    Someone told me they like to drink a particular flavor of Skratch hot. I asked how she kept it warm thinking she took it like that on a run. Told my husband and he just rolled his eyes at me.

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  8. Your cards are awesome! I have to admit that I laughed a little longer than was necessary at that one. I almost did the exact same thing this year!

    Yesterday, I was riding the struggle bus all day because I didn't get enough sleep the night before (thank you inpromptu work holiday parties at the bar). I had a 5 min conversation with a coworker yesterday about Nicaragua and Zimbabwe, and thinking they were both in Africa before I realized those 2 countries are definitely on separate continents. I'm not sure if I played it off really well, or if the coworker was just too nice to point that out to me. Oh well!

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  9. Boy(s) in the Boat, that made me laugh, thanks! My husband is a rower so maybe I am biased...

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    Replies
    1. (Ditto. Two rowers in the house.)

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  10. Ummmm, hate to bring it up, but it also looks like someone is copping a feel. Nice move Grace. :)

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    Replies
    1. Hahaha! She can't help herself. I am SO buxom.

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  11. Oh My Lanta... I love you!! Thank you for keepin' it real and bring'in a smile to my face during this busy... I'm not motivated & needed this... kinda week. YOU ROCK!

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  12. The first thing i thought was, "That's not Heidi!" For stupid...my list is way too long.

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  13. Our Christmas card last year I did the same thing. I changed the words but it didn't save. I stuck an address label over it and called it a day.

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  14. I got a copy editing job at the college newspaper. They told me to get the AP Stylebook and study it over the summer. I found an APA Stylebook. Not.At.All.The.Same. So, after reading that boring book over the summer and coming back to the first staff meeting to realize my very large error, I slipped it back in my bag. I'm sure they were thrilled with such a strong hire...

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  15. This just made my day....maybe my week but I have forgotten most of that already.

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  16. FYI: I know a woman who went out running in the snow and ice Tuesday in beautiful Colorado. She fell, literally split her ankle open, shattered her tibia and had to crawl to the corner waving for a neighbor as blood filled her shoe. She was not 20 feet from her house. Make friends with the treadmill, it loves you and only wants to feel you pounding on her back :) and when else can you run in just a sports bra in a snowstorm?

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    Replies
    1. Wow, how awful. But thank you!! This was very convicing.

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  17. Love the Christmas cards. Send them anyway!

    FWIW...I hate the dreadmill and will do anything to avoid it!

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  18. I'm in Denver. The snow and ice is why I have a treadmill. I love it. It's freedom when I'm going insane. And oh my gosh that card was great. I love photo cards! It's the best way to catch up!

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  19. I freaking love the cards; in fact, I may do it on purpose next year because it made me laugh so hard. Maybe I'll even photo shop better looking people as 'us'. I do multiple stupid stuff on a daily basis - just the other day, I walked into a wood garbage bin in my office, papers flying and banging my knee so hard I spewed several 4 letter words. So, keeping this in mind, I do use my treadmill quite a bit in the winter, because can you imagine me on the ice??

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  20. The Christmas card fail is epic! Still laughing!

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  21. Recently while talking on the phone with my mother I thought I'd multi task and check my email. My laptop was on the fritz so I proceeded to search the house for my phone so I could check the mail on it. After increasingly panicking because my phone was no where to be found I realized I WAS TALKING ON IT. I scared myself that day.

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    Replies
    1. HAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! Funny thing is, I did the EXACT thing a couple of weeks ago while talking to a friend. You are not alone!

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  22. I came SO VERY CLOSE to doing the same thing with our XMAS cards--but that print is so darn small! :)

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    Replies
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      Delete
  23. I did the same thing two years ago with our card! Except it was the back that I didn't edit so it talked all about Susie going to ski camp and Johnny playing soccer. I don't have kids. :) SO funny!

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  24. I did a similar thing with a kindle book. I bought the spanish version. I was very disappointed in myself.

    ReplyDelete
  25. About a month ago, I went into my refrigerator and stood up so quickly that I hit my head on the top portion. I actually ended up with a concussion, which makes it number 9 for me. Imagine, taken out by a fridge.

    ReplyDelete
  26. I lost my husband to another woman 2 weeks ago after 27 years of marriage . We had a lovely marriage but he started a relationship with a co worker who chased after him . He is living away near his work and her and refuses to talk to me or to come home . I am devastated and am finding it hard to cope . I wish I did not love him and that I could move on but I can't . I don't know how to stop feeling like this I wish I didn't as its eating me away and I m starting to feel ill. I have degraded myself begging him to come home all to no avail. I became very worried and needed help. As I was browsing through the internet one day, I came across a website that suggested that Dr Frank Ojo can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he did a spell for me. tow days later, my husband came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I and my family are living together happily again.. All thanks to Dr Frank Ojo . If you need a spell caster that can cast a spell that truly works, I suggest you contact him. He will not disappoint you. if you have any problem contact him, I give you 100% guarantee that he will help you, This is his details, E-mail: Templeofloveandprosperity@gmail.com , Web site: http://lovespell2.yolasite.com . Mobile number +2348072370762. Thank you all for reading.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Replies
    1. Resolve Your Marriage Issues With The Help Of Prophet Ayelala..

      GREETINGS everyone.. My name is Sarah Gomez FROM CANADA i will never forget the help Prophet Ayelala rendered to me in my marital life. i have been married for 5 years now and my husband and i love each other very dearly . after 3 years of our marriage my husband suddenly change he was having an affair with a lady outside,i notice it then i was praying for divine intervention the thing became more serious i told my pastor about it we prayed but nothing happen. my husband just came home one day he pick up his things and left me and the kids to his mistress outside at this time i was confuse not knowing what to do again because i have lost my husband and my marriage too. i was searching for help in the internet, i saw many people sharing testimony on how Prophet Ayelala help them out with their marital problems so i contacted the email of Prophet Ayelala i told him my problem and i was told to be calm that i have come to the right place were i can get back my husband within the next 24hours. He told me what went wrong with my husband and how it happen.that they will restored my marriage. to my greatest surprise my husband came to my office begging me on his knees that i should find a place in my heart to forgive him,that he will never cheat on me again. i quickly ask him up that i have forgiven him.friends your case is not too hard why don't you give Prophet Ayelala a try they work surprises because i know they will help you to fix your relationship with your ex partner. i thank god for using Prophet Ayelala to save my marriage. Contact him via Email: ( Ayelala7demons@gmail.com ) Or Reach him on whats-app: +2347031894318



      Delete
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  44. Resolve Your Marriage Issues With The Help Of Prophet Ayelala..

    GREETINGS everyone.. My name is Sarah Gomez FROM CANADA i will never forget the help Prophet Ayelala rendered to me in my marital life. i have been married for 5 years now and my husband and i love each other very dearly . after 3 years of our marriage my husband suddenly change he was having an affair with a lady outside,i notice it then i was praying for divine intervention the thing became more serious i told my pastor about it we prayed but nothing happen. my husband just came home one day he pick up his things and left me and the kids to his mistress outside at this time i was confuse not knowing what to do again because i have lost my husband and my marriage too. i was searching for help in the internet, i saw many people sharing testimony on how Prophet Ayelala help them out with their marital problems so i contacted the email of Prophet Ayelala i told him my problem and i was told to be calm that i have come to the right place were i can get back my husband within the next 24hours. He told me what went wrong with my husband and how it happen.that they will restored my marriage. to my greatest surprise my husband came to my office begging me on his knees that i should find a place in my heart to forgive him,that he will never cheat on me again. i quickly ask him up that i have forgiven him.friends your case is not too hard why don't you give Prophet Ayelala a try they work surprises because i know they will help you to fix your relationship with your ex partner. i thank god for using Prophet Ayelala to save my marriage. Contact him via Email: ( Ayelala7demons@gmail.com ) Or Reach him on whats-app: +2347031894318



    ReplyDelete
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