Three more reasons I’m not sure I like swimming:
- What? Can’t hear you. My ears are still clogged with water. I’m sure it’ll come out in its own time, probably in the middle of dinner. I love that sensation. Warm pool water oozing out the earlobe and onto the neck (TWSS)
- People use the pool as a pick up joint. This dude in the next lane would wait for me to finish a lap then say things like, “Wow! Are you in the best shape of your life? What do you eat? You must work out everyday!” I don’t get hit on often, so I should bask in the glory. But really, it’s just annoying when you’re trying to get your workout on. He should have said, “I noticed you thrashing around. Would you like to hold onto my floaties?” cause at least then I would have been entertained.
- The band aid on the bottom of the pool that I saw 100 time as I swam 100 lengths. I was just bored enough that I wondered, “Whose band aid is that? What type of injury did they have? Why did they wear it in the water?”
Moving on. There’s a new craze in town and it has nothing to do with Justin Beiber or women peeing standing up.
The trend? Indoor marathons. If you don’t believe me, check out this January 20 article 
In an effort to run marathons year round in the coldest of climates (think Milwaukee and Ontario), the indoor race is becoming an option. Runners circle a track. About 150 times. Before you stick your nose in the air and scream, “No eff’ing way, douchebag!” consider the benefits:
- You get to know your aid station folks very well
- You get to pay to run circles
- Slower runners get continually lapped by the elites, so friendships naturally form
- No spitting is allowed on the track. All spit goes into trashcans along the way
- If you collapse, a medic is always close by
- No hills, no wind, no rain, no snow, no fresh air
- You’ll finally know how your pet hamster used to feel, running to nowhere
- Runners change direction every 30 minutes to prevent injury (something about the corners?). You don’t get that at an outside marathon!
- 150 opportunities to “chick,” “dude,” lap, or ridicule other runners. See Jamoosh for more info on this one.
- Too hot, take off your jacket. Next lap, if you’re cold, pick it up. No more leaving Good Will clothes on the side of the road
- You get to re-live your own farts, lap by lap
- You can fine tune your counting skills
Of course there are pitfalls:
- Duh! The smell alone will kill ya’
- Running around a track 150 times
- Finally knowing how your pet hamster used to feel
- Getting to know the aid station volunteers very well
- Not being able to spit on the ground
- Passing other runners means you’ll use the outside lanes. You’ll go further than 26.2 miles for sure
- Vertigo
- Getting “chicked,”ridiculed, “duded” lapped of 150 times
- Getting to re-live your own farts, lap by lap
- Someone vomits, pees, craps – you get to revisit the pile with each lap
If you’re feeling really adventurous, you could journey to Bad Salzungen, Germany and run 26.2 miles through salt mine tunnels. Now that would be something!
I would totally do it. Just to say I did. In fact, I might just swim a marathon in circles around the deep end to prove it. Mark my words. I will do an indoor marathon one of these days. Who’s in? I smell blogger meet up.
I think the solution is that every city that experiences winter temperatures should build a 26.2 mile indoor track.
Would you ever consider doing an indoor marathon?
What’s your best pick up line? Mine is: “How did you fit that big thing into that little ol’ Speedo?”
Getting dizzy,
PS: Just lost a follower. Down to 1162, boohoo for me. Someone doesn’t like indoor marathons or band aids.
