Today I took a recovery run. I was feeling sluggish and hot. Not hot as in sexy and vivacious, but hot like my crack was sweating. 5.4 miles in 48:56 (9:04 avg). I don’t usually tell you about all my measly runs (unless they’re the “runs” that require a porta potty, then I share), but today’s run stood out.
I’ve said before one of my favorite places to run is at a local lake:
Best setting ever, huh? You run along a path, most of it trail and it’s a 3.4 mile loop. From my house and around is 5.4 miles. Perfect.
So, get this. On Friday night a woman hung herself in one of the parks by the lake. I’ve run by this park hundreds of times. In fact, my daughter’s soccer team just had their picnic there. Very eerie and upsetting.
Running by the park today I found myself sadly wondering why and how she did it. I shivered as I thought of her just hanging there, dead. You start getting really introspective about why people take their own lives. All of the whys.
I was reminded of when I was ten years old and two people shot themselves behind my house at my favorite little park. I never felt the same about that place and you could see the blood stains for weeks. Kind of traumatic for a ten year old.
I don’t know the back-story on this poor woman by the lake. I do know that the two that committed suicide behind my house were teenagers who were in love but their parents didn’t want them together. They had decided they would either run away or kill themselves. You just wish you had had the chance to see those two in the grocery store that day and had been able to have a conversation. Would it have made a difference? Who knows. We never know how the things we do and say can affect people.
Having had times of depression in my own life (short lived thank god), I know how it is difficult to see your way out of a bad spot. How it all looks hopeless and you’re not sure it will ever get better. How you aren’t sure where to turn. The important thing is that you do turn. That you let someone in. If you can. That you have faith in things passing and improving.
So, today I felt really sad and kind of creeped-out as I ran by that park. I had been dreading going near there, but am glad I did. I felt awful for those left behind and how they might blame themselves. I hope they can find peace.
Tomorrow we leave for Florida for a week. Ken’s parents live in Dade City, which is about an hour north of Tampa. Hopefully I’ll be able to do some humid blogging from there. How do you guys run in that stuff?
