Monday, July 27, 2009

I'm In Serious Trouble

Tonight I am wondering what is wrong with those people in Oregon. You know - the ones who awarded me my trip to the Hood to Coast Relay.

Disclaimer: if any Strands folks are reading this (like they have the time and interest to read my little blog) I am THRILLED to be joining you. Cannot wait, in fact. So don't get the wrong idea.

Don't get me wrong - I love these folks for their generosity and willingness to take me, novice runner, on this adventure. But let me tell you why they are out of their f'n minds and why there is a very good chance they will be sorely disappointed in me:

  • I looked at the roster for the Team Strands/Puma Cats, the team I'll be running with. There are twelve of us. Nine men, three women. Okay, I can deal with that. I like being one of few women because I am pretty crude and might actually get along better in a van full of testosterone versus one full of estrogen. Men fart, burp and talk about body parts like nobody's business. I'm down with that.
  • Everyone with the exception of me and my husband (yes, the fabulous Strands guys found a spot for Ken on the team too!!) was born between 1975 and 1982, making them all 8 to 15 years younger than me (us). No big deal, I can hang with the young 'uns. I like Flor Rida and them apple bottom jeans (no clue what those are, but I sound cool don't I).
  • Ken and I are the only two from Colorado - the rest are from Wisconsin, Massachusetts, Oregon. That's fine - I like cheese, Harvard and rainy weather so we'll have something to talk about.

But the true clincher is....these people are fast. And when I say fast, I mean their parents must have mated with gazelles and cheetahs to produce these kind of whippersnappers.

Every single one of my team members (minus Ken, sorry honey) runs between a 30 and 38 minute 10K. Did you hear me??? I did not say 30 minute 5K or even 30 minute 5 miler. I SAID 10K DAMMIT. I don't even know what that works out to: a two minute mile or something. Who does that? Who are these people and why the hell did they choose me to run with them??? Don't they know that I will single handedly destroy any chance they have of winning this thing?

Well, assuming they know what they are doing by choosing me, I have to hand it to them. They obviously are taking the high road. They would rather bring in some old, slow fart from Colorado and experience my presence than win this race. Maybe they're hoping for a boob shot. I will be forever eternally grateful they're taking me. But, I am mother-effing intimidated!!!

Quick - words of wisdom? Reasons I shouldn't be scared? Blogger friends, give it to me. Make me feel better.

21 comments:

  1. You have amazing abs. Like, super human abs.

    Oh and you are WAY more awesome than you give yourself credit for!

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  2. Totally agree... i wish i had abs like yours.... :::JEALOUS::: :) :)

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  3. "Remember the boob shot" will trump any disappointment the team may have in you. I doubt they will be disappointed though.

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  4. I'm trying to set up a relay team around me for Bridge-to-Shore where I'll be the speedy one. So far, no luck. I'm the slowpokiest for miles around!

    I feel your anxiety, girl. Sounds like a boob/abs shot will distract the young'uns.

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  5. Run naked...that will distract them so much that they won't be able to run the 30 minute 10K. Or just use this as motivation to improve on your running times! Hang in their and just remember that this is going to be one amazing opportunity!

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  6. Awesome that Ken gets to come along too!

    Don't sweat it - they chose you for a reason.

    I agree with the previous boob/ab comments.

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  7. I'm sure you will hold your own with all those young guys! You'll be having so much fun, you won't even notice what pace you are running.

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  8. Did they need a chaperon? Just kidding, you will complete the team nicely. I know you will have a great time.

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  9. Girl you are going to give those whipper-snappers a run for their money! You totally got this!

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  10. I did a relay race before and they aren't always about speed. They are about having a ton of fun and meeting great people. Don't worry, you'll fit right in and have a blast.

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  11. The age part wouldn't bother me, but the speed part would. Craaaaap!

    Oh wait, I'm supposed to make you feel better.

    You know what? Forget about it. Like you said, this is all about the experience right? To keep you from slipping into a mind numbing suburban life? This is gonna be everything you wanted and more!

    And lady, you are no tortise, mmmmk?

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  12. You'll do great! In the world of internet stalking, I suspect they know exactly how fast you are. :o) They chose you for a reason.

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  13. I've been reading your blog for a while (found it through Macker's Meanderings). You're hilarious -- I love this post. And you do have great abs.

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  14. I'm with Jamoosh and Tara, there are ways to distract them if you really wanted to. ;)

    I'm sure you'll be fine. They picked you for a reason.

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  15. You run all your times at altitude. I'm sure that being closer to sea level will allow you to hit easy 6 min pace*

    *-not a guarantee

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  16. NO! do not be scared or intimidated! you are an amazingly inshape woman. you are fast, beautiful, funny, everything! they will love you and it doesnt matter at all what paces everyone runs at- only the pace YOU run at. dont worry beth- you will ROCK IT

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  17. LOL! You are too funny! They are lucky to get you! I am sure they knew there was a chance they would get someone slower (um, not running at the speed of light?!) with the contest. They will be excited to have you!

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  18. well generally I've thought you were pretty speedy, so maybe you are just going to be pushed to an even higher level by running with them.

    Or maybe they needed someone for their grade point average like a sorority?

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  19. Dude - isn't it all about the personal time anyways. I mean yeah, it's a relay, but it's not like thier *personal* times are going to really be affected by you. It's totally reasonable to be intimidated. In fact, if your not somebody should check your pulse.

    Did they not know your pace when they asked you to join?

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  20. I like the altitude comment from Macker. Also, you are so kickass in everything you take on so go with it and HAVE FUN. I'm unashamed to admit I'm proud of you AND I'm jealous. I wonder if the want any other 40+ runners but this one is busy making old, slow people feel really good about themselves - so I'm too busy. Sorry.

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