Thursday, July 30, 2009

The Price I Pay for Speed

I ran hills yesterday with my antisocial running group. I'm not trying to be critical, but it's just the truth. They seem like nice enough people, yet pretty stuck in their own cliques and reluctant to talk to someone new. And, yes, I have made efforts. Usually I'm all, what's your name? what are you training for? been running long? Maybe I need some new questions like, are you on the rag? how long have you had that mole? do you have gas?

However, I have decided to be a grown up and not a high schooler and to make the best of it. It would be a bonus to meet some new running friends, but I am remaining focused on why I am there. I have noticed a huge benefit from all of the speed training. Boston here I come, right??

But back to yesterday: the coach, who I had never met before, but who I am paying to coach me, didn't care to ask my name, but called my "Saucony" for the first half of training and "Abs" for the second half (or maybe he was calling me "ass"). I guess these nicknames are better than "new girl," "slow poke," or the dreaded "shit for brains." Anyway, no speed work yesterday (unless you count sprinting up hills), so I felt compelled to go to the dreaded mother f'n track today.

My half marathon is next weekend. Smart Coach from (who by the way doesn't call me names, but just sits quietly on my bulletin board) insisted that I run 7 miles:

1 mile warm up
3x1600 @7:34 w/800 jogs
1 mile cool down

Yeah, yeah. 7:34 sucks for me. I knew I would hate it.

I got ready to leave and managed to drop the kids at the pool, if you know what I mean, before leaving. I ran the mile to the track at my son's middle-school-to-be. For some reason CO is experiencing very cool weather. It was 54 degrees. Perfection. With the cold weather has also come rain, so the track was soaked with many puddles. Crap, I thought. These will slow me down. I did the 800 jog, then started my first mile. All was going well until the familiar feeling crept over my. Are you kidding me? But I went before leaving the house! Why does this always happen to me no matter how far I'm running?

Mind over matter, I told myself. Hold it in. Keep going. Between my first and second 1600s, the urgency was indisputable. I would have killed for a bright blue porta potty. Even one that hadn't been cleaned in months and had no toilet paper. But alas, I had no choice but to visit the trees by the track and to do some fertilizing.

Mile 1: 7:21
Mile 2: 7:30
Mile 3: 7:33

I got home, cleaned up, and didn't have the heart to tell my son what had occurred at the track of his new school. Mostly because I could just see it: the sixth grade boys out for gym class. The usual bantering goes on. Someone farts. Someone else tries to do one louder. My son says, oh you think that's a good one! My mom once took a dump behind those trees.
The sacrifices I make for speed.


  1. Um, great Coach. Perhaps some "people skills" are necessary.

  2. Haha, great story! You had me cracking up the entire time!
    Great speedwork session, and hopefully your running group will warm up to ya soon :)

  3. Well at least it didn't happen with your running group - you could earned yourself the nickname "Skid Mark".

  4. I squandered any remnants of pride I may have had hanging around once I became a long-distance runner. It's so overrated anyway.

    Good luck warming up with your running group. Maybe they're just intimidated by you. A great set of abs will do that. ;-)

  5. Sucky coach, that's a bummer.

    Only adolescent boys would brag about making in the bushes! I agree, don't tell him. :)

    Good luck with your speedwork and your running group!

  6. I peed in the parking lot of my church once. How many Hail Marys do you think I have to say for that???

  7. have you had a chance to test out those probiotics? just wondering if they make a difference

  8. i wouldnt mind being called "abs" haha but i agree- i would want my own coach to know me! so funny about your trip to the trees! and that sucks that your group is still antisocial- im with you i always talk to people and ask them questions and such- seems like they are sorta rude

  9. Hey Beth. Hit me up if you want a good taper to try sometime. I'd recommend trying it before a race that's not muy importante, but it's really nice.

  10. I've never used smart coach but am interested to hear your report of how you liked it.

  11. You killed your 1600s - nicely done!

    I think the trees appreciated your dump more than any portapot ever could ;)

  12. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!!!!! HAHAHA, i can't stop laughing. And by the way, that's way too ballsy. I'd be so terrified, the kids'd crawl back, haha.

    AWESOME times! I'm back at the track too. Went yesterday, just did some 100 meter repeats all out, and today I AM SORE.

  13. Atta girl. Nature is ALWAYS cleaner than a public restroom anyways. It's my prefered method if I'm not at a home.

    So you hired a coach?! That's good. Did I miss a post though? Why did you just breifly mention it here -- details, detils girl. And if you hired a coach why are you using Smart Coach? Was it a plan you've been working with for the half and your just riding it out?

    Mabye your running group is just waiting to see if your going to last before playing nice. Some sort of weird adult hazing process.

  14. Oh man, I've been there but never actually had to let loose in the trees. I'm hoping that doesn't happen, although could it be worse than the time I crapped myself??

  15. Not bad nicknames, but it would be nice if he'd learn your name... bummer that the antisocials are still being, well, antisocial. At least your getting some good workouts!

    Nice splits at the track!

  16. Oh you poor thing! I haven't had the unfortunate experience of the bathroom emergency yet, but when I do, I'll be sure to come here for sympathy. And I agree, I wouldn't mind at being called "abs", but it is annoying that the coach doesn't call you by your name. If those anti-social runners only knew the fun they were missing out on by not getting to know you and your wonderful sense of humor.

  17. Great speed! Good luck next weekend.

  18. funny story!!! great job on your 1600s you killed it!

    good luck next weekend too!

  19. holy sh#@t you are funny. Great post and I am sure you would probably scar your kids for life if they ever knew.

  20. great blog..
    no i am not on the rag, what mole? I am a guy of course I have gas.

  21. you NAILED those intervals!!!!

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