Wednesday, May 9, 2012

The Man Behind Me In Line

I love people. I really do. I know it would surprise you to learn that I am an extrovert. I get my energy from people, baby! 

But, some days I feel like I have a sign on my head that says, Hello all strangers! Talk to me. Tell me about your hemorrhoids or your Aunt Edna who has herpes. Talk to me and do not let me get a word in edge wise. Talk to me and speak only of yourself.”

Does this happen to you too?

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy human interactions and meeting new people. But, occasionally there will be these very random exchanges that make me go, “Huh? Am I even part of this conversation?”

This weekend I was at Barnes and Noble. I was innocently in line waiting to buy “Chi Running.” I almost bought “50 Shades of Grey.” I had it in my hand, thinking I wanted to buy it, imagining that my local library might be too prude to have it. But, in the end, I put it back. 

If you don’t know, “50 Shades of Grey” is a very erotic novel that is selling like gluten free muffins at a celiac convention. Have you read it yet? Are you running out to buy it right now? (BTW, hilarious skit on SNL this week referring to the book).

Anyway, so here I stand, my “Chi Running” book in hand, waiting in line to make my purchase.

Man Behind Me In Line: Oh, hey, so I see you are reading CHAI running.

Me (thinking, does he think this book is about spicy tea?): Yeah, I’d like to learn more about it…

MBMIL: Well, I’m getting this book on running in Colorado. I live in a very small town. I am the town runner. I work at a prison. I run everywhere. I love to run. I want to run  in Boulder. I am fifty years old. Have you heard of that Bolder Boulder race? I like races. I want to run a race. In Colorado. In Boulder and it’s supposed to be a good race.

Me: Yes, that’s a fun one. Really big race, it’s…

MBMIL: Well, I was going to do a marathon, you know. I was training. I’m fifty years old. I was training then the ex-wife got cancer and, well, had to stop training and stuff. But you know I’m going to do a marathon. I am the town runner. I run everywhere. I’m fifty.

Me: Oh. Well, I…

MBMIL: I mean I might do a half marathon, not sure. Don't have much time. I work the late shift, so I sleep all day, work all night. I come home from work, then sleep, then get up and run before I go to work. I work all night. I’m getting this book. Looks good. About running in Colorado. Might do a 10K.

Me: Neat. Well, nice talking to you. (or nice having you talk at me)

It’s a damn good thing I did not have “50 Shades of Grey” in my hand. God only knows what kind of conversation would have erected from that (Get it? Erected?)

Nice enough guy. If you are reading this MBMIL, you really are nice and thank you for saying hello. I just didn’t really feel like I was part of the conversation. Sometimes I wonder if people are lonely and that is why they give so much information and just talk, talk, talk. Either that or they just really like themselves a whole heck of a lot.

Oh, I just thought of one more crazy interaction. Eons ago we had just moved into a duplex in Denver. I came out to meet our neighbor. She was a different type of lady – older, red hair, Rosemary was her name. She told me that the walls between our two apartments were pretty thin. She told me she hoped she never heard me throwing a frying pan at Ken’s head and calling him a “cocksucker.” I’m not kidding. That’s what she said.

Ever have these kind of awkward/unusual interactions with strangers? Actually, I feel like this happens to me almost on a daily basis. I’m not trying to be a judgmental jerk. I really do love people.

I’m curious about this “50 Shades of Grey.” Anyone read it? It kind of reminds me of being in 8th grade when Judy Blume’s book, “Forever” was kind of taboo and all the rage. I did find 50 Shades at the library. There are about ten copies and I am number 65 on the wait list. GO Longmont sex fiends!

SUAR

99 comments:

  1. Oh you have to read 50 Shades of Grey. I read the trilogy in less than 5 days. I couldn't put it down. Since then I've re-read at least twice. Yep its a guilty pleasure!

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    1. Ok, I'm officially talked into it.

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    2. Noooo! There are so many better written trashy books out there! I thought it was creepy and decidedly un-sexy. Before purchasing, you must, at least, read this review: http://www.foreveryoungadult.com/2012/04/06/my-safe-word-is-dnf/

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    3. I agree with Andria....... try Anne Rice's Sleeping Beauty trilogy under her pen name A.N. Roquelaure versus this series.

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    4. 50 Shades is a trilogy?! Awesome! I'll be all set for vacation reading next month!! I'll definitely be ordering it from Amazon. And I love everything Anne Rice writes! I'll pick up that trilogy, too!!

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    5. I'm with Tammy, I read all three in a week. They were great!

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    6. Loved 50 Shades (my first erotic book, sqeee) but tried Sleeping Beauty..yikes and yuck! If I wanted full out porn maybe that would be my things...it was not for me. But then again, I just wanted to spice up my love life for my hubby, not enter the world of Bondage...

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  2. I've not heard of 50 Shades of Grey but am ordering it immediately from Amazon. :)

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    1. You won't regret it. :)

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    2. Don't think, just read! hahaahha

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  3. Random strangers always tell me way too personal things. I always leave wondering what the heck just happened and why they would tell a stranger what they just told me? I don't know if I just look friendly or if they tell everyone these things, but to those people I say, "No, I don't want to know that your husband had a bad case of the runs last night!"

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  4. I just was pointed to your blog the other day, in particular the one about porta-potty love, and so enjoy your humor.

    These conversations happen to me too. I used to hate it that my mom would just talk to anyone about anything, then i did that for a while, now I'm the one people overshare with. Just this weekend an older gentleman at my 5k did that. I've decided i'm no longer standing alone before races start. :)

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  5. As a barista, people think that along with serving coffee, it's my job to hear ALL the details of their lives. I don't like to be rude, but sometimes I have to help other customers... or I don't want to know what your favorite sex position is... I'm just sayin...

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  6. Download it to a book reader. That way no one has to know you are reading Mommy Porn... :)

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    1. That's the only way I could let myself buy it - stealth like! I haven't bought the rest of the set though because I wonder if it's possible to overdo it on the s&m/porn stuff?

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    2. That's what I did!

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  7. I've been planning on reading it but haven't yet (had to get through Hunger Games series first lol). Can't wait to hear about it.

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  8. I just looked it up on my library's website. There are 6 copies and 82(!!!!) people on the wait list.

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  9. I have been trying to get a hold of that damn "Fifty Shades of Gray" for the last two weeks! Both Wal-Mart and Target were out of it and I sent the husband to Barnes and Nobles on Sunday and they were out of it too. I must live in a dirty minded subdivision because it isn't anywhere to be found.

    I just walk around picking my nose. It tends to discourage people from talking to me.

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  10. I have read the trilogy of Fifty Shades and enjoyed all of them!! I really liked the characters and the kinky sex stuff was an added bonus:)

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  11. I remember reading Forever! I bought 50 Shades of Grey on my Kindle but have read 3 books in the meantime, and have only gotten through half of 50 shades. The writing is terrible, but I'm sure it's wonderful if you're into straight people sex. ;-)

    I am extremely familiar with the kind of conversations you write about. My former boss was like this. She considered us friends for some reason; which was always strange to me because I never said a word to her. She didn't know anything about me but I knew everything about her. In the year she was my boss, I don't think she once asked a question about me. But I was a really good listener, apparently. I hate those one sided conversations. They make me want to pull my hair out.

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  12. I have these plain kinda looks - but for some reason, everyone thinks I look like someone else, and, of course, always feel compelled to tell me. The most recent list: Sarah Palin, Jennifer Lopez, Marie Osmond, a fatter Karen Carpenter, Beyonce, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Karen Valentine, their cousin Sue.... I just smile and say, "Thanks - I think."

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    1. Seriously? None of those people look alike. . . how can you look like all of them?? Funny!

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  13. Many people talk at me. I'm just that kind of receptive person, perhaps. Unfortunately, they are not strangers.

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  14. I've not read 50 Shades. Probably won't. And I think MBYIL is lonely and not a narcissicst. And Rosemary cracks me UP!!!! Good luck with your Chi :)

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  15. I too am the victim of the overshare. For a while I had a picture of Lucy at her pscychiatrist booth on my office door. Five cents please. LOL

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  16. Happens to me all. the. time. I was living in another country once when a car pulled along the sidewalk next to me and asked me, in Hungarian, for directions. I don't speak Hungarian. But I always look like I know where I'm going, I guess.

    As to 50 Shades of Grey...I read some reviews on Amazon and decided not to read it. My best friend got sucked in and says the writing is so terrible it's painful. She suspects the novel was born of Twilight Fan Fiction.

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    1. No suspecting about it. The author freely admits it was originally Twilight fan fiction.

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  17. I don't often have random stranger interludes, I think I must give the don't talk to me today vibe or the I'm so into my kindle I wouldn't notice if the bus burned down vibe.
    50 Shades is dirty and sweet and one of the best guilty pleasures around. I read them all in a weekend and am starting again.
    I was in the hundreds on the wait list and that is just too long!!!

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  18. Re Shades of Gray, I don't understand the hype ... it's not like these books haven't existed in forever. Hello, we desperate housewives have been reading Vampire sex books for years now. bahaha!!! Give me a hot Thor looking fictitious ab-licious vampire who is searching for his one true woman mate love so he can ravish her any day over some rich regular dude who is weird.

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  19. I believe 50 Shades is born of Twilight Fan Fiction. Pretty sure I read an interview with the author about that. I haven't read the books yet!

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  20. love it.

    I get the same freaking people. no joke. life stories all day long.

    I'm still looking for "COFFEE RUNNING".

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  21. Your post had me cracking up. Why? Because i've been there. lol Thanks for the laugh. I'm also in a situation of dealing with very thin walls...very thin I tell you. Looking forward to having that conversation and sharing with my neighbors how thin the walls really are. lol
    Judy Bloom....wow....I remember those books. "Are you there God, it's me Margaret?" hahaha I bought a few of her books for my daughter to read. Don't think she's done it yet though.
    50 Shades of Grey? I keep hearing about this book and have no clue. So now, I really need to enquire within. lol

    Mrs White
    http://bringingfurmanhome.blogspot.com

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  22. SHades of Grey is the next book on my list, as soon as I finish #2 of the Game of Thrones series. I can't help see what all the hype is about!

    This kind of stuff happens all the time to me too! I usually smile at everyone and I think that is the same as an invite to talk. Luckily, no one has tried to follow me home yet, so at least I've got that working for me :)

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  23. people don't talk to me - i try to keep a "don't talk to me or I'll beat the crap out of you" look on my face when I'm out in public. I'm an introvert caught in an extrovert career so when I'm off by myself, I don't want anyone to even see me - like I'm invisible. Sunglasses worn inside help people not speak to you as well.

    And as for 50 shades of gray, I hear that it was making massive differences in married couples bedrooms everywhere - I'm afraid if I read it, I could cause my husband to have a heart attack. So that's what I hear anyway!

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  24. Totally thought of that SNL skit with Molly Shannon -I'm 50 and I like to KICK! hahaha.

    People have conversations with me that are totally one sided all the time. I always leave a little bewildered and confused.

    50 Shades of Grey is totally on my list. I'm on the waiting list at our library. Totally shocked that the had it, multiple copies even!

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  25. That is funny! I seem to always attract people when I am running on the treadmill.. "hello my earphones are in and I am sprinting"!!

    Yes I read 50 shades..1st book in 2 days and just picked up book #2 from my friend today. Steamy reading!!

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  26. Reading 50 Shades right now although I have it on my Kindle because I'm way to embarrassed to carry the actual books around. My runs have been horrible all week because I'm staying up until all hours reading this series. Then I feel like I need to take a shower and go to confession, but not before jumping the husband.

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  27. Boulder Public Library (where I work) has 160 (!) holds on 50 Shades!! I just checked it yesterday because my girlfriends and I were talking about it. Warning: it's VERY badly written. Here's an excerpt:

    "Christian squirts baby oil into his hand and then rubs my behind with careful tenderness—from makeup remover to soothing balm for a spanked ass, who would have thought it was such a versatile liquid."

    You can read more here: http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/04/16/50-shades-of-grey-speed-read-14-naughtiest-bits.html

    Um, enjoy!

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    1. omg seriously, that writing is so bad it is hilarious!

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    2. Thanks for the link! And the laughs at the corny dialogue! HOLY COW!

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    3. Alas, like reality tv, you get used to the bad writing. I'm midway thru book 2 and have totally gotten used to it, haha!

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  28. Books one and two of the 50 trilogy were pretty good but by the third one I wanted to bitch slap Christian and scream if I heard "my inner goddess" one more time!! Fun reading but nothing earth shattering.

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  29. You gotta love a woman of a certain age with red hair who uses "cocksucker" conversationally. SPUNK!

    Hilarious!!

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  30. Of course people tell me too much, I'm a nurse. I never understood why random strangers feel the need to share so much with me, but it is what it is. It's why I blog about what I do for a living. People never cease to amaze me!

    My mom asked me if I had read 50 Shades of Gray. She said her bridge club friends are reading it. They are in their 70s. I'm not sure if this is cute or disturbing. Maybe all their husbands are taking Viagra? BTW, it isn't on my reading list...

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    1. I think I want to hang out with your mom.

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  31. Read 50 shades., all 3 books., in 1 week. Great read. Don't mind the writing. Read it for the entertainment and blushing

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  32. I'm a librarian and we also have a long wait list for that trilogy. The writing is terrible and I'm not judgmental or snooty about books. It just is. I mean, I even liked Twilight. I read bits of it online that are just LOL.

    I generally try to avoid eye contact in checkout lines because I have had a woman tell me about her abusive ex husband and another gave me her Kindle in Barnes and Noble and made me show her how to use it. I'm not a fan of people.

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    1. Hahaha!! I guess sex sells even if the writing sucks.

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  33. Excellent interaction with the man in line! So I hear 50 Shades is horribly written, but highly entertaining. May have to go for it. I think you should do a review on your blog--if anyone can handle that, it's you!

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  34. Great blog today, I have to say most people do not open up to me like that but it happens to my 21 year old daughter all the time, I tell her she must have that open face about her. As for Fifty Shades of Grey, we just had this conversation on our trail run today, loved the characters but did not need the blow by blow of every sexual encounter. Both of us are going to read all three books, I think that says it all.

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  35. Words cannot describe how excited I am for your review of 50 shades.

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  36. Like you, I'm a magnet for random stranger encounters. Most recently, a lab tech. drawing my blood revealed that she had her period for over 30 days, which apparently was a real problem since she finally had a new boyfriend and wanted to get her "Fifty Shades of Grey" on, something she said she did *not* do for over 7 years with her ex-husband. As I left, she yelled out "Go out there and get some action for me!" Now that I'm thinking of it, maybe I should send her the Fifty Shades trilogy...the poor girl clearly had some needs! And ditto what Jen said...I will be eagerly awaiting your book review :)

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    1. 30 days??? No boyfriend is going to stick around for that duration.

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    2. Dear Lord, that's a lot to tell in the time span of drawing blood!

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  37. I thought you would have been number 69 on the list! LMAO........ and no I am not fifty!

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    1. Hahahha!!

      I thought that was you at Barnes and Noble.

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  38. 50 shades - its good for about 1/2 the first book and then just becomes completely redundant. I skimmed the last half of the 2nd book and feel I missed NOTHING. I can't stomach the 3rd.

    JessicaH

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  39. For some reason, in stores and on the street, people come up to me and asks me where things are located - I seriously think there's an "Information here" sign above my head sometimes.

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  40. Oh yes - definitely had my share of those over-sharing conversations - to the point where sometimes I swear it must be a gag or I'm on hidden camera!

    As for 50 shades, I'm going to have to check it out - every mother at my son's Lax game was buzzing about it the other night....have to see what all the buzz is about :)

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  41. Here is showing my geekness -- I read 50 Shades when it was still a twilight fan fiction. Judge me if you will, but it was just a saucy. It was such a guilty pleasure, because the writing is nothing fantastic, but for some reason (ahem) it just draws you in.

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  42. I have heard about 50 shades, but am not sure about reading it yet.

    I am probably one of those annoying people. With the move and not having a ton of new friends yet, and that I spend nearly all day taking care of my two little kids, seeing other adults sometimes makes me talk too much! I will have to be careful to not be like that guy! However, I am actually really good friends with one of the ladies at Chick Fil A because of this. Turns out she is a new runner, and we have some mutual friends. She has done some of the same races as I have, AND she is a nanny, so she has awesome ideas about what to do with my kids!

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    1. Maybe you talk alot but I bet you listen too!! You probably make an excellent friend.

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  43. The SNL skit was hysterical.

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  44. i've found that some people just have zero filter and just want someone with working ears to listen...some of my patients feel the need to detail to me their daily poo's (ick). this would be helpful if i were a gastroenterologist. sadly i am a PT and have no problem yelling "TMI!!" when poo and sex talks start in the clinic.

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  45. Laughed and laughed at your blog today! My husband is exactly the same! We joke about it but honestly, whenever we meet up when shopping, he is ALWAYS talking to some one ( or being talked at with a helpless look on his face!) It is so funny, especially as he really does not like other people! He must just have 'one of those faces' as if people expect him to know things! Recently, we were in a store in Calfornia on vacation, we were talking to each other (obvious British accents) and a lady comes up to hubby and asks him where the office supplies were in the store. Weirdly enough, he was able to point her in the right direction.
    Regarding 50 Shades.. you know what they say .. those who aren't doing it are just talking about it!

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  46. hhaaaa. .FUNNY! I've heard WAY too much over the years, as a massage therapist. You have ppl 1/2 naked lying on a table and they just talk to me....TMI sometimes, dear word.

    Not really into the whole 50 shades of Grey rage. I don't mind a little romantic novel but from what I hear it's full of bondage and other mess...nothankyou. I'd rather fill my mind/time w/ other things-lol. Prob'ly the only woman in America. oh well.

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  47. Talkative strangers at the gym make me frustrated. You can't just say hi and then move on. They'll trap you in a conversation, and then show off their knowledge of complete BS dogma. It's revolting. I avoid eye-contact and try to look generally unapproachable because those kind of conversations will derail a workout.

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  48. When people find out I'm a nurse they feel the need to share every Hemrhoid and STD they have ever had along with anything else they want advice on. "Go see a doctor!!!"

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  49. That SNL skit was HILARIOUS! I actually got my friend's teenaged daughters to buy that book for mother's day after they saw SNL, I had an amazon box kicking around so it's all set.

    Not sure that I'd want a copy of 50 Shades that 60 other people already had. hehehehe.

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    1. Ewww...good point, didn't even think about that.

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  50. You sure you weren't talking to Rainman? That sounds like a Rainman conversation. Did he start counting the books? 82, 82, 82 246, 246 definitely 246 books on the shelf......

    Cocksucker......hilarious.

    And like you I am a magnet for the weirdos and their conversations. I remember back in college I was home for the summer and was at a bar with my buddy. We were just chatting and this guy butts in and was shitfaced. Starts asking if I like boxing and with all my infinite wisdom I say yes. Well this dude goes on a 30 minute conversation about boxing and I think I said YUP about 6 times and that was all until I finally excused myself from the conversation.

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  51. It's because you're a social worker. Seriously, it must go with the job.

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  52. People do that to me. I usually try to avoid eye contact. I just heard about 50 Shades of Grey recently and I need to read it. And soon.

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  53. Love 50 Shades of Grey....I'm on the 2nd book.

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  54. I heard that 50 Shades makes Twilight look like serious literature. Gawd.

    Oddly enough, I never have that problem with strangers. One person watched me shut up a person that was trying to do that to me. They just stopped talking and then walked away as I looked at them. I was later told my look very clearly said "I am wondering if it's better to keep the body intact and dig one big hole, or cut it up and dig a smaller hole." Whatever, it worked.

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  55. Not from a stranger, but my mother-in-law is the QUEEN of oversharing! I think she feels that it's her way of bonding. The weekend we announced that I'm pregnant (and discussed how sick I've been feeling), she told me how she loves fried chicken but takes an Alli before eating it so it doesn't "stick." When I asked if she gets the side-effects, she proceeded to tell me about how she's normally constipated, so taking Alli and eating massively greasy food makes her regular. Totally helpful for someone struggling through severe morning sickness, thank you. But my "favorite" instance: one day, as we were driving to a bridal shower, she felt it necessary to tell me where and how my husband was conceived.

    Am I oversharing her oversharing? ;)

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  56. This is super funny, because something like this happened to me this afternoon! This younger woman came into the insurance agency I work for to pay her bill. Since I live in a town of 4000 and people talk, she immediately identified me as the 'girl who writes that workout blog.' Fair enough. But for the next twenty minutes she gave me 47 reasons why she couldn't work out....including intimate details about her 'cycle' and the fact that her child currently has the diarrhea.... There was nowhere to run! I was definitely NOT part of his social process.... Eh. At least I'm approachable I guess.

    Sarah @ Thinfluenced

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  57. Um - last week I barely posted on my blog because I committed all my time to 50 SOG. It is totally worth it and I am in a funk without it.

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  58. Great dinner table conversation...."Guess what happened to me at B and N today?....." So much better than what we typically do: make excuses why we haven't turned in homework. ;)

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  59. Yeah, this happens all the time.....but that's why we have blogs! I can say what I want in full detail and no one can argue with me on the spot. :)

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  60. People think I'm a cop....so they always seem to think I can do something about any situation.

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  61. I love talking to people so episodes like that sound fun! :) Read the books!!! :)

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  62. I'm a hairdresser. I think people figure they NEED counseling but can't afford it, they NEED a haircut and it's not too expensive. Since they're there anyway they might as well tell me everything about everything. Talk about running or sex and I'm on board, baby!! Anything else, uh, not so much. Both of those topics open up a world of conversations... that's already TMI. I'm an extrovert too so getting energized via people is my bag but some people just suck the life right out of you..... I'm all for trashy books. I say yes to that.

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  63. For some reason, people spill everything to my sister. We were in The Keys one weekend and all the storekeepers had to tell their life story. How the one was married and left his wife and kids and is now living the gay lifestyle.....It was interestin, to say the least.

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  64. I swear some of us have a sign on our foreheads that says "Please, tell me the most intimate details of your life!" I get that too. I've come to the conclusion that some people simply have a certain number of words that they MUST say to someone or explode, and I must go around with a look that says, "Sure, I'll let you talk as long as you want."

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  65. 50 shades of gray is on my kindle now. Sounds like I better get started reading it:)
    Yes, I get this all the time, I am just used to hearing about the things that go on in people's lifes. When you stop and think about it you just go wow!!

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  66. People I know annoy me that way all the time . Its like having a one sided conversation,, its all about them .... all of the time ! I get sick of it .
    Crap I just 5 minutes ago ordered 2 books off Amazon,, wish I had know about " 50 shades of grey" I would of ordered that as well ,,, ok its on my list. LOL

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  67. I once had a co-worker tell me how her ex husband butt raped her. It was the first day I met her and about 30 minutes into our shift! I always have strange interactions with people while on duty, but that is mainly with creepy guys who ask me to handcuff them. I did buy 50 Shades and plan on reading it when I am on vacation next week!

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  68. Ellen's 50 Shades skit was funny too:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=on3JCwnwHbU

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  69. LOL. I work at a running store so it's all about interactions but I sure get the best of them.

    One time a woman who was about 4'11" and 250lbs kept telling me how fat she was (her word not mine). She said she's probably too fat for the barefoot shoes but she wants them anyways. "Can't really run 'cause my doctor says I'm fat." Must've called herself fat about 20 times! Then, when I suggested a shoe because "they'd fit her narrow feet," she says, "do you just think my feet are narrow because the rest of me so so FAT?" Poor woman. I felt so awkward!

    50 Shades of Grey isn't written very well, but it's still AWESOME

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  70. I love having strangers vent to me...I'm weird, I know! I like it more in the we are on the bus going a long distance, but not we are in line and don't have the time to strike up a conversation longer than small talk.

    BTW, I LOVE the shades of grey skits everyone seems to be doing. Hilarious!

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  71. lol i'm a people person too but I have my moments too ( only human) ...see on a bad day, if I was getting Chi running and some random dude started talking to me, I would just tell him " hey man, I just came in to get Chi running..not to start a conversation!".. some people may see that as harsh but on a bad day i'm not in the mood to entertain bullshit.. just wannabe alone with me thoughts.. is that so much to ask?

    lovely post tho!

    Marz
    www.sparkmarz.com

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  72. Here is the unintentionally hilarious side of 50 Shades of Grey:

    http://www.vulture.com/2012/04/every-single-time-someone-says-christian-grey-in-fifty-shades-of-grey.html

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  73. I'm envisioning you as Ralphie...

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qS9L8wjXBEk

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  74. I am an ER Social Worker. My life is full of hearing more information than needed. I don't need to see your rash/blister/colostemy bag (which is usually in a very private place) or hear how you got it. I also don't need to know your complete life/family history,(I'm not Freud) all I need to know is why are in the ER today and what we need to do to help you go home.

    For some reason, people hear Social Worker and think they should just tell you everything.

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  75. Good post. I never thought of it that way. Thanks for this entry.

    tree planting Philippines

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