Saturday, May 11, 2013

Do You Want Cheese With That?

Please tell me I am not the only one that says and does stupid things. Like, REALLY stupid things. Yes, I’ve always been this way, but I think it is getting worse with age. Or, that is my excuse.

This morning at Starbucks I am waiting in line, thinking about getting an egg sandwich. I wanted it, but I only wanted it if it had cheese on it. 

Barista: Can I help you?
Me: Yes, I’d like an egg, sausage and cheddar sandwich.
Barista: Okay. Is that all?
Me: Ummm…yeah, but does that sandwich have cheese on it?
Barista: Uh…yeah, well…that’s what the CHEDDAR is.

Seriously, if I had been that barista I would have screamed at me and said, “You dumb ass, do you not know cheddar is cheese? ” Starbucks must train their employees to not laugh and smirk at people, but just do it behind their backs when they leave.

I tried to make some excuse about being tired or not having enough caffeine yet, but both of those were lies. I just have to admit I am stupid at times and there seems to be very little I can do about it. Or, maybe it’s the hair color.

Prior to the cheddar incident, I had a very important job:

QUEEN OF THE AID STATION (with my friends Kathy and Nicky). It sucks to live in such a devastatingly ugly place.

IMAG1487 (2)

Yes, those cups are filled in precise amounts and placed exactly 1” apart in even rows on the table. It’s called the OCD water station.


Me and my dear friend Nicky. She is as crude as I am.
In this picture we are laughing because I just told her a story about a queef.

Every year our community has the Happy Smackah 5K race to benefit someone in our town who needs a bit of extra help. You might remember this started two years ago when my son’s teacher, Mr. Cribby, almost died very suddenly from an infection.  He ended up losing his left arm and shoulder. That year, he had just gotten out of the hospital, and we had the race for him. This year he ran the race. This guy is amazing.


The reason the race is called the Happy Smackah is that Mr. Cribby is from Maine. A Happy Smackah (derived obviously from the term “Smacker”) is someone who:

  • Lives with a positive attitude
  • Lives a no nonsense, no excuses life
  • Takes joy in life’s little treasures
  • Doesn’t know what cheddar cheese is (I added that part in)

This year, the proceeds are going to a local school custodian who has been diagnosed with stage 3 colon and rectal cancer. Over 500 people ran today! Shut Up + Run was lucky enough to be a sponsor. Can you find it on the back of the shirt?:


It was such a gorgeous and warm day, we were actually a bit stressed out at the aid station with all of the activity. I love being on the other side of a race, cheering people on. Like my children:



I did not give Sam permission to take off his shirt. But, I think he was hoping the ladies were impressed. As his mother I was very impressed, especially at how pale he is.

Not to get all gushy, but days like today when I am out there with my friends and family, the sun is shining, I am laughing at stories and we are doing it all to help someone – I truly am a Happy Smackah.

Tell me about your most recent stupid-ism. Just so I know I’m in good company.

When’s the last time you volunteered at a race? What are you waiting for?



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  2. What a great idea for a local community to have such a race! I just love that!

    Today - I was having a trail of stupid. One example? I went back to my car to get something pre-run, digging through my belt to find my keys. They were in my pocket. At least they weren't in my hand like the last time I couldn't find them.

  3. Two weeks ago I volunteered at the Country Music Marathon. Of course, I blogged about it.

  4. Awesome! My running group held our first community run in over 10 years last weekend. I, too, was the big boss of my water station. Loves me a good power trip!
    For the record, I ordered a quesadilla with cheese a few weeks ago. Then felt like an idiot, murmured an apology, and skulked off into the sunset.

  5. I helped time a 5K Glow Run sponsored by my school. It was to benefit the summer Cops and Kids program. It was a lot of fun!

  6. I have been in a drive-thru and after placing the order said, "and that's to go, please." Duh!!!

    I love the definition of a happy smackah!!! I need to try to be that way more often!

  7. Sounds like a great race! I volunteered at a 5k/10k this morning after my own 10 miler. My favorite volunteer experience was at a 50k/50miler run along the Pacific Crest Trail.

  8. I say stupid things all the time - but one of the worst was when I asked an otherwise very slim lady at the gym how long into her pregnancy she planned on continuing to lift weights.
    I learned a very important lesson that day....

    1. I learned that lesson so well, I told myself even if a woman goes into labor and her water breaks right in front of me, if doesn't tell me herself that she's pregnant (twice) I'm not saying a word...

  9. Thanks - I learned something new today - I'm from Maine, too, but I didn't know what a "happy smackah" was! But you're right, he probably wouldn't know what cheddar cheese is, because in Maine it'd be "cheddah." Which is not to be confused with "chowdah."

  10. What a great event!! Love your kids running. I hope to get mine out there soon. I had to smile at him with no shirt for the ladies haha.

  11. Last week, when I ran my half, I noticed that the drink cups were all filled at different levels. At one stop, I felt a little gypped and asked for a second cup. Is that wrong?

  12. I say LOTS of stupid things... Once I asked my husband's friend what kind of a tree maple syrup came from. Another time, while working at a rafting company, I asked a customer who was not overly slim if she knew the twinkies she was buying now came in a "light" version. I wasn't thinking at all how that question might have sounded to her.

  13. I actually volunteered at a race today for the first time!! I was the official starter and time keeper!! I'm trying to rest a knee before training for my first Full!! Very nervous!!

    I'M pretty good at saying stupid stuff!! I just realized that the singer
    Will.I.Am spelled William!!! I hated once I said that out loud!!!

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  15. I love volunteering at races! My last was a half in March...I know how much cheer-sections help, so I make sure to bring cowbells and yell really loudly.

    The worst thing about having a brain fart and saying something dumb is when it's in front of people who need to believe you're my students lol.

  16. Volunteering on a regular basis while I'm rehabbing a knee. The last stint was keeping garbage clear in the VIP start area for the 5-Boro Bike Ride last weekend.

  17. Just volunteered at the flying pig marathon in cincinnati this past weekend. It was fantastic, and so much fun. I still have blisters (on both hands) from ringing a cow bell for 4 hours! :) This was the first race I've volunteered for, and I'll most definitely be doing it more!

    1. And people like you gave me the motivation to keep going! Thanks for making the Flying Pig THE race to run in the Midwest!

  18. That's wonderful that you were a race sponsor and volunteered. It looked like you had a lot of fun doing it, too. I haven't volunteered at a race yet but it's on my bucket list to do!

    P.S. I PR'd in my second half marathon today!

  19. Ok, I can beat you on this one. Ran a 5K today. It was a really small one and not timed, but at the beginning the woman yelling stuff out said after you finish, just RIP OFF your bib tag and hand it to me... so, race goes well, finish race, happy, PR'd, walk to the woman and for NO REASON AT ALL I ripped the whole damn bib off! LOL! NOT the serrated part at the bottom that I was supposed to take of, THE.WHOLE.THING. Yep, ripped right through those safety pins. Then just stood there wondering what exactly just happened! LOL! I was so embarrassed when I realized what I had done, so I tried to rip the tab on the bottom off and ripped it right in half! Mortified. I blame the excitement of the finish line! ;)

  20. I really do need to get off of my ass and volunteer at a race. I let myself fall into a totally senseless funk that I think could’ve been avoided with a nice perspective switch like that. Awesome event, by the way. Too bad I couldn’t run it.

  21. Abbey works at Starbucks, I could tell you worse stories! :)


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  23. This was a few weeks ago: I take all of the children to watch our Oldest Boy play basketball (3 + the player). Our youngest (age 3) is a runner - meaning she bolts at the first chance she gets and I've managed to, uh, misplace her more than once. She is really fast, in my defense. So his game had just finished and there was a lot of chaos as parents and siblings are all waiting for the boys. We finally have everyone assembled and I start yelling for my youngest. I can't find her! I'm looking around, between people's legs, and finally someone's Grandma says, "Honey, is this her?" and gestures to my arms. I was holding her. In my defense, the little stinker didn't even answer me!

  24. I love volunteering at races - but haven't done it since moving to Singapore. The weird thing is there NEVER seems to be a lack of volunteers here - in fact, volunteer positions are "closed out" long before race day. I'm accustomed to races begging for vollies - so this is really odd to me, and I've yet to act fast enough to get in on the action.

    Embarrassing moment? My husband has two aunts who we see fairly regularly. but ALWAYS together. I can't keep their names straight. I constantly mix them up. WHY must I brain fart when addressing elderly relatives?!?!?

    1. I do this with two of my husband's aunts too! It's because the smaller more petite aunt's name is Delores and the taller, deeper voiced aunt is named Alvia. It just seems their names should be switched, hence making it easier for me to call them by their rightful names!

  25. I was teaching at Longmont High School when Mr.Cribby got sick and remember running the first 5k. So great to see his picture! Such an incredible inspiration. I'm sorry I missed it this year. So great that you were a sponser!

  26. I have to scan my work I'd badge to get access to the building. Recently I panicked because the doors wouldn't unlock. I felt like a jackass when I realized I was pointing my car key fob at the scanner trying to unlock it. The awesome part is people sit in the other side of the mirrored glass so they saw the whole thing. :)

    I love this blog!

    I have to ask what is with the random comments from "Anonymous"?? Do you respond to those??

  27. I have never volunteered for a race. I know it's an awful thing and I must do something soon to change that!

  28. I'd tell you about my latest stupidism but I forget them as soon as they're out of my mouth. That's the best thing about dementia.

  29. What a great event! I have lots of stupidisms's what makes me me!

  30. One time I was talking to my sister while driving home from work. I pulled into the driveway and started packing up my stuff to take in the house. I start to panic because I couldn't find my phone, only to realize I was talking on it! My sister is blonde so I blame her.

    I have never volunteered in a race but it looks like so much fun.

  31. You are not alone, I do stuff like that ALL THE TIME!!