Saturday, July 13, 2013

Now, THAT Was Mean

Today was a long day IMFL of training (4 hours, 40 minutes of workouts). The end.

Before I get into that, you will not believe what went on here last night.

I was on strict orders from Coach Sharpie to rest for the day – no major chores and lots of laying around. Twist my arm. Sharpie said she would be checking in to see which movies I watched or books I read while sitting on my ass, so I knew she was serious. So, like a good student, I read a ton of Sisterland (loving this book – it is by the same author as Prep, which I also loved).

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Then, Emma and I rented My Sister’s Keeper. If you’ve ever seen this movie (this was my second time)  then you know you do the ugly cry through the entire two hours. It is ridiculously sad, but a good story. Fortunately I had lots of wine and jelly beans to get me through (I will say the Target brand of gourmet jelly beans may be cheaper, but they are NO Jelly Bellies).

After the movie, it was late. Emma and I went to walk Heidi. We were both kind of on edge from the movie and started talking about how some houses on our street creep us out because they are dark at night and no one leaves any lights on. I think we kind of scared ourselves.

When we got inside, Emma went up to go to bed. Ken was already asleep and Sam was in the basement with a friend. I heard Emma say loudly, “You scared me!” and I had no clue who she was talking to. She then ran downstairs, her face in her hands with the most terrified look on her face.

Me: “What’s wrong?”

Her: “There is someone standing in the corner of my room.”

Me (crapping myself out of fear): “What do you mean? WHAT? Are you sure?”

Her (voice shaky, staring to cry): “Yes, there is someone standing in my room. I thought it was Sam or one of his friends, but it wasn’t.”

Me: “Holy shit. Ok. Let me wake up dad.”

I woke up Ken who was so sound asleep he could not grasp the concept of what I was saying.  EMMA SAYS THERE IS SOMEONE STANDING IN THE CORNER OF HER ROOM! GET THE EFF UP! I grabbed my phone and dialed 911, but didn’t call yet. I was on the READY. Ken edged towards the room. He turned on the all light and peeked in.

Him: “I don’t think it’s a person, but I don’t know what it is.”

Then all of a sudden it dawned on me. Earlier in the day Sam had been working on some “project.” I had no clue what it was. In that moment I KNEW that that TURD had rigged this whole thing. I turned on the light to see:

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He dressed up a scarecrow we put out at Halloween. It’s about 5 feet tall.

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Poor Emma. Such a good sport.

Yeah, Sam is in a time out for the rest of his life. Pay backs will be hell for him once I figure out my plan.

Now my story of today’s training will sound boring compared to dressed up scarecrows standing in the corner of bedrooms late at night.

This morning I did a 60 mile ride followed by a 6 mile run.

I’m still standing and aside from the fact that I could eat my right arm I’m so hungry, I’m feeling pretty good. Tomorrow I will get up and do it all over again – only this time a longer ride and no run. Good thing my lady parts and the bike seat have become good friends because they are spending a lot of quality time together.

Did you have an older sibling who tormented you? I have an older brother, but he never did much to me. The only thing I remember was when his friends would come over when I was little he would always tell them I wet my pants (LIE!). He would also sit on me and do that thing where you let a loogie hang out and then suck it back in.

What’s the best practical joke you’ve played or been a victim of? I still love giving people those fake scratch lottery cards that make them think they’ve won a million dollars (<MEAN)

Best book you’ve read lately?

SUAR

37 comments:

  1. Funny story! Your poor daughter!

    I have a bike then run question...I am doing my first sprint in two weeks and stink when I get off my bike for the run...my legs feel about 6 inches and I can't get them to go...does that make sense? I am not into this to compete...just finish but I don't want to be dorky either!

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    1. YES!! I feel that way every single time I get off the bike. My legs are like noodles and they don't want to go. I think the illusion is that you are going so slow because you have been going to fast on the bike. One thing that helps me in races is to switch to a fast gear before getting off the bike so my legs get to spin fast and easy. This seems to prep me better for the run. You are not alone!

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    2. That is exactly the way they are supposed to feel. You've been biking it seems forever, and your legs need to remember how to run again. The more you practice doing it, the quicker you will actually start running smoothly after the bike. Beth is right about spinning in an easy gear before getting off. Whatever your usual run cadence is, spin a bit faster than that. For a sprint the nutrition isn't an issue, but when you're doing a half or full (ahem, Beth) those last few minutes on the bike are the best time for that last bit of nutrition. Stretch, and remember where you are in transition, and you'll be good to go.

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  2. I had a younger sibling (2 years younger) that tormented me. In fact, he gave me one of those fake scratch off lottery cards for Christmas about 10 years ago at our family get together gift exchange.

    Your intruder story was too funny. I laughed so hard I cried and then my 10 year old daughter had to come over and see what was so funny. My daughter would be in bed with me for the rest of the night if that happened to her!

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  3. I've been wanting to read that book. Thanks for the reminder! I just watched Ride the Divide on Netflix and it was pretty damn inspiring. Good movie for a rest day :)

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  4. My sister (right after Sandy Hook) hid in my dark room while I was taking a shower thinking about what I would do if someone broke into my house and tried to abduct me/had a gun. I walked into my room and she grabbed my ankle; I swear to goodness I was so scared; I didn't scream until I realized it was her and I was tempted to strangle her. Gah.
    Congrats on your training! I did the same thing minus the biking; haha 6 miles is my longest run ever.

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  5. omg, that would have freaked me out too. I think you should rig his room to with a speaker that will making a creaking noise every so often and then pounding, and flashing of light somehow. You need to get him good.

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  6. Poor Emma! I am the youngest of four - 2 girls, 2 boys. I grew up in an equal opportunity household - I was the tormenter as much as I was tormented!

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  7. Oh no! I'm really sorry for you and Emma, but that made me laugh :). I tried not to torment my little sister too much, we were pretty friendly growing up!

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  8. The best practical joke I played was in college, we took all our old clothes, a broken washer and dryer, old CD cases and stuff we were going to donate, set it up in front of this house some guy friends shared in the middle of night, hung up a bunch of yard sale signs and wrote stuff like "refrigerator available, inquire inside" etc. The guys were kind of irritated but then a family came by and gave them $50 for everything, so that appeased them a little.

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  9. Poor Emma. He'd have been in a world of hurt if you'd called the cops. Probably would have had the SWAT team arrive with their own tank, and there's no good ending to that.

    My Sister's Keeper. Our book club read it and loved it. There's a lot of such ethical issues we're going to have to sort out as we get better at understanding our genetic code. For example. Suppose we know that from a genetic analysis at birth, we know a person is at high risk for being an alcoholic, or a drug addict of some kind. Does society have the right to prevent them from taking that first drink that might push them into being an alcoholic? How would we do that?

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  10. I am so fortunate that I didn't have a mean older sibling!

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  11. Bad brother! Payback's gonna be a bitch.

    So I had something similar happen when I was younger and my mom didn't believe me! Woke up and there was a guy sitting on the edge of my bed. Right when I mustered up the courage to get up and run into my parents room, he fell back over my legs. After an eternity, I pulled my legs out and ran. I woke my mom up and she didn't believe me! She kept telling me it was a dream and to go back to bed. I was insistent, so she finally went to check and I saw her BOLT down the hallway for the phone (dad was out of town). Turns out the neighbors 20-something kids had a pool party and one of the guests got drunk and just walked into our house, he thought he was HOME! That's what you get in the 70s for leaving doors unlocked. As the cops were dragging him out he was confused, asking why they were in his house! Yep. True story.

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    1. Holy.......that would've scared me to death!!! And I think it beats Beth's story! I would still be sleeping with the lights on and my bedroom door locked!

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    2. I agree - would have scared me to death and does beat my story! Some real live crazy drunk on your bed. UNREAL!

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    3. For quite a few years I had "what if" anxiety about it...I kept thinking what if he had a girlfriend or wife?!? There are actually more details that make it more (embarrassing) messed up... I had gone over to the party earlier in the night (when there were kids there and no one was drinking) and I had gone swimming. When I came home I just took my suit off and slept in my birthday suit!!! I don't know if this is something I normally did, but when you wake up with a guy on your bed and you are naked under the covers...uh...let's just say I was terrified and embarrassed to have to run to my parents room naked!! 0.o

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  12. I have to say, he played it very well!

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  14. Best jellybeans are Starburst jellybeans. They are a little hard to find but so good. All sweet fruit flavors, none of those weird savory flavors like licorice or buttered popcorn! haha

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  15. OMG - that is funny!!! I would have been terrified, though!!
    I was going to say the same thing that Jackie said - Starburst jellybeans are my favorite - they usually only sell them in the spring and I try to buy them all!!!
    Sounds like your training is going well - good thing that you have some total rest days!!!

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  16. I can't wait to see how payback comes. Poor Sam doesn't know what's in store for him.

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  17. OMG Beth this totally reminded me of my little brother. We had a styrofoam head-the kind that you put a wig on. He would put a frankenstein mask on it and HANG IT FROM THE CEILING OF MY BEDROOM. That's not the worst part-he would then unscrew my lightbulb so I couldn't see. I walked into the room and bumped into it hanging from the ceiling. Freaked the hell out of me..and he did it more than once...and I fell for it every time. Tell Emma to be prepared for round two.

    Kim

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  18. Because I'm basically a creep myself, I thought as I was reading that Emma was making up the "someone in my room" story to scare YOU. That's totally something I wold have done as a kid.

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  19. Did you read Me Before You? So good....

    I'm the oldest of 4 girls, and my younger sisters used to gang up on me. It was awful. They used to call me REH (the initials of the fattest man in the world according to Guinness. I wasn't even fat. Just fluffy and pre-pubertal. Maybe that is why I don't like to play practical jokes on people.

    Your daughter looks like a mini version of you!

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  20. I have played this prank on both of my children when they were well into their teens.... (Kinda gets them back for their fresh mouths.)

    I would hide under their bed making sure I was tucked up against the wall. Once they were settled in for their night, I would would claw my way up into their beds (between the wall and their bed).

    Best prank ever.

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  21. Oh man I would have crapped my pants!

    6 mile run after a 60 mile ride. oh man! And it's so not flat there!

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  22. That would literally have scared the shit out of me. What a mean brother! LOL

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  23. Good one Sam! My older brothers had Piranhas and used to hold me over the tank, they also held me over the, 2nd floor staircase banister by my ankles. Sounds like torture now that I write it! But like someone else wrote, the 70's were a different time!!!

    Just finished Beautiful Ruins - great book!

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  24. OMG poor Emma!
    Tell her to grab a hockey mask...and chainsaw: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENxCiP0QMNc

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  25. That's the scariest thing I have ever seen. Ever. I now begin patiently waiting to read about what Emma will do in response.

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  26. I am the older sibling so we used to play pranks on each other. My younger brother liked to short sheet my bed. That's when you tuck the top sheet at the top end of the bed and fold it down so it looks "normal" then when you get in you can't get past your knees. Now that he is married next time I visit him, I will short sheet their bed.

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  27. First of all, you are amazing for training for an Ironman! I can't wait to hear more about your adventure!! And also, holy jeez, I would scream bloody murder if that thing was in my room. Good thing you didn't call 911 yet!!

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  28. I read this comic today and it made me think of some of your posts so I thought I'd pass it along. It is about distance running and this particular part of the post (there are multiple parts) is about running to eat :) Enjoy! Thank you for all of your awesome posts!

    http://theoatmeal.com/comics/running2

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  29. oh man. that was super mean! I have night terrors and have scared the crap out of various sleeping partners during the night b/c i swear i see stuff like that. Sometime I'm going to set something up like that and be like "SEE. I told you there was a man in the corner."

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  30. that is just too much!! I just laughed out loud! Glad it wasn't a real person and everyone is safe and sound

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  31. Nothing wrong with some wine, a good sappy movie and jelly bellies. I prefer a good beer and a movie. My mom read all the books and wants to see the movie(s). Not sure if there are more than one. I am an only child so luckily I didn't have to encounter any pranks!

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