How To Burn A Lot of Calories

This is most definitely one way to burn calories, but that is not what I’m talking about.

After riding my bike (or “cycling” as the cool people say) for 3 hours on Saturday (43 miles) followed by a 3 mile run, THEN getting up and getting on my bike first thing Sunday morning to cycle for another 4 hours (58 miles), I was sick of being in the damn saddle and STARVING.

I do think yesterday’s ride was a mental test because I was by myself an it was windy and it was hilly and I did it anyway. I shutted up and cycled (shat up and cycled?). I think if you just bitch to yourself, it doesn’t really count but it makes you feel a whole lot better.

I made my way north to Carter Lake, which is ugly.

I underestimated the hills (I actually rode 58 miles, but my Garmin died. Probably from overuse).

I am sure this picture has some perverse image in it. If you see one, let me know.

Try keeping your heart rate around 135 bmps on those babies. My Garmin was going crazy telling me my heart rate was too high. As if I don’t know that, you ignorant slut.

This hill was steep and I hate that you can’t really tell from the picture.

Trust me when I say I was in my granny gear, cussing and almost falling off my bike because I was at a standstill. And then Bigfoot was at the top, but he didn’t show up in the picture either.

I was supposed to eat a total of 1,000 calories on this ride, but I only managed 800. 2 Stinger Waffles, 2 Clif Shot gels and a Clif Bar + 1/4 of another. I cannot wait to get my case of  X2PERFORMANCE so I can start training with that too.

I made up for it later when I ate almost an entire pig (huge rack of ribs). I never craved meat so much in my life. I love meat right now.

I finished and thought there is no freaking way I can swim 2.4 miles, ride 112 miles and then run a marathon. If that makes me a pussy, so be it.

{Inspirational part of this post }:

But, the funny thing is I somehow know I WILL do it. I just WILL. There is no room for doubt, for backing down or for letting my insecurities keep me from the goal. It’s just not going to happen. If I truly believe I can do whatever I set my mind to (we all can) then I have to believe this goal is mine for the taking. It might take me 16 hours and 59 minutes, but I will finish Ironman Florida under the clock.

Today Coach Sharpie had me do a swim threshold test in the pool. I am not a swimmer, mind you, and I’ve never done a test. I was nervous like I was taking a real test. I even had a dream that I forgot to study and showed up naked.

I am such an amateur I brought a pen and paper to the side of the pool to record my times. I have a feeling the pros do that too.

I have no idea what my results mean. Probably that I’m so slow I will be late to my own funeral. Or I will race a parked care and lose. Such lame “Yo Mama” jokes.

I am proud that even though I was in Vegas for half of the week, I still managed 11 hours and 43 minutes of training. Not sure if my legs are bulking up yet or not.

YES I DO RUN FOR WINE.

Here is your Heidi fix for the day. She has the cutest butt. She is drinking out of my parent’s pond. She can do no wrong (except for last week when she ate 6 filets of raw tilapia off of the counter that was to be our dinner. Bad dog. Yet, happy dog).

What was your toughest workout in the past month? Mine has to be running after my long ride yesterday. My legs were toast.

Favorite Yo Mama joke? Mine is, “Yo mama is so old that when she farts, dust comes out.”

Do you ever crave meat? If not, what do you crave?  Usually I want something like eggs or a donut but this week it’s been MEAT.

What’s the worst thing your dog has ever done? When I was younger our Bassett Hound managed to break open a glass jar of peanut butter and eat it. Her whole mouth was bloody. We also had a Cocker Spaniel who ate raw bread dough. His stomach rose to 3x the regular size and his farts smelled like yeast. We took him to the emergency vet and I think they had to pump his stomach. He lived.

SUAR