Monday, July 1, 2013

How To Burn A Lot of Calories

This is most definitely one way to burn calories, but that is not what I’m talking about.

After riding my bike (or “cycling” as the cool people say) for 3 hours on Saturday (43 miles) followed by a 3 mile run, THEN getting up and getting on my bike first thing Sunday morning to cycle for another 4 hours (58 miles), I was sick of being in the damn saddle and STARVING.

I do think yesterday’s ride was a mental test because I was by myself an it was windy and it was hilly and I did it anyway. I shutted up and cycled (shat up and cycled?). I think if you just bitch to yourself, it doesn’t really count but it makes you feel a whole lot better.

I made my way north to Carter Lake, which is ugly.

I underestimated the hills (I actually rode 58 miles, but my Garmin died. Probably from overuse).

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I am sure this picture has some perverse image in it. If you see one, let me know.

Try keeping your heart rate around 135 bmps on those babies. My Garmin was going crazy telling me my heart rate was too high. As if I don’t know that, you ignorant slut.

This hill was steep and I hate that you can’t really tell from the picture.

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Trust me when I say I was in my granny gear, cussing and almost falling off my bike because I was at a standstill. And then Bigfoot was at the top, but he didn’t show up in the picture either.

I was supposed to eat a total of 1,000 calories on this ride, but I only managed 800. 2 Stinger Waffles, 2 Clif Shot gels and a Clif Bar + 1/4 of another. I cannot wait to get my case of  X2PERFORMANCE so I can start training with that too.

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I made up for it later when I ate almost an entire pig (huge rack of ribs). I never craved meat so much in my life. I love meat right now.

I finished and thought there is no freaking way I can swim 2.4 miles, ride 112 miles and then run a marathon. If that makes me a pussy, so be it.

{Inspirational part of this post }:

But, the funny thing is I somehow know I WILL do it. I just WILL. There is no room for doubt, for backing down or for letting my insecurities keep me from the goal. It’s just not going to happen. If I truly believe I can do whatever I set my mind to (we all can) then I have to believe this goal is mine for the taking. It might take me 16 hours and 59 minutes, but I will finish Ironman Florida under the clock.

Today Coach Sharpie had me do a swim threshold test in the pool. I am not a swimmer, mind you, and I’ve never done a test. I was nervous like I was taking a real test. I even had a dream that I forgot to study and showed up naked.

I am such an amateur I brought a pen and paper to the side of the pool to record my times. I have a feeling the pros do that too.

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I have no idea what my results mean. Probably that I’m so slow I will be late to my own funeral. Or I will race a parked care and lose. Such lame “Yo Mama” jokes.

I am proud that even though I was in Vegas for half of the week, I still managed 11 hours and 43 minutes of training. Not sure if my legs are bulking up yet or not.

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YES I DO RUN FOR WINE.

Here is your Heidi fix for the day. She has the cutest butt. She is drinking out of my parent’s pond. She can do no wrong (except for last week when she ate 6 filets of raw tilapia off of the counter that was to be our dinner. Bad dog. Yet, happy dog).

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What was your toughest workout in the past month? Mine has to be running after my long ride yesterday. My legs were toast.

Favorite Yo Mama joke? Mine is, “Yo mama is so old that when she farts, dust comes out.”

Do you ever crave meat? If not, what do you crave?  Usually I want something like eggs or a donut but this week it’s been MEAT.

What’s the worst thing your dog has ever done? When I was younger our Bassett Hound managed to break open a glass jar of peanut butter and eat it. Her whole mouth was bloody. We also had a Cocker Spaniel who ate raw bread dough. His stomach rose to 3x the regular size and his farts smelled like yeast. We took him to the emergency vet and I think they had to pump his stomach. He lived.

SUAR

49 comments:

  1. One of my dogs at a full pound of bacon off the counter. We were neglectful and left it slightly too close to the edge. Then we heard a plop and looked at each other and said "Dakota, bacon". We cried.

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    1. Sorry, I couldn't help but laugh! I have a Siberian/Bernese mix named Dakota and my husband calls her bacon. :)

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    2. She's just like me, loves to run AND to eat!

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  2. Your legs are definitely bulking up. Have you tried Krave beef jerky? You will not be disappointed! The new puppy chewed up my laptop cord. That was realllly bad. I've been doing some duathlon training, and my legs feel like noodles after the bike ride! Can't wait to see your photos after you complete your IM !

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  3. I'm keeping anonymous for this one...

    My dog ate a used condom out of the bathroom trash a mere 4 days before we were to leave on a 2-week international trip. I FREAKED OUT and spent the next 36 hours worried sick and inspecting dog poop, praying he'd pass it because dammit, I wasn't missing the trip because of emergency dog surgery.

    Thankfully it showed up a day and a half later. The dog lives... though if he ever does THAT again I just might kill him.

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    1. NO freaking way. Glad he is okay. Glad he didn't get pregnant (what?)

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  4. My cravings alternate between fatty & salty or sweet. When I did my first IM I craved meat like nobody's business. Funny b/c going into my training I was vegetarian (only ate fish). That changed within the first couple of months, ha ha ha.
    We don't have a dog but if we did I would imagine that it would probably eat my shoes. :)

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  5. One of my dogs ate off the side of my box spring on my bed. TG she got over her separation anxiety eventually.

    My toughest work out was a bike ride my husband and I went on. I cried at mile 49 of 62. It was the hardest thing ever.

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  6. I saw Yo Momma kicking cans and asked her what she was doing and she said.. "Moving!"

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  7. I have trouble getting enough calories on the bike too...working on it!

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  8. I'm impressed at the consistency of your 300s. Good job.
    PS - so glad I don't have to go out and ride 3 or 4 hours at a shot.

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  9. Yo mama is so fat, that when she sits around the house, she sits AROUND the house.

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  10. Standup paddle boarding on a very windy, wavy Green Bay with my sons today. The best part was when the wind was at our backs. Turned around, had to head back in, not so much. So fun tho!

    Good job with the ginormous workouts. No complaining tho, we've got your back. And I bet everyone who reads this blog is pulling for you...how many of us could train for a do an Ironman?! You are inspiring!

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  11. Great job with the workout!

    I crave cheese.

    My dog once ate 2 lbs of flour and gummed it into the carpet. She then proceeded to alternate between drinking large volumes of water and barfing violently. This even led to violent bowel issues. I still like her.

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  12. Your mamas so ugly she looked out the window & was arrested for mooning!
    Great job with the tough workouts this week! I'll be thinking of you when I'm bitching through a hilly 20 miler!
    Almost passed out (from lack of food!) & got poision ivy on a bike/run. Hope this week's training is better for both of us!

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  13. Firstly, those swim times. Yards or Meters? If yards, this is a perfectly respectable speed that will get you out of the water and on the bike in good time. If meters, you are a much better swimmer than you give yourself credit for.

    I haven't done a tough workout in a month. Unless you count getting back to one cup of coffee in the morning a workout. Call me a slacker if you like.

    Alberta lamb is entirely different than New Zealand, and infinitely better. Bison, from an organic place that lets them be bison on native Alberta grass. Both are amazing.

    Never had a dog, but once had to dig a dead mouse out of a Bernese Mountain dog's mouth, while the owner was gagging.

    They don't engrave a time on the back of your finisher medal. Done is done. You'll never, ever contemplate the enormity of the course at once. You break it down. Race day is what happens before the swim. Then you swim. Then you do transition, then you bike, then you transition, then you run/walk. Then you grin like a mad fool and eat everything in sight. Even those things get broken down, and include things like eating and drinking, hitting the loo, maintaining your focus as people pass you. You can do this.

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    1. I'd like to say meters because then you would be impressed. But just yards. Dammit.

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    2. Still, great swim times! I read it thinking those were your 100m times and I thought, oh dear, how is she ever going to finish? But then I re-read it slowly and thought SMOKIN! Good job Beth.
      I am so impressed at your dedication.

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  14. My chihuahua wishes she could reach the counter to snag tilapia filets! The heat has been making all my workouts tough, I live in the Bay Area and am normally super spoiled by nice temperatures.

    I saw your Facebook post about visiting San Francisco soon for the first time, I hope you enjoy it! If you're interested in getting workouts in while you're here, the Marin Headlands make for some amazing trail running and cycling.

    http://www.nps.gov/goga/marin-headlands.htm

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    1. YES,I am planning on running but probably in the city. Suggestions? Also will do a long run (2.5 hours) around Monterey...so anyone with any suggestions on either, let me know.

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  15. Man I want to be like you! My roughest workout was probably my 4 miles on the treadmill this morning; I hadn't eaten or drank anything in 12+ hours

    No jokes ... sorry

    I don't really crave meat ... eggs are more my thing. Maybe bacon though.

    My dog hasn't ever existed :(

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  16. No hard workouts this week. The temps dropped into the SEVENTIES and all running was heaven on earth.

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  17. Ohhh, I am sending this line "Try keeping your heart rate around 135 bmps on those babies. My Garmin was going crazy telling me my heart rate was too high. As if I don’t know that, you ignorant slut." to my husband! Coming back from injury I've started heart rate training and my Garmin was beeping so many warning alerts at me on the first run I wanted to throw the damn thing in a ditch!!! Those HR runs are my hardest training runs lately. Feel like I should be walking and it makes me crazy.
    Our basset hound once managed to get to a peach cobbler in the middle of the dining table and eat the whole thing. I always picture kind of an Inspector Gadget slinky for a body move on her part to get to that thing since she was only two inches off the ground!

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  18. One of my dogs ate a whole box of dark chocolate. It was wrapped as a present and TIED TO THE TOP OF OUR 6 FOOT TALL CHRISTMAS TREE. Needless to say, it was not a good day, but he lived to tell the tale.

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  19. My golden puppy just ate half of my taco salad. She just snagged it off the counter. It's ok, I still ate the other half. We love each other like that.

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  20. From my Cole: Yo mama is so old she rolled up in a chariot!

    Sarah
    www.thinfluenced.com

    P.S. That attitude is why this blog, bar NONE, is the most inspiring fitness blog on the net. Seriously. Go get em, Beth!

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  21. Wow you are doing great with your training!! The swim is the hardest for me, I need to get better.
    The worst memory dogsitting involved a Bernese Mtn Dog getting sick (back end) while I was gone for a few hours. No, didn't happen outside. Anywho, killed me for a long time. Sorry for the TMI!

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  22. Excellent quality articles are here. This is good site with useful info. gait analysis

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  23. Your Mamma was so fat, her yearbook picture was an aerial photograph!

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  24. So that is 12 lengths of a 75 foot pool? Sadly even the training IDEAS confuse me......

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  25. One of my dogs got in to the trash and ate a half of turkey with bones. We gave her baking soda or flour (can't remember) to calm her stomach so her belly wouldn't explode. We had to drive to Northern New Mexico from Houston that day. She wouldn't go to the bathroom for the first half of the leg and then she exploded all over the backseat and me. I left my pants on the side of road. After that, we made multiple stops along the road for the next four hours until we go to the cabin and each were 30-45 min of pure smelly hell.

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  26. You are a rockstar! I'm glad you are doing this, so that I can read about your doing it, and not have to actually do it myself. Love, love, love you!

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  27. "As if I don’t know that, you ignorant slut" ... I'm howling!!

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  28. This yo mamma joke was translated from French (they do them here, too): Yo mamma is so fat that her buttcheeks are in two different time zones.

    No dog stories - only rabbit and cat stories. One day I yelled at the phone company because my phone was out - only to discover that the rabbit had chewed on the phone line.

    Oh, and yeah, way to go. I much prefer reading about you suffering than actually going out and suffering myself.

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  29. When I was a kid we had a Great Dane. My mom left him in the car for 5 minutes to run into a friend's house. When she came out, he had eaten/torn apart the entire interior of the car: panels off the doors, seats, floor mats. Everything soft was shredded. I NEVER saw my mom freak out like that. For the rest of my life, whenever she got mad at me, I reminded her of the dog incident and it immediately put things into perspective. :-)

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  30. It will be fun to go up Carter Lake during IM Boulder.
    My hardest workout this week was not the longest. I did Olde Stage to Jamestown back over Lee Hill on Wednesday. It was stinking hot. In comparison, Ward on Sunday was fine (though wet and cold). But I also was fine with my HR over 150 most of the way.

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  32. Wow, some of these dog stories are amazing. The worst I can think of was when our dog ate the home-made play-dough (made with red kool-aid & some other food stuffs) while we were gone and then proceeded to puke it back up all over the living room carpet all day.

    Cravings- jalapenos, or any peppers actually, can't get enough lately. Jimmy Peppers are the bomb!

    Toughest workout- I just ran 7.5 miles on Friday, my longest run so far. I started running 9 months ago, and I'm working towards a half marathon in November. Actually it's the Rock & Roll half in Vegas, so it was fun to read about your trip there. Thanks for all the posts/updates, I just started reading a couple weeks ago & you are soooooo inspiring!

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  33. My 14 lb. dog pried open the pantry cabinet, had to have jumped and jumped until he pulled a cookie sheet on his head, as well as a 100+ year old cast iron cake pan (left a huge lump on his head) and then proceeded to eat an entire bar of baker's chocolate that was hidden inside the cake pan. Threw up in every room of my house, the antique chair from my grandmother's house, the brand new comforter on my bed, he picked all the good stuff. A $1,400 trip to the ER, stomach pumped, charcoal running down his muzzle, such a lovely sight. All this and he survived. He has a slight food addiction, although he's got an entire bowl of food at the ready. 12 years of his existence he never bothered with that cabinet, but something got in him that night.
    Amy P. Philly Runner

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  34. Pictures never do hills justice. This makes me sad.

    Toughest workout recently was a 4 hour hike carrying 45 lbs the day after a 10 mile run.

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  35. My dog ate a bag of Halls cough drops. She farted menthol for days.

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  36. The ignorant slut comment just made my day. I love to abuse my Garmin, too.

    I'll ride with you next time! I need to do it for more cross training. I say if you can do 4 hours up here, 112 down there will be a piece of cake. Or, perhaps, meat?

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  37. Kobe burger.

    Toughest workout is the one I just did.
    Switch to just liquid calls on the bike or it will be a not-so-fun marathon.

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  38. 5:25 for 300 yards...nice swimming!

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  39. My golden retriever ate an entire 13 X 9 pan of triple chocolate chunk brownies. Unfortunately, her outcome was not as good. She bloated and we had to put her down on Christmas Day a couple days later. Worst Christmas ever. I will never bake brownies ever again. Please keep brownies away from Heidi.
    On a lighter note, we videotaped this same golden retriever one day while we weren't home. You could see her checking the kitchen counter for food and opening the lower cabinet doors. You couldn't see it but you could hear carrying away a bag of Doritos (which she was unable to open).

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  40. When I was lifting heavy before I started half marathon training I would crave meat like crazy. I started calling the craving The MEAT Hunger and nothing would satiate me but a big burger or a juicy steak ... even chicken sandwiches wouldn't quite get rid of The MEAT Hunger! :)

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  41. Toughest workout was running up Mt. Washington the middle of last month. Straight up for 7.4 miles. 40ish mph winds with temps in the 40s above treeline. First time doing the race but I hope to do it again. I met someone who has done the race 32 years in a row - just amazing!

    I crave meat a lot - love a good burger with buffalo sauce and blue cheese after a long a hard workout.

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  42. My beagle ate a used female sanitary item out of the trash on Christmas last year. Those things will swell up and cause an obstruction, so I made him vomit with peroxide. My husband was like, "what's wrong with Gator??", and I was like, "ummmmm he's fine!!! No problem!!!""-- while I was making him puke in th bathroom. Emmmmmbarrassing!!!
    Lol. Hardest workout was this Monday! I ran 11 miles, the farthest I have ever gone!

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  43. My beagle ate a used female sanitary item out of the trash on Christmas last year. Those things will swell up and cause an obstruction, so I made him vomit with peroxide. My husband was like, "what's wrong with Gator??", and I was like, "ummmmm he's fine!!! No problem!!!""-- while I was making him puke in th bathroom. Emmmmmbarrassing!!!
    Lol. Hardest workout was this Monday! I ran 11 miles, the farthest I have ever gone!

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