I wonder if you do what I do.
You have a bad run, or a series of especially sucky runs, and you start to question everything. Why is this happening? What the hell is going on?
It is like an investigation into all of the factors that could be contributing to this horrendous situation (CSI for runners). Why? Why? Why? For God’s sake WHY???
I’m training for this ultra relay (September 11-12). I’m kind of stressed about it only because the runs are really tough with lots of vertical gain and altitude, and I am running 40 miles over the 24 hours on no sleep and weird food (well, probably existing on Clif Bars, PB&J and cheese sticks – not weird so much as not real meals).
I can imagine my stomach will revolt all over the trail at some point. I’ve been training hard – trying to get out to the trails and doing back to back longer runs on the weekends. Did I mention there are only five of us covering the full 170 mile distance?
The last two weekends of runs have sucked balls. It’s been hot and I’ve been tired. I’ve fallen (and gotten up), ran out of water, had horrific stomach cramps, farted a bunch, and tried my best not to complain. After all, these are goals I’ve chosen and dammit I’m grateful to be able to run. But, why is this so f*cking hard sometimes?
This is what I’ve come up with (some is physical, most is mental/emotional).
- I’m getting old. Well, okay I’m not ancient, but I’m older than I was a few years ago (see how smart I am? Yes indeed 48 is older than 42!) and this can make recovery tougher.
- I’m dehydrated. On the weekends I drink more wine than normal and forget to drink as much water. The weekends are also when I am doing my long and hot runs. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to know this isn’t helping my performance.
- I’m too hard on myself. I love social media for certain things, but other time it pisses me off because it make me feel not good enough (yeah, yeah, no one should be able to make you feel not good enough…but). This is really freaking stupid because I know everyone posts a filtered and ideal view of themselves, but sometimes it’s tough not to compare.
- I’m not eating enough before my runs. I was reading an article yesterday (can’t remember where, sorry – I was getting my hair done at the time so it must have been US Weekly – the source for all good running info) that said prior to a long run, I would need 5-75 grams of easily digestible carbs, like a bagel or oatmeal or something. I KNOW THIS, but I don’t always do it. I also know I should floss, but…
- I need to accept that pace naturally slows in the heat.
- Where I run. One run I do in particular is on Magnolia Road in the hills outside of Boulder. If you know “Mags” as it is called then you know this where Kara Goucher and the Univ of Colorado Cross Country team trains. And many other crazy fast and pro people. so, when I am out there huffing and puffing my ass off, struggling to keep a 10 minute mile on the hills and these shirtless/hairless cross country boys come bounding by with no water and hardly breathing heavy at all I seriously want to punch them in the balls. Yes, that is jealousy. It just is.
- I must have some bizarre disease taking over my body that I don’t know about and that is why I’m tired. Please tell me I’m not the only one who thinks this.
- Running is hard. And then you die.
So, there you have it. I need to get behind myself and stop the negativity. I also need to pay closer attention to hydration and diet. We all get off track, no?
Comparison is the thief of joy, my friends!
The good news is I got out early today and had a splendid run. Here I am. I am bigger than a house.
And, I remember things could be worse because I could knowingly be running with my period and not using a tampon and be in the news about it. If you haven't heard this lovely and bloody story, go HERE. Apparently she did this to fight period shaming (PS). To that I say “WTF?”
This is one trend I will not be participating in. What’s next? Purposefully running when you have diarrhea to see what happens? Will someone do that to fight poop shaming?
When was your last suck-fest run?
What do you tell yourself when you have a bad run?
Would you run without a tampon to fight PS?
SUAR
This morning :) I am SO with you - I've been having a lot of these runs lately, and it's 9.5 weeks to my goal marathon. I also analyze EVERYTHING trying to figure it out and some of the same things make it onto my list. The suck and the analysis make me nuts. (and no doubt makes my DH, and my chiro, and a friend at work, and all the people who try to talk me down nuts too) I try to tell myself to do the best I can and then remind myself that's all I can do. And try not to spiral into anger/fear/depression, eating too much crap, etc. On to the next planned healthy meal, stretching session, work, whatever.
ReplyDeleteDon't forget to count whatever's going on in your life - for me, life stresses of the past year seem to be kicking my behind, not in a good way.
So glad you had a great run! I'll hang on to that as a good sign - hope that I'll soon break out of the funk, valley, rut, whatever I'm in.
And nope, I probably wouldn't either.
I'm having some major GI issues on each and every run. I'm NOT happy about it. There is no poop shaming anymore. I could be a meme. But hey, I don't get my period anymore, so I've got that going for me, right?
ReplyDeleteRuns sometimes DO suck. It means your muscles are working at repairing themselves better, bigger, longer, stronger. Provided you get the rest at the right times. But you WANT the runs to suck during training. You want the headwind, the heat, the runs that are uphill both ways to happen in training, because then you will be strong like gazelle and bound through the race. And anyways, lots of running gives you legs that are inspiring teeth gnashing and envy in those around you.
ReplyDeleteRun without a tampon? Can you imagine the chafing that might cause?!
ReplyDeleteI'm 47. It's the old and heat parts. Sucks sucks sucks.
ReplyDeleteAnd about the tampon business - I like that she was bringing this to light: "to take a stand for women around the globe who don't have access to menstruation products or who have to "hide [their period] away like it doesn’t exist"
ReplyDeleteYes, I can agree with that part. Not sure that it had to be played out in the way she did it, but sure did catch people's attention.
DeleteI did see one early interview before it got so out of hand that said she hated the way it felt running with a full tampon in place.
DeleteYeah, it is not a good feeling. But I think I prefer that to it running down my leg.
DeleteBeth, just when I thought I wasn't going to laugh, bam, in my face, I was laughing full on out loud! As always, thanks for the laugh!
ReplyDeleteI'm training for my first marathon and I am really hard on myself and I know it. Last weekend I ran 18 and it was hotter than hot sauce on a possum's butt by the time I finished. At mile 12 I was feeling rather spacey, well more than usual, and had a gel. I didn't feel better until mile 16 and then I felt like I could finish. I went into early menopause so no more periods. I will take the chin hair and the saggy skin not to have to deal with that ever again!
ReplyDeleteRecently during a half marathon that felt harder than I thought it should be, I gave serious consideration to whether I might have 1) suppressed thyroid, 2) low iron/ferritin/whatever, 3) low testosterone (read an article that this could be a problem for women) (though my chin hairs say differently). I suspect that the allegations of Alberto Salazar suggesting athletes take prescription meds to enhance performance may have influenced my thinking.... The reality was (probably) that it was a warm day and half marathons are no piece of cake! (Mmmm, cake....)
ReplyDeleteI'm on week 4 of marathon training and it's gone better than expected, including two weeks in humid Missouri. Which means a bad run is waiting for me soon! Although I did have a slight crash on my mountain bike yesterday, so maybe that will be it for a few more weeks.
ReplyDeleteNo. Just no.
I did a 216 mile relay two weeks ago and we ended up not finishing it was so sucky! 10 runners instead of 12, 100 degree heat, 1 of the ten got injured, and 4 got heat sickness. Sucky all the way around, and the year before we did so well :( I hope your relay is a great success. You ultra runners are a bit crazy though!
ReplyDeleteEverything has been a suckfest lately, but now I'm tapering for my 1/2 Ironman and I am hoping against hope that my tapering returns some level of health to my body. I loved your list. I totally get the jealousy and the deathly illness (i.e. exhaustion, maybe? heat related?). This is my worst time of year for running, but I have to remind myself that putting in the work now makes fall running oh so sweet!
ReplyDeleteIMO....I think it's not so much our age, it's the mileage. (IE: a lifetime of being active.) I'm 44 and have 4 screws and 2 rods holding the bottom of my spine to the top of my tailbone. For me, after I accomplish a running goal, even when I get inside my own head, especially after a crap run, I honesty feel the reward of achievement...no matter how much titanium I'm packing mile after mile.
ReplyDeleteHey...are those PureConnects? Do you use them for short or long runs? I've PC3 and I love them.
ReplyDeleteThey are the Pure Cadence - my favorite shoe. I use them for all distances from 3 milers to 20 milers.
DeleteAwww! I thought you were an Altra gal :) (I have a wide toe box and they are the only solution I've found that really work for me, for distance)
DeleteI have run quite a bit in Altras. I like them too.
Delete:)
DeleteWow! Look at those muscles!! You look amazing, woman! I'm jealous -- I want to run a huge relay. It sounds like hideously torturous fun.
ReplyDeleteI've had mucho crappy runs lately. I'm hoping that it's because I'm pregnant, but I won't find that out for sure until this weekend. We've been trying for over a year, though, so that would be nice. I'm also on hormones, which also make my runs suck, pregnant or not.
Fingers crossed you've got a bun in the oven :)))
DeleteMy last bad run was yesterday. I normally feel like crap the first mile and need to get past that point to feel good but yesterday I couldn't get past a third of a mile before walking. I'll try again tomorrow but of course I'm questioning everything, like you said.
ReplyDeleteI commend the woman who ran openly without using a tampon as it brought up important conversation of an otherwise "shameful" topic. Those of us fortunate enough to live in developed countries take for granted that we have such simple access to feminine hygiene products. A year's supply of pads/tampons costs an average of $70/annually. To the tens of millions of women living in poverty this is not remotely affordable nor covered by government assistance. She also notes in her article that only 12% of women in India use pads/tampons. I can't imagine living like that. Could I imagine running while bleeding freely? No. Do I find it gross? Not at all.
ReplyDeleteI commend the woman who ran openly without using a tampon as it brought up important conversation of an otherwise "shameful" topic. Those of us fortunate enough to live in developed countries take for granted that we have such simple access to feminine hygiene products. A year's supply of pads/tampons costs an average of $70/annually. To the tens of millions of women living in poverty this is not remotely affordable nor covered by government assistance. She also notes in her article that only 12% of women in India use pads/tampons. I can't imagine living like that. Could I imagine running while bleeding freely? No. Do I find it gross? Not at all.
ReplyDeleteSummer running in Texas suck. Period (no pun intended!) If I run before the sun comes up, the temp is "only" 85 but the humidity is 70%+. If I wait until the humidity goes down, then it's 95 degrees +. I choose early and low temps and then struggle to catch my breath from breathing through (what feels like) a sponge for the duration of my run. I can't WAIT until it cools down some. Summer is maintenance mode only - I just run enough to not lose my fitness.
ReplyDeleteOh brother where do I start, I think at least twice a week I have a suck-ass run. I am 50 so I say, yes, I am ancient and then beat myself up because I can't keep up with the teeny tiny 20 somethings that seem to fly by me at Wash park as I am lumbering along at...yikes... more like a 12 minute mile! And yes, maybe If i cut back on my wine consumption over the weekend, I would be faster but you have to have some pleasures in life right?
ReplyDeleteYes! I am with you :)
DeleteOne of my most sucky runs was an 8k race. My first post-partum race four months after my little dude was born. It was hot, we got there super late as public transport sucked, I was not prepared. What kept me motivated - it was the weekend you ran your Ironmen in Boulder. I told myself if you can do an Ironmen I can run some 8k.
ReplyDeleteOver the weekend I was in Beaver Creek ... Giant mistake because I find out the Epic Relay is running through there and there is the Beavercreek 1/2 marathon. Currently I'm training for the Tough Mudder ... But man did I feel out of shape when I see all these people running up the mountain for the 1/2 and others running over Vail pass like it is no big deal... So to say my back to back runs at altitude sucked is an understatement!
ReplyDeleteOKAY... I'm just going to say YOU CRACK ME UP and I love it... you are such a REAL inspiration ~ thank you thank you. Oh and as for a runner, YOU ROCK IT SISTER ;) I have days when I should wear a shirt which reads "I suck, But at least I'm trying".... here's to winning the battle ;)
ReplyDelete#7!!! I have thought that many times!!!!
ReplyDeleteLast suck-fest run: Probably last month, on my "city loop" (4.5 miles that includes a huge ass hill up Wadsworth). It might be today, though, because I'm determined to run again on my lunch hour, and I ran and rode yesterday, and the stairs in the office are kicking my butt.
ReplyDeleteI tell myself to suck it up.
NO NO NO to the period thing. GAH.
Also, #7. YES. Plus, I'm super neurotic, so extra yes.
I check out the sweet eye candy on SUAR and don my tri-suit before every run so I have an erection to show the world as my protest against boner shaming, or B.S. as we stiffies like to call it.
ReplyDeleteJust kidding. Thank you as always for the great post. Can't wait to hear about how you rocked the ultra relay.
It seems like I've had a few too many bad runs lately too. I blame it on the heat and humidity of the summer. They always seem to get better as the temps go down into September.
ReplyDeleteGood luck at your race!
I was passed by shirtless cross country runners without water today on my struggle-fest long run, too. I definitely wanted to trip them.
ReplyDeleteIt's as if you were just in my head for the last two days! I'm trying out Jeff Galloway's plan and did my first Magic Mile, and oh my, I was not pleased with my results. Trying to get to the point where I can get past the brain and back to training the body to do what I want it to do. We shall see... And, I'll keep my tampons thanks.
ReplyDeleteTHE perfect blog for me. EVERy single DAMN run has been hard lately and I am tired. So tired. Thank you for sharing so I feel normal. I am going to try being less CSI on myself.
ReplyDeleteOn a side note - we watched McFarlane USA based on a blog of yours some time ago. So inspiring! Thanks for the recommendation!!
This is EXACTLY how I have been feeling. I can't accept what my friends keep telling me as the real reasons why I have sucked so hard at running lately: I have been sick. I am on antibiotics. My father died. I am going through a bunch of shit. Instead, I tell myself that I have lost the ability to run fast, freely, and joyfully. After tonight's epic fail run, which I chose to perk up my confidence, I am believing that I am not capable of racing ever again. I wish I could put a positive spin on this comment. Instead, I'm going to eat ice cream.
ReplyDeleteI "discovered" running just after my father died (in 2009). Can't say a lot of positive about the year or two that followed--but me belatedly (@ age 49) *finally* getting on the fitness/running train changed my life. You deserve the ice cream, wine, tears, whatever you need ... and I'm sure you'll find your way back to quiet miles on the road. [empathies]
DeleteYes I read about the woman who ran without a tampon and saw the photo's and just wanted to say that for those of us that regularly run marathons and ultra's and trail runs, see people with vomit stains, and their shorts stained from poop, pee and period blood or any other blood is pretty normal stuff. A lot of times, what goes in must come out. Not really a big deal to runners but I guess the rest of the population is grossed out?
ReplyDeleteI adore your blog! You never fail to make me think AND laugh! I love your honesty and the fact that you're up-front about everything---I respect that a lot more than the polished perfection showcased on social media. About those runners/bloggers, I think........don't they get exhausted turning EVERYTHING into the picture of perfection?! I couldn't and wouldn't want to do it.
ReplyDeleteI do NOT get that whole running with your period/no protection thing. I get the point she was trying to make, but how she did it was just gross.
When I have a bad run, I tell myself that the next one is bound to be better. The laws of the universe say that you can't have two suck-fest runs in a row!!!! :)
My husband will bitch that he has a terrible run, is so out of shape, is never going to get back in shape.
ReplyDeleteThen the next run is balls-out amazing.
So yeah, it happens to all of us and sucks but will get better!
That lady can go tampon and pad-less if she wants, but I just imagine the chafing is worse without the pad than with!
First of all, I have to say that you look amazing! I would LOVE to look as lean and tone as you. You are WAY too hard on yourself. You have accomplished amazing things and in the grand scheme of running, you haven't even been running that long!
ReplyDeleteWhen was your last suck-fest run?
It was on Monday because I was trying out my new Hokas. Hated them and I'm going back to Brooks.
What do you tell yourself when you have a bad run? It will be better next time.
Would you run without a tampon to fight PS? God no!
Thanks Megan! I appreciate the nice words!
DeleteCrappy runs happen. To go along with the PS part of the post, I feel like they are very cyclical. Didn't you write a post once with a link to that topic - when was the best time for endurance vs. speed was during a month? Maybe I'm delusional...
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I usually just tell myself that even the elite runners have a crappy workout sometimes...
Yes, I did write that post. Good memory! How Your Period Affects Running http://www.shutupandrun.net/2012/11/how-your-period-affects-running.html
DeleteI've gotten better at embracing my craptastic runs, but I think that's because summer in Florida affords me one basically every day :) ha!!! I would love to do an ultra relay, but I think I will have to pass on the seriously hilly one's until we move and i can train in ohhhh say Colorado. Yes i have the hubs on board, we're working on it...might still be a year but I think it's a go!
ReplyDeleteYES! Would be so fun if you were here.
DeleteI am so glad that my husband is back today with the help of Dr Brave, He is very real, Honest and Genuine, My name is Becky Miller , I live in Los Angeles, California, I'm happily married to a lovely and caring husband ,with three kids. A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my husband .so terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce.he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn't love me anymore.So he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and he confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my husband .So i explained every thing to him,so he told me that the only way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for him too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the email address of the spell caster whom he visited.{bravespellcaster@gmail.com}. So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address he gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back the next day.What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my husband who didn't call me for the past seven 9 months,gave me a call to inform me that he was coming back.So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster. So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website { http://lovespelldrbrave.weebly.com/. } if you have any problem contact Dr Brave ,{ bravespellcaster@gmail.com }, thanks you Dr Brave, i will always be testifying about your good work.
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ReplyDeleteI am here to give testimony of how i got back my husband, we got married for over 9 years and we had two kids. thing were going well with us and we where always happy. until one day my husband started to behave in a way i could not understand, i was very confused by the way he treated me and the kids. later that month he did not come back home again and he called me that he want a divorce, i asked him what have i done wrong to deserve this from him, all he was saying is that he want a divorce that he hate me and do not want to see me again in his life, i was mad and also frustrated do not know what to do,i was sick for more than 2 weeks because of the divorce. i love him so much he was everything to me without him my life is incomplete. i told my sister and she told me to contact a spell caster, i never believe in all this spell casting of a thing. i just want to try if something will come out of it. i contacted traditional spell hospital for the return of my husband to me, they told me that my husband have been taken by another woman, that she cast a spell on him that is why he hate me and also want us to divorce. then they told me that they have to cast a spell on him that will make him return to me and the kids, they casted the spell and after 1 week my husband called me and he told me that i should forgive him, he started to apologize on phone and said that he still live me that he did not know what happen to him that he left me. it was the spell that he casted on him that make him come back to me. my family and i are now happy again. Thank you Dr. Aluta for what you have done for me i would have been nothing today if not for your great spell. i want you my friends who are passing through all this kind of love problem of getting back their husband, wife , or ex boyfriend and girlfriend to contact traditionalspellhospital@gmail.com and you will see that your problem will be solved without any delay. He cast spells for different purposes
I totally have some bizarre undiagnosed disease that is making me tired. #fact ;)
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ReplyDeleteMy Name is Anita.I will love to share my testimony to all the people in the forum cos i never thought i will have my boyfriend back and he means so much to me..The boy i want to get marred to left me 4 weeks to our wedding for another girl..,When i called her she never picked my calls,She deleted me on his facebook and he changed her facebook status from engaged to Single...when i went to her place of work he told his boss he dont want to see me..I lost my job as a result of this cos i cant get myself anymore,my life was upside down and everything did not go smooth with my life...I tried all i could do to have him back,all did not work out until i met a prophet when i Travelled to Africa to execute some business have been developing some years back..I told him my problem and all have passed through in getting her back and how i lost my job...he told me he gonna help me...i didn't believe that in the first place.but he swore he will help me out and he told me the reason why my girlfriend left me and also told me some hidden secrets.i was amazed when i heard that from him..he said he will cast a spell for me and i will see the results in the next couple of days..then i travel back to Us the following day and i called him when i got home and he said he's busy casting those spells and he has bought all the materials needed for the spells,he said am gonna see positive results in the next 2 days that is Thursday...My boyfriend called me at exactly 12:35pm on Thursday and apologies for all he had done ..he said,he never knew what she's doing and her sudden behavior was not intentional and he promised not to do that again.it was like am dreaming when i heard that from him and when we ended the call,i called the man and told him my girlfriend called and he said i haven't seen anything yet... he said i will also get my job back in 3 days time..and when its Sunday,they called me at my place of work that i should resume working on Monday and they gonna compensate me for the time limit have spent at home without working..My life is back into shape,i have my man back and we are happily married now with kids and i have my job back too.This man is really powerful..if we have up to 20 people like him in the world,the world would have been a better place..he has also helped many of my friends to solve many problems and they are all happy now..Am posting this to the forum for anybody that is interested in meeting the man for help.you can mail him to Dr.jartospellcaster@gmail.com I cant give out his number cos he told me he don't want to be disturbed by many people across the world..he said his email is okay and he' will replied to any emails asap..hope he helped u out too..good luck:Dr.jartospellcaster@gmail.com.Once Again His Email Address Is:Dr.jartospellcaster@gmail.com
I'm very excited sharing this amazing testimony about how i save my marriage and get my husband back today, My name is Keys Miller,i live in Los Angeles, California, and I'm happily married to a lovely and caring husband ,with three kids. A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my husband. So terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce,he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn't love me anymore.So he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and he confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my husband . So i explained every thing to him,so he told me that the only way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for him too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the email address of the spell caster whom he visited.{GREATOGUDUGU@GMAIL.COM}. So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address he gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back the next day.What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my husband who didn't call me for the past seven 9 months,gave me a call to inform me that he was coming back.So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster. So, i will advice you out there to kindly contact Dr Ogudugu if you have any problems,{GREATOGUDUGU@GMAIL.COM}. Thanks you Dr Ogudugu, i will always be testifying about your good work.
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