Friday, May 19, 2017

What's the Most Random Thing You've Found on a Run?

Yeah, I've been MIA for a couple of weeks. That's because I've being doing really important things like getting the wart on my dog's head frozen off, finishing Shameless (I miss you already Frank) and helping my 19 year old son find a car to buy when he would settle for nothing less than a Crown Victoria, a Lincoln Town Car or something similar. He ended up with a Mercury Grand Marquis. I truly had no idea I gave birth to a grandmother (or a pimp?). He does look cute though:

So what if it's 17 feet long?

This post has been brewing for awhile. During marathon training, I had a lot of time to myself while pounding the pavement to ponder on the really important stuff such as - "Why are there so many mini, empty bottles of Fireball along side the road?"

You know what I mean. As you put one foot in front of the other, maybe you are noticing a trend along the road or trail. Maybe the pattern of the shit you spot on the ground makes you wonder a bit about human nature and why people toss the the things they do. Clearly, alcohol bottles are to hide evidence. I know this because I've watched Cops and other similar shows that basically make me an expert in law enforcement.

Case in point. By far the two things I see the most while running are:

-Empty airplane sized bottles of liquor (Fireball being a favorite)

Image result for empty fireball bottle

-Those flosser things. You know the ones - I think they are called flosser picks

Image result for flossers

I'm pretty sure these things do not go together, unless of course there is a new phenomenon that involves flossing one's teeth, then chugging Fireball like Listerine, then littering. Possible for sure. I know that is what my dentist recommends.

Less common things I've noticed on occasion.
  • Condoms - used or still in the package (making love on the side of the road is romantic)
  • Underwear (understandable, accidents happen in the car)
  • One sock (I don't get it. Unless you're a teenage boy, then I get it)
  • One shoe (there is a ballet flat that has been along side this one stretch of road for awhile)
  • Change (pennies, quarters, etc)
  • Bags of fast food trash (do you think people who eat fast food or more likely to litter? Someone should do a thesis on that)
  • Ponytail holders (totally understandable, they just fall out sometimes)
  • Vomit (very unfortunate if you're an emetophobe like me)
  • Feces - human and otherwise

By far the most random thing I've ever seen while running was...

A live parakeet. I shit you not.
Image result for parakeet

I live in Colorado and as far as I know, parakeets are not indigenous to this part of the world. My guess is this little guy escaped and was just having a little walk in the sunshine before he got eaten by a large hawk or mountain lion.

I have yet to find a dead human body (and I feel cheated because apparently runners are the ones who always find dead bodies), although I have found dead raccoons, cats, squirrels, deer and snakes (I prefer my snakes dead, so that's good).

Stuff on the road tells a story, people! Are you listening?

Enough about me. Tell me what the most random thing is you've found when running? 

SUAR


37 comments:

  1. One morning on a dark, relatively quiet road, I found (encountered, and quickly sprinted away from in terror) a dog stuck in some bushes. Otherwise, yes all kinds of dead animals here and there, but alas, I have never found a dead human body either (and weirdly, I do feel cheated as well).

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  2. I was out running one day with my friend, she had given up bread convinced she had a gluten intolerance, I had given up bread in support. We were listing all the bread products we missed croissants, bagels, French stick etc & were both drooling when we came across a full loaf of crusty white bread! WTF? We were literally in the middle of nowhere & there it was on the pavement at our feet!! It was like a mirage & TBH we were very tempted but resisted. Always see lots of single shoes, trainers, socks I can never understand that these people simply haven't noticed losing half their footwear! Not all this crap can fall out of passing vehicles!

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    1. OK, that is really odd about the bread. I think that means you and your friend are supposed to resume eating a lot of gluten.

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  3. I have also noticed lots of empty Fireball bottles. Not just airplane sized either, I have also seen empty full sized bottles.

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  4. I was out on a run in the early morning and found an athletic bag with a new tennis racket. It wasn't in front of anyone's house, just randomly sitting in the middle of a sidewalk. It wasn't that far from my house, so I said to myself that if it was there on the way back I'll take it. It was there upon my return, so I took it.

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  5. Well, there was that empty bottle of Oxycontin I found along the road this past winter. I found a brand new Cubs stocking cap right after they won the world series. You bet I brought that baby home and washed it. Lots and lots of liquor bottles. Apparently everyone who lives around me is an alcoholic.

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  6. You know, this is one of the times I'm glad I'm not running where you're running. I've never seen ANY of those things. Well, except for trash which might or might not be fast food. A few weeks ago we ran past the pile of garbage that a river clean up crew had hauled out of the river. A stove was the most prominent thing. Mostly what I see is nice scenery, and a bike path or hiking trail going through it. Occasionally signs warning of bears or cougars.

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  7. While running with my girlfriends on a long group run we came across a small alligator. Our guess was a bird picked it up and the dropped it in flight. Hey, it's Florida.

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  8. I see a lot of those little bags for dog poop. I thought the purpose was to take the bag with you, not just pick up the poop, tie a knot in the bag and leave it on the sidewalk.

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    1. I've seen a lot of those and have been equally puzzled. Are they expecting the magic clean up crew to come and do it for them?

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    2. I think, generally, people will leave them because their dog decided to go at the beginning of the walk and they don't want to carry it through the whole walk but will pick it up on the way back. That's what I've done - and I can't imagine anyone bothering to bag it up without that intention.

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  9. My running friends explained to me that if you see a person out running with only one sock, it's because they had to some unexpected business in the bushes and needed to wipe. LOL
    The random shoe thing is probably someone like my Mom who is infamous in our family for putting things on top of the car and forgetting it there when she drives away. My Dad said he took her car to fill at the gas station and found one of her shoes stuck in the spoiler. (other things she's driven off with on top of the car: shoes, coffee in a cup, fruit from a road stand, bag of Depends)... and a client told me of a story of when she drove off with a pile of granny panties on her car she forgot to put in her donation pile. She realized this when she saw them stuck all through the bushes by her house. :)

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    1. I had a high school teacher who drove away with all her classes graded papers on top of her car. She hadn't recorded the grades yet either.

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  10. I've definitely come across a number of unusual sights - I've found a GPS navigation unit (with charging cord), come across a lady walking her pet terrier and raccoon (yes, you read that right) ... but the oddest thing so far has to have been the half-dozen bundle of roses sitting in the middle of a city street. Lost love or scorned love ... I can't decide which it was.

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  11. Someone had a used hamster cage and all the supplies out at the curb THE VERY DAY MY DAUGHTER EARNED ONE. We were going to be heading out later that day to get one. I ran home and came back with the car hoping it was still there. It was. Score!

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  12. I came across a flash drive that looked to be in good condition. I was tempted to take it home and see what was on it because I'm nosy, but then I panicked that it'd be full of child porn and I'd go to jail because no one would believe that I found it.

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  13. Once I came upon a carcass of a skunk that was picked clean down to the bones and was left in the middle of the road like a nature museum display. How can I be sure this bare skeletan was a skunk? The black and white bushy tail was perfectly intact.

    Another day I saw about a 4 foot snake that looked like it was crossing the road, but it never moved. As I got closer, I saw the perfectly squished spot, complete with tread marks. He wasn't slithering anywhere ever again.

    People don't litter much in my neighborhood, but it is dangerous for critters I guess.

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  14. I came across a Dasani water bottle that appeared to be halfway filled (and recapped) with urine. I'm guessing some poor guy (because I don't think a woman could very easily pee into a water bottle, unless she had a funnel with her!) couldn't make it to his destination in time and used the bottle as a porta potty. Ironically I found the urine bottle about a half mile down the road from a local park with lovely (for a park) bathrooms....

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  15. a tube of anal ease. I just don't want to know.

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  16. On my run today I spotted a wheelchair, with no obvious defects, just abandoned on a patch of grass and nobody around except me. I can only assume some sort of miracle occurred!

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  17. My running route takes me through our small town cemetery. A couple of summers ago, I saw an empty pet rodent cage (hamster, gerbil?) in the cemetery with the small cage door open. I'm guessing someone decided they didn't want their pet anymore, so they took the cage to the cemetery, opened the door and set the poor thing free. Ugh. Seriously. Couldn't you rehome the animal? How is it supposed to make its way in the wild after being a pet? People make me mad sometimes.

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  18. I find weird stuff all the time. I have found a couple of pairs of scissors (brought them home), a mattress (left it!), numerous dogs and a wallet (returned them), and money (kept it!). The most random was a piece of pita bread next to an empty medical marijuana container. Dumb stoners!

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  19. I find those alcohol nip bottles all the time as well as lots of those flossers. I feel there must be some kind of alternative use for them. Kind of like the first time I saw ping pong balls at the liquor store.

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  20. I see those floss things all the time, too. As well as disposable ear plugs (the kind construction workers wear). A guy I know who used to live in Chicago found all kinds of useable items while out running! He used to collect them and then give them to homeless people. They especially appreciated the lighters.

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  21. Well- one time I did encounter a body- the man was still alive but it was obvious something happened the night before. When I found him he was lying on the hood of his (?) car, glass broken around him. This was a while back-- I didn't own a cell phone then so I ran to the nearest place that was open at 6:30am on a Saturday morning. The only guy at work was someone who was deaf. It was very hard explaining why I needed a phone- and at first he didn't believe me.
    Other than that I haven't found much worth mentioning.

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    1. Wow, that's quite a story...did you ever find out what happened?

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    2. No- when I drove past later they were towing the car away. I have never run down that street again-- too lonely and creepy after that!

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  22. I think the most fun thing I've ever come across was a little old wooden car (children's toy), which you bet I picked up and brought home. I've also kept random tools I've found on the side of the road, wrenches mostly. And my favorite winter running hat was an found by my boyfriend found in the Lowe's parking lot!

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  23. I see a lot of tampons — unused, but in and out of packaging — which I haven't figured out. Definitely lots of liquor bottles of all sizes and cigarettes butts/packs and lighters. Poses an interesting question about the type of people who are both okay with littering AND smoke. I see a lot of roadkill, too.

    Weirdest things:
    1. Girl walking her miniature pony down the sidewalk.
    2. Man walking a giant tortoise (http://www.courier-journal.com/story/life/2017/03/06/louisvilles-spike-tortoise-walks-again-after-car-accident/98798748/)
    3. An entire pumpkin pie, unboxed.

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  24. I run outside of town on country roads and see SO many empty alcohol containers. It's sad. I always figured it was from kids "booze cruising," but then learned of a young alcoholic that would dump her containers to hide from her family, so I see them differently now. Stop littering, people!

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  25. I always notice the brands of trash items, and do some judging about who litters. In my neck of the woods, lots of flask sized Phillips vodka bottles, Old Milwaukee cans, Natural Ice Lite (ew--why bother?), and menthol cigarette packs. I've never seen a craft beer can or bottle or a discarded pack of American Spirits...
    Also, once I passed a roadkill deer with a "Get well soon" helium balloon tied to its leg. Wished I had a camera for that one.

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  26. Yep I've seen all that stuff except the parakeet. Weirdest thing I've seen was a lobster sitting in the middle of the sidewalk in February. I'm about an 8 hour drive from the ocean.

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  27. I saw a guy walking down the road, dressed in all black Matrix style, carrying a hatchet and eating a bag of skittles. He smiled and saluted as he passed me. Don't know where he was going, but I bet it was epic.

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  28. Pork roast. It was the middle of February and there was an all wrapped up from the grocery store, uncooked fresh roast. I still wonder how it got there. Since the weather was so cold, I seriously thought about taking it home haha! But I didn't.

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