Wednesday, March 21, 2018

13 Things I Never Said Before I Started Running

Running has changed me. I fart in public unabashedly. I can aim a snot rocket like no one's business. My thighs don't fit into my jeans. And, my idea of a fun Saturday morning is running for three hours in the wilderness. So, not surprisingly, there are many things I now say that I never would have said a few years ago before I was a runner. Here are a few: 

  1. "Did you remember to put lube on your nipples/balls/inner thighs?"

  2. "I can't wait to pay $100 to wake up at 3am and run 26.2 miles."

  3. "I guess if I pee myself I'll just rinse it off with water at the next aid station.

  4. "What do you mean your GPS says you ran 9.91 miles? Run until you hit 10 bitch!"

  5. "No I don't think $150 is too much to spend on (running) shoes.

  6. "I'm not leaving the house for a run until I poop."

  7. "Why bother with underwear? These shorts/tights have a lining."

  8. "Two of my toenails just fell off."

  9. "No, I'm not jogging, asshole"

  10. "I cannot get a fucking satellite."

  11. "I think it makes sense to run for 50 or 100 miles."

  12. "My tampon fell out at mile 12."

  13. "I don't care how nasty that porta potty is. It's better than shitting myself."



  1. great list! I particularly like the "no I'm not jogging asshole". I actually am so slow that's the best description. However I always say "I'm going for a run" not a "jog". Just makes me fell more athletic! Lol

  2. Love it! I didn't think I would ever talk about pooping so much until I started running! I would have never thought in a million years the first thought to cross my mind in a relay hand off was "oh thank you universe, I didn't poop my pants!"

  3. I wish that I could do that just like you did. But hardly I can't, maybe I don't have determination like you. Hats off to you.

  4. I love these. Its sad(?) how many, if not all, I can relate to. As far as #3 and #13, there are long runs that my husband picks me up at the end. The look we exchange as I climb in the car answers those questions. :)

  5. I love a beer at 9 in the morning! After a race, that is...

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  7. Something I never thought I'd say: I need a snot rocket lesson. My nose runs all the time when I run; worse in winter. I seriously need to try it but am sure I will end up with snot on my face or mouth or coat or something.

  8. Have been running since 1971. I have never said any of those things.

    1. Thanks for reading, Cheryl, even if you can't relate to anything I write..

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