Thursday, May 14, 2009

What Happens During a Real Marathon

I think we are all in agreement that chugging Cap'n Morgan, passing out and snowboarding does not qualify as a "real" marathon.

In a real marathon you:
  1. Finish, look in the mirror, and wonder what that white stuff is caked all around your face: salt!
  2. Poop in places you never thought possible
  3. Are willing to pee on yourself and flush it away with water at the next aid station if it will save you some time

  4. Might listen to the same song over and over again on your iPod just because it gives you that extra bit of inspiration

  5. Chafe in places you didn't expect

  6. Cry, smile, grimace, laugh in the same mile

  7. Let the joy of seeing a loved one on the sidelines stay with you for miles and miles

  8. Dig deep to places you didn't know you could go

  9. Pray more than you've ever prayed before

  10. Get really weird sunburns

  11. Run for miles on blisters you wouldn't consider even walking on normally

  12. Tell yourself "this is insane, I will never do this again," yet sign up for your next race the following week

  13. Fixate on the backs of people in front of you running about the same pace. Maybe you make up stories about them, maybe you feel a bond with them, maybe you don't care but they keep you somehow grounded

  14. Take food from strangers on the sidelines offering sliced oranges and pretzels

  15. Fantasize about post-race indulgences like beer and pizza, but find your stomach can't handle the stuff after all

  16. Wonder how that person with that type of body could finish a marathon. And you're impressed that they can

  17. Smile for that professional photographer even though you want to kick him at mile 20

  18. Understand why Pheidippides dropped dead after running the first marathon in Greece (and you worry you just might do the same)

  19. Ask yourself numerous times "I paid $100 bucks for this?"

  20. Love every minute of it in a really weird way

  21. Think about how you'll blog about all of the pain and joy later

  22. Are at one point too cold (usually the start) and later too hot

  23. Get energy by passing people later in the race - maybe you even make a game of it to pass time

  24. Think you're going to appreciate the entertainment along the course (bands, belly dancers, etc) but find you're too engrossed and in too much pain to care

  25. Know the finish line is only .2 miles away, but where the *&#! is it?

  26. Cross that finish line with the biggest sense of accomplishment you've ever had.

26 experiences for 26 miles. And there are hundreds more. Anything you'd like to add to the list?

Take that, Captain Morgan.


  1. I have never run a marathon...yet. I loved your list!

  2. the BEST post :) ALL of these are sooo true!

  3. Maybe I should post "What happens on the sidelines while you're out running the marathon." You talk to people about the signs they made, the supportive tshirt they wear, why they aren't running too.
    You cheer till you're hoarse for people till you lose your voice and realize they never heard you because of their headphones.
    The best part about the Disney marathon is that we signed up to have them text me my husband's split times, so I knew when to meet him at specific mile markers. Then you grab your daughters, hop on the monorail, catch a ride on Soarin' and still have 30 mins to get wait at the finish. :)

  4. Wow... that sounds full on... and awesome!

  5. thanks for stopping by my glad i found yours! great list, definitely got me laughing and very excited to rock my race this sunday : )

  6. Don't forget: Become instant best friends with dozens of strangers.

    Cap'n Morgan has NOTHIN' on us!

  7. I am impressed with the list. Nicely done!

  8. I have to say ew and ick to a number of those, I've not had that happen nor will I. Now this one "Wonder how that person with that type of body could finish a marathon. And you're impressed that they can" I ususally think that when the 60 year old passes me or the mom with the joggging stroller.. really puts your ego in check!

  9. Oh god....what did I sign myself up for???

  10. Great list, and definitely a perfect follow-up to yesterday!

  11. Now that is a marathon! Great list!

  12. I love this list.

    12 and 25 are soooo true. I always find myself saying 12 and then I'm always trying to find more races to do. I guess it's a good crazy :)

  13. OMG - LOVED IT, LOVED IT, LOVED IT!! You had me totally laughing out loud. FANTASTIC post. I'm saving this one. TOTALLY true on every account. Another one: Find it shocking that THAT much sweat and THAT much odor could come out of one body.

  14. 4, 12, 15 and 16... yes yes yes!!! hee hee. I love this list! I usually play "Pump It" by the BEP a few times in a row ;) (of course, I have not run a full, so I mean during a long run!)

  15. Praying was a big one for me! I don't pray much, but come marathon day, I was more nervous and anxious than I've ever been in my life.

  16. You are hiliarious! I just found your blog and can't even remember how, but so glad I did. I'm laughing so hard that I'm crying! I've never ran a marathon, but can relate to many of these from running 10K's. Super funny!