Sunday, April 6, 2014

Never Trust A…

It’s been awhile since I’ve had one of those crappy runs. I mean “crappy” in the most literal sense.  Here I was all full of myself because that I had no GI issues while in Mexico. Then I come home, eat a huge Five Guys burger on Friday night and attempt a 4 mile time trial run on Saturday morning. I am advising you to not attempt this. EVER.

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Yes, this burger may look all sweet, juicy and innocent, but watch out.
It has the power to destroy you.

{If you are not familiar with a time trial, one basically goes all out for the allotted distance, then record your time. I can’t say I’ve ever done one of these for running before. It’s a great gauge of progress over time (i.e., do a time trial today then do it again in 3 months and see where you are). This is the benefit of training with a group and coaches. You learn new things all of the time}.

The Fast Forward coaches told us to try to not burn out. I really wanted to not die at the end and keep up my speed. They gave some good advice like “embrace discomfort” and remember that just because you want to stop doesn’t mean you should stop.

Mile 1: 8:07
Mile 2: 8:00
Mile 3: 8:10
Mile 4: 7:46

I’d like to say that the reason I got speedier in that last mile was because I was feeling so strong. No. The reason was that at mile 2.5 my stomach started cramping so badly I broke out into a sweat and wanted to double over on the path and cry for my mommy. The only reason I didn’t was that I was with a group. If I had been by myself, I would have been in the fetal position. See? A group does hold you accountable.

By mile 3.5 things were starting to get ugly. I needed a bathroom and I needed it fast (hence the increase in speed). With only a half mile to go I wasn’t giving up, but I wanted some relief. This is the part where I remind you (and myself for the 90th time) to not trust a fart. Yes, you might get some relief, but you also might get a little chaser you were not intending. Ugh. Then all you can think about is if someone knows what you have just done (hangs head in shame).

I finished up and while my friend Leigh was singing the praises of this new “sport” tampon she found (“I swear,” she exclaimed loudly, “It really stays in!”). I was trying to tell her I needed to clean up quick. That’s when I do that little crazy run you do sometimes where you are trying to run whilst clenching and holding things together.

After that fiasco and a quick clean up, I had another 6 miles to run. Ken joined me for that part. Suffice it to say that every .75 miles I had to stop (thank God for construction and lots of porta potties). Finally by mile 4,  my colon and I gave up and I had Ken get the car. I am not sure what was going on with my stomach. Probably this equation: Mexico + 5 Guys Burger = Shitty Run.

By the way, here’s what Leigh was talking about:

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I like how they “gently expand to your unique shape.” Such a flowery way of putting it.

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Last fiasco you had on a run?

Do you prefer running with or without a group? I am really torn on this one. I like the support and camaraderie of like minded people, but sometimes I just want to be with myself or one good friend. I do a mixture.

Tampax or Kotex? I am a Tampax girl, but only while exercising. The rest of the time it is pads for me because I had Toxic Shock and am not supposed to wear tampons…oops

SUAR

52 comments:

  1. Oh, dear...yes, a shitty run. Fortunately, I haven't (*knocks on wood*) had anything like that, but trust me, I make sure I poop at least once--twice if I can--before I go on a longer run.

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  2. Oh man, been there. A few weeks ago I had to tromp through three feet of snow to get to a discreet enough spot in the woods to take care of business. I did everything right before hand, too! I'm pretty sure a car still saw me, so I may end up on the news any day now. When you gotta go, you gotta go!

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  3. I've yet to shart but I've turtled and clenched in fear more times then I can count. I'm totally a kotex girl. I've tried the sport tampons and have better luck with kotex. FYI I'm reading this hoping it motivates my inards to produce a pre-run poo...

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  4. Beth, my friend, when will you learn? I stopped eating hamburgers (and I do miss them!) when I was training for Chicago. As I increased my mileage, my runs became increasingly shitty. It took me a while to figure it out, but ground beef is not my friend. Neither is corn or any corn containing products. Did you eat a lot of tortillas and chips in Mexico? Could be what is giving you the cleanse.

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  5. Never eat rolled oats and dried cherries before a run. EVER. And there isn't anything that makes it better, is there? Walking doesn't help, running can hurt and curling up in a ball only attracts attention.

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  6. I prefer running on my own because then I run my own pace. If I run with someone else, I always feel like I'm huffing and puffing to keep up, even if I might have run faster on my own! Sometimes though I like to get out there with my husband -- it's fun to get out together and talk.

    You didn't say you were looking for an alternative to tampons but I will still recommend the Instead Softcup, especially for endurance events -- you can wear it for 12 hours! Here's my TMI product review:

    http://fitfunmom.com/2012/11/06/instead-softcup-product-review/

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    Replies
    1. I wanted to comment to suggest this as well. I think mine is called a Diva cup? Anyway, I'll never go back to tampons and pads, it's amazing.

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    2. I'm a diva cup girl myself and have been for years. No leaks and I've saved so much money.

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  7. I haven't had a run like that in a long time. I'm just glad I'd chosen to run south to Fish Creek, which has washrooms, as opposed to north towards the reservoir, which does not. Three times glad, whatever that works out to be.
    Generally I prefer to run alone. Then I can go my own pace, my own route, and stop when I want. However, I've recently started running with a buddy, and that's been a good experience. Not a fan of group runs.

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  8. I've never tried with a group, but I am currently looking for a training group in my area! Wow, that IS an awful run! Next one will be better!!

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  9. I prefer to train solo, but enjoy a group run every now and then to be social.

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  10. have you ever heard of/looked in the diva cup? http://divacup.com
    I always use it and I'm a huge fan. I honestly can't imagine using a tampon again.

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    Replies
    1. Yes, I have heard of those! Just have yet to try one. Glad to know it works so well for you.

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    2. You must. Lady cup or diva cups changed my life!

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  11. I'm sorry to hear about your runny run but at the same time I am glad someone can sympathize with me. I had to use a port-a-potty in a nearby neighborhood that I ran into for the sole purpose of knowing they had construction going on so I had a good shot at having success in finding a bathroom :) The glory!

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  12. Another Diva Cup fan here. I've been using it for 8 years and I used a cup called the Instead for 11 years before that. I will never use a tampon again.
    My last two runs have been literally crappy thanks to a new medication my doc wanted me to try for depression. I totally hate it and I can't wait to switch off of it!

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  13. I don't think I've had a nonshitty run in the last 8 days. That includes a race of 27K runners. Two potta potty stops, one shrub by a church and one alley. And I still had $#!) running down my leg at the end. I figure I lost 7 minutes. Thank heaven for my membership at the YMCA near by. Haven't figured out everything yet. Hydration is part of it for me. Working on an immodium regime as I have a marathon in a few weeks.

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  14. I love running with a group. There is a wide range of abilities and ages in the group. I am a newbie and one of the slower ones.(Also, one of the older ones) It is so motivating to be around experienced runners. I have learned so much and the group is so positive and encouraging. We do a long run on Saturday, the group naturally splits into smaller groups based on pace and ability. A fun trail run and a speed work clinic during the week. I have met people I never would otherwise of met. It is social and helps with accountability.

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  15. I haven't actually run with a group in a long time. I enjoy running alone. It is my therapy !

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  16. I had a "shitty" run today as well!! 10 miler turned to 9 in order to save my dignity and avoid a walk of fart gone wrong shame. What was I thinking with all of that cream sauce last night? Dumb.
    I run with my Aussie and occasionally friends. I like friend runs but not for all the time. Somedays I would leave the Aussie if she didn't love it so much.

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  17. So funny that the one and only time I have ever had GI distress was ALSO on a long run after eating A Five Guys burger and fries the night before! Got a little more than I bargained for with that "fart." Ick.

    I run solo, but will occasionally run with the hubby if the stars align where we can actually do it together without kiddos to be watched after. As a mom to three kids, I NEED that solo time. And, more often than not, my type A nature pushes me to my limits. I don't need someone else pushing me even farther and really risking injury!

    Tampax all the way.

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  18. I can't imagine singing praises of feminine products. I am not a Tampax girl but actually an OB. I like that its less waste.

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  19. Oh thank you for this! This happened to me halfway through a 9 mile run this weekend. Exactly 4.5miles in, and exactly 4.5 miles from the nearest convenience. Doing it in the woods wasn't an option either, too close to drinking water sources. It was a very uncomfortable fast walk/trot back to the start (running made it worse). I made it not a moment too soon. I was SO P**SED OFF because I was having such a great run :(

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  20. I have never had to crap on the run, knock on wood!! Which is amazing, because I can offload like no one's business before and afterwards. If I am ever constipated (which I can't imagine) all I'll need to do is run at least six miles and voila! A complete evacuation. Just recently, though, I was a mile into my run with seven more to go, and I needed to pee, bad. There is a community garden in the neighborhood I was running in, so I stopped there and walked back into the garden to pee in some bushes. It was early and still dark so I didn't think anyone saw me, but when I walked back out, adjusting my tights, someone sitting in a car parked along the curb tooted their horn at me. Ha - busted!
    I like the Tampax Sport, but as a woman of a "certain age" my periods are not as frequent so I imagine I don't have too many more years of tampon wearing ahead of me...

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  21. Rarely have problems with bowels while running (thank God!) but I do have serious problems during shark week. I'm a hemmorhage-for-days kind of girl, and for some reason running works my uterus into a frenzy of torrential blood loss. Fun. I may have to try the sport tampons and see how they work. For me, tampons tend to fall out once they are saturated, and there is not a single chance in h*ll that I am wearing a pad on a run (oh, the chafing!) I liked the idea of the menstrual cup, but I have to admit that I leak with those as well (and when you leak with a cup in place, it's not just a little overflow..... It's the release of every last drop the cup has been holding back. *shudder* This is the entire reason I wear black running capris on every run during that week, even when it's hot. At least when I have an overflow, no one else can tell whats running down my legs..... :-/

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  22. Before I even clicked the link my head finished the "never trust a FART" because that's something I would say. (and DO say)
    You always make me laugh.

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  23. My ONLY sub-6 minute mile in my adult life came from the exact same situation - except it was habanero beer and mac & cheese the night before and by mile 5 I literally started sprinting past mountain bikers on the trail to get to the ONE and ONLY port a potty for miles.

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  24. In the last year, I've done a couple of group runs, which can be fun. Though, I've done most of my training alone or just with a "running buddy".

    I'm a Tampax girl!

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  25. I definitely have shitty runs........the one that stands out is a half marathon where I couldn't finish fast enough to get to the porta potty!

    Judging by the comments I need to try a Diva cup or something similar! I go back and forth between Tampax and Kotex - depends on what's in the house - I have two teenage girls!

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  26. Sorry for your crappy run! I'm always hesistant to eat certain foods before my runs! I like the diva cup. Ever heard of it? It claims it can hold up up to 12 hours. I've used it on my longer ones and it works great!

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  27. Ugh…so miserable when that happens. I am like you on the group vs. solo--I like a mix. And did those tampons have middle-aged women who have had children in mind? 'Cause that does make a difference, ya know!

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  28. My marathon in SF last summer was like that. I had to stop 3 times. Seriously, I didn't think there was any more IN there. It sucked. It happens a lot to me. I stay away from burgers and fries the night before runs of any seriousness now. I also need to avoid pineapple, too many almonds or pistachios, chili (duh), and pretty much anything heavy. I feel your pain.

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  29. Absolutely and unfortunately true. The last time I had a 5 Guys, I was a mess for two days afterwards.

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  30. Menstrual cup. Seriously, switched a good 6 years ago and never looked back. Cheapest, wasteless and basically unnoticeable I love it

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  31. It really stays in? As opposed to...falling out? That can happen?! Dear lord. Now I'm super paranoid.

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    1. According to my friend Leigh, yes it can fall out!!

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    2. It can absolutely fall out! If it is saturated enough. Usually only all the way out if you go pee. As long as you keep your pants on and your legs together, it will just drop low enough to that you can feel it trying to fall out. Not fun. Not fun at all.

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  32. You actually got Toxic Shock syndrome? I googled it and it sounds terrible.

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  33. Happens to me all the time. sometimes I just run on gu and water because my stomach is so bad.. UUgh!!! the trots!! not a good situation.

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  34. I've only ever had the trots once on a run, but I've run the day after having fish n' chips and a pepsi for dinner, and it was the worst run I've ever had. I've since learned my lesson and consider what I'm eating the night before a long run.

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  35. I prefer running alone and I prefer pads. All the time.

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  36. Have you ever had to poop within a half mile of the house, slowed your pace by a minute and decided to just clench your buttcheeks as much as possible, thinking that would prevent any escapage...then been forced to slow almost to a walk since situation was becoming increasingly dire....yep this girl right here.

    Also, question for you Beth - Any chance at all the stickers/visors could be coming back any time soon? :-)

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    1. I can send you a sticker! Just email me your address at beth@shutupandrun.net

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  37. My most shitty run was during a Diva Race. I was crapping in people's yards in their bushes AND in my shorts.....how horrible is that?! I would run to the porta potties but they were still LOCKED. The crew forgot to cut the plastic locks before the race. :( Needless to say I crossed that finish line....I had to have that awesome Diva medal and boy did I earn it! I found out that my shitty run was caused by a needed rectocele repair. I have to say that was one of the best surgeries I ever had along with getting my uterus out.......no more worrying about bloody runs either. :)

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  38. I didn't even make it out the door this morning, courtesy of way too much popcorn Sunday night, the end of my cycle (Kotex girl, here) and some weird German brats at dinner at a friend's house last night. But I guess it's good I was still home!! I'm bummed I didn't run, but I am hoping later today I can squeeze in thirty minutes...

    I prefer to run alone in a group. Meaning, I like meeting people somewhere to start an finish together (like we did for TNT). But when I'm actually running, I like to be in my own head. Meaning, shut up and don't bother me :)

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  39. My husband tells me all the time to never trust a fart! It will always end poorly. I'm glad to read these comments and see how others have also had some interesting experiences!! Bahaha this is so great.

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