Thursday, November 6, 2014

If Hallmark Made Cards for Runners

I am thinking of going into business making greeting cards for audiences that don’t have many greeting cards. Like runners. There are so many of us who need the perfect card to express to our loved ones a variety of sentiments:


♦ Sorry you chafed during your race and everyone called you “ketchup nipples.”

♦ Sorry you couldn't make it to the bathroom and crapped your pants at mile 10 of your marathon. Just think how proud your 2 year old will be!

♦ Sorry you got punched because you didn’t wave to that other runner on the path.

♦ Sorry you got “chicked” by 39 women at the end of your marathon. Maybe that will teach you to be more humble.

♦ Sorry you missed your BQ by 9 seconds. Maybe you should have trained more. Next time for sure.


♦ Congrats on finishing your marathon! Now please stop talking about it. Love, all of your non-running friends

♦ Congrats on your PR! I hope it was worth the shart-mark on the back of your shorts.

♦ Congrats on getting over your injury without killing your family.

♦ Congrats on winning your age group and bragging about it when you were the only one in your age group.

Best Wishes:


♦ Good luck not hitting the wall in your upcoming marathon. The wall really sucks and you want to die.

♦ Good luck finishing your first marathon when it involves running and not watching 24 episodes in a row of your favorite TV show.

♦ Good luck qualifying for Boston this time. If you fail, try again when you are 80 and you just have to run it in 5:25 (women).


What would your running greeting card say?



  1. These are awesome! A few more sympathy cards: Condolences on your stress fracture. Maybe you should have done more stretching. Condolences on that banana peel you slipped on at mile 26...better luck next year. Condolences on your loss of friends due to your incessant need to talk about running...

  2. Sorry about my happiness while you were in the "bite me zone". I forgive you for taking me to " Just shut up b#$!%". When is our next marathon?

    Thank you for the flowers mom. Unfortunately, no I Did not win and this marathon was 26.2 miles.

  3. "Thank you" for letting me pass you! That was just the motivation I needed to find another gear! And as a triathlete, I'd add "Thank you" for letting me draft off you in the swim!

  4. Thank You!
    For training with me and telling me we'd run my first marathon together...
    Until you decided you wanted to "run your own race" at mile 4 and left me to suffer alone for 22.2 miles.
    You could have at least saved me a bagel!

  5. Fantastic!

    After our recent half here's one for my son...
    Sorry to have wrecked your "in the zone" run with my "exuberant", get the crowd involved run!


  6. Sorry about those lost toenails!

  7. I love all of these! I would add - sorry about pushing and your two other friends, who slogged side by side holding up the line of people trying to get past you

  8. This is AMAZING! You made me laugh a lot! :) I would add...Congratulations carrying your friend across the finish line even though you had to sacrifice your own PR.

  9. Love the "sorry you got chicked"!!
    Btw - did anyone see this article? I thought alcohol, sweets, and ice cream were the reason most people run?? ;)

    1. That's why I don't read those articles. Why take the fun out of EVERYTHING??? I just had a donut for breakfast and I wouldn't do it any other way!

    2. I am with you! Mmmmm... donuts...

  10. How about to the lady that yelled at me at one of my last halfs: Sorry I splashed you with my thrown water cup. After all, it was raining cats and dogs but I am sure the water in the water cup was way worse:)

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  12. LOLS.

    Definitely did NOT get a "CONGRATS FOR NOT CRAPPING YOUR PANTS" card from my last marathon.

    Gladly accepting sympathy cards re: the whole "pooping on the national mall under a bridge at mile 16 and still messing up my pink shorts" scenario. I'll send you my address.

  13. To my running partners: Thank you for pretending not to hear all those sounds that came out of me on our last long run.

  14. Congratulations on finally getting a race finish photo where your nipples are pointing in the same direction

    Sorry I crop dusted you - the tacos were the best!
    Amy P. Philly Runner

  15. I love these! These are really funny and oh so accurate!

  16. It's pretty much been done...

  17. hahahaha this is wonderful! So true, there might just be a niche industry for this now!

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