Saturday, November 22, 2014

That’s a Rough Way to Die

Since I’m not really training for anything my goal these days has to run about 30 miles per week. I don’t know why 30 is the magic number, it just is. It is more than 29 and less than 31, how’s that?

I did intervals on the treadmill on Tuesday overlooking the pool and the pussy posse (remember them from days gone by? If you have been reading this blog for forever, you know the posse is my favorite geriatric water aerobics group who I hung with when I had a hip stress fracture).

I like watching people swim while I run. I like to pretend I know things about swimming and I judge their technique. I like to label the regulars whose names I don’t know – like “tattoo guy”, “girl who likes the butterfly, ” “nice boob lady” and “treading water old man.”

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Yes, I do think 3.1 miles an hour is the perfect treadmill speed.

On Thursday I ran trails and the snow made it at least 5x harder than normal. But, I am in my element on the trails and it is my favorite place to be. I’m going through a purple phase right now. Don’t ask why.


I like trails because:

You can make pit stops wherever
It is quiet
Farts dissolve into the abyss
There is always the danger of being eaten by a wild animal, so you feel alive
It makes me a stronger runner


Here I am doing my favorite hip/butt swing:


What the hell with that ham muscle? That looks like a thunder thigh right there.


Today I did the Panicking Poultry 5K in Boulder. At mile .3 I remembered that I hate 5Ks because they hurt like a mother f-er.

I knew immediately it would not be a PR day for me. I spent the rest of the race hanging on and trying to ignore my very strong desire to stop and perhaps throw up. I finished in 23:16, which is slower than I wanted, but I did get a beer pint glass for being 2nd in my AG.

Please ignore my son photo bombing the picture with his bad finger. And ignore the fact that this is my “lazy Saturday afternoon with no makeup on look.” This picture would be way more impressive if the glass was full of beer.


Here is the shirt I will never wear:

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Poor turkeys. I hope they are not too stressed out. It would be rough to know you were going to be brutally murdered, then have your neck stuffed into your body cavity, then have it removed, then have it replaced by a bread/onion/celery mixture. Sounds like a rough way to leave this world.

What kind of mileage do you keep in your “off season”?

Do you wear and love all of your race shirts? No. They are not all created equal. Some sit in my closet.

Favorite race distance? Probably the half marathon or the half ironman. Long enough to get into a groove and pace yourself, but short enough to push a bit.



  1. Sadly, the shirt from my one and only marathon is the ugliest of all my race shirts...a horrible pea green with orange lettering, and off-center graphic, and a mock turtleneck. Just wrong on so many levels.

    I do enjoy a good 5K every now and again, and it is the only distance I've ever been able to win age group awards in, but the half marathon distance is most definitely where my heart is!

    1. You clearly ran Milwaukee Lakefront Marathon in 2013! That ugly shirt has been taking up space in my closet ever since. This year was the same -- only puke yellow. I saw a guy running in his at the Petit center yesterday. Not often you get to see those beauties in public! At least the shirts can only get better after that :)

  2. I love this post and am glad someone else shares my antipathy toward the 5K. I'm going to run a Turkey Trot 5K Thanksgiving morning as an act of self-flagellation. I am more stressed about this 5K than the 100M I recently ran because I am not trained for speed, it'll hurt like hell from the get-go, and my whole friggin' neighborhood will be out watching it, and when they see me they'll say "she's the runner!" and expect me to go fast and maybe even win. Instead, I will get my ass kicked by the collegiate hot shots who are home for Thanksgiving break and are half my age. I once won this race years ago when I was in faster road-racing shape, and I run it every two to three years and always manage to sneak under my time goal by a few seconds of breaking 20 min. This year, I'll likely struggle to break 23. So that's why I'm running it: to shrink my outsized ego around it and deal with my mental hangups. And to have fun -- it's supposed to be fun, right? Thanks for listening and letting me vent!

  3. I like 10ks. Not too short. Not too long.
    I have many a ugly running shirt. My favorite is from the Sweetheart 5k. It's red. ❤️

  4. The big thing around here, for non-runners, is the turkey testicle festival. And yes, it's exactly what you think it is. I guess you could run a 5k in the morning, and make it to the bar in time for your turkey balls...

  5. I think 5ks are the absolute worst. I like that our Thanksgiving race is a 5 miler, slightly less miserable! My favorite distance is the ten miler, but I'm best at the marathon.
    Some race T-shirts are so ugly I don't even take them.

  6. I just sent 64 of my race shirts to Project Repat to be made into a king sized quilt. I can't wait to see it!

  7. My favorite distance is a 10 miler-nice even number. Too bad our local racing company did away with the Surf-N-Santa 10 miler-perfect Christmas themed run. Sadly my ugliest race shirt is from my first full-just a men's cut-mock neck and red-yuck.

  8. My favorite distance is the half marathon. It's enough time to warm up and yet challenge myself just a little bit. Just when I'm starting to get bored....... BOOM! It's done. I definitely don't wear all of my race shirts. Some of them are the most putrid color and others looks like kids pajama tops with crazy ass graphics and colors.

  9. Hey, I was checking out your quads in that picture. Very impressive. Not thunderous at all.
    I have a love/hate w/ the 5K. On the one hand, I usually place in my age group so it can be very gratifying. But on the other, it's so short that if you have a crappy first mile, there's really no time to make it up, as there would be in a longer distance. It always feels like an all-out sprint to me.
    My ugliest race shirt was from a trail race. Dark green, boxy, with orange design and too much detail so at a distance it just looked like an orange blob. I did get a beer glass at that race, though, so it wasn't a total loss.

  10. Great job on your 5k! The trails you run looks beautiful. I have never been oit to Colorado. It is definitely on m list of places to visitm my favorite race distance is probably the half marathon as well. I still wear alot of my race shirts I have. One reason I don't want to get a quilt made yet. -L

  11. Haha! I live in SoCal and I watched the local running club run around in jackets/hats/scarves/gloves. It is 54' and they all had more on than you did. Thanks for making me remember that I am normal for running in a t shirt and shorts. Also my favorite distance to race is a 10k. I guess I like pain. And in my off season I just tag along with other people.

  12. I bet it was slippery in those Cadences! Try the Pure Grits or the Saucony Peregrine so you don't slip.

  13. I love everything about the marathon distance. I love training for a marathon; love Saturday morning's long run!! 5k's are brutal! I am a slow-twitch fiber kind of gal... Lots more endurance than true fast speed.

    I, too, see 30 mpw as the perfect off-season number!
    Also race shirts are definitely not equal! Hated my mud run shirts. Material is key- definitely needs to be fitted for a woman and dry-wick material, not all cotton, and nothing too "busy." I do like the occassional long-sleeve tshirt.

  14. I only have 1 running skirt and I haven't worn it yet....I need to do that to see if I like it!! I just can't ever commit to a brand when looking at them! I really like the 10k and half.

  15. I try to keep races on the calendar even in the off-season, just so I keep running! 5ks are typically a "fun run" for me, and I always try to convince a non-runner friend to do one with me. Always recruiting! I really like your running skirt! What is the brand/style?

  16. Oh I've missed the pussy posse!

    I really love marathons. The longer the better. Just did a 5k a week ago and it was rough. I'd seriously take a marathon over a half marathon any day as weird as that sounds. My half marathon PR is only one minute faster than my half marathon time in a marathon. So clearly I have no idea how the hell to race a half.

    Right now is also my off-season and so far you're looking at a good 7 miles last week! hahaaha!

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