Monday, May 2, 2016

7 Slightly Shitty Moments Every Runner Has Experienced

I had lots of time to think this weekend as I ran two back to back days, 9 miles each day.



These runs were pretty uneventful, but many of my runs are plagued by all kinds of issues. Farts, cramps, being too cold/hot, getting lost, being afraid, to name a few. While we all know running is a Godsend that is the single best form of exercise on the planet, stuff goes wrong. And, when it does, the runner doesn't exactly lose his/her lust for running, but there is a  moment of confusion as to why we put ourselves through these things.

Shitty Moments:

1. The obvious one here - the elephant in the room - is the jostling of the bowels when one runs and how these can lead to the immediate need to poop. Not poop in a mile when one gets home, not poop at the next gas station, but NOW. Whey do you think the Eagles sang, "I was running down the road tryin' to loosen my load?" Because running does loosen our loads and not always at the most convenient of times. I have long had trouble with having to go at the worst times (see my most embarrassing moment ever HERE), and I'm not entirely comfortable telling you the number of times I've had to jump off the trail. It's just part of many runner's stories. But, definitely a shitty moment. literally. You are not alone!

2. Ever feel like someone is following you or you somehow feel threatened while running? This is not so much a "shitty" moment as it is an all out terrifying moment. I have a handful of those - some involving mountain lions that I know are close by (how do I know? Well because I saw where the lion had just dragged the deer down a canyon). And, stepping over rattlesnakes has increased my heart rate more than running ever could.  I've also had a time where a black truck was following me, passing me way too many times, and I had to go to a house on the side of the road. All scary, all in broad daylight. Be safe out there.

3. One of my least favorite of the shitty moments is when I have been on a long run and I've had to call for the dreaded PP (Pussy Pick Up - when a friend/spouse has to pick you up because you can't finish your run). This usually happens when an injury gets the best of you, you are sick, an expected blizzard or storm crops up or you just hit the wall and hit it hard. Or, maybe you crapped your pants. That is acceptable too. Tell the driver to bring wipes, towel and nose plug.

4. The most obnoxious running pain (aside from true injury) to have is the one that involves things rubbing together and causing chafing. Chafing is very sneaky because while you know it is happening and it kind of hurts, the real agony is yet to come and will occur later on when you take a shower and the first bits of soap touch the chafed area. The first time this happened to me I squealed so loud the neighbors called the police. Well, not really, but it was piercing.

5, I don't know about you, but when I go for a long run or am racing, I have it in my head that I can go that distance and only that distance. Seriously, do not ask me to go .1 miles more. This is all fine and good until you become lost during a run or race thereby causing you to go quite a bit further than anticipated. This is just plain shitty. No way around it.

6. Feeling tired at mile 2 of a marathon. Shitty. Shit. Shit.

7. Realizing that the breakfast/lunch/snack you had or that last GU is not agreeing with you and it is just a matter of time before you puke. Mouth gets all watery, stomach turns inside out. Yes, puking and running can go together, but puking is no fun. Not at all.


What's a shitty moment you've had on the run? Give me a good story. It's Monday and I need it.

SUAR



53 comments:

  1. When you bite it in the first mile or two of your long run. I've fallen twice hard on the road, both times within the first two miles.

    I always finish - bleeding and embarrassed because I'm too stubborn to quit, but MAN the worst part is when you really start to get your blood pumping and you can feel your pulse throbbing in the wound. You know what I mean?

    I also hate it when you just randomly trip on the trails and bite it. This always happens to me. I never twist my ankle or trip on a rock or root or obvious things - I just go down for inexplicably. I'll just sit there and be like What the Hell?? My running partner teases me extensively for this special talent.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I have been there. It happens in a split second, then BAM I am in the weeds or splayed out on the trail.

      Delete
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  2. Thanks for the great morning blog. I was chuckling all the way through because I have dealt with all of them. UM especially number 1 - or should I say because of number 2? EVERY run no matter how short I am plagued by having to go by mile 2 or 3. I've tried the immodium but I guess I just don't know when to time it...
    Thanks for the laughter.

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  3. Two more that I've been unfortunate enough to experience over the past couple weeks:

    1. Starting a run and feeling a little tweak or twinge somewhere in the body, and having to make the difficult decision of whether it's a sign to take a rest day to avoid injury, or just that it's taking a little longer to warm up. (Now that I'm in my late 40's, this one is happening with increasing frequency...)

    2. Having to cancel a planned trail run because of muddy conditions. Damn you April showers!

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  4. Well it isn't shitty but close... I really had to pee on a trail run but was kind of close to finishing and so I didn't want to stop. Until I tripped on a root and well, didn't have to pee anymore. I hope it looked like I was really sweaty from my run and not because I wet my pants like a toddler. Thank god I have leather seats. Lesson learned - don't hold it.

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  5. Thanks Beth for ruining that Eagles song for me forever.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HAHA!! I'm always here for you. Just like "Hey Jude, I saw you nude..."

      Delete
    2. Ever hear Louis CK's "version" of "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay?"

      Delete
    3. No, but now I'm going to google it

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  6. Last week, I was running in the gravel between the road and the sidewalk (maybe someday my town will make that a bike lane). The truck coming toward me honked, and I raised my hand to wave, thinking it was someone I knew. But he wasn't waving; he was flipping me off! I still can't figure out what the problem was, except maybe I looked like someone he didn't like. It was shitty. And shitty that his kids were in the truck with him. Shitty humans are the worst.

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  7. My worst running moment happened a couple of weeks ago when a couple of miles into my 18 mile run I came to the realization that I had a UTI. After several more stops than usual, I picked up the pace and simultaneously phoned my doctor's office to make an appointment. The receptionist asked when I could be there and I managed to pant "what time is it? Ok, in an hour." I grossly underestimated what my speed would be for the last 4 miles and just made it in time for the appointment. Thank god for antiobiotics.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A friend of mine had a similar experience. She was on target to PR a marathon and at mile 18 she started getting severe pains. She walked a lot of the end and her mother took her in to find she had a wicked bladder infection!

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  8. I've experience all of these except 5 and 6.

    Another shitty thing: being cat called. So f*cking annoying. and scary (see #2).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, definitely scary. No one cat calls me, tho. Maybe I'm too old. Or ugly. Sigh.

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    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  9. I've had to that stick out.
    I tend to run by myself during group runs. I'm too slow for the fast runners and too fast for the slow. I had one group run where I was alone and a trunk passed me 3 times. He would slow down as he passed. Douche bag ruined a pretty good run.
    The second was another group run. We were 3.5 miles into an out and back when I rolled my ankle. It was cold. The rain was fairly heavy and I walked back on a bum ankle 3 miles before getting picked up by my husband who for some reason waited to pick me up. I was off my ankle 2 weeks of 4 before a half marathon.
    I have a great series of pictures on my Instagram acct. of the lovely multi colored ankle.

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  10. Woke up extra early and had a cup of coffee (that'll get me going - I didn't know how true that would be) then went off for my morning run. Almost half way through I felt a rumble in my tummy and thought I would turn around early and run the extra miles by my house just to be safe. Two minutes later I'm shocked and thinking shit it's coming out, like right now, I can't hold it in! I then notice a porta potty on the side of the road and full on sprint hoping it doesn't run down my leg. Of course there's no toilet paper, but by then my underwear were past the point of no return so it all worked out. Shitty lessons learned - the true purpose of underwear and don't drink coffee right before running.

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  11. I just love this post - and that Eagles song has taken on a new meaning forever!

    Another one for the list... Getting your period in the middle of a long run, 10 miles from home, while wearing light gray shorts. Miserable!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That has happened to me in the middle of a race. Cheetah running skirt.

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  12. My husband likes to rib me about the time I had to pop a squat in the general's backyard, but it has happened many more times than that and I just don't mention it any more. Better to stop than to try to make it anywhere because IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

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  13. I generally have no problem running in the snow, and the local parks do a pretty good job of clearing the walks so the paths are passable. There's a great park nearby where someone thoughtfully marked off 1/10 mile markers, so it's easy to know what your distance is. I planned to get my long run in by just using that marked path and going back and forth until I hit the mileage. When I got to the park, though, I realized that the path had a layer of ice under the snow. Not good. Still, I strapped on my trusty YakTrax and stubbornly decided that I could do my run anyway.

    Don't fear, this isn't a "how I got injured" story. It's worse. I did the slip 'n' slide down the path, chugging along at a snail's pace (but boy, did my heart rate get right up there!). About a mile or so in, there's a big hill, and I was about halfway up when I realized that I was doing the cartoon shtick of running in place.

    And that's where the 85-year-old gentleman strolled past me, doffed his hat, and said, "Lovely morning, isn't it," as he walked easily up the hill. I think I said something like, "gnhhhhgh," with my eyes bugged out at him. I gave up at that point, and decided that I'd probably gotten as much of a workout in those couple miles (still had to go back to the car, of course) as I would have in the 6 or so I'd had planned, and went home to lick my wounds in peace.

    That was probably one of my more humiliating moments. But it was also still pretty badass to be out there that day, so I've got that, at least.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Pretty much I thought I was going to puke at Big Sur. I even told my friend to go on without me. But she refused. Luckily I am a medical professional and was able to pull out an anti-nausea medicine, which I took. There are no guarantees but yep, 2 miles later, I was back in the game. Is that cheating? With a 5 hour marathon, I like to think not....

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  15. There was that one time when the yak trax went sproing and twapped my leg for a huge owie then vanished in a snowdrift, and I didn't care because I was doing the desperate stiff legged run. I had to stop a few times and concentrate REALLY HARD, but I made it home. Just barely. Good thing the cats were not between the front door and the bathroom. There was that time during the Ironman marathon when an empty porta-potty showed up at exactly the right time. Nothing else but a lake, a road, a mountain, and lots of people nearby. Just before that a few people running near me were trying to find the ducks they could hear. Many ducks. I was trying to hold it in at both ends because I knew if I laughed I'd lose it all.

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  16. I have managed to kick a rock with one foot and have it hit me in the opposite ankle. I have done this more than once. And it hurts like hell. Another time I was running with my old dog. We were on a trail and she was off the leash. We had to cross a stream and it was cold out. I tried to step from rock to rock to get across but slipped and fell all the way in the water. She thought I was playing and grabbed a stick and wanted to play. That was funny. There is now a bridge over that stream but I still think about my old dog when I go by there.

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  17. Yes!!! This is so spot on in every uncomfortable way!!! The chafing one just happened to me Saturday! I had three miles left out of 8 and was too stubborn to hop off the treadmill and change into better shorts that wouldn't chafe!! I had already gotten off a few times for some terrible GI issues so I didn't want any more excuses to prolong my run!

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  18. OMG firstly I followed the link to your shitty story and honestly I'm laughing with you not at you. But I'm crying right now!!

    Yes I will admit it. It's happened to me. I was running as fast as I could to the public loos in the park. Pleading with myself to hold on. But too late. I got to the loos demoralised. Stripped off and I swear it took two rolls of loo paper to clean myself up. Knickers went in the bin. And made my way home beaten. I couldn't believe it. And I was sure back then that I was the only person in the world it had happened to and I was a failure as a runner!! You've restored my faith. Thank you!!

    ReplyDelete
  19. One of my shittiest runs involved being attacked by a red-winged blackbird while running across a boardwalk (e.g. nowhere to duck for cover!). I had a visor on so my scalp was exposed and the little jerk dove at me and clawed my head several times before my colorful stream of expletives scared him away. When I arrived home and told my husband what had happened, he just looked at me and said "Yep, and he shit on you, too." Sure enough, there were recycled berries all over the brim of my favorite visor...oh, the indignity. My heart still skips a beat whenever I hear a red-winged black-bird...There is something very disconcerting about being attacked from above!

    ReplyDelete
  20. That moment when you just hit the wall a mile before the end of the race, and because of the energy block you took too early in the race, you know that any attempt to kick will just cause you to stop and toss your peanut butter toast before you ever make it to the finish line. So you just plod on and kiss your frickin' PR good-bye. Not that I have any personal experience with this or anything.

    ReplyDelete
  21. A ridiculous number (too many to count) of VERY close calls of being hit by a vehicle. In broad daylight, wearing bright clothing, when I had the right of way, and had made eye contact with the driver. How???

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes! Many times. Sometimes it almost seems like the cars coming towards me get to close on purpose.

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  22. I have had to be picked up because I left on a long run and miscalculated how long I'd be gone. I wore my prescription sunglasses. Yep. That's how dumb I was. The sun set hard and it was dark and I couldn't see a freaking thing and I was in a sketch neighborhood. My husband was in Australia so I had to call his friend at 9 o'clock at night to come get me and take me home. It was awesome. Still embarrassing to think about. Ridiculous.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Just being "off" on a race day, and not a little off but like - at Mile 1 this is exhausting -when running a half marathon- off. Then, at Mile 7, meeting the 1st runner and pace car returning from the turnaround - which should inspire me and would on any other day, except on an "off" crappy day it just feels defeating. So I decide to step up the pace to a weird walk/jog/bobble and try to find whatever jelly bean, goo sticky candy thing I've managed to pack in my runbelt and try to pop that in for a pick me up, but can't get the wrapper off, so... I walk get the wrapper off. The sun is now beating down because, it is Summer and late in the morning. And then I start being passed by tutus and people with funny sayings on shirts like "I hope I beat the SAG wagon" and then I'm passed by the boom box runners, and well...I'm just ...whatever..ok...finish. The last two aid stations are cheerfully clearing hundreds of empty paper cups strewn on the ground and volunteers only need to set out a few fresh ones for runners. I finally manage to follow the course to the end of the race, and pick up my medal - to find that the medal is an Olympian sized gold medal, as big as a dinner plate. I wear it proudly on the long walk back to my car and now it hangs in a place of honor on my dresser because every race will be better than this one.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I used to be able to just get up and run no problem now it seems that no matter how much I try to prepare I just have to stop and go potty a few miles into whatever run I'm doing. I blame it on aging...and my children, well not the actual kids so much as the process of growing them.

    I've modified my run loops so that I have park bathrooms every few miles just in case.

    ReplyDelete
  25. One of the worst I've had was going to a beginners running group and finding I couldn't keep up, so was left behind. Mortifying!
    Someone did drop back to run with me, but it was such an awful feeling.

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  26. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    ReplyDelete

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  33. How My Marriage Was Restored Email: eboehispellcaster@yahoo.com

    My Name is Cindy Diane currently living in Ohio, USA.. This is my testimony about the marvelous work Dr Eboehi did for me. My husband abandon me and the kids and went to stay with another woman who he just met. And the woman did spell on him so that he will never have nothing to do with me and my kids for that, my self and the kids has been suffering and it has been hell of a struggle, but I decide to do all means to make sure that my family come together as it use to, then I went on-line there I saw so many good talk about this spell caster called Dr Eboehi on his web site. So I had to contact him and explain my problem to him and in just 48hours as he has promised, my husband came home and his behavior was back to the man i got married to. I cant thank the spell caster enough for what he did for me, i am so grateful and i will never stop to publish his name on the internet for the good work he has done for me, once again thanks Dr Eboehi email: ( eboehispellcaster@yahoo.com ) .. You can contact him for any kind of problem i know he is there to help you. Website: http://eboehispellhome.bravesites.com


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  35. GREETINGS everyone out there.. My name is Sarah Gomez FROM CANADA i will never forget the help Prophet Ayelala rendered to me in my marital life. i have been married for 5 years now and my husband and i love each other very dearly . after 3 years of our marriage my husband suddenly change he was having an affair with a lady outside,i notice it then i was praying for divine intervention the thing became more serious i told my pastor about it we prayed but nothing happen. my husband just came home one day he pick up his things and left me and the kids to his mistress outside at this time i was confuse not knowing what to do again because i have lost my husband and my marriage too. i was searching for help in the internet, i saw many people sharing testimony on how Prophet Ayelala help them out with their marital problems so i contacted the email of Prophet Ayelala i told him my problem and i was told to be calm that i have come to the right place were i can get back my husband within the next 24hours. He told me what went wrong with my husband and how it happen.that they will restored my marriage. to my greatest surprise my husband came to my office begging me on his knees that i should find a place in my heart to forgive him,that he will never cheat on me again. i quickly ask him up that i have forgiven him.friends your case is not too hard why don't you give Prophet Ayelala a try they work surprises because i know they will help you to fix your relationship with your ex partner. i thank god for using Prophet Ayelala to save my marriage. Contact him via Email: ( Ayelala7demons@gmail.com ) Or Reach him on whatsapp: +2347031894318


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