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Strolling at the Wynn

I’m back and let me give you a quick rundown so that I can go and remind my family of who I am. First question when I walked in the door from Emma: Want will you be making for dinner tonight? Answer: Toast.

I will work backwards a bit here and say that this trip was the shit because of the first time in going to Vegas for 9 years, I actually won enough money to cover my entire trip. It was a sweet, surreal moment that had me doing this:

In case you can’t tell, we were on the 60th freaking floor. Highest floor of the Wynn. When I checked in I said, “Don’t you all know who I am? I am SUAR. I demand the best room on the property.” If only. No one has a freaking clue who I am except you and my children and parents.

This fine tale of victory took place at the Hardrock last night. Erika and I walked in, it was kind of dead and we were adopted by a bunch of young 20-something's in town for a bachelor party. I was wearing a scarf, so I was called “scarf” for the night. And the scarf became very lucky – so much so that everyone rubbed their chips on the scarf for good luck. Remind me to dry clean that thing. Who knows where those chips have been. Here is the famous scarf. Target special.

The beers went down easy, the table got very rowdy and the pit boss had to get involved on a couple of occasions. One thing I have learned over the years is when to walk away, and I actually had the discipline to do it. I walked away a winner. I am a winner. And I like myself.

Our frat boys tried to pull the old, “what are you ladies doing later, want to party in our hot tub?” These kinds of things make me laugh my ass off. Let me get this straight. You want this 44 year old woman wearing a scarf and a wedding ring who is drunk off of two beers to party in your hot tub? Let me call my 13 year old son and see what he thinks.

Don’t they know it was already passed my bedtime and I had reached my drink limit for the day?

Instead, Erika and hooked up with an incredible sushi dinner at Wazuzu (Encore) and went to bed early. This morning’s workout sucked. I was dehydrated, exhausted. I barely got through a 60 minute run, but I did. I tell you, the Wynn Fitness Center is heaven. I walked into the spa changing room to put on different shorts (no, mine weren’t soiled. I was changing from bike shorts to running). It was insane in there. I stole a bunch of stuff including that lamp.

If I am ever homeless I am going to break into he Wynn spa and night and live there.

And I just love this picture because who doesn’t lie down at the slot machines?

Pretty much everything went well on the trip. I can only complain about a few things, because I have to.

• The weather sucked. It was 20 degrees cooler than normal. We were stubborn and tried to lay by the pool, but at some point you had to stop pretending the weather was nice and cut your losses. See how crowded it is?

Okay, the lifeguard is a bit overkill with the scarf thing. It wasn’t like we were in the middle of sandstorm.

We always go to the “European Pool” which is optional topless. I never go topless because who wants to see mosquito bites, but I like looking at other people’s boobs. Yesterday some woman had the nicest body on the planet. She was gorgeous. She took off her top and shared her perfect round perky fake boobs with us. We stared. Suddenly, security came up and escorted her out. I’m guessing she was looking to make some money. I was about to proposition her myself.

• The Wifi in our room didn't work. I complained to the front desk several times, mostly because you pay a mandatory resort fee of $20 per night for Wifi and Fitness Center and I wasn’t paying it if I didn’t get Wifi. So I put up a stink and got my way. And I spent a lot of time in the hall where the Wifi was plentiful. I’ll probably sue someone.

 

• I was boarding the plane out of Vegas today, got down the jet way and realized I left my suitcase in the bar. I had only had one drink and I still left my suitcase in the bar. I was wearing a shirt that says, “I run for wine,” and the United Guy called me “Girls Gone Wild.” I am not wild, I am just aging and forgetful. He let me go get my bag and all was well.

Other than that, perfect trip with my perfect friend. Despite the Wifi issue, I LOVE the Wynn. Great rooms, great pool with boobs, great games, really good food. Good customer service.

Good to be home, though. Now get to go love up my kids and hubby a bit more. I might even wear the scarf later if everyone is really nice.

Do you go on girls’ or guys’ trips?

Any vacations planned? After Costa Rica, Boston and Vegas, I think I’m done for awhile.

What are you making for dinner? Ken just went to get a rotisserie chicken and mashed potatoes.

SUAR

Don’t forget to vote. Upper right hand corner. Give me the love. Everyday.

Vegas, Baby!

If you read this blog you know I love Vegas. That’s why I’m going this morning.

Vegas is a free for all. Taking a crap on the Strip is commonplace. I belong there. These are my people.

My BFF, Erika, and I do a trip at least once a year. We’ve been doing this for the past ten years. Then Ken and I usually do a trip once a year too.

But, today kicks off  the Beth/Erika Vegas trip.

Look! I actually created some cleavage! Thank you chicken cutlet bra inserts!

Vegas represents freedom for me. A chance to be free of obligations, to let my hair down (like I don’t do this every other day), to lose money after playing hours upon hours of blackjack, to a cocktail at 9:00 a.m.

We’ve had lots of interesting encounters over the years. Just walking down the Strip is an adventure.

You see unsightly things:

Gotta give the guy credit for originality:

You meet men who sing with you then put out a hit on you and stuff you in the trunk of their car.

You kiss statues that are really people and you hope you don’t get crabs:

You see Hangover wannabes:

And, you never know who you’re going to run into with big boobs:

Luke Walton from the Lakers. He’s tall with a big...

Grown drunk men with floaties:

Anonymous dudes who pose in front of your chair at the pool (yes, those are my feet, you can tell by the Morton’s Toe):

Toothless strangers who use your camera to take pictures of themselves:

This is why I love the HELL out of Vegas. Because you never know what you’re going to get, but it’s always a spanking good time. And sometimes Erika lets me spoon her and she brushes my hair afterwards.

Now let’s see if I can keep my promise to myself and actually use the fitness center at the Wynn. And run on the Strip. I’m in training you know. Even if it kills me.

Swankyville:

Cheers and here’s hoping I have lots of outrageous pics to add to this fine collection!

SUAR

And if you feel so inclined, please vote by clicking the pink circle on the top of the blog!

Crazies in Vegas

Vegas is never boring. It may be sinful and outrageous and explicit and indulgent, but never boring.  I think this is because people who visit there take liberties they would never take in their normal lives.  Case in point:

Well, I hope she wouldn’t wear these in her normal life.

One walk done the Strip and you’re inundated by the sights and strange, awful smells.

You have strangers jumping into your photo ops. This is not my grandpa. He just wanted to be in the shot or hit on me. Not sure which.

You have men dressed in pink who say they want a photo with you, then they charge you money that you have to pay or you might get “offed” and shoved in someone’s trunk for dead:

You have Hangover wannabes:

And  have dudes who wear angry shirts:

You have star crossed lovers enjoying margaritas on their 15th wedding anniversary. Collective “awww…” from the blog world.

And then, just when you think the night is over, you run into Dolly Parton:

I may have lost all my money, but at least I got to see her big boobs in person. I asked if I could feel her up and she said yes! It was good for both of us.

Great trip except for when I did a major party foul and spilled my vodka lemonade all over the blackjack table. The pit bosses don’t like it when you do that. Especially when you soak all the cards and dealer’s chips and they have to wipe them off by hand. Then, as a joke, they call security on you just to see if you’ll crap your pants. I didn’t. I save that for the trails. They obviously don’t read this blog.

And, in case you die-hards are wondering if I ran in the horrid desert heat, why YES! Ken and I did the smart thing and slept in, then went out for a 5 mile run, hung-over at 8am when it was 95 degrees. Maybe this blog should be called Shut Up and Puke, at least on those days.

Don’t forget my CSN $100 giveaway!

CSN $100 Giveaway!!

I’m off to Las Vegas this morning. Please don’t have a pity party for me as I play blackjack in my bikini by the pool with a cold Heineken in hand. I’d much rather be in a cubicle trying to breathe life into my pointless day. But, alas, Steve Wynn summons me as he does every few months. I can’t let the man down.

But, before I go…giveaway time, my friends! I can’t help it if I like giveaways. I think they’re fun. I think they reek of possibility and hopefulness and optimism. The chance to get something free!

I’ve said it and I’ll say it again. I like free things so much that if there are condoms or tampons for use/taking in a public bathroom I will shove my pockets full. And, I don’t use either one. For God’s sake people, they are free and not to be denied! One day my daughter will get her period and she will need a tampon. Hopefully not a condom because she will be a virgin until she gets married when she is 28.

In a past life I volunteered at the Richmond AIDS Ministry. As a part of the whole AIDS epidemic there were colored and flavored condoms by the thousands offered up in baskets in the girls’ room. I stuffed my purse full. I was volunteering my time and this was my payoff. I’m pretty sure I never used even one of them. I probably broke open the packs just to see what they smelled like. Mmmm….cherry. That was during my immature days.

I know this giveaway has made it’s way around the blog world, but I’m here to offer it up again.

$100 gift certificate to CSN Stores!

CSN Stores has over 200 specialized online stores featuring a variety of home goods such as furniture, home decor, house wares, fitness equipment, shoes, bags and luggage. Plus, they provide free shipping and returns.  CSN even has dutch ovens (and I’m not talking about the kind where you are suffocated under the covers by your significant other’s gas – who would want to buy that anyway when you can get it for free any night of the week?).

We’re talking the real deal, like this Rachael Ray Cast Iron 7-Quart Round Dutch Oven:

Personally, my favorite item offered by CSN is this toilet:

It may be $2,100, but it would be worth every penny because: the lid opens and closes automatically. The toilet flushes when a sensor is activated. The best part? There is front and rear warm water washing, automatic air drying and deodorizing.

Ahhh…imagine coming back from a long run or bike ride and getting your ass rinsed with warm water, dried and then deodorized! Fresh as a flower!

Want $100 in CSN bucks? Do this (a comment for each):

1. Go to CSN and browse around. Let me know what you might get - +1 entry
2. Write about this giveaway on your blog - +1 entry
3. “Like” CSN Stores on FB – + 1 entry
4. Post this giveaway on your FB page – + 1 entry
5. Become a follower of my blog if you’re not already.

Good luck! Giveaway ends Tuesday, August 2nd.

The fine print:

• CSN Stores provided this giveaway. I did not pay anything for it.
• Contest only open to US and Canadian residents
• The winner will be chosen at random by Random.org
• Check back August 2 to see if you won!
• If I don’t hear back from the winner within 2 days after posting that they’ve won, I’ll Random.org another name

Thanks for playing and good luck!

“Choose You” Healthy Lifestyle Giveaway!

I got an email from Liz Steinhardt on behalf of the American Cancer Society this week. ACS is  launching a new “Choose You Healthy Lifestyle” movement to encourage women to put their own health first and to make choices to help prevent cancer. 

I know I joke a lot on this blog about running, pooping and the like, but one of the real reasons I run is to stay fit and healthy. I like fighting age the old fashioned way through botox, boob job exercise, good eating, sound sleeping, laughter and an adventurous spirit.

According to the ACS, “about half of all cancer deaths could be prevented if people maintained a healthy weight through diet and regular exercise; avoided tobacco products; and got recommended cancer screening tests.”

People! That means you! If you knew you could cut your risks by 50 percent, shouldn’t you go for it? I know I am preaching to the choir here because most of you are already leading pretty damn healthy lifestyles, but is there anything you could do better? Is there anyone you could encourage to lead a healthier lifestyle?

Liz offered to send me a “Choose You Get Healthy Gift Bag”* if I would promote this movement on my blog. Hell yeah! And she said she would give me a second one to give away to one lucky reader.

I wasn’t sure what would be involved in this mystery gift bag and she didn’t specify. Would it be a coupon to Subway and a fake Bic lighter? Some tofu and a box of red wine?

Today, I got this secret gift bag via FedEx and was quite impressed by the contents:

 

• One $50 gift card to Walgreen’s (sweet, right?)
• One very cool Choose You turquoise t-shirt (I put it on my one-eyed, three legged dog for your viewing enjoyment. Better than taking a picture of it on the counter)
• One sleek Choose You 25 oz water bottle
• Two pens (one from Sprite Zero, the other “Choose You”)
• One flower hair clip (I just gave mine to my daughter; not my style unless I go to Hawaii)
• One Choose You flower pin – a symbol of ACS’s new health movement to inspire women to put their health first and to make healthy lifestyle choices to prevent cancer
• Coupon for a free Sprite Zero

Interested in getting your hands on this schwag? If so, do one or all of the following:

1. Leave me a comment telling me how you maintain a healthy lifestyle (+1)
2. Leave a second comment telling me which healthy habit you would like to adopt right now and forever more (+1)
3. Spread the word on your own blog about this giveaway and leave me a comment letting me know (+1)

Each should be a separate comment.

Remember – this giveaway is not limited to women only. Guys – you could always use the $50 to Walgreens for condoms or a jock strap. Enter for your mom, your sister, your wife, your daughter!!

I’ll pick a winner on May 27, 2010. The goods will be sent to you directly from Choose You and ACS.

Because I know you are wondering – what new healthy habit am I going to adopt??? It’s a VERY COOL one and you can do it too. It is environmentally supportive, tasty, extremely healthy, out of my comfort zone, and affordable. Think you know what it is? I will talk about it in a future blog post, so stay tuned.

Well, I’m off to the land of hoes (not the garden tool variety), no clocks/windows, porn and really nice hotels first thing Saturday morning. Yep, VEGAS baby. I am planning to run a few miles on the strip because I’ve always wanted to do this. I might do it in the nude because:

• What happens in Vegas…(if one more person says this to me, I’ll kick them in the nuts)
• Anything goes in this town. At the very least I’ll sport the cheetah skirt (and braids for Steve Q).

More next week post-Vegas, if I’m still alive.

*These gift bags are courtesy of  the American Cancer Society. I paid nothin’ for them.

Finally, the Chance to Have Boobs

Come on ya’ll, vote on the picture contest if you haven’t already. We’ve got penises, vaginas, you name it. Don’t miss out.

Before I go off the deep end about something non-running related, here’s the running scoop for me. Last week = 44.5 miles including an 8 miler at marathon pace (8:40), Yassos (5 x 800 @ 3:45), a 12 miler and an 18.5 miler. This week is much of the same: an 8 miler at MP (8:40), Yassos (6 x 800 @ 3:30), a 10 miler and an 18 miler. Finally, next week I will back off some and then start to taper down for my May 9th (Mother’s Day) marathon!

Now that we got running trash taken care of…I’ll say this about myself: I love to win. Who doesn’t? This little habit of mine, i.e., needing and wanting to win, is probably the reason I have visited the fine city of Las Vegas no less than 12 times over the past 7 years. I like to think that I have singlehandedly built the Wynn Hotel with all of my losses. Okay, perhaps I just purchased one of the barstools in the Carnival Bar, but whatever. You get the picture. I lose. Every. Single. Time.

The good news is, my children still have a roof over their heads and they have warm Ramen noodles to eat. It’s all good.

I threw my name in the hat for a recent giveaway through Nuf Said, an advertising agency in Lafayette, Colorado. My husband’s company is a client of Nuf Said, so I was considered a legitimate entrant. I won. The prize? A bobble head of myself.

Don’t even think that you don’t need one of these. It’s a must have. Who doesn’t want a distorted dollish replica of themselves with an oversized, wiggling head?

I had no idea what went into creating a bobble head of oneself. It’s the type of of thing you don’t know about until you experience it. Kind of like putting a spoon in the crease of the Pillsbury Cinnamon Rolls and watching them pop, or feeling cotton candy melt in your mouth. It’s all a new adventure.

Here’s what’s all involved: First, you need to pick your body. I had it narrowed down to these:

The only time I will ever have boobs:

The obvious choice – the runner. Check out those crazy heels on the shoes :

A true Shut Up and Run bobble head (love the fuchsia panties!):

This would be the butch version of me:

I ended up boring and went with the runner. I requested to have African skin tones, blond hair and green eyes, just to throw everyone off (JK). I sent in these pictures to keep it accurate:

Holy crap. Look at that wrinkled lower face and neck. Don’t even get me started on the pointy nose.

All of this info is submitted to the bobble making universe and in about a month’s time, I’ll be the proud owner of a BH to show you!

What would your bobble head look like? Take a look HERE.

PS: Don't even pretend you didn't notice my new format/background. Whatcha think?

Drinking: H2O