Magnolia Road Run – She’s a Bitch

I admit it. I’ve been getting  a bit psyched out about my run with Dean K. It’s two weeks from today. Here’s what’s causing the nerves:

1. I’ve never done a trail race
2. I’ve never done 20.4 miles on trails, racing or otherwise
3. I’ve never climbed 2,721 feet on trails running from 8,000 feet to 9,400 feet. I can hardly breathe just typing it. Would it be wrong to run with on oxygen tank?
4. I’ve never run/pooped alongside a celebrity runner
5. I’ve never done 1-4 above all at the same time

You’d be nervous too.

Dean and I shared emails yesterday. I do love to say that. I told him I might cry if it gets too hard. He told me crying is good because it adds to the drama. At least I am being up front and he can’t say I didn’t warn him.

My interview with the big man is by phone on Tuesday. Thanks so much for your interview question ideas. They were a great help. I’ve compiled a list of some good ones, so stay tuned later this week to be the first to read the interview Q & A!

In preparation for the upcoming race, I told you I wanted to run the famed Magnolia Road west of Boulder. Ken and I did it today. This run has quite a reputation. She’s hard. She’s tough. She’s not for the faint of heart. She takes you up into the clouds. She chews you up and spits you out. This is what the bitch looks like on my Garmin (spoiler: yes, I did make it):

  I stole this from someone:

The alarm went off way too early at 5:45 a.m. I lay awake in those pre-dawn moments when you snuggle down into your sheets, face planted against the drool-drenched-mattress, knowing that you are way too tired to even think about getting out of bed let alone running 15 miles.

Ignoring each other because that’s what we do in the early morning, Ken and I filled up water bottles and my bladder with Accelerade and water. I grabbed a cup of steaming coffee for the 45 minute drive to the start and tried to choke down a piece of cinnamon raisin bread (whopping 32 carbs per slice!).

I loaded up my new hydration pack with the bladder and two 20 oz bottles of liquid. I had two GUs and my camera. Oh, and some Wet Ones should I need them during a roadside squat.

We got to the start at 8,100 feet by 7:00 a.m. The road had just changed from paved to dirt, which was fine with me. 50 degrees. Perfect.

Here’s where I look like I’m doing a l’il Irish jig:

   

By mile one, I knew the pack was not going to work for me. It just didn’t fit right and kept swinging dramatically from side to side with each step I took. Since I would be taking about 30,000 steps that might be an issue. I had the straps as tight as they would go. Don’t get me wrong. I think the pack itself is comfortable, light weight and practical. I just think it’s too big for puny self. I will say that once I removed the bottles, I still had some jostling of the bladder, but it felt much better and served me well during the run.

Since I follow everything that is told to me on the internet, I had cleaned out the bladder with Polident denture cleaner. Spearmint. Probably not the best move, but my water was minty fresh for the run and so was my breath.

As we headed up the first huge hill, we hit mile one huffing and puffing like we had just finished 15 freaking miles. Only 14 more to go. I hid the water bottles knowing they were causing the pack to move so drastically. I would have to survive on the 1 liter of liquid in the bladder. It’s kind of neat how I would transfer from the bladder in the pack to my bladder. Anyone else find that fascinating?

The hills seemed endless. Just as  you’d crest one and have a bit of a downhill respite, you’d be greeted by another incline shouting, “Oh, yeah? Try this one, you pussy!” At about the two mile point a herd of runners flew by us going the opposite direction. Damn University of Colorado cross country team. I know they love this run, as it was made famous by the CU x-country team in the book “Running with the Buffaloes.” Humbling to say the least watching these guys fly by, effortless.

Here come some of those damn buffaloes. They need to slow the eff down:

 

We trudged on and up.

At mile seven, we hit the Peak to Peak Highway, crossed over and ran another half mile on a rocky dirt road. At the turn around, we had our GUs, stretched and headed back. We both felt pretty strong at this point.

If I haven’t said so already, this road afforded amazing views of the foothills and the Rockies. Wildflowers grew everywhere. Occasionally the route would open up to a high altitude pasture with grazing cows and horses. The air in Colorado is so crisp, cool and bright with no humidity, especially up that high. Kind of like Florida. Or Texas.

Here is where we crossed over the Peak to Peak Highway:

   

Ken runs by a pasture:

 

And up a hill:

Told ya’ it was pretty (not me, the scenery dummy):

I did not have to stop to crap on this run. Miracles never cease to happen. So I did a fake out for you. If only I could poop with shorts on. Well, I can but it’s not pretty.

Here’s where I tell you about my studly husband. He has run several half marathons this year, and is training for another in October. He has never run more than 13.1 miles at a time. Today, he ran the whole flippin’ 15 miles with me. He wants you to know he has his first blister on his tender toe. Ever. Cue the violins. I smell a marathon in his future even if he doesn’t.

Nearing the end, some dude passed us on the last gargantuan hill leading to the car. I picked up the pace and kept a steady 20 feet behind him. He was letting out the most ungodly sounds – like he was either yakking or dumping or both. But, I think it was just an “I’m going up a big hill and I’m tired” GRUNT like none I’d ever heard. Think I’ll try that one with Dean.

Overall Stats:

15 miles
2 hours, 28 minutes
1,650 feet elevation gain
1,650 feet elevation loss
9:44 average pace (okay speedies, you try to run this bitch fast)

I do feel pretty good after the run with the exception of an aching ass. I’m glad we took it kind of slow.

Don’t forget my giveaway! Ends Friday.

I Need Your Help

Long run yesterday: 16 miles  
Time: 2:25
Average pace: 8:58
Liquid consumed (water/HEED): 45 oz
Nutrition: 1 Strawberry Cliff Shot at mile 6
Temperature at 7:00 a.m. start: 66*
Temperature at finish: 80*
Bathrooms stops: 2 along the dirt road in the weeds
Elevation gain/loss: 735 ft/735 ft.

When Ken and I set out (he ran the first half with me), I could already tell it was going to be a muggy scorching kind of run. This route is gorgeous with lots of back country roads and mountain views, but there is little shade and a plethora of hills (you like that fancy word?).

Highlights:

Mile 1: I stopped to stretch and crap. Oh no. Already? I swear I went before I left home. Ken stood guard, rolling his eyes thinking, “How could I have married this?”

Mile 4: I left another gift alongside the road.

Mile 8: Kissed Ken goodbye (no tongue). Headed back. Put in iPod to take my mind off of the heat and effort

Mile 10: iPod dies. It’s just me and my breathing.

Mile 14: Run out of water/HEED

Mile 15: Super energetic, talkative and shirtless runner probably on mile 2 of his run comes up from behind. “Hot enough for you? How you doing? Blah, blah, blah.”

How the hell do you think I’m doing? I’m on mile freaking 15 of this 16 mile jaunt, I’m dehydrated, my legs are screaming, and oh, hey, we just passed the crap I took this morning!”

Me at the end of it all, not feeling so swell. Yes I have my running tank rolled up because this is the new fashion statement. You should try it:

And now I need your help.

I broke my exciting news last week – that I would be running part of the TransRockies Run with Dean Karnazes, Ultramarathon Man extraordinaire, as my partner. Stage One. 20.4 miles. 2,721 feet of elevation gain. 2,398 feet of elevation loss. I can hear my knees groaning already. But NO I am not complaining. Chance of a lifetime over here.

Check points are every 7 miles, so I guess there will be about three water/food stops on the trail over the course of the 20 miles.

I’m wondering about hydration between check points. Usually I run with 40 oz of hydration in my Nathan fuel belt.

I talked to Outside PR and they sent me this nifty Go Lite Slipstream hydration pack:

I have never used one of these. Apparently it needs a bladder to go inside of it. I couldn’t get in for a bladderectomy on short notice (all the ORs were full), so I’m going to have to buy one.

Like anything out there, there are 20 million options. All I know is I want 2 liters (70 oz). Any of you run with hydration packs? I know you all run with bladders and colons.

Any advice on which bladder to order?

Also, if you were me, what hydration system would you use for the race?

Option One: fuel belt, refuel at check point

Option Two: hydration pack, refill as needed

I know from reading his books that Dean prefers the pack. But, I am my own woman, so I cannot be influenced. Except by you all. So give me your input!

PS: My $100 CSN giveaway ends tomorrow. What are you waiting for? A personal invitation?

Fine Print: Go-Lite and Outside PR sent me this hydration pack free of charge.

Overflowing

Running Tip: Now that spring has sprung, dress light! Wear clothing that is suitable for about 10 degrees warmer than it is. Unless you are training to run Badwater. Then just wear your down coat in the sauna.

Okay, seriously blog world. Is that all you’ve got??? Many of you entered my giveaway, yet so few were courageous enough to send a picture of yourself looking ridiculous. So, what I take from this is that you all want free stuff, but don’t want to put yourself on the line and look stupid. That actually does make sense. Or, maybe it’s a time issue. As in, do you guys really have families and jobs and marathon training to tend to?

How am I to have a fruitful photo contest if you don’t send me your obnoxious photos? Here are the perks of taking a photo risk with me (here come the bullets):

• The odds are in you favor - especially for the guys. GUYS, send in your pics.
• You get five extra entries to the giveaway
• You have a chance (and a pretty good one) to win a really cool hydration pack worth $70
• I know modeling and talent agencies comb my site looking for potential subjects. This could be your big break.

I’m done begging and pleading. Do what you want. But just know I expected more. Don’t you wish I was your mother? I could say this to you everyday.

Today I’m going for twelve miles. I wish for many things on my longer runs. To feel strong. To be present. To see the beauty around me. To not shit. That last wish is a tough one and is usually not granted. It would be a more realistic wish if I said, “To not shit my pants.” Shitting goes without saying.

That said, did I ever tell you the story of my most embarrassing moment? Believe me, I have a laundry list of them, but this one takes the cake.

I was 18. I thought I was in love for the first time. My then boyfriend, Michael, wanted to take me to meet his grandparents in Annapolis. But prior to this blissful meeting, he wanted to take me to his favorite deli for a rich, huge, calorie laden Ruben sandwich and chocolate malt (foreshadow). This sounded good at the time.

Here’s what I remember. I ate the whole sandwich and drank the whole malt. We walked outside and it was about 95 degrees and humid. The tar on the road was steaming and stunk. You know when you feel sick, you notice all the sights, smells and sounds around you. They are vivid. In your face. They all make you feel worse.

We got to Michael’s grandparents condo. It is important to note this was a condo. Not much room to run and hide (foreshadow).

We sat around conversating (anyone watch the Biggest Loser? Anyone annoyed by Victoria who used this word, convesating, in a sentence?). Suddenly, my stomach cramps up. The pain is so severe I’m can’t carry on a conversation. I excuse myself to the little powder room off of the living room. I blow it up and flush it down. No harm no foul (NHNF). I return to my seat on the couch with Michael’s grandpa, “Poppie” and his grandma.

Not a minute later, wave two is upon me. The cramping is intense. The need to use the bathroom again is urgent. I excuse myself again. You can get away with one trip to the bathroom, but two trips in five minutes and you should probably just announce to everyone present, “I have diarrhea!”

This time when I unload, the toilet hesitates. It swirls and bubbles, but eventually agrees to ingest what I’ve put in it. I am praising the Lord, promising to only do good deeds for the rest of my life.

I head back out to the family, who by this time knows I’m sick. I vaguely remember grandma dimming the lights and telling me to lie down for a moment sweetie. I stretch out a bit, already feeling humiliated, but knowing the worst is behind me (foreshadow).

Are you kidding me? Wave three is in the house. Shrouded with shame and trepidation, I again head for the bathroom. It’s hard to believe I had anything left, but I did. With sheer relief because I felt so much better and knew I got it all out, I flushed the toilet. Only this time, the water hesitated as if to say, “Really? You really think you can drop this kind of a load and I’m just going to take it with no consequences?” I watched the water churn slowly, then it started to rise. Little whispers and pleas flew from mouth, “Just go down. Please go down. If you go down I’ll do anything. I’ll join a convent. I’ll stop having pre-martial sex. I’ll give all my savings from working at Roy Rogers to charity. Anything!” But, the toilet gods did not listen and did not care. The shit water rose and rose until it was spilling and gushing from the toilet. I pulled up the small rectangular rug on the floor and watched, horrified, as the shit water started to seep under the door and out into the hallway.

Now, stop reading for a moment, and think to yourself. WWID? What would I do? Seriously. What would you do? What could I do? It’s not like I could sneak out the back window, although I wanted to. I had to call for help. I had to call the first love of my life who I had not so much as farted in front of to help me. “Michael!” I yelped from the bathroom. Michael came over and screamed, “OH MY GOD!” He then called in Poppie, who kindly told me to step aside as he brought in the mop.

And there you have it, my friends. Don’t ever say I didn’t tell you my deepest and darkest secrets. I think since I just put this out there, the least you can do is send a damn picture.

Drinking: Kirkland coffee brewed by Starbucks

Insane Contest and Giveaway

Running tip: If you have always wanted to run naked, but didn’t know how to go about doing it without being arrested, check out the Naked Pumpkin Run website. Good old fashioned fun!

I’ve got something brewing. I’ve had it brewing for a couple of weeks now. And, I’m going to let it out.

Those who know me and know this blog are likely worried I’m about to have a colon blow. But, alas, it is nothing like that. Not even close. This is something you will like, something that won’t revolt you and doesn’t smell. I might go so far as to say this is something you will love. And, if this wasn’t my blog, I would be all over becoming a part of this thing.

You are not going to believe this giveaway/contest. There are two parts, so listen up. Or, if you don’t read my blog out loud, then read up:

Outside PR, a company that represents such faves as Ryder’s Eyewear, GoLite, Road I.D., Sugoi and GU, helped score the amazing products for this contest/giveaway. Devon of Outside PR (who is a she, not a he) did this up right. Thanks Devon and thanks to GoLite and Ryders!

Here we go.

For the giveaway, there will be two winners, a female and a male. Here are your prizes:

For the female winner:

GoLite Cottonwood Run Tank $50

GoLite Tilly Jane Run Skirt $60

Ryders Drill Sunglasses: $39.99

For the male winner:

GoLite Wildwood Shirt $45

GoLite Mesa Short $40

Ryders Eyewear Drill Sunglasses $39.99

Combined, this is $275 worth of stuff from GoLite and Ryders Eyewear! Nothing to sneeze at.

To enter:

There are several ways to enter to win, each that will give you points:

1. Submit a picture of yourself to brisdon@comcast.net in your most ridiculous and idiotic running gear. Don’t be shy. Showing skin, fat, wedgies, camel toes, etc is fine if it’s not too profane. Let me see your style! Go for shock value! Show me why you need some new clothes!: +5 entries (I will enter your entries manually in the comments to be sure you get your credit).
2. Leave a comment as to why you want to win the gear: +1 entry
3. Become a follower of this blog and leave a comment telling me so: +1 entry
4. Link back to this giveaway from your blog and leave comment telling me so: +1 entry
5. Become a FB Fan or follower on Twitter of Ryders Eyewear and leave comment telling me so +1 entry
6. Become a FB Fan or follower on Twitter of GoLite and leave comment telling me so +1 entry

Note: You do not have to submit a picture to enter the giveaway. Just do one of the above for an entry (or entries).

Please leave a comment for each of the above so you get your correct number of entries!

One female and one male winner will be selected randomly on April 12th.

Photo entries from the top contenders (at my discretion) for both male and females will be published on my blog on April 13th. Readers can then vote on these photos. On April 19th, the female and male winners with the most votes will each win:

GoLite: Rush Pack $70

So, get busy. Find the grossest/ugliest/outdated/worst running gear. Undress yourself. Observe yourself in the mirror for a moment like you usually do when you’re naked. Put on your grossest/ugliest/outdated/worst running gear. Set the self timer, or find someone who won’t make fun of you to take your picture. Email it to me at brisdon@comcast.net. Sit back and wait for your victory!

As an example, here’s me in some a stupid ass running get-up. I know you can do better than this:

In small writing:

• Enter now through Monday, April 12, at noon (Mountain time).
• Only residents of the US and Canada, please
• Winners of the random drawing to be announced Tuesday, April 13.
• You guys will vote on the top photo entries from Tuesday, April 13 to Sunday April 18.
• Winners of the photo contest to be announced Monday, April 19.
• All of this cool stuff for the giveaway was provided by Outside PR from GoLite and Ryder’s Eyewear. I didn’t pay for any of it.

Good luck!

Drinking: H2O