Monday, August 17, 2009

It Is Totally Unacceptable to Defecate

It's funny how when you live with a body part your whole life, you don't have an objective view of it. Kind of like when you go to the beach and see this:

The owner of this gut might know that he has a larger than average stomach area, but might not entirely understand how others view him or how others throw up when they see him.

Kind of like my feet. When I posted that picture of my foot on my last post, I was very grateful to some of you for giving me that objective viewpoint on just how ugly my feet are. You see, I have always known they were pretty unsightly, especially that really long and finger-like second toe, but you guys helped me to be even more honest with myself about it. For example, mamasweeds had this to say:

They say that if your "pointer toe" is longer than your big toe it means you're sexy. I have to say I have never seen a pointer toe tower over a big toe like that in all the feet that I've ever seen - in person or on the internet. Just sayin'.

Then Tara said:

No offense, but your feet are about as ugly as runners should be proud!

Thanks for keeping it real ladies!!!

Did you all remember I am running the Hood to Coast Relay in 11 days? So I found out what my legs are:

Leg 7: 5.65 miles - rated HARD. Rolling hills on paved shoulder and country roads

Leg 19: 5.89 miles - rated VERY HARD. Challenging up and down hills on paved back country road. No cell phone coverage (dammit, I wanted to phone a friend. Or poll the audience. Someone rescue me).

Leg 31: 4.00 miles - rated MODERATE. Gradual hills on narrow paved back country roads.

Total mileage: 15.54 miles

Our team starts at 6:30 p.m. Since there are six legs and almost 36 miles to be run before mine, I am guessing I will start running at about 10:30 p.m. if my team mates are as fast as they claim they are. I think it is good to start running in the pitch dark on back country roads that are unfamiliar to me. I am feeling more and more secure just thinking about it. I might go naked (except for my headlamp) and spray paint myself a nice reflective orange color just to stand out.

Want to know something cool? Our team is sponsored by Puma. Puma is giving us our running outfits, tech shirts and new running shoes (to be worn at a later date). I figure this is the closest I will ever come to any sort of sponsorship so I am milking and it. And I do think I'm cool. Did I tell you I am a Puma-sponsored athlete?

One side note and a potential cause for my disqualification in the race. This is what it says in the Hood to Coast handbook:

It is totally unacceptable to litter, urinate or defecate on private property along the course.

Those of you who are regular readers of my blog (all three of you) know that the defecate part of this might be a problem for me. Although, it says you can't poop on private property, like in a 7-11 parking lot, it says nothing about public property, like a country road or something. So I'll probably be okay. Plus, defecting in one's pants is still allowed, right? Your own pants may be private property, but it is your own private property so that's allowed I'm pretty sure.

Anyway done a relay before? Any words of wisdom for this relay virgin?

PS: Check out this giveaway at Cross Country Squared@


  1. I agree - your pants are your own private property, so your good. Just make sure nothing drips out of your pants onto someone else's private property.

    Good luck at the relay! Hope you have an amazing time.

  2. ROFL! I am at my desk laughing out loud and hoping my co-workers didn't just notice the diet coke that just came squirting out of my nose on to the financals I am auditing!
    Your pants are private property, so I think your good to go! Maybe this time, no incriminating photos should be taken ;)

  3. Your legs at Hood-Coast pretty much resemble a tempo run. Go figure.

  4. hehe, i have flat duck feet with bunions! how i've ran 5 marathons on these babies, i don't know! because by all laws of physics, and all laws of common sense and reason, i should have problems walking (which i actually do if i'm in flat shoes walking for long periods of time)

    yay for being sponsored... in my head, getting sponsored sounds so dirty, haha, but if i had an opportunity i'd so milk it too!

    i've never done a relay, so no advice here, but GOOD LUCK, and can't wait for your report!

  5. Wee, thanks for the shoutout!

    How cool that you're sponsored by Puma. I'm suuuuuper jealous. I was just thinking yesterday watching the Jamacian track team how I need some more Puma stuff.

  6. Whoa - sponsored by PUMA! Nice!!

    Now you're representing, you're gonna really have to watch where you dump ;)

    Don't care how nasty your feet look - I'd rather look at that than THAT pic you posted today!

  7. I can't wait to read your recap, I'm doing a similiar relay in November!!! Good luck!!!

  8. "The owner of this gut might know that he has a larger than average stomach area, but might not entirely understand how others view him or how others throw up when they see him." Hilarious!!!

    Good luck on your relay! I am super jealous!!

  9. That pic is just gross!!

    I did Reach the Beach (200 miles in 24 hours) and it was so much fun!! Just don't plan on getting any sleep!!

  10. I thought your toes looked a hell of a lot prettier than mine! :)

    p.s. that guys gut is sicko! :)

  11. Relays are high pressure- I always feel like it'll be my fault it anything goes wrong. For exmaple, if you were on my team and crapped your pants, I would probably blame myself!

  12. He-He. I hope I didn't give you a complex about your feet. They're definitely sexier then ming.
    I have just one set of advice: make sure that you keep your private property in your juicing down the leg.

  13. Taking a different view: I want to go to a race where they not only allow but encourage you to take a nice big dump on someone's yard or creating your own little road apple in front of the local deli. Almost like a "why you shouldn't eat here" monument although no one would know the truth..imagine seeing THAT later on the news and having to keep a straight face

  14. so cool about puma sponsoring you! ;)
    and i hope the whole no pooping allowed things ends up working out for you in the end haha

  15. 15.54 total miles? Add those numbers up on each side of the decimal point and you get 6 and 9.


    Coincidence? I think there's something a little fishy about this Puma sponsored event. Don't show them your pointer toe!

  16. I haven't run a relay, but am running one in February. I found this website to be SUPER helpful RunnersLounge also interviewed her on a podcast that was a good listen.

    I'm with you on the pooping thing. I recently had to go behind a bush in a public park. Luckily, I think a homeless person had been there shortly before me. Ugh.

    Remember to HAVE FUN at H2C. That's what relays are all about.

  17. I didnt notice your pointer toe being longer then big toe before, since I'm the same way I figure its normal. Of course I agree it means your sexy.

    Congrats ont he Puma sponsorship, Im still looking for a sponsor.

  18. dang our team totally messed up on not getting a sponsor!! they aren't joking when they call legs very hard...they really mean it!

  19. oh and I wanted to say that looks like my father in law but that might be rude, so I'm only saying that I wanted to say that

  20. Well, I guess the good news is that last leg looks like they took pity on you for giving you the first two.

    p.s. Your feet are gerogeous compared to mine. Truly.

  21. That gut is frightful. But is it as frightful as your feet? Debatable.


    As for the relays, since I am now an old pro at them--having completed WWR a grand sum of one time--I can say that running on unfamiliar country roads in the dark is waaaaayyyy less frightful than it sounds. But the nudity and body paint would probably be appreciated byt at least half of the runners. And as for the poopsh and peepsh, hopefully H2C is as good with the portas as WWR was--there was literally a bank of portas at every single exchange point. course, there are like 10 times as many runners on H2C so good luck not defecating your own private shorts property before reaching the toilet, but whatever. Bring extra running clothes.

  22. Timeless European-inspired architecture marry contempo design and amenities offers its resident
    a truly alluring abode to call home.the interlace condo (