Sunday, August 23, 2009

Thunderpants In the Van

I met some girls who are also running the Hood to Coast in Oregon. They have a group here in Longmont called the Maniac Moms. In sharp contrast to my Boulder Strider's running group these people are the most supportive and friendly types ever. We took a 12 mile trail run yesterday and got to talking about the relay. The Maniac Moms have done it several times. They gave me some tips and told me some stories. One of the stories, in particular, caught my attention and gave me cause for concern.

For those of you who don't know, when you do these crazy running relays it takes about 24 hours. You are in a van with five of your other team mates for that entire time unless you are running one of your legs. I've been thinking a lot lately about what this means, especially since I don't know any of my team mates except husband, Ken. Won't the B.O. be unbearable? What will they feed me? What if I have to crap, pee? What if I hate one of my team mates? What if some one hates me? What if I get fondled?

What if...what if...what if...

And you know this was on my mind: FARTS

Well, this is the story that was told by the relay veterans. She said she had the worst gas ever in the team van and that one of her team mates actually got the dry heaves due to the intense odor. Stuck in the van with runner's farts. It's inevitable.

I'll be candid: I am a farter. Any friends/family of mine will tell you that. I have quite a reputation. Not only do I fart frequently, but I fart intensely and with extreme odor. I am not really shy about my farting. The best day in my husband's life was when we were dating and I let one fly. This automatically gave him the freedom to do the same. He had been holding it for days and was miserable. He knew at that moment he would marry me: someone who wouldn't judge him for his farts.

I have been known to fart on airplanes, in movie theaters, on people's laps, in classrooms. I, like many runners, fart a lot while I run, but also after the fact. This takes me back to my vision of me with five other team mates stuck in a van for 24 hours. I will certainly be queen farter, because I have no choice. How do you think this will be received? Even if I can manage to mask the sound, there is no masking the stench. I am worried. I know I won't be the only one. I just hope this is a well humored bunch.

What's your best fart story? C'mon, you know you do it.


  1. from what I've heard about the relay's are vans=smelly. No matter what!

  2. HA HA HA HA! I'm cracking up! I would totally giggle about it!

  3. Oh man, you have totally made my day once again. I love your honesty! I, too, am a farter... but way too shy to talk about it. :p

  4. comment....since I was the one that caused the dry heaves...couldn't help it.

  5. Hahah, hopefully it will be a well humored group because really- even if you happen to have no farts at all, putting a bunch of people running in a van just seems like a bad recipe for smell haha. I have never done one of those relays but when they do 24 hour relays in my town everyone sleeps in tents. That seems like it would be better smell wise haha.

  6. but she is my favorite farter maniac mom...and she is so cute you just have to look past this. well, actually you have to run and hide but she's still cute :)

  7. Will you be disappointed if you are not Queen Farter?

  8. I hadn't even thought about the whole van farting thing until now. I am doing the Ragnar Florida relay. Shoot. I better get some bean-o. (I am however, hoping to get fondled.)

  9. OMG, I am cracking up! Leave it to you to always make me laugh in the morning.
    P.S. Gas-X does WONDERS!!!

  10. We once saw a bumper sticker that said, "save gas, fart in a bottle." So I did, as a joke, and it really did stink when you opened it.

  11. That is husband LOVED the first time I farted in front of him, too. I guess it shows how comfortable you are with a person. And really, everyone does it so what's the big deal?

  12. So does that mean your back is feeling better? Don't leave us hanging lady! (Although, you went for a 12 mile trail run so I guess you didn't!)

    Farts are big source of amusement in our house, but I probably would not be laughing after a 24 hour van ride that lead to big brown plumes of smoke billowing out every time the van doors opened.

    Wishing your team mates peace and serenity during their time with you.

  13. Too funny!

    Sit on a dryer sheet then let it go.

    I've never tried it & I don't know if it works, but makes sense, right?

  14. I knew where this post was going before I even opened it. :o) Don't ever change girl!

  15. You are too much! I'm sure that van will be stank nasty even if there aren't any farts, so don't worry about farting.

    I don't have any fart stories unfortunetly. I never fart and tell. I'm one of those silent farters.

  16. Oh man, when I was in 8th or so grade, I sneezed and farted (the fart was louder than the sneeze) at the same time in my English Language class. It was THE funniest thing! The whole room exploded with laughter. I don't remember being teased about it, for some reason. Maybe because I was laughing the hardest, haha. But it was definitely an awesomely hilarious moment I'll never forget!

  17. Glad to hear you're able to run again. Yay! Is your back all better?

    Having gas is one of my fears. I'm not comfortable letting go in public and besides that, when I'm gassy it doesn't feel good. So this will sound crazy to you, but if I eat something that gives me gas, I probably won't ever eat it again.

    As far as your van experience, I also was thinking Gas-X or Bean-O. I used to work in a very small office and I had a package of Gas-X just in case of emergency. I'm also imagining you won't be the only one in the van with this problem. Good luck!

  18. Hey Beth,

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  19. I don't have any good fart stories of my own, but I had a patient last week who was very withdrawn until he passed some gas and then talked for ten minutes about how he LOVES to talk about farts. Gotta love old men talking about farts!

  20. Well I'm recently back on the dating scene after a 2year thing and I am about to put in my profile that anyone who can love me the way my puppy does is a winner. This includes but is not limited to several factors not the least of which is this "if you will cuddle with me at night and not leave or get upset when I fart all over you" the best is when it's so bad you have to excuse yourself from the chair because you're gagging yourself. OR when you're laying on the floor and you fart and someone in the next room over asks what you dropped on the floor because it shook so badly. Yea. SEXY.

  21. If we had a fart competition, I wonder who would win. I have been known to throw down some feirce farts. My family calls them "stwe" as in, "Aunt Kristen (me) stewed me." Good stuff!

    Don't worry - everybody will be farting. Nobody will know who to blame.

  22. It sounds like such a great time that even being stuck in a farty van sounds bearable!

  23. I'm just appalled at the topic of this particular post. Farting? This is completely unacceptable and disgusting besides. At least call it "passing gas", please. I'm frankly just horrified...

    ...'cause I'm more the type to brew up a nice chunky asserole and shit my pants, rather than fart. ;)


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