Thursday, October 15, 2009

What Hurts Worse, Pooping or Childbirth?

Suffice it to say it's been a weird week in Colorado.

  • Today a UFO-look alike balloon with maybe a six year old boy inside (thank God he wasn't) flew in the skies near my house. If you don't have a clue what I'm talking about, you haven't watched the news today about attic boy.
  • 4" of snow last weekend
  • This present (aka rigor mortis squirrel) my dog deposited on the floor Tuesday night after coming inside (this was taken outside the day after - dog didn't kill it. He's not that skilled).

  • Last night, my son made this wise observation as he came out of the bathroom: "Mom, that poop I just took was so wide it felt like childbirth." Don't even ask me where he gets his poop sense of humor. It is beyond me.
  • Finally, in more weirdness, for the first time since I was eight, I used a kick board today at the pool. Someone, maybe a former Ironwoman, suggested I mix up my swimming workouts with drills, intervals, and toys to keep things interesting. So I tried a workout from a web page with 50 swim workouts listed on it. I did #9. I am still not sold on this swimming thing, but it is literally all I can do, so I'll take it.

Let me tell you something. There is a lot of crazy jargon in swimming. Like "pull" and "kick" and "IM" and "ladder" and "pyramid." All of this when I just got used to running terms like "tempo" and "fartlek" (my personal favorite). Combine that with crap like "peeps," "sketchball," and "MILF" that the kids are saying these days and I am all confused.

The workout
So, I go in to do this workout and being a newbie I bring my piece of paper (with #9 listed) and set it at the end of my lane for reference. I also bring my water bottle despite the fact I am swimming in a vat of water. This is a very nerdy thing to do at the pool, I found out. No one has pieces of paper at the end of their lane, or liquid. So, within minutes my paper is soaking wet and disintegrating. I obviously need to buy a laminator for my next workout.

I won't gross you out, but #9 involved all kinds of speed intervals that had me gasping, nearly drowning. I also was supposed to swim some laps doing the butterfly (or "fly" as the cool kids call it). I just plain can't do that. I mean I can do the sidestroke (this is my mom's favorite), the doggie paddle, the breast stroke (do you go shirtless for this one?) and the backstroke (always hit my head on the side with that one). If all of that stroke stuff wasn't bad enough, it was time for the kick and pull drills where you use the toys. First the kick board. I thought people who used kick boards were pussies. Until today. My legs were so fatigued by the time I did six lengths with that thing. Then the pull - you put this buoy between your knees and swim using only upper body strength. Killer. Here is me imitating my swimming form, which is very graceful and perfect:

Excitingly enough, I actually got my heart rate pretty elevated today. For the first time in nearly four weeks. Yay me.

Anything odd happen to you this week?


  1. Your blog makes me laugh. :) Keep training...nothing odd this week--just the normal, running and thinking I hear wild animals chasing me in the scary, dark mornings ;)

  2. SNOW? gahhhhh!

    i love your sons poop story!

  3. I was a swimmer in high school and I brought water and pieces of paper, so you're good. Ziploc bags do wonders for protecting your precious workouts and plus, they're reusable and way cheaper than a laminator. Or maybe you really wanted a laminator, in which case ignore my previous comment. :-) Happy swimming!

  4. Yep, I got a warning for speeding and as we pulled back onto the road I told my 8-year old, "Man, Jackson....I dodged a bullet there!". He replies with a shocked and serious voice "You mean he SHOT at you?".

  5. Suhweet. Carly's suggestion is awesome - put the workout paper in a ziploc!

    I do the same thing - I have to write out the workout & have it at the top of my lane.

  6. Balloon Boy - Who in the heck names their kid Falcon?

  7. LOL - I kind of laughed at your last post when you said swimming was "way easier" than running. If I only ran slow and steady then running would be "way easier" than swimming too. I'm glad your mixing it up and finally figuring out a way to get the HR up. Keep swimming hopefully you begin to love it - or at least like it.

  8. oh yeah, they also do have waterproof ipod stuff if your interested.

  9. I thought about you this week. I was in a funk but I started reasoning with myself.."Shut Up and Run can't run and here you are, able to run and making excuses"...thanks for being the source of my guilt trip :) Whatever gets me out there you know!

  10. s'okay, I'm the biggest nerd at the pool, too. Either I'm rocking the soggy workout sheet or bobbing along in the deep end with my iPod shuffle clipped into my hair. And my friend now has a metatarsal stress fracture, so I'm "having fun" crosstraining with her.

  11. Don't you think pooping AFTER childbirth is really what hurts the most?

  12. This post has it all! Flying boys named Falcon, dead squirels and childbirth/poop stories! Awesome!
    I am no swimmer, but when I go I have to use the toys, too! I love that buoy thing you put between your knees, you feel like you get a real workout! Keep up the good workout! For my own selfish reasons, I hope your weekend is just as eventful! :)

  13. LOL. I love that your son said that about his poop! I know that feeling. Ugh. You feel so great when it's all over.

    I was thinking about you yesterday and wondered if you saw balloon boy. Ha! What a story.

  14. heeeeeeeeeey, I totally bring water with me to the pool. And I started doing it just now - once I stepped up my workouts to over a mile of swimming. And you know where I got the idea? In my pool, this dad brings his kids, and he obviously trains them because they are very fast, very hard core. I wish I can swim as fast as those 7-year olds. Anyway, he has these bottles by the pool side and has the kids drink at specific points. So, if anything, the water bottle makes you look hardcore...

    ... but the piece of paper??? let's not look at that! :-D

    Thanks for that link. I'm going to look at it b/c I running out of ideas for what to do.

  15. I have no idea what you're talking about, but kudos on the pool workout. I'd be afraid to even consider any of those. Good for you! Great indoor swimming shot! haha

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