Friday, April 30, 2010

Want a Better Marriage?

I will do just about anything to not do what I’m supposed to do. Clean out the ice maker, change my pad, pick the guacamole out from under my nail, watch these videos-

Both of these gems came from my husband.

Video #1. Ken’s comment: “This is what you’re getting for our anniversary.” This is for real. I went to the website. It’s an “As Seen on TV” item. Not saying I ordered anything, just visited.

Isn’t it usually the wife buying this for the husband? I don’t think I fart any more than the average person. C’mon, if the fart average is 12-18 times a day (source: wiki-answers) I’m right on target. Not every day is a 12-18 fart day. Some days are 5-10 days, some are 20-25 days. That’s why it’s called an average. What I may be a bit above average on is the smell factor. I don’t think there is an average range for that. Let’s just pretend the average smell is a 5 on a scale from 1 to 10 with 1 being  airy and nearly scentless and 10 being your grandma took a dump five days ago in your toilet, never flushed, shut the door and turned on the heat. I may be about a 7 on this scale, but you’d have to ask Ken and the kids. If this blanket is good enough to block chemical warfare it should be good enough for my #7.

Video #2: Ken’s comment: “This is you at the gym.” I know this one has been circulating around blog world, so if it’s a repeat, sorry. But don’t even pretend you don’t want to watch it more than once.

I see something new every time. Like she’s wearing a thong. I find myself wondering where the gym is. It’s overlooking a city street. NY maybe? Why isn’t anyone around her staring? And why isn’t anyone around her doing shit for a workout?

Today’s workout: 8 x 800 @3:40. Treadmill. No thong. No dancing.

That’s all I got. Happy Friday!

40 comments:

  1. OMG totally like this guy I see once in awhile rocking out on the treadmill. At least this girl has got moves.

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  2. LOVE the second video. i might have to try out some of her moves the next time i'm at the gym.

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  3. I just want to read this farting study. It has to be a funny piece of writing!

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  4. HA HA! Thats me on the treadmill! Just kidding, I wish I had that kind of COURAGE! Too funny!

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  5. I had NOT seen that video before! That just brightened my Friday afternoon! Thanks!

    Glad you liked the video by the way. Yah, very retro when you see old school ultra runners. One guy wears a hula skirt and another a kilt every.year!! I am volunteering this year so I'll try and score a pic!
    Oh and no workout today. Feeling rather lazy and pmsy.

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  6. Ha! I only posted twice in the last 3 weeks and still scooped you on the second video! Have a great weekend!

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  7. that blanket would not work in our household...the issue is not with it leaving the blanket, its with the pocket of air that is still under the blanket and it always seems that he has his back to me when he farts so the air travels upwards TO MY NOSE and openly drooling mouth.

    im kind of like the second video, except i cant dance! i just flail my hands like a crazy person trying hard not to trip over herself while messing around on the treadmill.

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  8. I kept waiting for her to fall! Damn it! LOL!
    That blanket is awesome - I think I need to get one :)
    Have a great weekend!

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  9. Can I sew a pair of pants out of the blanket?!? THAT would be helpful!

    And sometimes I get a little freaky like the second video when I run (not as energetic, and I got no moves, tho); like pooping, much easier to deal with on trailside vs. roadside.

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  10. I will read the post in a moment but it was funny how it displayed in my blogger dashboard. It almost read 'Want a Better Marriage? Shut up and Run' -- what a great advice. :)
    Now let me read what you really wanted to say.

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  11. OK, I stand by my previous comment; video 1 - 'shut up and run'
    video 2 - now I know how to make treadmill fun. Wait, I don't do treadmills but maybe I could try some of those moves on the elliptical. Hmm....

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  12. I did actually see that second video on Ian's blog but it is still great. thanks for sharing... funny stuff!

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  13. OMG ... I am soooo ordering the "Better marriage blanket!!"

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  14. That first video reminds me of the images on the back of the box of the Snuggie for Animals. They are wrapped up in their respective Snuggie, playing checkers or watching TV. Both completely ridiculous. But, both completely hysterical.

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  15. Those are hilarious! Thanks for sharing them! ha ha! That fart blanket is awesome! I totally need that for my husband...ha ha..but 3 payments of $39.99- yikes! That's expensive!

    That girl on the TM is priceless! Those two around her are just weird...I would be either laughing my head off or joining her! :)

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  16. those were great and I can NOT believe that there is actually a fart blanket out there- people really do think up the craziest crap to sell!

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  17. haha ohh wow! That girl dancing on the treadmill definitely has some sweet moves ;) .. If I was there I would have videoed her too!! and then shown everyone I knew! lol

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  18. I wish I could make the treadmill that much fun. I'd probably fall off if I tried to dance like that. The gym is California Fitness (saw it on another of his videos)

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  19. Well *that* is one interesting workout! I thought for sure we were going to see someone flying off the treadmill.

    Have a great weekend!

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  20. I wish I had a dollar... even 50 cents for every time I farted...

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  21. I guess whatever works to get some extra workouts right? I see peeps on the elliptical machine working out with hand weights, but nothing like that gal!

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  22. I'm impressed w/that tm lady! I wanna be able to do that!

    have a good wknd!

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  23. wait. 12-18 times a day. I'm gonna count mine for 5 days and give you an average. I'm so excited for this science experiment. So excited I could do a little dance on the treadmill.

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  24. I want to invite that woman to a party. That is hilarious. Much better than mister elastic-waistband-to-his-nipples guy who puts in a 10 minute cardio workout at about a level -3 and then talks at an amazingly loud decibel level to any woman that will chat with him. Not that it really bothers me or anything...

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  25. I actually admire the nutter! Way to go girl! I see this sweeping the nation as a new "dance class" for energetic people who still have a buzz from the club the night before... 5 am treadmill jamz.

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  26. Okay, I'm definitely posting that one on my blog (and asking my husband to buy that blanket for Mother's Day - LOL).

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  27. Geesh, #2 video girl has ADD worse than me!! I kept worrying that she was going to fall because I certainly would have. Thanks for the laugh tonight!

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  28. Love the second video. i never saw it and it is hilarious! Also the fart thing is sooo funny--thanks for the update. Congrats on taking 1st in your age group in your last race!

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  29. Two greatest videos I have ever seen. LOL! Thanks for those.

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  30. Yeah how is it that the TWO people around her are not doing anything other than a light walk? Weird.

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  31. :) :) you always make me laugh!

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  32. Hysterical. I love how the woman on the right is stretching her arms during the last bit. Makes the middle one seem even more spastic

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  33. Wow, my husband just showed me those two videos this weekend on Break.com! The 2nd one was titled "weird girl on treadmill" but I think she rocks! 1, she clearly doesn't care if other people think she's weird, 2, she makes the treadmill fun, 3, she DIDN'T FALL!!!

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  34. that marriage blanket makes me laugh and if it wasn't so darn expensive I might have to try it :)

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  35. As for the blanket, we don't need it in our house. My husband very rarely passes gas around me (thank the gas Gods!) and I will NEVER intentionally do so around him. If it SHOULD happen in bed, I lay really, really still (so as not to shift the air) and pretend I'm asleep.
    It also helps to have the dog in the room so he can take the blame.

    I think I would have to change treadmills if anyone started doing that next to me.

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  36. OMG it's really "barbie girl"!!!!

    I swear she goes to my gym. I think someone should kick her up to 7mph & see what happens to her sweet moves.

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  37. That video is awesome. She has some serious moves. And even if she isn't running, at least she is getting a better workout than the other two.

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  38. hahahaha i heard about the better marriage blanket on the radio this morning! SO hilarious. blanket or beano i guess are the two solutions to successful marriages?

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  39. brilliant.....hope u dont mind if i posted it to ....http://runnershigh-paul.blogspot.com/

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