Thursday, December 6, 2012

How Far Is Your Marathon and Other Crap Non-Runners Say

Today we interrupt Lucky grieving for some snarkiness.

I was thinking about something that happened awhile back. A few days before I ran the Boston marathon in 2011, I was at the dentist. The hygienist was doing her thing with her hand stuffed in my open mouth. She did what most hygienists and dentists do and tried to have a conversation with her fist down my throat. I should have bit her off at the wrist. I think secretly they are narcissists who love having conversations where only they get to talk. Putting their hand in your mouth makes it so they can dominate the whole thing. Bastards.

Anyway, when I told her I was running Boston, she asked, “Oh! So, how far is that marathon?”

As if marathons were different distances. I guess theoretically you could get into the fact that there is such thing as a metric marathon, but I hardly think this was where her head was at. She simply thought that a marathon was a different distance depending where it was.

I am not trying to be an elitist. I realize that when it comes to running I have blinders on and can be obsessive. Once you know a lot about something it’s hard to understand how people do not know things. I’m not really one to talk, because I knew nothing about running just a few years ago and I’m sure I was entertainment for my runner friends.

I will say – I don’t mind if people laugh at me for not knowing about golf (“Do you really wash your balls at some holes?”) or my naiveté about the practice of law (“What does the penal code have to do with penises?”).

image

This got me to thinking about other things non-runners say that are funny:

-So, how was your marathon this weekend? Did you win?

-You know you could probably get the same running shoes at Wal-Mart for much cheaper

-Why do you have band aids on your nipples? Did you somehow get paper cuts on the way to the race?

-How far is a 5K marathon?

-How do you keep your uterus from falling out?

-I would run but my doctor says it might be bad for my knees.

-Can you send texts from that fancy watch of yours?

-Oh you’re running the Boston Marathon! Is that your first marathon?

-I don’t run anymore, but in high school I ran a sub three minute mile.

-Aren’t you worried about having a heart attack? That happens a lot during marathons you know (fact: happens to one in 100,000 people)

-I thought runners were skinny. You still look like you could lose a few.

What has a non-runner said to you lately? Feel free to add to the list

SUAR

118 comments:

  1. I work with the geriatric population and I can say that I have heard every last one of these! I can even put faces and names with each one because it makes me crack up every time!

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  2. "i join marathons [races] every weekend!"

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  3. I made a comment about running a half-marathon on my FB page. A friend of mine commented: "next year you should do the 10K. My friend just ran one. It was her first marathon ever..."

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  4. oh goodness, there is much truth there! I get asked all the time if I won my race! I'll never PLACE in my age group much less win and that is completely fine with me! :) Oh and I get the last one too...

    all the time I get - running is really bad for you. my doctor said not to do it.

    ok. whatevs. did they say to eat that donut???

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  5. I've heard all those too, especially the weight one! But the other day I was telling my nephew about a fun run I convinced my mom to do & was trying to explain to him about winners and timing chips and finish lines because all he knows is a group of kids lining up and running. So I went on YouTube to show him the start of the Boston & he said "so where are you and grandma?"

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  6. ha ha ha ha. I love your things non-runners say! ha! still laughing. true!!!!

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  7. Said in a sad, sad, voice: "I wish I could run but my boobs are too big." They weren't even kidding. Not even a little bit.

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    Replies
    1. I have an generously endowed teammate with a tech shirt that says "How does she run with those things?" on the front...and 'FAST' on the back! I aspire to be 'fast' someday so I can wear one! if you ever hear that sad voice again, tell 'em big boobs are no excuse!

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    2. I dunno though -- for some women, that is totally true. I have a friend who had a breast reduction in college (from an F to a C) and wore a sports bra then for the first time in her life. She was so excited, she wore one for weeks.

      So.. that statement sometimes has validity to it!

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    3. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    4. (Let's try this again...) I range between an E (good weeks) and a G (bad weeks), and there ARE excellent sports bras that fit. I don't let my boobs keep me from running! :)

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    5. 34DD runner here. I'm chuckling over your comments....Someimes my big boobs are the only friends I have that will run with me!

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    6. Ha! I wa a 34F before my reduction and you either spend the money for a specialty bra or double up a regular one (seriously!)... not an excuse for not running though

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  8. I was talking to some non-runner friends of mine about my first marathon (happened last weekend). One of them asked, "So, have you been running?"

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  9. 7 months pregnant and pushing my three-year-old in a jogging stroller while running, an old man yelled, "Are you trying to run that baby out?"

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  10. "I ran a marathon once, it was tough, I measured it after and it was like 16 miles. And I used to run 10 miles a day, ya that was a tough marathon"

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  11. My mom asks me if I'm practicing for my next race all the time. Training, mom. It's called training.

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  12. This year I did a half marathon, an Olympic distance triathlon, a Half-Ironman distance triathlon, and a full Ironman distance triathlon. Before each one, my mom would say, "Good luck on your marathon!" Haha love her. But I still have to get into her head that Ironman is about survival, not winning!

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    Replies
    1. My neighbors always ask me about my "marathon" (after my IM) and technically, they are right, I did run a marathon (at the end). They're so sweet for asking. They do expect me to win the thing though and now ask if I keep doing it so I can win it. :) Maybe if everyone dies off...

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    2. My 8yo daughter watched Ironman Kona streaming on my laptop and she said 'mom, if you did that I'd be pround of you even if you didn't win' Awww

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  13. This just made me laugh. I am fairly new to the running world (just ran my first half on Sunday - RnR Vegas), but I can't tell you how many times I have been asked what place I took. Maybe that's a common thing to ask?? But responding "Uhhh...7,245" just doesn't sound the same as "Third place."

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    Replies
    1. Tell them what percentile you placed in your age category. For instance I placed in the 51st percentile in my age group at the Twin City Marathon last October. That sort helps them understand and it sounds better than "I placed 3758th".







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  14. Oh someone asked me how far my marathon is a few weeks ago. It's so hard not to shake them. I politely said 26.2 and then as I was walking away under my breath added "...like all marathons."

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  15. My dad was in a terrible accident, broke both arms, both legs, crushed his face, was in a wheelchair for almost 18 months, and after two years of therapy, he walked a 5k (never was a runner, it was his first "race" ever). To this day, a guy at work asks every time he sees me: Has your dad done any more marathons?

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  16. "I've just started doing marathons. Like the Turkey Trot last weekend."

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  17. I ABSOLUTELY love this post! Cracks me up! Especially the uterus part - can't believe people used to actually believe that!

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  18. HAHAHAHA! Last September, at the after party for the Air Force marathon, a lady asked me why people were wearing medals (I was proudly wearing mine). I told her some of us just ran a marathon, others the half, and still others a 10k or 5K. She told me congrats for winning, then asked half of what?
    And my favorite thing our grumpy neighbor down the hill yells at me: "You know they make cars, right?"

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    Replies
    1. Your grumpy neighbor's comment has me rolling on the floor, thanks for the laugh :)

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    2. I love that -- cars -- hysterical!

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  19. Nearly every Monday at work, someone would ask me if I won the race that I ran during the weekend. With 10,000 or more runners in many of the races that I do, the winners are usually in their hotel room by the time I finish. So the next statement from the non-runner is usually, "Why do you run if you can't win".

    "I can't run" - no you never will if you don't at least give it a try and start.

    "You can eat anything you want because you run". Yeah, it takes a half marathon to burn off a small order of fries or a Frappe from McDonald's.

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    Replies
    1. "Why do you race when you know you won't win?" I can remember asking a college friend that after one of his marathons. I also thought it was insame that his bike cost $1,100.

      Now he laughs and laughs as my husband has the same attitude towards my running/biking.

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  20. I'm new to running and my long runs are still 3 miles; however, I cannot go a week without someone saying some variation of 'if I'm running, you better bet its because something's chasing me' at some point.

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    Replies
    1. I used to say something similar to that. And karma is getting even with me as every time an old friend of mine hears that I’m running now, they feel compelled to ask “What’s chasing you?” That’s what I get for saying something so stupid for so long. Happy Running.

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    2. Too funny! And, I can relate! I used to tell runner people 'I cannot imagine running xxx far; I couldn't even run a mile!'. Those same people now tease me about it as they encourage me along the path to a half marathon. Happy running to you, too!

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  21. Running a 50k a women asked us how long the race was. When we told her it was a 50k.....she said, "Oh people there's medication for that." and just kept walking.......

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  22. Can't tell you how many times ppl have said "I could NEVER run 5 miles!!", after telling them I had run a 5k....

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  23. Someone said to me a few weeks ago that "all people who run are show off's"... I guess if you're sitting on the couch it might look that way.

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  24. "You should walk. That's what the human body is made for."

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  25. I'm so sick of hearing "Why would you run? Doesn't your car work? Driving would be much faster." Well no %#*/ idiot. Also agreeing with Shortney on people saying they could never do it. They could if they wanted to- I did!

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  26. Once, near the end of my run when I was sweaty and nasty a car pulled up and slowed down near me. I thought "oh brother, time to move outta the way." So I kept running. The car sped up and then tried to slow down near me again. This time a hand and a head came out the window, trying to hand me one of their religious magazines. I said to the lady, "Seriously? You think I want to hold that while I'm running?!"
    I wondered if she was trying to tell me I didn't look like I was running by giving me a magazine to read.

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  27. Yeah, how come people don't know that a marathon is 26.2? They think any race is a marathon!!?!?

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  28. They don't seriously tell you that you can lose a few?!! Where from? And as far as keeping my uterus from falling out I find that a tampon does the trick. You can only imagine the carnage at some major marathons - there's always a few who've forgotten their tampons ... uteri everywhere!

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    Replies
    1. Laughing so hard my uterus fell out!

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    2. Hahahahahaha OMG that is such an awesome comment! I am cracking up here!

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  29. When I was training for my first sprint triathlon, someone close to me kept calling it a mini-triathlon. I bit my tongue for a long time but finally explained, as nicely as I could, that any race that takes over an hour is not "mini" in any way, shape or form.

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  30. My sister loves to say that running will make my face sag and my boobs sag.

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  31. Great list! I had a bunch of people ask "how far is your marathon?" The other was "Why are you doing that?" ha! I've also learned to explain what a century ride is. No it doesn't take 100 years to ride it, it's 100 miles.

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  32. "Aren’t you worried about having a heart attack? That happens a lot during marathons you know"
    We are all going to die of SOMETHING. I'll pick the healthy-runner-out-with-a-bang scenario (if i have a choice).

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  33. At a party I once got "I stopped running but my 5k time is 12 minutes"

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  34. After my first 10 mile race my mom asked if I ran the "whole time". I stupidly tried to explain about the Galloway method and as soon as she heard that I walked some she said... "Oh, well I didn't think you could run the whole time." I kept trying to explain that walking was a strategy to make me faster and injury free...but all she heard was that I walked and totally dismissed me as a runner. Yeah, Mom... I walked 10 miles in 1hr.40min.

    Now, when people ask if I ran the whole time I just say "yes".

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  35. -- "Surely running so many marathons must be bad for you. I believe in everything in moderation"
    -- "So you think sitting in a chair all day is being moderate?"

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  36. Runner to Doctor: My foot hurts.
    Doctor to Runner: When did it start?
    Runner to Doctor: After my long run this weekend.
    Doctor to Runner: That's easy. Stop running.

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  37. "How do you keep your uterus from falling out?" - BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    I am still new enough to running that I still ask dumb questions and don't notice what I am asked. I do like what one of my friends from waaaaaayyyyy back left as a comment on my Facebook status Saturday morning: "Something I'll never say: 'It's only a 5k.'"

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  38. A couple of years ago I was teaching and mentioned to my students that the marathon I had been training for for 3 months was just 2 weeks away. One of the students (aged about 17) replied, 'Oh, I might enter that, how much does it cost?'. Idiot.

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    Replies
    1. Okay that is hilarious and just VERY cute.

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    2. At 17, they could probably do it. My brother did one at 20 and he hadn't trained a day in his life. Said running was stupid and easy. Finished in 2:02. To this day that pisses me off!

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    3. That as the half time, of course...

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  39. How about ...
    "You went a minute faster this time? Doesn't sound like such a big deal."

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  40. "Did you win?"
    How often did I hear that! :D

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  41. I had a conversation with one of my husband's co-workers recently that went something like this: Him: "So, I hear you're doing marathons?" Me: "Oh, I haven't done a marathon yet, the longest distance I've run in a race is a half marathon." Him: "So, in your marathons..." Him: "I was thinking maybe I'll start doing marathons in January, as a new year's resolution" Etc, etc.

    I think I corrected him about the marathon thing about three times before I gave up.

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  42. I love when your friends/family say nice things about you finishing a big race like a marathon, but because they really have no idea how far it is, you can tell they think you probably ran for about half an hour and then went for coffee.

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  43. "I wish I could run, but I just don't have the time." Really? I work full-time and have a 3 and 5 year old. You could find the time!

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  44. My son asks me every time I enter even a 5k if I won. In his mind, I did, and I am ok with that. Although in my 40-45 age group, I am usually middle of the pack, behind 140 other women who are in way better shape than I am, and 129 who are slower and/or stopped to use the port-a-potty.
    My mother continually asks me how far a marathon is, and I answer her. Then she asks how far then is a half marathon.
    I love you mom!
    Amy P. Philly runner.

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  45. I always hear: "I don't know how you run that far, I couldn't even run a mile." I get this even if I'm running a 5k. People are funny and they don't think they can run as far as they really can.

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    Replies
    1. True story! I just started running about a year & a half ago. I was one of those people! I seriously can remember stopping in the middle of the street, jumping up and down with excited and near tears when my Garmin beeped at the one mile mark for the first time and I hadn't taken a walk break! I must have looked like a complete fool but I was stinkin' thrilled and proud of myself. It took longer than it should have to get out of my head and to that point! :)

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  46. Love this, heard most of them (except the uterus one--really?!). I was probably guilty of asking or thinking most of them before I started running. I get "Oh, I could never run!" a lot, and I tell them I started running at over 235 pounds; if I could do it, almost anyone can.

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  47. Doesn't bother me that people don't know marathon distances, K's etc. Wasn't all that long ago I didn't know either. But it does surprise me that people have the balls to say "you could still lose a few" in reference to another's weight. Rude & nervy!

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  48. My students don't seem to grasp the idea of competing for the sake of competition.....even though they know I'm as slow as a plow horse, they ask me "Mr. Fine, did you win?". I then try to tell them that my completing a marathon is victory in and of itself......and they look at me as if I'm from Mars.

    Then again, that's how they often look at me during class, so I think it just comes with the territory in middle school! :>)

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  49. ha ha! I think you covered it all! I get so peeved when half-marathoners refer to 13.1 miles as a marathon--BIG, HUGE difference!

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  50. I get alot of "Why are you running? Something chasing you?" of course the usual about how they don't even think they can drive 13.1 or 26.2. A girl at work was going to do her first 5k ever with a group of us from work and asked if I was doing that "marathon" too. She was very excited so that was cute! Another guy tells me about his glory days of running before it got poular and how he won things like the Boler Boulder! Yeah right asshole! He weighs 300 lbs. and is 6 foot 5!Of course, I always love to hear how my knees will be ruined. 16 years of running and my knees are fine and I believe my uterus is still up there!

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  51. PERFECT response. Can I use it? ;)

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  52. My kids always - EVERY TIME - ask me if I won (I'm "only" a 5K runner so far). (I did place 1st in my age group once...and there was more than one runner!!).

    I told my MOPS group I was running a 5K. I was telling everyone (oddly enough, even my dental hygienist) so that I was accountable and would actually follow through. One of the moms kept saying how impressed she was that I was going to run a "marathon". {SIGH} I quit explaining after the 3rd or 4th time. To some folks, ANY distance running is a "marathon".

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  53. I don't mind the people who are unaware or can't do the math (although that uterus comment was new to me!). At least they're funny. :)
    I don't even mind the folks who just don't like running ("There'd better be someone chasing me").
    What I DO mind are the folks who are just mean or jeering when they say things like...
    - It's only a 5k
    - Well, THAT's not very fast
    - That's not really running - that's just jogging.
    - Oh, you're only doing HALF of it, hmmmphh
    - You're just as fat as I am, what are you thinking?
    - I'll bet you have to walk
    - I'll bet you're last

    So there are some people whom I don't even bother to tell.
    This weekend is my first 5k since my hip injury. Like any other "race," for me it's a "running party!" I go to them to celebrate that I can. :) Cheers,
    K:)


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    Replies
    1. I've gotten these mean comments:
      - "You know, you're not going to lose weight running. My friend trained for a marathon and she gained 5 lbs!"
      - (After I fell and scraped up both knees) "That running doesn't seem to be working out too well for ya!"

      Why?

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  54. I'm training for an Ironman and a good friend asked me how long I had to complete the 140.6 miles, like 2 or 3 days? I told her I had 17 hours and she didn't says much after that.

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  55. This gave me a good chuckle... The uterus thing is funny though, went through a stage where I thought mine was going to fall out!

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  56. this was funny! the things only runners understand.

    I always wanted to say something snarky when people asked how my jog was.

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  57. When I first started running my hubby didn't understand at all. He would tell me how much he hated running and why would I want to do that when I didn't even run track in high school and I was over 40, "that's not a good age to start running". I kept on running, even had him hold my stuff at 5K's. Last weekend we (yes he runs now) finished our 3rd Half Marathon - and I still have my uterus! I always have people say to me "really? YOU run." I guess I don't fit the runner stereotype but I guarantee those who ask couldn't keep up with me.

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  58. When I get the "Did you win?" question, I answer, "I always win!". :)

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  59. Love that list! It is amazing how entitled people feel to share their negative thoughts just because we run and they don't. My twin brother has spent the last 20+ years of our life making stupid comments to me. It doesn't phase me - I can run faster now than when I ran in high school and he is lucky to make it up and down the football field when he refs. Funny people!!!

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  60. I told a friend I was training for a 10k. She said her neighbor did his first 26.2k and asked how many miles that was. Same friend loves " that blonde actress... what's her name, Johanna Scarlettson?" In my case, the friend is just a dumbass.

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  61. hahaha! I love that list! Not to mention I've heard a few of those before! lol
    - "Oh, you're running your first marathon? Good luck at your first race"
    - "how far is a marathon? 5k or 5 miles?"
    - "Why do you need running shoes? Can't you just wear regular Tennis Shoes?"
    - "Running is bad for your knees, not to mention your heart!"

    haha! as if!

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  62. So.... I am a hairdresser and you have no idea over the course of my running "career," which has only been about 5 years, how many times I return from a race only to hear, "Now how far was that and did you win?" I know my clients are truly trying to be courteous and act like they give two s**ts about all of my running stories over the years but really?? My most favorite comment from a client after finishing my first 50K three weeks ago...."my friend ran a 50K in 21:00." (Um......good for them but pretty sure it was a 5k!) I never did correct them and let them think I was real slow as it took me over 5 hours. =))

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  63. "I am so impressed that you run those distances"
    "how was your race this weekend, were you happy?"
    "did you run 20 miles before showing up to work today?"
    "pretty sure you could kick my ass"

    Yes, I have dropped all negative friends and coworkers and avoid all negative family members.

    Love the responses.

    SUAR - so sorry about Lucky. Dogs are family and grief is grief. We're here for you.

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  64. So those stickers on the back of your car (26.2 and 13.1), are those your favorite scriptures or something? No dumb***, it's how many miles I've ran at races. Also, the only running I do is running to Walmart. You're hysterical.

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  65. Not recently, but quite a few years ago, someone told me that I shouldn't run because, and I quoute "Running will cause your face to get droopy". LOL. Said to me by a woman twice my size who was smoking like a chimney and purposely tanning in the sun....

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  66. I am prepared for some stupid questions.

    Did you run the entire marathon?

    No, I rode a horse, that's why it's called a Mare-a-thon

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  67. I routinely have people stop and ask if I need a ride when running on Sunday mornings. They just look at me funny when I try to explain I am running on purpose... I live in a very friendly part of the world, so I don't hear a lot of mean or belittling comments. But the lady parts thing came up a lot when I was younger!

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  68. This summer I ran my 11th 1/2 marathon, and had to switch a shift with a co-worker since it was a Saturday race. When I got to work on Monday, she had printed out the complete list of race results. It was very sweet, and she told me she was proud of me, but all I could think was "so much paper..."

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  69. I am a fluffly runner (when I am not benched for health reasons) and I would get comments from co-workers all the time until I started hanging my medals in my cubical.
    I even had one co-worker make a smart-ass comment about wearing a tutu during an up comming half marathon. My sister picked out the perfect tutu and I wore it! He laughed when he saw the pictures!!!!

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  70. Huh. That's odd. In all my years of running i have never heard of putting bandaids on your nipples. Why do you do that?

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    Replies
    1. Hi Jen

      I never thought I would say this, but.... "It is a guy thing".

      Delete
  71. Every time I do a race - 5k, 10k, half marathon - my mom always asks me "How was your marathon?" I find it very cute - at least she asks!

    I'm also a golfer, and yes you do sometimes have to wash your balls. I giggle every time I say it.

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  72. "Why would you want to do that?" (in reference to a race or training run)"I only run if my life depends on it"
    Which of course is followed with a response by me "Well then I have a leg up in the zombie apocalypse, because just imagine how much faster than you I can run when it actually counts?"

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  73. I wonder if people get confused because everything that's long is referred to as a marathon so non-runners have no clue. I think my co-workers get annoyed that I keep correcting them when they say that I ran a marathon, since I've only run halfs thus far. But I'd rather be accurate about that.

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  74. If running makes your uterus fall out, I think that is a grand reason to run. I can't PAY the doctor to get rid of it. I might as well do it myself.

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  75. "Doesn't that training take a lot of time away from your family?" said in a 'concerned tone. Me: Not anymore than your hobbies, and my family fully supports me and sometimes runs with me!

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  77. I ran the turkey trot 5k in my hometown and my mom told everyone at thanksgiving dinner that night that I ran a marathon. Noooooppeeeeee

    ReplyDelete
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