Monday, July 7, 2014

10 Terms Every Hip Runner Should Know

Every sport has its own vocabulary. and running is no exception. Yet, beyond the common running terms like “tempo run”and “chafing,” there exist some racier words and phrases. I encourage you to bring these to your next cocktail party.

1. Streaker – While you may (mistakenly) think this refers to someone who runs naked, it really is the term for a person who is on a running “streak.” This means that they run every day without fail. Day in and day out. I believe the longest streak has been 45 years and was completed by a man named Mark (he streaked from 1968-2013). I want to ask Mark – Didn’t you ever have the stomach flu and couldn’t run? Didn’t you just get freaking sick of it all?

How to use it in a sentence: “I have been a streaker since my birthday and now I am exhausted. My birthday was three days ago.”

2. Fartlek – This is perhaps one of the least understood words in the running world. Most people think this term has something to do with gas expulsion, or even worse, interpret it as fart-lick. In fact, the Swedish term “fartlek” means “speed play” in English. Incorporating the fartlek into your workout is a fine way to spice up your run (without the smell). Basically, when fartleking, the runner will have bursts of short intense effort (speed) and then take periods of recovery.

How to use it in a sentence: “I fartleked over five miles yesterday. Now I am a much faster runner.”

3. Chicked – This term refers to when a male race participant is passed by a female race participant. Even though it is known throughout the world that female runners are stronger than male runners. getting “chicked” often comes as a surprise and causes the male runner to lose confidence and to feel like a fool.

How to use it in a sentence: “I trained for 95 weeks for that marathon and was having a really strong race. At the last minute this girl flies by me. I realize I have just been chicked. I’m considering a sex change operation.”

(Here is the Boring Runner getting “chicked.” At least he has a sense of humor about it!)

4. DOMS- In the running world, people talk in acronyms. You may hear someone say they have “doms” the day or two after a tough training day. Although you might think they are referring to their friend Don or Dawn, what they really mean is they have Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness. Yes, you could just say your muscles are sore, but it’s cooler to say you have some major “DOMS”!! DOMS is also called “muscle fever” and most of the time means your muscles may actually be getting stronger.

How to use it in a sentence: “The day after that 10 mile trail run on Saturday my legs hurt like a mother. I think I had a legit case of DOMS.”

5. Bonking – Basically bonking is the same thing as hitting the wall – you quickly and violently run out of energy and need to lay down in the middle of the road and die. Bonking occurs during a long training session or race and is the result of glycogen depletion (or in other words – your fueling plan failed!).

How to use it in a sentence: “There I was cruising along at mile 23 and it happened. I totally bonked. Should have taken that last pina colada GU.”

6. Shart – If you have been running long enough, chances are you have unfortunately been the victim of a shart. A shart occurs when the person relaxes the sphincter and attempts to fart, but an unintended chaser comes out (shit + fart = shart). This phenomenon is fairly common in runners who are known for their frequent farting and risk taking.

How to use it in a sentence:  “Dude, yesterday I was on a run and my stomach was cramping like crazy. I had to expel some gas, but by mistake sharted. It was nasty!”

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7. DNS/DNF/DFL – These acronyms all refer to your status in a race. DNS = Did Not Start. DNF = Did Not Finish. DFL =Dead F$&king Last.

How to use it in a sentence: “I was DFL at the Chicago Marathon, but to me that is gutsier than being a DNS or a DNF. Last is a blast!”

8. Bloody Nips – Have you ever seen a runner with a white tank top and to bloody circles right where his man boobs are? That means that this runner is chafing so badly that his nipples are bleeding. This phenomenon happens to men 99% of the time, because most women wear bras and most men don’t. Bloody nips can usually be prevented by applying Vaseline to the nipple and/or by applying band-aids over the nipple. A man-bra might also work.

How to use it in a sentence: “Crap, I forgot my Vaseline and I chafed so badly my nips bled through my shirt. None of the girls at the finish line would talk to me.”

9. Camel Toe: As long as there have been running tights and spandex shorts, there has been camel toe. Camel toe refers to the outline of a woman’s private parts as seen through tight fitting clothing. If you use your imagination, you may be able to understand the comparison between the lady parts and the camel’s toe. There is a male version of this called the “moose knuckle,” but that is reserved more for ballet dancers and Cirque du Soleil performers.

How to use it in a sentence: “I wore those capris for the first time during my race and I had camel toe the entire 13.1 miles. Maybe I need a larger size.”

10. Snot Rocket: Having extra mucous is a side affect of running. Most runners cope with this by employing the snot rocket. The snot rocket is a means of blowing one’s nose without stopping the run or using a tissue.  Basically, the runner plugs one nostril and blows aggressively out of the other. This typically sends snot flying to the ground, but occasionally the snot lands on clothing or a fellow runner. This can also be called a “farmer’s blow.”

How to use it in a sentence: “I tried to blow a snot rocket on my run, but the snot just ended up on my shoes.”

 

Now your running vocabulary is complete!

So, go start a running streak where you do fartleks and practice your snot rocket. Be sure not to shart in public and do your best to hide your camel toe. With all this training you should not DNS/DNF/DFL at your race, and I hope you avoid the DOMS. Men – try not to get chicked and for heaven’s sake use band aids to avoid bloody nips.

SUAR

30 comments:

  1. My favorite is LSD. Sometimes I do hallucinate after some long slow distance....maybe I just need a gel...

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  2. Snot rocket is my fave! It is the BEST in the winter when you're getting over a cold, and you just get that satisfying rocket out of there!

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  3. I am not sure if this is a running term per se but I often refer to my crotch biscuits on a run. AKA, the inner thighs where my extra skin likes to create friction with poor bottoms choices.

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    1. I like to call that crotch biscuits deal "chub rub" which is frequently followed by "flab scab" - and the purchase of glide, and longer shorts.

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  4. You know bonking has a completely different meaning here in Australia? Makes me laugh every time I see the word somewhere.

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    1. Lol yeah and router is pronounced rooter in the UK as well :p

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  5. I'm on a streak currently, and it even includes a couple of streaks!!!

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  6. Hilarious, but I was waiting to hear how the bike ride went! I hope it went well.

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  7. Cute post! I never heard of the "chicked" one hehe.

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  8. Haha...sharting...always a scary prospect while running!

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    1. So true...
      I'm always a little wary after pizza nights and take loo paper on a non-city/town run.

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  9. Learned not to blow snot rockets on a long run after it ended up flying back at me because of wind conditions. Now, I am the tissue queen. I have them tucked in various places on my person, the tissues help to control the "SRR" or snot rocket rebound.
    I have never sharted, but I have been the unfortunate recipient of a camel toe race photo, or CTRP, which quickly lead to the purchase of a skort.
    Amy P. Philly runner.

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  10. Beth, I think you do Ron Hill a disservice - his streak began in 1964 and I believe it continues: http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/profiles/ron-hill-the-man-who-keeps-on-running-8395924.html. And Melinda: same juvenile amusement here!

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  11. I really enjoy being chicked. It usually happens in the last miles of a marathon. The view gives me a burst of energy. Plus it's fine if they finish ahead of me - we're not in the same category.

    So what's the term for being coated in salt from your sweat drying on your clothes and skin? A salted nut? Salt stained?

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    1. My boyfriend, a cyclist, refers to it as being a rolling margarita when on the bike - I'm sure there must be something similar for running.

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    2. Apparently my prison number showed for that reply??? ;o)

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  12. This is hilarious. I love chicking people at the finish line :-P

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  13. I am all too familiar with the Camel Toe. And for anyone who watches the Kardashians, CTC! (Cover that camel). And no, I don't watch KUWTK, a friend of mine taught me that acronym. ;)

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  14. I'm horrible at snot rockets. I just wipe on the inside of my shir

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  15. "Chicked" is my favorite. Nothing grosses me out more than snot rockets !

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  16. This made me laugh...love the photos! I still don't do the snot rockets though.

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  17. As the person on the back seat of a tandem bicycle, I've been on the receiving end of many a shart and snot rocket generated by the person on the front end, AKA my husband.

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  18. I had a streak going once, it only lasted a little more than a month. I am a big fan (and believer in) rest days and cross-training days on the bike.

    I love the DFL > DNF > DNS shirt.

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  20. I gag everytime my running partner does a snot rocket, and then I won't look at her for fear of seeing snot on her shirt or face.

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  21. These are great! Never heard of chicked before, but it's awesome!! I'm about a week into my birthday streak. Feel free to join the party. There are gifts to win!! http://bit.ly/ETCStreaks.

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  22. These are awesome.... great post!!

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  23. just finished a monster run on Saturday and did the whole bloody nips thing. OMG is that painful!! Wow! Band aids will be a necessity from now on!!!

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