Saturday, July 26, 2014

I Almost Committed a Felony

Vacation has come and gone. I am now staring Ironman Boulder in the face with only 8 days to go. Below is the scene of the finish line – it is ready for all of the elated, dehydrated, crawling, puking, smiling athletes that will cross over it:

I am soooo excited!

Let’s talk vacation!!

Well, the only way to use frequent flier tickets to get to Phoenix was to get up in the middle of the night to leave on a 6:00 a.m. flight. I hate to fly, but I have heard the best/safest time to fly is in the morning. At least we had that going for us.

Why do I hate to fly? I don’t know. Something about being squeezed into a tin can with 200 other grumpy people (and their luggage) and flying 35,000 up in the sky. It just does not make sense to me how any of that works.

At least we had a nice sunrise.

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We got to Phoenix at 6:45 a.m. Nothing else to do but eat. Ken is tired, annoyed and hangry. Emma is confused. Sam is put-out. I am just happy to be on the ground. Family selfie at its best.

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We toured Arizona State.

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It was fun except for 113 degree weather made me melt and sweat. We walked to Mill Street and I saw where I will go one morning if I make a mistake the night before:

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Do you think if you are born with a name like “Tattoff” your destiny is set? Like, if you are born with the name Chris P. Bacon you will own a butcher shop or if you are born with the last name Flasid you will be a sex therapist?

The kids actually got along just dandy. They do better when we are on trips than when we’re at home. See? Sam is only shoving the bottle up Emma’s nose, not hitting her over the head with it.

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I spent some time on the bike that goes nowhere.

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We road-tripped to Vegas from Phoenix. This next picture epitomizes the “only seen in Vegas” philosophy. What is it, you may ask? Why, it’s a dancing penis (and testicles)! I am not sure why that guy is laying down in front of the penis. What do you think?

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When we checked in at our hotel, I did my usual and said it was our 19th anniversary, so did they have any upgrades? (in my defense it was our 19 year anniversary in June). They put us in a room on the 31st floor with a view of the Bellagio fountains and the Strip. Not bad! The kids’ room faced the highway. Tough break.

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This next picture should prove to you I really am a mother who loves her children. I’m pretty sure they barely remember me after 4 months of Ironman training.

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Sam and Emma kept putting this in front of the elevator. I don’t know where they got their tendency to always want to prank people.

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I was almost asked to leave the pool because of these ten things:

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I honestly don’t think my feet have ever been uglier. Between the fingerish toes, callouses, blisters, black toenails and toe jam, I am committing a FEET-lony (get it? felony?)

As I kid I always loved to do this in the pool. I have passed this along to my children.

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My trip consisted of the two C’s. Corn nuts and chardonnay in a plastic cup. CLASSY!

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We broke down and decided to spend a million dollars and ride the new High Roller observation wheel. I got advance tickets online, so it was actually kind of affordable. I paid for the tickets by standing on the Strip in a penis costume.

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Yes, these  pods really do hold 40 people.

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At the top:

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Christmas card?

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I did not get in all the training I wanted. I ran and biked a few days. The Vdara Hotel was supposed to (according to reviews) have a lap pool and it did not (<actually the pool there really stank as far as Vegas pools go so we went to the Aria). I missed all of my swims. Oh, well. (<I know I seem laid back about it. I was not. I had to have Ken convince me a missed workout was not going to kill me).

8 days to go!!

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Ever met anyone with a funny name? Two of my friends in high school (sisters) were named Cheddar and Swiss.

Are you taking a vacation this summer? Give details! This is it although Ken and I are doing the EPIC relay in the Tetons in a couple of weeks.

Do you have a tattoo you LOVE? Or do you hate it and want it removed by Dr. Tattoff? I am considering an M-Dot after Boulder. We will see.

SUAR

48 comments:

  1. Ok - WTF is with the dude lying infront of the person in the penis costume?!?! Only in Vegas, ha ha.
    I used almost all of my vacation time in June - we went to Europe for 3 weeks and I raced a 70.3 while we were there. I do have a tattoo that I'd either like removed or maybe turned into something else. I also have an M-dot. It's a must do after an ironman! Especially if you've done more than one, nudge nudge.

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  2. Vacation this summer is a lot of staycationing and camping, but I'm not complaining. Next year we are hoping to cross an ocean! I think I am intimidated by your toes.

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  3. Before there was The Simpsons, there was Life in Hell, Matt Groening's wonderful weekly comic strip that appeared mostly in hip weekly newspapers from 1977 until 2012. My favorite characters were Akbar and Jeff, who wore fezzes and ran different storefront businesses that were always called huts. One of their best shops was called Akbar & Jeff's Tattoo and Body Piercing Hut. Their motto was "It's not self-mutilation if you let us do it."

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  4. In Alabama at a Chik-Fil-A there was a kid working there whose nametag read "Shotgun". You make me laugh Beth. A LOT. Thank you!

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  5. But of course he's laying down in front of the penisman as I imagine someone else taking a picture of him with a huge penis. Men.

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    1. You are SO right!! That is exactly what he is doing. Can't believe I didn't figure that out. Hilarious.

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  6. My great grandfather's name was Harold Butz.
    Vacationed in Washington state with family. Lots of time visiting relatives that I don't see often, fishing with my dad and eating the best fresh caught crab ever.
    I have one tattoo that I got when I was 24. I still love it and I love that I have only one.

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  7. The race will go right by my house. What's a few good things I can do to spectate? Music? Signs? Spraying water?

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    1. Are you on the bike or run course? I would say spraying water and music are the best. I wouldn't recommend the stripper pole like in Florida.

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  8. I hate flying, too, and actually took a class for fearful flyers that was offered at Milwaukee's airport. We took a graduation flight from Milwaukee to Chicago and I realized I wasn't quite as scared as the guy who insisted on wearing a football helmet (this was pre-911 and I guess you could do that sort of thing, even though I'm not sure how a football helmet would help in a plane crash!).

    I went to high school with someone named Melody Harmony Bell, and then there was my brother's girlfriend who had the unfortunate last name of Butt. She tried to set me up with her brother, who was named Brian Butt, but I decided I didn't want to take any chance of becoming the future Mrs. Butt. Oh, and there is a dentist here in the Milwaukee area named Dr. Molar...I guess his career was predestined!

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  9. My son goes to school with a girl named April May Junius. Seriously.

    I went to school with a girl named Debbie Dick. She got married the day after graduation, I think!

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  10. My piano teacher growing up was named Melody Singer. :)

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  11. there is a dentist by the name of Dr.Payne!! eeeep!

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  12. I love Vegas for its awesome weirdness. And my feet are just as ugly. Sandal/pool season is just torture for anyone within view of my tootsies. But whatever!

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  13. I love Vegas so much. That's my goal marathon this fall, because the race always falls on/near my birthday (you BET I tell the people at the front desk all about it).

    I spent a week in Punta Cana at the beginning of the month, which was our big summer vacation. On the last day, my boyfriend asked me to marry him, so it was a pretty good trip!

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    1. Congratulations! Must have been a great trip!

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  14. My old neighbor was named Misty. Her mom named her other sisters Windy and Sunny.

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  15. Spending a week in Bethlehem, PA for RW Festival in October. Then a few days in San Antonio and Austin for RnR San Antonio and visiting our son. My wife has been giving me the stink eye lately about wanting to take a vacation without my running shoes.

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    1. I will be in Bethlehem too for the Festival! See you there.

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    2. I grew up in Bethlehem and I can tell you from 18 years of personal experience that it's a half-day town, at best. You'd be better off driving an hour to Philadelphia, a really great city where you could spend the entire week and not even begin to scratch the surface of all there is to see and do there.

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    3. That's awesome, Beth! I'm part of Ted Spiker's Sub 30 group on Facebook. As of now there are 40 of us going. Many of us are big fans of yours and share your posts frequently. Our group shares many of the same interests as you...booze, farting and inappropriate conversation. We would be thrilled if you would allow us to buy you a round or 12!

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    4. Lonnie - sounds like I would get along VERY well with you and your friends. Lots in common...would love to share a drink with you!

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    5. Anon -maybe so, but the whole point of this trip (at least for me) is to tour Runner's World and to do the hat trick race, not so much to see Bethlehem - although I'm hoping to see some during the race. I am flying into/out of Philly...

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    6. Same reason we're going. Our running group is spread out all over the world and we have been planning for this event for over a year. Will be the first time many of us have ever met. We are planning a trip into NYC one night for dinner and a show with some friends.

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  16. My GYN, a female, is Dr. Cherry. Pretty funny...

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  17. This is pretty random but I just wanted to let you know that I completed my very first half marathon this morning in the beautiful city of San Francisco!!! I've loved your blog during my training and I wanted to thank you for being funny and motivating. I especially love the blog because I'm a Colorado native living in California and I get to hear little tidbits about Boulder etc. Thanks again and BEST OF LUCK with the Ironman!!!

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    1. Congratulations on your finish today!! What a cool place to do your first half!

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  18. HA! well this looks like one heck of a trip, I hate road trips but I somehow have a feeling they'd be far more fun with your family
    just 7 more days now!

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  19. Looks like you are having a fun vacation before your big day. Good luck!

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  20. Haha, that is absolutely hilarious that you said it was your anniversary to get a better room! I'm glad you had a good trip. Just be confident because you've put in the hard work and now it's time to reap the benefits!

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  21. Dr tattoff is not the actual doctors name right? It says William Kirby? I think tattoff is just the name of the business???

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    1. Probably, but still clever and funny

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  22. My girlfriend's dentist was Dr. Payne, in Brooklyn, NY years ago. My GYN was Dr. Bush. I couldn't wait until he retired, so I could get a better named doctor, although he was a fine dr.
    My friend growing up was named Kelly, she married a guy with the last name Greene. So she was Kelly Greene. Poor woman. She never lived it down.
    My married name was Short, so I wanted to name my son Notso, but his dad wouldn't allow it. I was so sad. :)

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  23. your holiday looks amazing - even if you didn't get all your workouts in, it looked like a great family trip! :)

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  24. My grandmother's best friend was named Bunny Loser. A different generation, apparently?
    I luck out because my feet are so pale that they temporarily blind people with their whiteness and they can't focus on the details!

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  25. You seem to have so much fun where ever you go. I have a running girl tattoo with 26.2 underneath it on my right ankle and at the end of August will get a dragonfly with two butterflies in my girls favorite colors on my ribs. That will most likely be the end of my tattoos. We will see.

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  26. I used to work with a Harry Junk. Excited to read about the Ironman and how you kick butt again!

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  27. I got the m-dot after I completed my first Ironman. I figure that its one tattoo I won't mind explaining when I'm old and wrinkled. Just imagine me as a wrinkled old crone in the retirement home explaining, "What, this? That's from the first time I did a 140.6 mile race!" bam, that should be worth at least an extra glass of wine with my strained peas :-)

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    1. YES! I think you might have just convinced me..

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    2. Why risk a lifetime of regret? Seriously, have you ever seen older persons with a tattoo and not thought, "Why the hell did they do that?" Your memories, your medals, your finish line photos and, perhaps most important, your oral history passed on to everyone you care to share your IM experiences with for the rest of your life will be a much better was to celebrate and commemorate you fitness, your commitment and your accomplishments. Think about it.

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  28. That is one fancy stationary bike. ;) I've been reading your blog for so long now that I'm noticing how much your kids are growing up! It's crazy, man!

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  29. WTF happened to your toes? I mean, the fourth one on the right foot is a claw, not a toe.

    Good luck for Boulder!

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  30. My primary care doc is Dr. Butcher and my orthopedic is Dr. Loveless. Fitting I think LOL. NO REAL vacation this year....took the kids to Disney in May so it wasn't really crowded but I would have preferred to be somewhere tropical. I have a 4 cleaf clover tattoo....don't hate it, one of these days maybe I will add to it.

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  31. I absolutely LOVE your posts. You crack me up everytime I read a new one! Good luck with your upcoming race. I admire your determination and committment and hope to be on that starting line with you in a year or two!

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  32. There's a pretty acclaimed chef in Charleston SC named Jeremiah Bacon.

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  33. I know a vet call Dr Leash he is retired now , and this summer we went to Orlando to visit Mickey and Minnie , no tattoos here they look pretty at 20/30 even 40 but what about when you are 60/70?

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