Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Not Sure About the Hair

You know I’ll do anything for a laugh. My kids might grow up all kinds of confused and lopsided because of this. Last night we made fun of Emma because she thought babies were born naked. I told her I was born with a full on dress and tights. I like messing up my kids, but all in good fun. Luckily she’s seen enough versions of TLC’s “Baby Story” to know I was dead wrong. Babies aren’t born with clothes on. They’re born bloody and purplish with some cord that attaches them to the big mama in the room. Then daddy cuts that cord and faints.

I do, however, know I pass on some good things to my kids. Today while I was teaching a kids’ yoga class at her school, my daughter announced that she had to fart but was too embarrassed to do it in front of everyone. What she wasn’t embarrassed about was telling everyone that she had to fart. Go figure. So, she  went to the corner of the gym and let it fly. A girl after my own heart. This farting business is either going to make her very popular or very weird. It worked well for me, but you have to know how to play it off.

Here’s where I got today’s laugh:

You know I only like this because you get to see some “A.”

Questions to the guys:

  1. Do you really wipe your shirt under your arms like that before you get into the shower? A girl would never do that.
  2. Would you consider the hair on that ass to be average, less than average or hairier than average? Just wondering.
  3. Do I have enough time while tapering to watch youtube videos frame by frame?

Happy Tuesday!

38 comments:

  1. LOL about your daughters comment on farting! Too funny!

    In regards to the video, I really don't understand the purpose behind men wiping their armpits with their dirty shirt, especially when they are getting in the shower anyway! But, I guess as long as they don't throw that dirty shirt back into their clean clothes pile...

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  2. OK, your story about your daughter and the video about the runner TOTALLY made me laugh!!

    I don't get the "wipe the armpits" thing either...but at least he's not putting it back on.

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  3. Waaaaay less than average. At least if i consider myself 'average'.
    and the shirt thing? NEVER seen it. ever.
    this evening, my 12 y.o. stepson got up from the dinner table, walked over to his 16y.o. brother on the couch, then farted in his face. afterward, he said, "that was a work of art!" to which i replied, "Nope. It was a work of FART!" 12 yo and i burst out laughing. his mom, however, was not impressed. oh well.

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  4. I would guess that its way less than average if my husband is average :) His hiney is pretty hairy!
    Not until I have lived in a house full of boys was I able to just let um fly. Good for you for teaching your daughter that her body is normal.

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  5. 1. No
    2. Nice try - I don't look at guys asses
    3. Do what you gotta do to maintain your taper sanity

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  6. OK gonna tell you thr truth ... I've wiped my armpits with my shirt before.

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  7. bahahah! too funny! i wish i had had someone like you to tell me when i was little that farting was normal. i got really self-conscious! now i just tell them that -- not that everyone farts -- but that "everyone poops". and i deadpan it too. i thought youd appreciate that

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  8. I just farted.

    You're raising one heck of a daughter! Good job on that one :)

    Also, I've definitely used my shirt before, just not BEFORE a shower.

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  9. This post totally made my day! You are so hilarious! I loved the story about your daughter...so funny! I have 3 boys (2 kids and 1 husband) and they all fart and laugh about it. I'm in for it for sure when my sons get older..ha ha!

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  10. Just last night my 5-yr. old daughter was trying to convince me to put my face near her butt so she could fart in it. I really have to say I am not impressed by her behavior! I'd be much happier if she behaved like yours.

    Don't get the wiping armpits thing!

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  11. OK ladies, here is the scoop on the wiping-armpit-with-shirt thing: it's called a Ho bath.

    Now, "Ho" isn't short for an adult entertainer (in case some of you went there), it is short for Hobo (as in the homeless wanderers from the turn of the century).

    Anyway, a Ho bath is a vital part of the male skillset because it allows us to skip showers occassionally. A splash of water, a wipe with a semi-clean part of the shirt, and we are good to go! VERY important if you are camping, deployed in the desert, or if your mother-in-law is visiting.

    Now, I must admit I have never seen it done before going into a shower...must have just been habit kicking in.

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  12. ahahah that is funny!

    I ran at night last night, I inhaled a bug through my nose and coughed it out of my mouth and it flew off...that video made me have a flashback!

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  13. You should right a parenting book. No, seriously, I think you've got this down! I would be the first to buy it!
    I'm sure I have wiped myself off with my dirty shirt after a run, but then again, running makes me do some pretty gross things that I would never do if I wasn't running!
    Good luck with taper!

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  14. You do have some time on your hands huh?
    1)I wipe down with my shirt after almost every workout, running or otherwise.
    2)That is an average hair ass
    3)Watch as many youtube videos as you can!!!

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  15. Oh my, missy...I can only imagine what's going to pop in your blog when you're in recovery week!! :).

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  16. I rarely read other people's comments on blogs, but your posts always bring out the best! Love it!

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  17. That video was great! Thanks for making me smile.

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  18. I have seen a LOT of ass (I'm an ER nurse, silly) and that one, without question, is less hairy than most.

    Wanna talk balls? No? Ok, then . . .

    Oh, btw, I dedicated a marathon to you (check out my blog). I'm sorry.

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  19. That ass is the least hairy one I've seen on a guy in a while. Apparently I only attract sasquatches. Boo.

    Your daughter is awesome. She knows that it's not embarrassing to have people know you fart. It's only socially unacceptable when it smells. At least that's my philosophy.

    And for funny commercials, check out this one:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQALeeHWJyE&playnext_from=TL&videos=ulo3H8g4g5g

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  20. That guy reminds me of the Christmas tree salesman we encountered when I didn't fart in your car. Armpit wiping before a shower? Never seen it. Never. That ass was bare.

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  21. Which part of that video did you watch frame by frame?
    Happy tapering.

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  22. Love the video. Amazing how you can find these things.

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  23. I am going to say, less hairy, and too... lady like? no pimples, or lines from shorts, or red blotches or anything? Geez. I am going to have to start waxing and using noxema on my butt if it is that important.. Although, my wife says for me not to worry about the back hair, so butt hair may not be an issue either.

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  24. That is one waxed butt. Either that or the guy is missing his share of testosterone. I have more hair on my little finger than he does on his ass.

    And misszippy - your comment almost made me fall off my chair. I thought it was only my kid who did that kind of thing.

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  25. Boys are gross. The wiping-pits-with-shirt thing is totally a guy thing.

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  26. I swear you are my twin [don't be scared] ;). I love messing with my kid-o all the same. Cracks me up what she'll believe because it's from my mouth......she'll learn all too soon, I'm sure.

    The video is priceless. loving it. Keep it up the taper! I'm enjoying it from AZ!

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  27. 1.) I don't shower.
    2.) Average for me at age 20, WAY less than average after 40 (perhaps friction wore it off then).
    3.)I'm posting videos of cartoons and I'm not even tapering, so yeah, you've got time.

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  28. LMAO! I love it....fart=funny in our house too.

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  29. Your daughter is too funny! If I was in school, I would want to be friends with her (hell, I am an adult and I do!).

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  30. you're so funny, i love reading your blog. u really tel lit like it is! love it! :-) and good for your daughter not being afraid to announce she has to fart! that's my kind of girl!

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  31. ps- t his is Bethany commenting, don't want you to think a man is saying "thats my kind of girl" about your daughter, lol

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  32. as always... shut up and run is making me ROTFLOL!!!!! you are hilarious and ive decided that i need to meet you sometime in real life... not just blogger land cuz i sense that you would probably make me laugh so hard that i peed.... jus sayin ;)

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  33. 1. Yes, I do that quite regularly.
    2. Unfortunately, I have about as much hair as a chiwawa (spelling?)
    3. Taper madness is treating you quite nicely.

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  34. ROFLMAO!!!! And I love your blog but I have I'm starting to get OES. (Old Eye Syndrome). A larger font or greater contrast between font and background would help. Since you asked. :-)

    Laura

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  35. Is it bad that my children (almost 3 and 5) wanted to watch this 3 times?! Hilarious!

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  36. umm I do that armpit thing pretty regularly after a workout/ run, I guess I don't like the sweaty armpit feeling! I see some other ladies on here do it too...haha I didn't know it was a weird thing

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