Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Drinking and Pooping

Wow. I didn't realize to what extent I would shock the blogland with my admission that I was constipated. It seems that this rocked everyone's world. "She's constipated?" they all thought with consternation. "But, she craps herself unwillingly on runs almost daily. All is not right with the world."

Since I talked about my inability to relieve myself of the 'brown baby', I have had two more dumping incidents. One at the Green Turtle bar and one in my hotel room the morning after three glasses of wine and some greasy pizza. That seemed to get things moving. Obviously the key to relieving constipation while travelling is drinking a lot of alcohol and ingesting loads of oil.

In the spirit of all of this poop talk, I have a sweet video to share with you. This one was brought to my attention by Misszippy. While I certainly don't want to condone drinking and driving, especially with a child in the car (loser!), this news story has an extra special twist to it. Let's just say if I did drink and drive, this is probably what would happen to me. Please, if nothing else, listen for the quote around the 43 second mark. Priceless.





"I pooped my pants. I ate too much corn."

That is perhaps the simplest and most basic quote ever given to a police officer. I bet those cops are all sitting around eating donuts still talking about "corn girl."

We return to Colorado tonight. I think I will finally be able to breathe again. I had my last sweaty crack run this morning. So long humidity. You are a bitch.

PS: Check out a great giveaway by the Happy Runner: Hal Higdon's newest book Marthon: A Novel.

21 comments:

  1. Wow...it is funny that people see videos like that and think of you. :) I like when the narrator says "She literally crapped her pants."

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  2. HILAROUS... you always keep me laughing.

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  3. OH MY GOD! That is freaking priceless.

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  4. You know, corn must have zero nutritional value, because is seems to go through whole.

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  5. love it.

    humidity? what's that? AZ, it's a DRY heat. You'd love it here! ;)

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  6. Dear lord... that is so wrong but so funny! "being pulled over literally scared the crap out of her..."

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  7. Ugh- can't watch the video at work!

    My friend is a cop. He pulled over a drunk girl once and she pooped right on the ground. Then got up and said "okay, I am ready" as if they were hanging out.

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  8. Was that in FL? That is where all the stupid drunks seem to come from! LOL!
    Have a safe trip!

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  9. Busting a gut over here!! I hope your bowels are back to their usual habits.

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  10. Oh. My. God. Cops do not make enough money to have to deal with people like this.

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  11. nice!

    i wish i could get away from the humidity but we're stuck with it for the next few months. it's brutal.

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  12. Wow..that is just crazy! "I ate too much corn"...ha ha! :)

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  13. The tears...I'm laughing so hard...thank God I haven't eaten too much corn...

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  14. OMFG...I found you through Mel's blog because, yes, I will click on any runner's blog that includes the word "Pooping" in the title.

    Thanks for the laugh this morning...I ate too much corn...that is just funny!

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  15. I could handle a bit of humidity here - even if it means disgusting dirty laundry.

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  16. You only have to read the header "Drunk Mom Poops Pants" to know it's something of a gem.

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  17. Safe travels! Glad you will be back in the land of sweaty crack-free runs soon.

    And I'm glad you are back on track with the pooping!

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