Saturday, June 12, 2010


I am in Amelia Island, FL, just about at the Georgia border. Everyone is full of ya'alls and ma'ams. Good ole Southern drawl. There is a slick car in the parking lot with two cursive names painted on the side: Deshay and Selena. Guess how long it took me to figure out who Deshay was? Like one minute. The dude strolls around and is a badass with gold crowns. I'm hoping he'll take a run with me tomorrow.

Speaking of runs. Worst. run. ever this morning. Ken and I thought if we hit the beach by 7am to run six miles, we'd beat some of the heat. No. The heat beat the crap out of us. Literally. At mile three we turned around and we were sucking air big time, gallons of sweat coming off our heads. By mile 3.5 I had to stop, take my shoes off and jump in the water in my running clothes. It was the longest six miles of my life. 90% humidity, no breeze, about 90 degrees. It is 7am. Someone tell Florida it is 7am. It should never be that hot at 7am anywhere.

I was just at the pool eavesdropping on two pimply teenage boys talking some smack:

Boy 1: Yeah, well once we stayed in the penthouse at a hotel and it was really expensive and cool.

Boy 2: Oh that's nothing. We stayed at the best room at the Ritz. It was $25,000 a night, so we only stayed two nights. We had like room service and shit. I can of soda was $50.

Boy 1: $50? Shit man. You got ripped off.

Boy 2: But it was like chocolate soda and shit. Not just plain soda.

Boy 1: Oh, chocolate soda. I don't know about that. Have you ever tried caviar?

Boy 2: Yeah all the time. I'm not into it.

Boy 1: Oh and one time we were on our boat 20 miles off the coast and got stuck and it cost $65,000 to get pulled out.

Boy 2: No, I bet it was like $75,000...

I guess this is the 14 year old version of my dick is bigger than yours.

Did I mention we are staying at the Marriott? Don't you think these silver spoon mama's boys should be hamming it up at the Ritz? It's right down the street.

Now for the big question. Do you get constipated when you travel? I do. Everytime. I've only taken two moderate dumps since Wednesday. I know. I learned a new German word today to describe my condition: Farfrompoopin.
  • Two dumps in four days
  • Four runs in five days

Those are my stats.

See you back in Colorado...


  1. HILARIOUS.... I am not regular on my trips either.

  2. hahah too funny! i don't really travel enough to really know if i'm regular on trips but i do know that i really only feel comfortable at my own house. so i'd imagine i'd be in the same situation as you if i did travel

  3. You apparently stay at much posher resorts than I when I travel - haha!! Yeah, not very regular when I travel, which is a real bummer when I travel for a marathon cuz I like to get #2 done before the event so I'm not having to go during. Safe travels home!!

  4. I can feel that thick, hot FL air from here. Ga-ross! I don't know how the regulars do it.

  5. Are you kidding? I just got back from Jamaica and pooped twice in 7 days. I've had diarrhea all week since we got home. Fun stuff.

  6. First, let me say "welcome to The South", happy to have you. Second, this is the weather all day, every day. There will be no mercy and no relief. It will be as hot as a firecracker with 90% humidity at 3am. Sad but true. I wish you luck :o)

  7. that is hot!! Yep...I have the same problem every time I travel...I have gone for days. I try and increase my fluids and fiber, but nothing seems to work. :(

  8. Awww I'm in Orlando and yeah it's kinda gross out. I had a 12 miler today at 5:30am... you really gotta leave before the sun comes up. Once the sun comes out you're screwed... :( Sorry...

  9. I grew up in Naples Florida and I started running my junior year of high school. You have to run when it's dark. Then you just have to get used to the dark, wet blanket you run in. Hey, maybe before your next vacation you could toss in a blanket in your washer with extra hot water and then slap it on your back for your normal run to acclimatize (is that the right word? lol).

  10. Your run today was like my run on last Sunday...and I have a feeling pretty much like they all will be until oh...October. Texas isn't any better than Florida when it comes to hot, humid runs - and yes, at 7am! Ridiculous! Hope you are having a good time despite the heat.

  11. I totally get constipated! WHy is that?!?

  12. 2 things
    1 - I always get constipated when I fly.
    2 - KS runs have sucked like that recently - but I am getting used to it, which is becoming an awful feeling.
    Have fun on vacay!

  13. Welcome to the jungle mountain girl!

    Changing time zones always funks up my body clock. First couple of days = no poop. Then, it's typically pooporama!

  14. Welcome to the South! I have the same problem on vacation as well.

    Have a great time!

  15. The best part of an "away race" is the Farfrompoopin. It's why I don't like "home race"s as much. And trust me: On this subject, you and I are soul sisters.

    And you are NOT in FL, you are in South Georgia. Thank you for validating my running hell, though. We feel like big ol' rockstars down here running in the FL heat.

    I hope those two boys weren't my twins. They like to have those types of pissing contests. Problem? They are about as full of you-know-what as you are when you are when you are traveling. They just make it all up. I love to hear later how we live this luxurious expensive lifestyle that's all in their cute little pre-pubescent hormone addled brains.

  16. The running should help get things moving, right? Enjoy the rest of the trip!

  17. I must admit I thought of you reading the 8th chapter of this great book called, "Sand in My Bra". The book is a compilation of travel stories written by women. Chapter 8 is called "Sometimes a Great Myth- Travel isn't as much about where you go as where you go" (I can't make italics in this note, darn it). Check it out!

  18. i hear you on the unreasonably brutal weather!!! local half marathon this morning here in texas... at the start: 89 degrees, 99% humidity, zero wind/breeze!!! it was pretty miserable!!!

    (and as a texan, I'd like to welcome you to our slang, and if those Floridians told you it was "ya'all", feel free to laugh at their attempt (and failure) to adopt our drawl... the correct spelling, which we take very seriously ;), is "y'all".)

    I dunno about german, but on trips my bowels go chinese: hung-chow!!!

  19. Florida heat sucks. There's no way around it. So, we moved north, but not north enough cuz the heat and humidity are pretty awful here in NC too. I stay pretty regular when I travel, facilitated by dark roast coffee, no cream, no sugar. Works every time! Enjoy the rest of your vacation!

  20. Running clothes in the ocean. Love it. Nature just had your relief waiting for you. Your bowels will catch up. One time at band camp...

  21. what a bunch of little punks.

    and yea, my poo schedule definitely gets messed up when i travel. and i'll sleep better tonight knowing you know that about me. :-)

  22. Florida! Awesome (minus the hot run). Enjoy!

  23. Have you seen the Farfrompoopin shirts? I bet you can find them if you Google it. I remember them being a "big deal" back when I was in 6th grade... that would be 1996.

    P.S. I think they sold them at Spencer's.

  24. It's that hot in central Texas at 5am. It's no joke to run in!

  25. You? Constipated?? This is headline news!

    Enjoy that CO weather when you get home. I wish I was living there about now.

  26. Well, enjoy it because I waded through a speckle of snow on the grass this morning in my flip flops no doubt...
    And yes, traveling ALWAYS throws me off too

  27. awesome stats..and thanks for teh language

  28. I don't know who in the hell I ever ran in that weather for 20 years. When I go back now, I nearly die.

    That conversation was priceless.

  29. Last time I stayed at the Marriott I drank a $60 can of Dr. Pepper made from pure virgin tears .

    You're not poopin cause you're not used to running in the heat. Does it to me at the turn of every summer; and for me to be backed up is really something cause I crap like a pet raccoon.

  30. bahahaha! you are so funny! i look forward to your poop talk once a week! :)

  31. Welcome to Florida. Feel my pain. :)
    Disney causes the worsy constipation. LOTS of water is the only way to combat that.

  32. I was in Missouri last weekend and ran 6 miles in 5000% humidity, it was awful! I can sympathize. I came back from my run and my sister's dog had a hayday licking the sweat from my legs. The funny thing was, I ran faster there then here!!!! Oh well.

    I get constipated EVERY SINGLE TIME I TRAVEL. I don't know what it is, but I do. I didn't shit for a week in Hawaii. JK, of course.

    I honestly can't believe that you said you were constipated. Must write this down.

  33. Wait - where was the finish to the convo above when you punched them both in the junk for being douches?

    I'm not regular when I travel either. did I mention I travel work work? Yup.

  34. After a week in Hawaii in January and nothing but little rabbit pellets I've been on a mission to find something, anything to help me out. Weekends mess with my schedule too.

    The one thing that I've found? Probiotics. I was taking a little pill (1 billion bacteria) every night for a month and I think I could set a clock by my bowels. Crazy.

    Of course, now I'm on these insane antibiotics I'm taking 50-65 billion doses of probiotics to keep me from keeling over. I think I've seen food come out that's been in there since I was 10....

    Probitics - keeping people regular for as long as they remember to take them.

  35. too freaking hilarious.

    and pardon the TMI . . . wait did I really just say that to YOU? Mrs. QUEEN OF TMI!? ;) I travel with "super colon cleanse" [no joke] I buy it at trader joe's. Seriously me and vacations = no poop entire vacation. da, da, da daaaaaa --- [enter colon blow pills] = super poooper!

  36. Hey, I'm a new follower to your blog and I love your stories! As a Florida runner, I know the heat all too well and it SUCKS! You can either:
    a) Get up at like pre-crack-ass-o-dawn 5am and run in 75 degrees with 100% humidity
    b) Run around 6pm, while it is still 90ish degrees out but the humidity is down to 50-60%.

    Either way it is HOT, but you get used to it after a while :)