Longmont Triathlon Race Report

It could’ve been worse. And, it could’ve been better.

I will give you my results first, but only if you promise to read this entire race report. It involves dumps and head wounds and all kinds of mishaps.

525 yd. swim – 12 mile bike – 5K

1:20:54

8th out of 30 in 40-44 age division

32nd woman out of 147

I seriously could not have pushed more in any of the events. However…

• My transition times sucked (this is where my tri-virginity really reared its ugly head)
• My chain fell off about 1/4 mile into the bike – total time sucker
• I went the wrong way when I started the bike, thus adding to transition time (tri-virginity at play again)

I always say this and I’ll say it again. Anyone who does a race has their finish time and then they have the time they should have gotten if ________________ wouldn’t have happened (i.e., If only I hadn’t crapped myself I would have been 4 minutes faster!)

So, in my case, if only I hadn’t taken so much eff’ing time at the transitions (What the hell was I doing? A crossword puzzle?) or if my chain had stayed in place I could've gotten under 1:20.

What’s that they say about hindsight?

Here's how it played out:

6:36 a.m. 1 cup of coffee, one bagel, one huge dump (What a relief! No floaties in the pool)

I got to the start about 3o minutes early to set up my transition area.  I carefully placed a bean bag chair and an end table with after dinner mints beside my bike. I like things to be comfortable and inviting. I then hit my head really hard on the bike rack and it hurt like a mother. I hoped no one saw.

Emma took this beforehand (I think I’m 12):

Okay, my shorts aren’t up that high; it’s just the angle

I got in my heat for the swim and made some friends. They wanted me to go first and I was glad because I thought this would help me push harder and I wouldn’t have to worry about passing anyone. I just had to worry about being passed. As I was swimming I was thinking that I hadn’t eaten in two hours and I was hungry. I didn’t bring any food. For some reason I thought I wouldn’t need it for a 90 minute event and my Accelerade would be enough (tri virgin). I hoped I had something to eat in my bike testicle (that’s what I call the sack under the seat).

Emma found this hairy back at the pool. I’m really glad that was in the water with me. I’m still pulling hairs out of my teeth:

 

Me swimming (You know you’re jealous of my form):

Swim time: 11:07

I got out to my bike and got on my cycling shoes. I put on my running hat instead of my helmet, realized it and changed. Score! I found some GU Chomps in my testicle. I did some Sudoku and I then walked my bike the wrong way until someone told me to turn around.

Swim to bike transition time: 2:33 (I warned you it was bad)

I headed out and up over the first hill. My chain came off. I stopped and fixed it, cussing up a storm. Mother %$#! chain. C$#@ sucking chain! I cruised for three-4 mile loops on the bike. I really pushed it. I only got passed by one girl. She had one of those aerodynamic bars on her bike. If I had one she would have eaten my dust. Not that I’m competitive or anything.

Bike time: 40:26; 17.8 mph average

I came into the transition area (where I apparently like to spend a lot of time), sat down, changed my shoes, put on my running hat, grabbed my Garmin and iPod

Bike to run transition time: 2:10

As I headed up a hill at the start of the run I felt like I was running in place. I was thinking, “I can’t do this shit. Who does this shit?” I looked down and Garmin said I had a 7:20 pace, so I knew my mind was playing tricks and adjusting to coming off of the bike. The run had several hills. I tried to crank it out to make up for lost time (hello, bike chain). I realized my Garmin was showing pace, but not time or distance. Dick! I passed lots of people and stole all of their energy. I got passed only once by some big burly dude. I screamed at him not to take my energy or I’d rack him.  Before I knew it, I was at the finish and saw little Emma and Ken waiting (Ken had finished beforehand in a very strong showing!). Emma ran to the finish with me. Then I collapsed.

Run time: 24:40;  7:58 pace

Right after, when I was lying down, a reporter came up and asked my name. She had taken pictures of Emma running to the finish with me. Hoping it’s in tomorrow’s paper! I’ve always wanted to be famous.

Lots of lessons learned today, but I’m proud of how I did out there. It was hot, and I know I hadn’t trained properly for the bike portion. I don’t know if triathlons are my favorite race event, but this one was a blast despite all the mishaps. As we were walking back to the car, I had that priceless moment one can have with their children when they’re not screaming at them.

Emma: Mom, I’m really proud of you. I never ever thought I would have parents who did these kinds of things!

Now that’s some nine year old wisdom. She must have been wondering in the womb what kind of parents she would have.

On tap for tonight: beer and more beer. It’s a celebration! For finishing the triathlon and for passing my running coach's exam today!!