Sunday, June 6, 2010

Longmont Triathlon Race Report

It could’ve been worse. And, it could’ve been better.

I will give you my results first, but only if you promise to read this entire race report. It involves dumps and head wounds and all kinds of mishaps.

525 yd. swim – 12 mile bike – 5K


8th out of 30 in 40-44 age division

32nd woman out of 147

I seriously could not have pushed more in any of the events. However

  • My transition times sucked (this is where my tri-virginity really reared its ugly head)
  • My chain fell off about 1/4 mile into the bike – total time sucker
  • I went the wrong way when I started the bike, thus adding to transition time (tri-virginity at play again)

I always say this and I’ll say it again. Anyone who does a race has their finish time and then they have the time they should have gotten if ________________ wouldn’t have happened (i.e., If only I hadn’t crapped myself I would have been 4 minutes faster!)

So, in my case, if only I hadn’t taken so much eff’ing time at the transitions (What the hell was I doing? A crossword puzzle?) or if my chain had stayed in place I could've gotten under 1:20.

What’s that they say about hindsight?

Here's how it played out:

6:36 a.m. 1 cup of coffee, one bagel, one huge dump (What a relief! No floaties in the pool)

I got to the start about 3o minutes early to set up my transition area.  I carefully placed a bean bag chair and an end table with after dinner mints beside my bike. I like things to be comfortable and inviting. I then hit my head really hard on the bike rack and it hurt like a mother. I hoped no one saw.

Emma took this beforehand (I think I’m 12):


Okay, my shorts aren’t up that high; it’s just the angle


I got in my heat for the swim and made some friends. They wanted me to go first and I was glad because I thought this would help me push harder and I wouldn’t have to worry about passing anyone. I just had to worry about being passed. As I was swimming I was thinking that I hadn’t eaten in two hours and I was hungry. I didn’t bring any food. For some reason I thought I wouldn’t need it for a 90 minute event and my Accelerade would be enough (tri virgin). I hoped I had something to eat in my bike testicle (that’s what I call the sack under the seat).

Emma found this hairy back at the pool. I’m really glad that was in the water with me. I’m still pulling hairs out of my teeth:


Me swimming (You know you’re jealous of my form):


Swim time: 11:07

I got out to my bike and got on my cycling shoes. I put on my running hat instead of my helmet, realized it and changed. Score! I found some GU Chomps in my testicle. I did some Sudoku and I then walked my bike the wrong way until someone told me to turn around.

Swim to bike transition time: 2:33 (I warned you it was bad)

I headed out and up over the first hill. My chain came off. I stopped and fixed it, cussing up a storm. Mother %$#! chain. C$#@ sucking chain! I cruised for three-4 mile loops on the bike. I really pushed it. I only got passed by one girl. She had one of those aerodynamic bars on her bike. If I had one she would have eaten my dust. Not that I’m competitive or anything.

Bike time: 40:26; 17.8 mph average

I came into the transition area (where I apparently like to spend a lot of time), sat down, changed my shoes, put on my running hat, grabbed my Garmin and iPod

Bike to run transition time: 2:10

As I headed up a hill at the start of the run I felt like I was running in place. I was thinking, “I can’t do this shit. Who does this shit?” I looked down and Garmin said I had a 7:20 pace, so I knew my mind was playing tricks and adjusting to coming off of the bike. The run had several hills. I tried to crank it out to make up for lost time (hello, bike chain). I realized my Garmin was showing pace, but not time or distance. Dick! I passed lots of people and stole all of their energy. I got passed only once by some big burly dude. I screamed at him not to take my energy or I’d rack him.  Before I knew it, I was at the finish and saw little Emma and Ken waiting (Ken had finished beforehand in a very strong showing!). Emma ran to the finish with me. Then I collapsed.


Run time: 24:40;  7:58 pace


Right after, when I was lying down, a reporter came up and asked my name. She had taken pictures of Emma running to the finish with me. Hoping it’s in tomorrow’s paper! I’ve always wanted to be famous.

Lots of lessons learned today, but I’m proud of how I did out there. It was hot, and I know I hadn’t trained properly for the bike portion. I don’t know if triathlons are my favorite race event, but this one was a blast despite all the mishaps. As we were walking back to the car, I had that priceless moment one can have with their children when they’re not screaming at them.

Emma: Mom, I’m really proud of you. I never ever thought I would have parents who did these kinds of things!

Now that’s some nine year old wisdom. She must have been wondering in the womb what kind of parents she would have.

On tap for tonight: beer and more beer. It’s a celebration! For finishing the triathlon and for passing my running coach's exam today!!


  1. Well, glad to hear that you finished in one piece. And that you didn't poop yourself during the race. :-)

  2. Well done! Even with the little preparation you did, this was a terrific showing for your first tri. Congrats on the race and the coach's exam!

  3. There's a reason swimmers shave down. All that hair must have been a serious drag as well as a potential health hazard. Let us know if you start coughing up fur balls.

  4. I think you look fantastic in that picture! 12 or not :)


  5. great job!!1 You did wonderful!

  6. I think you did amazing! Your transitions are not that bad, really! And the bike split is awesome even with the chain issue. And you look cute:)

  7. Beth- great tri. So cool that your kids got to enjoy the race also. Wonderful that they think you are cool . . .
    Enjoy that beer - you deserve it.

    I biked on Saturday and biked at 14.5 - I would love to be biking at 17.8 miles per hour. Maybe someday.

  8. Congrats on a great race and now you are a coach!!
    haha, you said testicle. How cool to find Chomps just when you need them!

  9. awesome job! go enjoy that beer. totally deserved :)

  10. you ae inspiring! I love the photos! Y always have such a wonderful report.

  11. You did it!!! Congrats!! Very impressive and awesome pics/commentary as always!

  12. Congrats on the exam!! And to popping your tri-cherry!

  13. Congratulations! For the race and for the exam!

  14. Wow, you rocked it!!! I want my kids to make comments like that to/about me...

  15. Love your daughter's comment. Great job!

  16. Hooray! Congrats on finishing your first tri! You did awesome! Your race report cracked me up!

    Congrats on passing your exam too...woohoo! :)

  17. Congratulations on your great time, despite the transitions, you absolutely rocked it! You must have felt amazing hearing Emma say that to you. You and your family are so inspiring!

  18. Great job! And you have some great kids too!

  19. Congratulations - you did GREAT for your first tri! You know, I didn't know those transition times counted when I did my first duathlon - I relayed with my husband, who did the bike part. So when I crossed the finish line for the first 5K (second-to-last place, thank you very much), I started walking to the bike area to swap the ankle bracelet timing chip with him. Didn't know that really counted for time, lol!

    I hope you and your daughter are in the paper - what a cool thing that would be!

  20. You are amazing! Great race repot, you always make me laugh! Congrats on a great race!

  21. Great job on the tri! I love the race report. And your daughter's comment is priceless.

    Congrats on passing your exam!!!

  22. Awesome! Your race reports always rock!

    Oh my...that is one hairy back!!

  23. I totally forgot that you had the tri today, sorry for not congratulating you via our emails today. Yay doing an awesome tri (um, the last 5K I ran was only a tiny bit faster than that...and I didn't swim or bike before. I did tell you I was really slow lately, right?). And yay for passing your coachy test!! :)

  24. Very well done on completing your triathalon, even with the mishaps, you did amazing.
    And congrats on passing your exam!

  25. Congratulations!! What a sweet comment from your daughter! I hope you get that picture in the paper - that would be a keeper.

    And congrats on passing your running coach exam! Darn, I wish you lived on the east coast.


  26. Great job! The first mile or so off the bike always sucks and you pulled out a nice average. I am impressed with what you did so soon post-marathon and with little time dedicated to the other sports.

    Chain tip--you can get it back on most times by just upshifting into your big ring--then you don't have to stop to fix it.

    Yuck on hairy back man.

  27. Congrats! I have mucho respect for you. I spectated a triathlon this weekend. Too brutal for me, even the sprint distance.

  28. Ok first- you did great. Hear me...GREAT!

    Second...I love that you let your daughter take photos. Next time though, tell her to hang out with the 30-34 AG men...and leave the hairy backs to themselves! Hey, some of us are single!

  29. aw, i love what emma said to you!! you did amazing! great job!

  30. Emma is so cool. Love what she said -- were you guys in the paper?

  31. are the best. Good job on the tri action. I would DEFINATELY DFL with all that gear and technology.

  32. Emma is such a sweetie!

    I think you are the only one who can write a race report that interesting! Ha! I will have to remember to bring Sudoku if I ever do a tri!

    Really though, you did great! I cannot believe your 5K was so fast after all of that! WOW!

  33. Congratulations! I loved the report. Did you solve the Sudoku puzzle? Emma sounds like a great fan. I hope you were in the paper!

  34. Sweet! Congrats on the race AND the exam! I sure hope my first tri goes as well. I'm sure I won't get to swim in a pool though :)

  35. AWESOME to finish off soooo strong with SO MUCH THAT WENT WRONG...keep rockin!

  36. SWEEEET! What a great race! I think you looked killer, Beth! And your little girl took some great pics, too. :) Were you guys in the paper?

  37. Great job! What were you doing in those tranistion areas? Running after all's feels crazy strange. I did my first tri last Sept. and loved it. Nice to change things up a bit.

  38. NICE work!!!! Since I know nothing about tri, I'm going to assume that you had a GREAT time - back hair and all.

  39. I just started reading this and I laughed out loud. Great blog, can't wait to read more.