Monday, April 23, 2012

Grab Bag Fail

You know I like to take risks.

It’s fun to do one thing every day that really scares you. Yes, you might wet or shart yourself a little, but you will find confidence in that fact that you tried and survived the unknown. There are millions of ways to do this from talking to that person who you think is a snot (they might just be shy) to jumping out of an airplane to running with scissors.

Or, if you are me you take your risk by ordering the Grab Bag swimsuit at Swim Outlet.

Basically, you pay a lot less for a brand name suit ( at least 50% off) because you are leaving it up to the powers that be to select the design for you. You pick the style and size, they pick the pattern. SCARY!!! Like, as scary as it is seeing your own mother naked.

One day last year I got home from an innocent swim at the pool (land of hair balls) and discovered my suit had become see-through.


Yes, it was a fashion statement and yes, everyone at the pool enjoyed the show. Even the TSA guys came over because they could see more of my under parts with me in this suit than the could with their fancy x-ray gadgets at the airport.

At that time I decided to try my luck with the Grab Bag. I am risky, but I am also very, very cheap.

Jackpot x 2. Here's what I got last year. Not too shabby.P1080646


So, this year as I realized my suit was falling apart in shreds around my body, I tried my luck again with the Grab Bag. I was confident, cocky even, that the suit that arrived would be outstanding.

I am not too picky about my lap-swimming suits. I mean how good do you have to look to go back and forth 402 times at the local rec center? I just need it to not fall below or inside of my crack, not be see through and to stay on my body. Easy peesy.

The package arrived, and my heart rate increased as I tore into the envelope. I love surprises. Especially bathing suit surprises. Out came this Speedo thing:

Cute you say? No, not so much in person. It’s one of those fake cute things you see online that transforms to something else completely when it is in your hand or on your body.

This suit might be fine if I was Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island or Gidget. It might be fine if I was going on a picnic on a Sunday afternoon. It might be fine if I was 8 years old. I’m not even going to model it for you because when I wear it I appear to be 8 years old.

I could almost deal with the plaid pattern if it wasn’t for the strange way this fits. It has this weird ropey tie thing around the chest that freaks me out. Maybe the lifeguards and I could play tug of war?


I have told you time and time again how I have very little boobage and even for me this thing is TINY. The whole thing is just a train wreck. The only redeeming quality is that it retails for $54, so I feel like I got a deal since I spent $29.99.

But Deal or No Deal (just like the show), this suit that could hold only a negative A-cup is going back. Good thing I didn’t take that nasty panty liner out of the crotch.

Ever try the Grab Bag option with suits or anything else? This is my third suit and only fail. Two of three ain’t bad, like Meatloaf always said.

What do you think of the suit? Thumbs up or down? Down.

Ever order something online that was nothing like you thought it would be? Yes, that mail-order groom from Saudi Arabia. He smelled like camels.


PS: If you’re feeling sassy, consider a vote for me over at Circle of Moms. Click HERE.


  1. LOL - gotta get to work so can't comment but I appreciate you sharing the lighter moments of the fitness life with us, Gidget. :-)

  2. Not sure Meatloaf is a good source - after all, he said "For the past 32 years, I've done nothing outside the entertainment business. I've had some real highs and some real lows, but I love the work so much that I never once thought of quitting."

  3. What a weird cut, my boobs would be all sticking out the sides. Gross.

  4. I think it's cute! BUT I need padding in my tops. LOL.

  5. Yeh. Not a grab-bag kind of girl. Very particular about most things. Great luck on the first two though! That one looks like something you could give to your daughter maybe??

  6. Too funny! I think that cut actually needs boobs to keep it down (hence the ropey thing). Which in my world (and it seems yours) is likely not happening (no seriously I literally own a training bra and it's my favorite in the whole wide world because it's so comfy).

    And I think Meatloaf got it wrong, "I would do anything for love, but I won't WEAR that." We'll chalk it up to a grab bag fail for ropes coming out of your tatas...

  7. Never even knew of this "grab bag" bargain that retailers offer. But that is relinquishing just a little too much control for me! Plaid? Pink? Barf :p

  8. It must be bad if you are not gonna show us! I don't wear a bikini at all so it wouldn't be my taste either.

  9. not sure about the string thing but I really like it!!
    We need pics of you in it to be sure though ;)
    Really, I do like it

  10. I do like the plaid, actually, but trust your opinion that the fit is strange. I have never been brave enough to try the grab bag!

  11. oh man i am so picky i don't know if I could do grab bag, i agree the string would make me nuts i pull them out of all shorts

  12. OMG! I could NEVER do that. I a risk taker, but my boob-wattage prevents me from blindly trying. In the past year that i Dumped 40 pounds I now don't own a bathing suit. sniff. A friend jsut gave me one she bought and never its more ester wiliams than excercisy. haha. the joys of shopping for undies and bathers is something...special!

  13. I've never done a grab bag. It would prb look nice on your daughter :)

  14. Grab bag is the way to go. Though, I have gotten stuck with some truly hideous colors/patterns. I didn't realize how see-thru one of my suits had become until after the swim Thursday when I walked past the mirrors in the locker room. I put it in the trash! Total face palm moment!

  15. If I actually swam for exercise instead of constantly trying to cover up my voluptuous (but awesome) ass with the teenage size bikinis that all stores carry while hanging out at the beach, the grab bag option would be just fine for me. Amazing business idea: someone should try making suits for those of us who are not underfed models or looking to wear geezer skirts to cover our parts. This would mean they fully cover any hair I would have if I didn't wax on my nether regions and not slide up my rear end while simply standing still. I promise it'd be a million-dollar idea! :)

  16. haha... oh dear! What a nightmare!! It might be cute if it looked like it wasn't for a little girl and/or covered more up! lol... I've never even heard of the grab bag before... interesting :)

  17. LOL! Yikes. Never tried the grab bag thing and I don't think I will. :)

  18. HAHAHAHAHA I die at the see thru bathing suit!! Crap like that happens to me ALL the time with bathing suits - it has become a running joke.

    Yes - that one looks like it is made for a tween! Yet - I can't resist a good deal - looks like its worth the risk!

  19. Considering you would wear your suit + undies and post it on the internet, this has GOTTA be bad! ;) I, too, am cheap. I haven't tried the swim suit grab bag because I have no need for a swim suit. I.don't.swim. Ever. (Unless you count the elephant wading pool in my backyard, then I'm in.)

  20. forget swimsuits with high heels-- your idea of a swimsuit with slippers is HOT! ;) I've done the Grab Bag a few times, and I've always had luck with the one pieces... the two pieces? Hit or miss. And that pic of the new suit is cute! I'd totally fall for it! ;)

  21. One of my running/swimming partners ordered a Swim Outlet grab bag and got this exact same suit. She passed it off to me in hopes that I would humiliate myself by wearing it. I passed it off to a Planet Aid bin.

    1. I am the person that got that exact suit (as referenced above). I am still trying to figure out how a string tied beneath the bust will ever work. I could raise my arms and reveal everything. Although the other grab bag suit I got was see-through when wet so I guess its a tie for 2 worst suits ever.

    2. I say you layer the suits... as in one on top of the others. That way, you're totally covered :)

  22. Huh. I'll bet that same suit is doing the rounds. I like the pattern, but don't judge swimsuits unless someone is wearing them. Never done the grab bag thing, but then, suit shopping for guys is trivially easy. It takes about 10 minutes, and some of that time is attracting the attention of the kids running the store. I don't do much on line shopping, I leave that for my wife. She's a pro at it.

  23. Love that hot pink swim suit you got last year! Yeah, ordering online is always a gamble.. but there's something exciting about it too. Maybe it's just the anticipation of it. I was definitely feeling sassy. You got my vote.

  24. Swimsuits scare me anyway.

    Those two from last year were cute...I remember when you got them.

    I once ordered a car organizer for the backseat so my kids could be organized and do their homework in the car. It was pretty chintzy and kept folding in on itself. Of course it sat packed up to go back next to my front door for several months (have I ever mentioned that I HATE going to the post office?) and then we moved. I brought it with us. I ended up giving it away and the recipient found it to be very useful :)

  25. I don't have great luck ordering things online, unless it's something I've used in the past or seen in person. As for the swim suit, it looks like something a preteen should wear.

  26. Oh no! I have considered the grab bag on but never get the courage to do it. I am sure they would so send me something I would hate.

    Too bad they did such a good job the first time, returning things through the mail is a pain!

  27. How are we supposed to decide if this thing is cute or not if you didn't post a picture of you wearing it? I think it actually looks super cute, in that school girl meets swim-team sort of way. I have never even heard of this grab-bag thing you mention. I am intrigued!

  28. LOL on the suit - I was thinking it looked like it didn't offer much coverage for something that is supposed to be used for lap swimming. Hate that for you. I typically go with the grab bags but have had reasonably good luck. Maybe I should wait and let them run out of the Gilligan's Island plaid before I try my fate at another one :)

  29. Online ordering of swimsuits really never works for me. I just recently did order one from swimoutlet and it is fine and I kept it but it is not exactly what it showed online. You were very brave ordering the grab bag stlye suit. I seen that and the first thing I thought was, do people really order suits that way?? How do you know they will work? I guess you don't but I understand the thrill of taken a chance and the risk of it all.

  30. I always do the online grab bag from the swim outlet and have never been disappointed.
    But I always stick to the same brand and style.
    I don't really care about print or colors since I go through them so fast.
    Don't wash your swimsuit. Just rinse really well with cool water and hang to dry. They will last longer.

  31. Just ran upstairs to check my suit for crackage...whew...nothing...yet....

  32. I have been very scared by the Splish patterns that they show on their retail site to ever do a grab bag from their. I am surprised that the speedo would be so awful! I would probably consider Speedo for their grab bag, or TYR, if they offer it. The dophin co that makes awful patterns is probably one to steer clear of for grab bags.
    However, I think 29.99 is still pretty steep to not be able to choose. I am a major bargain shopper when it comes to suits. My most recent suit was a children's size 14 from costco for 12.99! It covers the girls (or lack therof), and is cut to be conservative, so it is a bit tight in the hips, but I figure it will stretch out in due time from the pool. Its not like I really care what I wear in the pool anyway.

  33. Glad you posted this. I was just trying to decide if I should go for the grab bag. Think I'll buck up and spend the money on a known entity. I need a new suit. I bought my current one-piece last year at 30+ lbs heavier and it wasn't attractive then either.

  34. I think we need to see you in to make a final determination. We'll be waiting for that post.

  35. Never tried the Grab Bag, but you've piqued my interest, I might have to try it!
    The suit is cute, but, like you said, if you're 8.
    I rarely shop online, so when I do, I usually suck it up, even when it's not what I thought it would be. I'm also too lazy to pack it back up and take it to the Post Office to return it.

  36. I am loving those slippers in the pic with the orange one-peice :)
    Sexy! lol

  37. Did the grab bag with them as well and I got a suit that has purple running through it. Karen asked me if I bought a women's suit when she saw the color.

    I wear it loud and proud at the pool.....

  38. I work at swim outlet and whenever I see someone got a grab bag I try to pick one that I would wear. Not the ugliest one in the bunch. Sorry it didn't work out for you!

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